Why does a guy lead a girl on?

[Anonymous]

I know girls do it, too, but it's directed towards guys.

He did everything that would show that he liked me. He used to approach me daily, talk to me all the day and night, was concerned about my life and problems and would flirt with me. He made me feel special and different, and then one day, he just dropped me like a hot potato. It's not like he was even after sex, because he never had sex. He is still not dating anyone, and talks to everyone in such a friendly way but avoids me like a plague. If you don't want a girl to fall for you, why don't guys stop making her feel all the feelings, only to step back one day and ignore her without any explanation?

Updates

+1 y

He doesn't want commitments, by the way.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation with a girl I liked at one time. We would talk all the time, but once she got into college (1 year younger than me) I started noticing I would initiate 90% of our conversations when it used to be only 60% by me. So I assumed I was annoying her and stopped talking to her, which got her to message me more and "organize" trips to come visit me. Of course all the trips that were organized fell through the last minute, every time. So I noticed that if the girl was actually a friend or had some interest in me then she would actually try to make more of an effort to hang out/stay in contact. I stopped talking to her completely, which she got the point because it took her 2 years to message me. She randomly told me she loved me once, but you don't constantly bail on a friend you love or someone that you have feelings for.

My situation is different than yours, but the guy might have come to the same conclusion as I did. I dropped the girl because I noticed all she really cared about is my attention. To avoid what happened with me I think the two of you should talk about it.

[Asker]

I tried to talk to him, but he doesn't want to listen a word. It's hurtful. It's like, I have become a disease to him.

[Opinion Owner]

Well then he's being an immature little kid. If he doesn't want to hear you out that, that's his problem not yours. You put forth the effort to explain the situation and he ignored it, so you should do the same and put the entire situation out of your mind. No point in thinking about it and hurting yourself if the guy doesn't even give you the chance to explain everything.

[Asker]

I know he is being a little immature. Thanks for your response.

[Theguyoverthere]

There's a couple of factors to consider here. If everything happened "really fast" then what happens a lot is it "falls apart as fast as it built up" meaning everything was an infatuation which is very different from love itself and usually involves lust.

The other issue is that a lot of people have trouble admitting how they feel on an issue and being "open and honest." I find girls struggle much more in this area than guys do but in this day and age neither gender is really growing up with good social skills anymore with all this technology causing people to hide behind computer screens and phones.

So he may really be feeling something but unable to tell you and it could be totally random things like... you may have said something that has him second guessing the long term, or he started feeling smothered but "doesn't want to hurt your feelings," and so on.

I think a total in person confrontation that'll likely seem scary but is very necessary should happen. You'll likely have to be the one to confront him if you want any closure.

[Asker]

We were just friends, actually. None of us ever confessed anything. He has been a hurt a lot in the past, so I assume this could be one reason.

[Theguyoverthere]

That definitely can impact things.

[dazedandconfused22]

I did that exact scenario you described except TO a guy.

I wasn't leading him on but he thought I was. I think there was a miscommunication between us.. I dropped him because I showed him so much attention and he always so quiet around me and wasn't reciprocating. I thought he disliked me but it turned out he was too shy and thought I was the one leading him on because I started to completely ignore him.

I guess bottom line is that if someone is doing all the work and not getting the reaction they want they will get tired and will GIVE UP on you... and I think this is what the guy did. Like you may have thought you were showing him interest but he probably just expected something else from you.

[Asker]

I AM quite shy, but as I said he is commitment phobic and has been hurt before, so I preferred to not show any interest, at all. I thought it would rather push him away.

[dazedandconfused22]

Hmm yeah that thing with guys is that most of them are already bad enough at taking hints that girls like them... so if you were going out of your way to not show any interested he probably took it as you disliking him

[Asker]

It could be possible... but it doesn't mean he would downright ignore me when I tried to talk to him.

[dazedandconfused22]

Guys tend to get immature when their ego is bruised especially younger guys

[Asker]

That's quite ridiculous. Like, I tried to talk to him so many times, but at the end, I just had to give up! He couldn't even say a sorry!

[wtvrgeo]

Guys barely have any emotion, they don't feel what we do. They think it's harmless 'banter' or some sort while it means everything to us

[NateInAk]

Guys don't have emotion? Excuse me while I sob into my pillow.

[Asker]

Maybe it is true...

[wtvrgeo]

Less emotion than girls, I mean come on we get all emotional at anything. I didn't even mean it in a bad way

[Grosayfious255]

I'm going to use a similar response I left on a post.
Have you seen guys watching a sports game? Do they appear emotionless to you?
The problem is actually worse than you describe it though. It not that they have no emotion, it's that they direct their feelings and emotions at something that will not reciprocate it.
And if it's an immature boy it only gets worse, the only relationship HE is capable of having is with his hand. Sorry for the inappropriate example.

[wtvrgeo]

No no I agree with that, I was implying that this boy is clearly immature and has completely no emotion towards girls. I didn't ever say guys have no emotion, I said they barely have emotion. Barely meaning towards girls, let's all be honest here it's rare

[GingerBiscuits]

It's an ego boost. People who are self centered get a high off the attention.

[Asker]

I don't know. It's quite contradicting to his behavior towards me and everyone else.

[scully]

It did not progress physically so he moved on. You don't say, maybe he never approached either. Foir whatever reason, he didn't or couldn't. Maybe he doesn't konw how to intereact socially. Maybe he sensed your emotional interest and was not mature enough to handle it. Now he also can't even handle simple social interaction.

[Asker]

He knows how to interact socially well enough. It could be possible that he sensed my emotional interest, but THAT's the whole point! If a guy doesn't want a girl to develop feelings, why the hell does he do ALL the things that could actually lead to dating or relationship?

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Depends on how much interest you were showing. I mean you can't make the guy do ALL of the work.

[Asker]

But he was never straightforward if he wanted anything more than friendship. He is not the commitment type, so I assumed that my interest would push him away.

[BertMacklinFBI]

because we can be total assholes.

[Asker]

I don't know. I never thought he could hurt anyone.

[BertMacklinFBI]

you can't ever truly get to know a guy based on your scenario.

[Asker]

He is a good person and a friend to everyone, so his behavior is quite shocking to me.

[BertMacklinFBI]

he probably is but since I don't know him im somewhat entitled to say that he can be deceiving. im sure you already considered that. but I mean whats done is done right?

[Asker]

Hmm :/