Why do you guys wait so long to let a girl know you like her?

[Anonymous]

This isn't the first time this has happened to me, but it seems a guy likes me, I like him, but he never does anything about it. Of course time passes, I figure he isn't interested, I move on. By move on, I don't necessarily mean to another guy...but moved on as accepted that the guy probably didn't like me, and since he didn't do anything or enough to feed what could have been a budding relationship, I have lost feelings. THEN they start showing interest. ugh.

I mean do you guys really expect a girl to like you for a year with nothing in return that leads to actually dating?

It is funny when guys seem surprised when you move on. Is there no concept of time? I almost feel like saying...'yeah, I like you in 1998, remember?...but it is now 2010!'. :p

Ok, its not that bad, but trying to get a laugh out of some. Although we live this kind of stuff, it is almost kind of funny in some ways.

But I would like to know why the guy doesn't kick it into gear until the girl has moved on?

Not saying things can't be re-kindled, but something gets lost along the way keeping us waiting like that. :(

[carby]

Actually I've had some cases where I seriously didn't like the girl until much later after we became much closer friends. I mean I can tell you that at one time I thought this girl really boring and came off as kinda cold, but then my feelings changed in exactly a year after we kept being friends and shared all kinds of experiences together. She's one of those tough outside, big softie inside types. That might be different from what you've experienced, but sometimes I feel like these issues just sorta happen, and you need to be more flexible to maybe allow the other person to warm up to you.

Just give it time, the most successful relationship I saw, it took the girl like two years to warm up to the guy. I mean, that doesn't mean freeze your life and not date anyone else, but don't write them off so quickly as, 'never going to be interested.'

Obviously if he really does like you but won't say, then he's just shy or doesn't know exactly what to do and between all of the things they could do they can't figure out what would be best and end up doing nothing while they think about it. Girls tend to put too much pressure on guys to make the moves, so honestly, if you have something in mind, go ahead and suggest it or god forbid, take the lead. Since you seem to be the one to move on first usually, you should be the first to make the moves too.

[Asker]

I like your insight. And it isn't that I am the one to move on first usually. What is funny on the flip side of this is that I have had guys tell me years later that they had the biggest crush on me. They just never said anything. I didn't know and I guess these were guys I wasn't interested in or maybe I was going out with someone at the time. There is a guy I currently like who fits the very shy scenario. I am being patient cause I do see he is trying, but can't get him out yet it seems.

[carby]

I'm curious what you're doing to get him out.

[Asker]

I sent him a text to ask him to hangout sometime. I didn't get a reply and he withdraw back to his prior shy self, whereas it seemed we were making a little progress before I did that. I think you are right about the time thing. Although we flirted for close to a year, I knew I liked him for 9 months of that. He has only seemed to really come around to that idea within the past couple months. So I may be a good 6 months ahead of him on where I think we should be. haha

[carby]

Oh I've been there, sorta. I really didn't think she thought of me in that way and I had been chasing someone else, and now years later I figured it out and I get the feeling she still does but it's kinda complicated now.

Although I really don't understand no reply. I replied, to many of her advances stupidly because honestly I didn't realize her intentions. I thought she was just being a friend.

Saying, "I like you" is the clearest way to tell a guy what you mean.

[Guacamole]

This is an easy one. It's fear of rejection combined with shyness. Plus, guys are much less intuitive than women. In other words, most guys need to be hit over the head with a large polo mallet (metaphorically speaking) before they realize or understand that a woman is interested.

One other thing I would note: Today, most guys are just less assertive/aggresive than years ago. There are probably a lot of sociological reasons for that, but if I'm right, it means that you have to meet a guy at least halfway (see above paragraph about hitting them over the head).

[Asker]

Ok, so he knows I like him and I sent him a text asking him to get together. Is that a large enough polo mallet? HAHA BUT this guy is beyond shy. I mean I thought I was bad, but nothing in comparison. If I am understanding correctly, he hasn't dated in 12+ years. I think even with what I did do, I would have to hit him with the polo mallet, take him hostage, and get him drunk in order to get him to open up. sigh. We will see what happens. Thanks!

