Why would a guy lead you on if he has a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Why would he lead you on even when he has a girlfriend?

[serious]

Well, maybe there is more compatibility both in terms of physical beauty and personality/thought process.

[Asker]

You mean with the girl he’s leading on?

[Asker]

Or the girlf?

[serious]

Yes with the girl he is trying to lead on.

[Asker]

Ah I see, yes that would make sense.

[Salaciousrouge]

Are you sure you're 'all that'? Maybe he is just very comfortable in your presence and has the confidence of a solid relationship behind him? I aloften hear that women can smell desperation, which single men probably exude. Perhaps the inverse is true and his confidence has an aura you find attractive, thus putting you in a mood for being courted? From my own experience as a shy guy who jas spent far too many years between relationships in the past, I know I act different around women when I am single than when not.

You do not offer any details regarding the extent of 'leading' he portrays so we are left to guess and then assume the worst of this man. Is it possible he is a very social person? 🤔

If we are to assume the worst, and he truly is leading you on then I can only surmise he is seeking a new path and measuring his possibilities with you.

You could assess the situation by asking a fairly innocuous question regarding the status of his relationship. His response will probably offer far more insight than guesses made here. Good luck, and be sure his (and your) relationship is fully closed before moving forward with him in any way. If his relationship is strong, the revell in the air of a confident man who has the support of a trusting girlfriend.

[Asker]

Thanks for this, thb I don’t think he was comfortable with me at all. I mean he’s a confident guy with other girls and guys, but with me he would be nervous, fidgety, looks at me like a deer in headlights, lose his train of thought staring and then recollect his thoughts.

Yes I mean leading on in the way that someone gives you a lot of attention, eg regularly checking me out, engaging in intense eye contact, trying to spend time with me etc.. now he’s girlfriend is relatively new, I believe he got with her just before he met me and then the last few months, he’s really sought out my attention. I mean when I’m talking to other guy, he looks to butt in etc. anyway my point is yes I do get the impression he likes me yet has a girlfriend.

[Salaciousrouge]

Wow. Ok, I might be inclined to agree with you. He may be thinking he jumped too early. I'll be a bit presumptuous and hypothesis you to be a fairly attractive person. As a shy guy, speaking to beautiful women was always more difficult than moderate or less beauty (dare I say ugly). Sounds shallow because it is... sorry but that's how male brains work sometimes. This guy sounds like he is seeking some sort of connection. You could provide this if you are interested but my fear is that he will hastily dump his girlfriend and enter directly with you. This is not good training, shall we say. Are you both younger than 30 and relatively low lvl of experiences? If so then he (and you) need to learn solid dating and habits which should invlove revolving doors. It's not good for you to butt into his relationship and its bad optics for you both.
So ya, its possible he is interested but be careful of a jealous man in that, I am concerned with the butting in. Jealous men make bad decisions if not mostly innocuous and harmless. After a few months of exposure to his ways, hopefully you have tools to judge this. Could be, he simply has little experience and is acting foolish.
I think you are best to be forward with him. Honest and open communication without fear of retribution is the greatest ally of a successful relationship. You can both set this precedent AND uncover his true motives by asking what is on his mind. Press him, he may not want to admit his failings. If interested in him then you will have to wait until he breaks. If not, then you need to be open and let him down easy. We all know this to be the 'friend zone'. Sounds bad to men, but sometimes we need to hear this. My wife has had many suitors in her life and has been very forthright in letting these men know she does not think of them in this way. Men have bad habits of confusing friendly attention from women as a sign of desire.

[Asker]

When you say he jumped in to early how do you mean? I think he does find me attractive, as you can kind of tell from his behaviour,

I know what you mean about respecting his relationship though, it wouldn’t be a good start. I kind of just let him be at the moment.

You mean he might not admit it because he is in a relationship?

Yes the jealousy was a bit strange on his part, I should ask him although I don’t want to intrude on his relationship I guess.

I do like him though.

[Asker]

So do you think he’s kind of intimidated to talk with me or gets nervous because of my beauty so to speak?

[Asker]

I am 26 and he’s 35

[Asker]

He got divorced last year and a 8 year marriage

[Salaciousrouge]

I'll go through your responses one at a time because GAG limits the number of characters I get.

