Does this guy just want me for sex... or should I move on?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy 3 months ago. Our first date went really well and on our second date one thing led to another and we had sex. He had previously told me how he travels a lot for work and that he would be in NY for 2 weeks practically every month. Since he would be leaving soon and we moved too fast I thought he would probably end things, but he didn't instead he text me a day later with "you are the best" and after that he began texting me practically every day, and yeah some were sex texts, 2 weeks later he came home but it wasn't until another week when we saw each other, and yeah we fooled around a lot. He continued to text me, and 2 days before he left he text me "I am so sorry but with my schedule being so crazy, I simply don't know how to find the time for us to hang out. You are a great girl and I hate being mia all the time so I would totally understand if you want to see somebody else. I am really sorry but I'll be slammed for the next few months with work” I was bummed and thought he was just letting me down easy. I didn’t text back, so he text the next day “how are ya” I called him and he kind of urged me to date other people cause he felt he was being unfair to me and then said he'd keep in touch. Our conversation led me to believe it was over and I was disappointed. I didn't hear from him, So decided to move on, started dating another guy who is okay, then I get a text "in NY thinking about you, how are you?" I did not expect to hear from him, and I was a little excited to hear from him, so I text him back found out he was coming home soon, he text me the next few days and was eager to see me so we met up and he just confused me more, we made out a lot, but he was a little awkward and stand offish at times. I asked him if he likes me so much why does he want me to date other guys, but he just replied how he wants to be fair, we went our separate ways, but I was feeling he only likes making out with me. We had sex once, oral sex twice, and we have made out a lot. After our last meet up I felt he may be just using me, but now he has been texting me a lot like every other day with “hope your having a good day, I am thinking about you” he also text me about how beautiful I am and how much he really likes me, and wants to see me more when things calm down at work. I was frustrated one night after receiving his text, so I text him “I have been thinking and I feel this isn’t going to work out” he text back “Why? I like you a lot and I think you are beautiful and I am really into you” I didn’t text back until a day later and told him how I am frustrated, which he replied how he really likes me and thinks about me all the time. Do I end things with him? He also says his busy schedule should calm down after October and hopes we can hang out more then. Should I wait and see how things go? Do I keep dating other guys, but I will end it if I find someone I like more.

Updates

+1 y

Okay so he has been gone for two weeks and texting me at least 1-3 times a week with "hope you are having a good day... I am thinking about you" or " I am missing you" This Saturday he text me "I am flying back tonight... I really want to see you soon"

Updates

+1 y

Now I have to tell you he has been quite the last minute date guy, calling me late, wanting to see me in 30 mins. and I have had to turn him down because I was busy ... I let him know that he needs to plan dates further in advance.

Updates

+1 y

but he didn't instead he actually wanted to know my schedule and he planned a date for Friday... I was a little shocked... so now maybe he does want more... and I will talk to him when I see him... I need to know where I am at with this guy

Updates

+1 y

Okay so I took some advice from here and friends and stopped texting him back... since then and about 2 months ago I've met someone else and he is awesome and makes plenty of time for me and we see each other at least 2 tmes a week. I am happy :) thx

[themastaplan]

there are two options here...this guy is a player and has you trapped in his game OR he's being a gentlemen and being honest with you...

ok, here's why I think that...

number one (the player) - he travels a lot, goes to different states, NY to be exact, very often...who says he isn't doing the same to some girl while he's wherever you live?

number two (the gentlemen) - THIS IS MY PICK FYI...the reason I'm leading to believe he is a gentlemen is because well if you guys were in your younger 20's and this was happeneing id for sure say he's a player...but you guys are in your lower 30's...people usually try to find someone to be with, or want to be with or can see themselves with. On another note, he's telling you to see other ppl, does he want you to? no I doubt it, he's telling you that because NO ONE should put their lives on hold for anyone, which is why he's telling you that he wants to be fair...

now either this guys is a really good player and working his sh*t, or he truly cares about you and thinks about you often...