[Guacamole]

I think you answered your own question when you noted that he hasn't dated in 12rs+ years. I think Nixon was president then, right? OK, seriously, that's a very, very long time, and he is out of practice when it comes to wining and dining a woman. Knowing what you do, I think you have two real choices here: 1) Take it slowly with him and understand that YOU will essentially have to drive the relationship forward until he feels more comfortable. 2) Move on and seek a less complicated relationship

[Asker]

Well, I had been taking it slowly...this has been going on for several months. So I am trying to move it forward somewhat, as he seems interesyed and I really like him. Well, as I noted I sent him a text asking him to get together some afternoon to talk if he wants. He never replied. I mean I can't do ALL the work here. No reply makes me feel he isn't interested then, as ieven if you hadn't dated in a long time it is not rocket science in regard to replying to a text. :(

[Guacamole]

Generally, I think a little mystery is fun and exciting in the whole dating process. But you're 40ish and I imagine he is around the same age, so this is more frustrating than anything. Enough beating around the bush - hopefully, you guys will click and you can work on that! Bada-bump - call him and ask tell him you'd like to hang out. It requires courage, but you're both big boys and girls and it's time to end the suspense.

[Arinice]

basically, guys dislike to commit unless they are sure that you are the one.

If you want to win a guy, you have to think like a guy. Men have their own time. They need to be sure before exclusive, you can't rush them. Accept it, and deal with it.

Don't wait for them, go out have fun with your female friends. If you are on a date with them, have fun! Nothing needs to be taken seriously...just enjoy! ;)

[toulouse]

You could always stop playing games & tell him yourself.

Its up to you. You want to wait till your next b -day to go out or not,. You want to wait around on guys who are too insecure to handle a girl telling him she likes him, so you say nothing, because you are too worried hell stop talking to you if you do- then that's your decision. Don't complain- act :)

[bellybuttonlint]

I understand what the girl means in this case, but she sounds like a hypocrite. I mean don't get me wrong, I have made the first move myself many times before, but I hate it when girls complain about situations like this when they can initiate it.

[flower1000]

hes shy obv reaqly likes you but finding it hard to start talking just smile at him say hi what did you do at the weekend your hurting yourself by waiting he's probibly dieing for you to say heelo go on do it it might change your life or write your number down and hand it to him and just smile don't say anything

[TheCheshireCat]

The same reason a girl would, they don't want to put themselves out there if the feeling isn't returned, no one likes rejection.

[Anonymous]

*sigh* You're either dealing with a really shy guy or a guy that respects you and isn't just trying to get in your pants right away or a combo of both. I'm basically that guy and it really ticks me off that society has taught us that women can never make the first move. There have been a few women I've lost because I didn't try to get in their pants after three dates. I know because I found out through mutual friends later that that was the reason. I did that to be respectful because women complain about men only wanting sex but obviously that backfired.

If you can tell a guy likes you but it seems like he isn't doing anything about it and you like him back just make the first move and your problem is solved.

[Asker]

Wow...that is backwards. It would be more understandable if you lost the women because you TRIED to get in their pants after 3 dates. Sounds like they were just looking for more of a secual relationship than something more emotional and long term.

But I know what you mean re: I should do something then. Well, I let him know I like him and I flirt or do what I can every chance I get (due to prior experiences), but I want him to do the asking out preferably.

[Opinion Owner]

That is what most would think but the one girl (Laura) dated one of my friends a few weeks later and they slept together the first night and have been together for almost two years now. So basically if I would have went for it I would probably be the one dating her the past few years.

I don't get why women always have to have the guy make the first. As somebody else said we can't read your mind (even if you are flirting).

[Opinion Owner]

You can choose not to make the first move but be aware you could be missing out on dating some really nice guys.

By the way I have learned from my past and am much more likely to make the first move now.

[drpinky]

Well I can tell you in my case it comes from being burned pretty bad. Getting shot down isn't fun and for some it is harder to dust themselves off and try again than others. Those of us who might have had a string of bad luck can get a little discouraged and end up becoming insecure. Which totally sucks, so even though society says we need to be the initiator if you like a guy and he might seem shy or quiet, drop a few hints to help us along. And yes some times we really are retarded and you'll have to almost spell out "idiot I like you ask me out" before they either get it or grow back a pair.

[bellybuttonlint]

I would say quit whining about it and move on. Seriously. If you like him, make the move...quit being so chivalrous. If you don't want to make the move then find another guy who will. It's as easy as that.

I know I won't get "best answer" for this one but it's the cold hard truth. You can't expect a guy to always just be willing to ask you, he doesn't know if you'll meet him half way and plus like someone else said not all girls who flirt actually like the guy. Most girls are just natural flirts.

I think the best thing for you to do is just move on. Clearly he will not outright ask you and clearly you will not ask him...so just let it be.