By 'jump', I surmise he may feel he entered his relationship too soon, since meeting you. Thus, he may be having regrets. I concur that the behavior you describe indicate an attraction. Men can act oddly or even poorly around women they are attracted to especially if there is a percieved opportunity to act. Thus, I get why attractive women get accused of being b@#ches. Keep in mind the perception is generated by him, not necessarily you, but your actions may also be in play.

You need to be the stable one. As mentioned before, man can be inclined to make poor decisions. I'll try to come back to this, but letting him be in or at the moment is fine. Its an opportunity for you to observe.

He may not want to admit his failings of not "doing the right thing" and possibly betraying his girlfriend. BIIG assumption. I can only put my male brain and experiences in his head.

You may want to intrude on his relationship (read on, later). The important questions are, should you and when? You sound reasonable and intelligent. You can figure out how to work diplomacy into any querry in order to seek his motives and status of his relationship. Sometimes, just ourtight asking is the best but this is your decision. It will take a lot to scare him away if he is intersted. If he isn't, you'll just feel really dumb--welcome to what-its like-to-be-a-man.

Hey, you are both single adults and life goes pretty quick even if we live long and prosper. If he and you are emotionally available then you can set priorities. You, as the female have more control over his emotions than you think, as well as setting the direction of any relationship. Men are the motor in most situations, ready to plow recklessly forward. Women need to be the brakes, but not the 'slam your head into the dashboard' kind!

[Salaciousrouge]

It might be less about intimidation and more about feeling awkward especially considering your age difference and his recent divorce.
In the West, we tend to limit our mate search to +/- 3-5 years. This has always been odd to me. Combined with geographic limitations. this really cuts down on so many wonderful possibilities, exchanged for attitudes so childish it takes me back to Jr high/HS when you don't dare engage with an underclassman!
Youth = beauty and you will always be (relatively) younger. Good for you and him! He may be having mixed feelings that people perceive him as being a pervert (stoopid) but I don't know. I am speculating based on my own experience. My wife is also quite a bit younger and I struggled breifly with this at first. Now it's just no big deal. I have a friend/co-worker whose wife is nearly 20 years younger and they have been married for two decades with three kids. I haven't recognzied their age gap for almost as long. They get along wonderfully.
I personally think a larger age gap is more practical, efficient, and proper. There are a number of reasons why I think this, and may post a "My Take" (rant) some day. It may already be convered, though.

[Salaciousrouge]

This changes things a bit. I might give him a pass on some of his stupidiy purely out of empathy, being divorced myself. 35 - (8+2) is 25 so that is his dating age. I assumed 2 years prior to marriage. Being 35 and only married 8 years is not putting him at full-blown experienced mode. Plus, he has only been broken for a yr, thus not really giving him time to bask in aloneness, in my opinion.
Since he is new to dating, he will fall back on any old tactics he has, supplimented by whatever bad dating advice sites he goes to, discussing how to use the internet in this modern age of dating. He may be playing the field and as such, this current girlfriend may be a second or third rebound. Plan to be next in line if you connect. Enjoy your time together and don't get into a situation where you have regrets. Living a relationship as if it may not last is kind of relaxing and liberating.

You aught to find the reason for his divorce. It may impact you. When my X and I decided to divorce (muitual decision) I went to counseling at her request. The first questions I was asked when scheduling were, "Are you suicidal, self harming, or thinking about harming others?". After 3 'No's" and during the appt the next 3 were crucial and ones you should find out about as well. 1) infidelity, 2) drugs, 3) gambling or other addictions? It makes sense because this would really impact how they approach my issue. I did about 5 appts then stopped. Point is, these are all factors you must consider and, if any were in play, who by? The last two can be lifelong struggles.
His divorce could be a reason for his jealousy, as stated earlier, trust issues. It could also be his mishandling of the age-gap, again. He should be handling relationships with care and this may be a sign he is giving you signals but being shy about it. This may be uncomfortable for him to be thinking seriously about someone and caution is holding him back.
Communicate well, be fun, respect him, and act with prudence.

[DishLady]

Well that's the million dollar question, isn't it?

Some guys like to "hedge their bets" by flirting with multiple women and keeping them all on the hook. A sort of "collection" like suits in a closet. Take out the one he wants whenever he wants.

Some guys have this gimmick down as some sort of warped Alpha male/player/PUA mentality... and low value women let them get away with it. A high value woman susses those guys out and knows that it's better to be alone than to be part of some malaka's "collection".