IMO I'd give him a shot, tell him how you feel, tell him the feeling and rush you get when your around him, ask him if he'd be OK taking things slow because you aren't used to someone traveling so often and it leaves you uneasey, not that you don't trust him it will just take some getting used to...

my father travels almost every week, he works at home when he can and is very faithful to my mother, so these things do work out, once he gets higher in his business travel will become less and he'll most likely be able to stay at home with you - esp with technology (webcams, digital meetings, etc)...but hey if he travels, at least you'll know you'll get to see him on weekends AND you'll be able to travel and stay places for free most of the time lol...i'd recommend taking things slow

btw to answer your question, if he wanted you jsut for sex, he'd sleep with you EVERY chance he get...sure being away form you is going to make him want you more, but by telling him you want to take things slow, this will really be the deciding factor if he wants you for JUST sex...doesnt seem that way to me tho

hope this helps! :)

good luck

[Asker]

Thx ... I really appreciated your comments... he is in his early thirties as am I... I want to believe he is a gentleman ... but he confuses the hell out of me... I am going to take your advice and ask him to slow it down. I have been pondering which one he is (player vs. gentleman) and have had the same thoughts you told me... but everyone else thinks I should just drop him and move on... now I think I will give him a little more time... and wait til he gets back so I can talk to him in person.

[misuzi]

I'd say you're correct in your suspicions. Just think about this for a moment, how easy is it for a guy to do what he's doing? A few texts here or there is pretty easy to do with very little work on his part.

BTW oral sex is sex, there is no halfway classification, that's all BS so girls can feel better about themselves.

[Epiphanies]

Here's what's going on.

This guy considers himself a nice guy. He likes to think that he doesn't mess with a woman's head. He thinks he's enlightened in some way. He looks down on guys who play with girls and he doesn't want to be that guy.

At the same time, he wants to have casual sex. He doesn't want to be in a relationship but he wants his primal urges to be satisfied.

This is where you come in. This guy is torn between "doing the right thing" and "doing you" basically. Half the time he doesn't want to screw you over so he encourages you to see other guys but the rest of the time he wants you sexually. He also doesn't want to see you get attached to him.

He's pretty much looking for a FWB. He's hoping you'll get the hint and start dating other people... while not completely closing off the possibility of sex with him.

What are the chances he actually wants to take things seriously? I'd give it about 10% or less.

Save your time and cut him loose fast. Chances are, you'll get odd text messages over the next few weeks asking to see you or something every time he has a weak moment. Either ignore them or reply back with "... you were right, it's not fair to either of us if we actually can't be together etc" and this will nudge him back to his place.

Good luck!

[toulouse]

Yea he IS obviously paying with her head -but he can always say well, I did tell you to date other guys- its for his conscience not to help her, think,

[Kizza]

i think you should be with other guys,

and see what happens,

who knows? maybe u'll find someone who would be with you all the time, and say he loves you every day (I think guys should do that anyway :) )

u can always change your mind, after all, us women confuse men, lol

hope this helps sweetie xx

[slingblade180]

I've been that guy lol...trust me he's probably got 6 other women just like you in other states he's bangin...while he texts you that, he texts a girl in NY the same sh*t...if the sex is good then give it to him, but if your looking for a relationship move on

[justwanderingthru]

That first guy was definitely using you -- under no circumstances see him again and if you know girl's he's dated, tell them what happened with you. (Just point them to your notes here.)

Because that guy is low.

The idea behind dating is to learn how to be honest with someone very important, to forgive, yes, but also to demonstrate real responsibility.

Which that fellow has no knowledge of.

[gongdachen]

Never seeing him again.Think about his word "fair".

[Asker]

I thought I was never seeing him again too... but then he has been texting me 1-3 times a week... telling me he is thinking about me... and that he can't wait til he sees me again... he is so confusing and frustrating me....

[Anonymous]

i think he likes you and missies you.

hopefully this will help you . continue to give updates.