Why do some people have a problem with their partner looking at porn or other people?

This is primarily a question to girls since guys rarely mind their girlfriends/wives looking at porn.

I have seen many questions on here from women wondering what to do about their guy looking at porn or asking why guys look at porn. I have answered many but I now want to know why girls have a problem with this. why?

I am not going to go into exactly why guys or girls like porn here, but I will say this. There is really no logical connection between the activity of looking at porn or other people or even masterbating and being in a relationship. stop looking for one. why do you think there is one? why do you think that someone would stop looking at porn just because they are in a relationship? I fail to see the connection. women always want to make some connection and talk about how they must not be good enough or that their guy must not be getting what he wants. where is this coming from?

consider this: if I play soccer and then I get in a relationship, is there any reason to stop playing soccer? of course not, same goes for porn and masterbation. maybe you are now thinking, "but hey, soccer isn't sexual. since the guy gets sex now, why would her need to masturbate or look at other girls?"

you are right, relationships and masturbating to porn or looking at it do offer some similar things. but now consider this example. if I play soccer and then I begin to play basketball, should I quit soccer? of course not, that would be silly. but wait, soccer and basketball are both sports, both similar physical activities, why need both? well, maybe I like both, why would I quit one just because I play another?

Similarly, looking at girls and masturbating is a similar but entirely different activity than being in a relationship and having sex. why would one preclude the other? why not do both? one really has nothing to do with the other, just as soccer has nothing to do with basketball. why am I only allowed to do one sexual activity but many physical sport type ones? what is wrong with doing several sexual type activities? if one doesn't get in the way of the other then it is fine. maybe if the porn stops the sex life then it is a problem, but usually it doesn't. if the sex life isn't happening it is probably for another reason than the porn.

now there are some sexual activities like cheating that we don't do when in a relationship, but that is because they actually ruin the relationship and involve lying and disease and many complications and they involve real feelings for someone else. it makes sense not to cheat, but it doesn't make sense not to look at porn. there is just no logical connection. just because porn and relationships both involve nudity and sexuality doesn't mean there is a causal connection. there is no reason why someone wouldn't enjoy both and no reason to worry about it or get mad or upset about it.

let people play two different sports, as long as they don't miss practice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Through socialization, girls have learned that our sole value as a human being is based not on our behaviors or accomplishments, but on our physical attractiveness. We have learned this not just through the media, but the fact that men gaze at women on a regular basis as if we can't see them. This results in issues of insecurity and jealousy. I truly hate it when my man and I are walking down the street and he looks some girl up and down. Then when I call him out on it, he makes some awkward excuse. It's so disrespectful, not just to me, but to her as well. I hate it even more when I'm just trying to go to work or something and I can see guys just staring at me. It's especially nice when they honk their horns like it doesn't make them appear incredibly desperate. And porn? Well we all need a little release sometimes. I don't think porn is bad, but I prefer to watch it with him. It would be real shady if he felt he had to be secretive about his watching porn. That's the only time I would have a problem with it.

    I think you just have to understand the context in which women grow up in this country. As a gender, we are constantly being sexualized. There's bound to be repercussions.

    • Hhhhmmmmm, you bring up an interesting point. I am sure the socialization has a great deal to do with it. I find it strange that women feel uncomfortable with being looked at by men. I will sometimes look at a girl in a public situation and it isn't sexual, I am just really appreciating her beauty on many levels and it makes a bus ride so much more enjoyable to get that little treat. Unfortunately this sexualization of women has really ruined things like this innocent activity I described.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • I think it mostly has to do with jealousy. If one girlfriend is extremely jealous when their man looks another woman, she certainly isn't going to be okay with him getting off with it. And it's also the sense that they may think that if he can look at other women all the time on porn, then he probably does it in reality and would want that sexual connection physically with the hott girl. I've been married for a couple years now, and at first I did have a problem with it, but then I just compromised and watched it with him and it's all good.

    Because for me, I know that if my man is watching porn at night, he's at home and not out actually doing it.

  • I think a lot of women have a problem with it because when we love someone we want to be loved on the same level but when a guy masterbates to p*rn basically imagining having sex with someone else it makes us as woman feel not only disrespected but also a general sense of not being enough to sexually satisfy the man they love. We want to be the only one wanted. otherwise we can't emotionally connect on the level we are programed to and without that connection our feelings can easily sway. Women are more feeling then thinking it's just how we are programed.

  • we don't have a problem with porn it's something we could watch together and turn us on, but looking at other woman means your being turned on else were that does not include her and might make her think that if you had a better offer you would move on, and it's not just woman men are just as bad I had a fella once were I had to practically walk with my head down cos if I accidentally looked at a bloke he would get mad saying I don't love him even if a other bloke checked me out and I wasn't even looking it would somehow be my fault,

    • I guess the thing I don't understand is, how do women seriously think that a better sexual offer would be enough to jump ships? I am never with a woman for purely sexual reasons, and it is a serious insult to men when their women think that the man is with her because it is the best sexual offer he can get at the time. Sexual gratification is just a bonus of a relationship and is really quite un-necessary since we can get that from masterbation (sex wit a partner is obviously much better).

What Guys Said 3

  • It boils down to insecurity. You should have noticed by now that even the hottest girls are still insecure about their looks. Likewise, the girls that typically get the maddest about porn are the most insecure/close minded ones that view it as a personal attack against them. In fact, the first thing out of their mouths is usually "Why does he need porn, am I not good enough?"

    • Not really the first thing out of my mouth would be mmmhhh......very interesting! I guess being fake is in again!

  • It is impossible to justify that watching P*rnography is not being unfaithful. A man's eyes are reserved for his lady alone, and vice versa. P*rnography ruins relationships too, in that, the guy views the sickest, most perverted, and demented stuff that can be done with, and to, the human body, over time begins to normalize it, then starts to expect it from his wife. It's nothing but an addiction and a poison to men and to relationships.

    • You sir, are a woman's dream guy. This is an old post but kudos to you. Have a nice day.

    • Yes, this one was a refresher, but thank you SO much for the compliment! There are many guys just like me, by the way. My friends, by brother, my father, and countless others who think this way. You do NOT have to settle for a man who insists this to be "necessary" in your relationship. It is not. A man who loves you will demonstrate restraint in it and other such other things. You deserve this type of man. I wish you the very best of fortune in this, and if you ever want to chat, please let me know and I will let you know how. Have a super great day! (or night, in your case!)

  • well p*rn is obviously harmful and others is kinda disrepsectful if you do it a certain way