[spartan55]

Malaka? 😂😂

[DishLady]

Yes...

[spartan55]

Could I get translation? I've only heard that word one other time in my life.

[Asker]

@spartan55 wanker in Greek

[HollyK21]

Two things here. One, he may not realize he’s leading you on and two, nice guy doesn’t always equate to good guy. You know that people can cheat in relationships or just aren’t the best partners in general.

[14gurlz2gagonit]

Because he's trying to fuck... I mean seriously, DUH!!!

What else was I going to say? You think he enjoys your conversation skills or vast intelligence or something else? And he just so happens to think he can't get all that amazing stuff about you that has nothing to do with sex, unless he leads you on?

You simply can't actually think like that, can you? It's obvious he just wants your panties to drop... even if he doesn't come right out and say it.

[Asker]

Ha well thanks for the bluntness, but yes I get it. I do think he is very attracted to me, like
In an impulsive way, he tries not to look but can’t help it at times. A bit mean on the girlfriend though,

[14gurlz2gagonit]

Yeah I get it... he's twisting you around instead of just shooting his shot or moving on. You're a female and that's probably sort of a turn on for you, but frustrating at the same time, like probably loving the attention but at the same time you're probably like "Quit licking around my pussy and stick your tongue in there already or fuck off!" If my analogy is a bit off... I hope you still get the basic idea of what I was trying to say. You seem to understand the way I communicate so I think you get the idea.

Trying to step back in time when I was once like these guys is getting more difficult as time goes on. I don't even try to lead chicks on. I'm literally the guy that springs the plan, not on you, but with you, and you'll either go for it or you won't and I'll take the next step either away or towards. For instance...

I'm married, I have a kid still and the other 4 are grown already. I'm not looking to change my situation, but I'd like to fuck on the down low. --->now the ball is in her court--->I'll respond accordingly. If I strike out I don't care... if I get to fuck and she even eats my ass, I still don't really care. It's not that deep when it's that early on. That's the difference.

For him, just getting to see your vagina is probably like a big plus... for me it's like big deal... I've seen thousands of those and touched them too. He's just shy because of his age and he hasn't figured out how to juggle the pussies properly yet.

[Summeroflove]

So many reasons for narcissists it’s all about supply. They need supply to feed their ego, to get people to do things for them, as well as to always have options if anything fails with their current relationship. Another reason is just to have casual sex outside a relationship for fun or sport. Again, common of the darker personalities.

Another common thing again mostly by dark personalities is that they’re wanting to leave the current relationship they’re in. Narcissists never just up and leave they need someone to fall back on so they may be planning that out. By getting people around them so if they break up or get broken up with they can easily move on to the next.

[Nikki1989]

Some people thrive on attention and validation from multiple sources. Flirting and leading someone on can be a way to boost their ego and feel desired, even if they have no intention of acting on it.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s so annoying, it’s weird how someone can seem so into you and then just stop,

[AviatorTom]

Let me give you the standard guy answer...

Because he can. He's not married, girlfriends come and go, and if he meets someone who might be the next girlfriend, or maybe even a future wife, why not test the waters and flirt with her?

[Asker]

Yeah ok sounds exactly like this, but unfair on the current girlfriend though

[PeachyPie93]

He seems to think you are easy, he obviously doesn't love his girl so if he can make an attempt at someone willing and easy. Then why wouldn't he try?

[Asker]

Yeah could be or also we met before his girlfriend so maybe that what if

[PeachyPie93]

But if you met before they were dating why didn't you two date?

[Finchie40]

Because he probably isn’t to happy in his current relationship and keeping his options opened , He isn’t married , so unfortunately this type of thing happens more than we like to think it does.

[Asker]

Yeah ok, I know it’s a relatively new relationship but you would say he’s probably not that happy in it because of the way he is?

[Finchie40]

Yes if he was happy in his relationship, he wouldn’t be flirting or hitting on other girls’ he sounds like the type of person that only cares about what is best for himself without factoring in his partners’ feelings , his relationship with his girlfriend probably won’t last very long if he is already doing shit like this , especially if she finds out that he is doing shit like this behind her back , He is a player and a selfish pos person

[Finchie40]

Selfish people shouldn’t be in relationships with anyone because all they care about is themselves

[molonski2]

Because certainly in his mind " variety is the spice of life " .