[sa230e]

Guys have been conditioned to think women won't like or be offended by an immediate display of interest. They figure they have to hide it, become friends, and slowly work it into the dialog. They think they can sneak in under the radar and by making you think they want friendship and then elevate the relationship to a romantic one.

[anon222]

That is actually the BEST way a guy can do things.

[Guacamole]

Right on. You can't wave a hard-on in front of the girl you like and say, "come get it." It just doesn't work like that (except in a certain part pf Australia ... or so I'm told.).

[TheMasculinist]

why don't you get up off your vagina and just ask the guys YOU like out so you can avoid all these retard questions like "why don't THEY do all the work?" Its called equal treatment cheesypuff. You like him, YOU go get him...dont wait for him to do everything.

[lovelylife]

That's just rude! Cheesy puff! :P

[yamane12]

We think things over. were afraid of rejection we must be 100% shure you like us back. or notings happens. I dit this let a girl wait too long, in the end she rejected me! fear can mess thing up badly. but its OK too do some moves first. I don't understand why, we do this. I don't understand why the oppesite sex reject us when they like us. Maby you give us so many opertunities, and we just don't take them, becous were lazy, afraid, insecure etc. please when this guy asks you out give him a chance.

[elbarto]

rejection,we don't read minds .we are scared that we will be rejected and they will no longer like us.fear ,because if we make move right away you say we are desperate and clingy.we have to put up with flirting mind games and testing, we guys wonder if you like us or not since most girls are being friendly by the time we notice it you girls have moved on.

[JustAngel]

I agree.

[Cyhhgg]

Great question:

Now, my turn. And I only ask because I'm as confused as you are...

Ummm, why didn't YOU make a move? I mean, it couldn't be fear of rejection. You know, since women obviously don't fear that.
*sarcasim*

But yeah, why is that? 😐

[scorchio148]

some girls can lead you on, and we are scared that we will be rejected and they will no longer like us

[Asker]

Yes, unfortunately some girls, as well as guys, do that. Then it screws things up for the rest of us.

[GentleGiant]

cause were shy idiots sometimes. we choke

and forget we have a pair of balls.

thats the reason.

[tigerguy]

because we guys don't have a friend zone in our head we see every girl as a potential date, relationship, lust and want more and we guys don't know if you see us one or the other

[marcusx]

This guy is not serious. Try withdrawing a little and find out if he is willing to chase you. He may be taking you for granted and maybe needs some incentive to act soon.

[aster]

if you like him why are you waiting for him to make the first move?

[playa_pan]

Some males are just plain shy and have no idea of starting a conversation.

[Asker]

I agree with ya...or if the woman starts it, they don't know how to continue it. haha

[playa_pan]

lol

I used to be the type of male who just has no social skills with females. Now, I've matured and grown more so... it's bit easier for me to approach

[JustAngel]

Ok

[gtex1991]

because of we make move right away you say we are desperate and clingy, also not all girls who flirt are interested

[darkknight1x]

Exactly!

[gtex1991]

So we have to put up with flirting mind games and testing, we guys wonder if you like us or not since most girls are being friendly by the time we notice it you girls have moved on

[Brando]

Isn't that the truth...

[CheeLii]

Wow. I learned something new. :D

[Marciano]

haha, he is interested! if he knew what to say you'd probably have kids by now. lol.

Its not easy sometimes to start conversations.

[Anonymous]

Because sometimes guys think I really liked her but didn't show interest /ask her out then end up regretting it I know I have.

[Asker]

So if you really like her, then why not show interest/ask her out? I don't understand that part.

Is it that you werent sure if she liked you?

[Anonymous]

I think if more girls would make the 1st move I truly believe the world would be a happier place!

[bellybuttonlint]

Oh lord, where have you been?!

[Anonymous]

Guys don't magically read minds, you have to SHOW us that you're interested

[bballer25]

How about after you clearly show interest (actually told him you like him in front of his face), they say they're interested in hanging out and all but haven't put any effort yet after 3 weeks?

[Opinion Owner]

Then you're being played and need to forget about them

[Asker]

I did show him, and even ended up letting him know that I liked him as he showed interest as well. But granted he is very shy and like myself I believe neither of us have dated for quite some time. SO I am being more patient and trying to help this one along when it looks like he is trying. I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to ask a guy out. Maybe cause I am older (early 30's) and more old school. Don't know. And since he knows I like him, would mean more if he did it.

[Anonymous]

srry I didn't read the details but they are just guys they are hard to explain lol

[TigerRoseBear]

guys are shy?

[atWitsEnd]

You are so right

[JustAngel]

In same situation.