Who knows how solid his relationship is?

[Asker]

Would you say it isn’t solid to be like that? I know it’s fairly newish 5 months

[MrChinaski]

Better girlfriend? Two girlfriends? Sex with someone not his girlfriend?

There you go, that's the full list

[Asker]

Haha too funny

[beenherebefore]

He’s trying his luck and is not serious enough about his girlfriend.

[Asker]

Agree 👍

[Alex-Snow]

He may want to cheat or keep all of his options open. But I think it is wrong of him to do so. Has this happened to you?

[Asker]

Yeah I’m wondering this. It has yes and it’s so frustrating, because you think he’s keen and then you find out he has a girlfriend. urghh!

[Hulk30]

1 reason he's a Womanizer in open relationship's where he's straight forward leadin ya on don't exist some Women just want what they want and therefore spin narrative's for their convenience

[Asker]

Yeah I think you’re right or he likes the attention.

[Lilly1979]

He’s a seeing if he’s still desirable. Or like playing games.

[Asker]

Yep 💯 agree with this, I think he’s just feeding his ego,

[Lilly1979]

Yeap or to “find better”.

[yipperoc]

Never. That's crossing a line in my opinion. I wouldn't want other ladies trying to pickup my boyfriend. Fair's fair.

[Asker]

Yeah I know what you mean, what about if he’s the one looking..

[Silver158]

same reason women do this. Boost their ego. Or, they're looking for something on the side

[Asker]

But isn’t it only an ego boost if you semi like the person, otherwise I can’t imagine feeling much a boost if I wasn’t attracted to them?

[Silver158]

I agree with you here, I personally wouldn't be looking for attention from women I don't like but I don't think that's the case for everyone. Dunno.

[taleswapper]

He doesn't. You're confusing manners with "leading you on." YOU are the one reading too much into this.

[Asker]

So you mean checking a girl out continuously, engaging in intense eye contact, leaning in close and being nervous deer in headlights around a girl are all good manners ha too funny.

[Tamera952]

Because he wants you to blow him, I’m sure. That or something more.

[BadApple69]

Just looking for sex on the side.

[Asker]

Yeah ok, how can you tell?

[spartan55]

@asker
You are making this entirely too complicated for what this is.

[BadApple69]

@asker does he have a penis? If so…. He is looking for more action. It’s as simple as that

[Asker]

Oh right thanks

[WhitneySnow]

Wants both of you

[Asker]

Yeah could well be true, in fact I wouldn’t put it past him.

[WhitneySnow]

Trust me. A lot of players do this.

[Babebytheshore85]

He didn't lead u on you're just insecure and desperate

[ProbablyClueless]

Probably for an ego boost.

[Asker]

Yeah I think so, would you have to be attracted to that person for an ego boost or it wouldn’t matter?

[ProbablyClueless]

That's a good question... Attention is attention, right? I think you'd get more of an ego boost if you were attracted to her, but I could also see how it wouldn't really matter.

[JohnnyB123321]

It might be him not truly wanting to let you go….

[retarb]

He's fucking with you. Not saying that's right I'm just saying that's what happens.

[Hellraiser1984]

Yes. Women do the same thing.

[Asker]

Frustrating

[lexij2000]

His ego. Some men like to know that they can still get women. Or to see if he can sleep with you no strings.

[spartan55]

Going to need more details than this...

[glennos89]

Because he is a dick

[Asker]

Yep 👍

[glennos89]

Ditch those type of guys asap

[jahaims]

He cheats/ wants attention

[Hellfireandcandy]

Keep you as a backup

[glennos89]

Men dont really search for backup like woman do. With men it has to do with having sex with more then 1 person

[In_Trance]

For the chance to smash

[Tsmit240]

He’s a rolling stone 🤷

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[Tsmit240]

A who person doesn’t settle down, moves from one person to the next

[Asker]

Ah right I see thanks

[JordansGate]

Have the cake and eat it too

[Anonymous]

Some guys probably would, but not all.

[alice55]

ego boost

[chocolatetwopointo]

he's a player

[tzdc21]

He's a POS.

[lonelygalexy]

Licentiousness

[theautomemoriesdozz]

Anything is possible

[Danny_dan92]

Playing games?