Can someone please explain to me how guys don’t see following bikini girls is a big deal?

[Anonymous]

good afternoon,
my boyfriend follows a lot of bikini girls on instagram and it bothers me so much. it’s been going on. for years and i always tried to not let it bother me. recently i’ve let it get to me a lot worse then usual. i’ve asked him and he said he would stop if i change he will then a few mins later he said he won't stop. i don’t understand why guy follow bikini girls for i dont understand. I've told him he should find someone who doesn’t care not who he follows he said ok. so i truly want to know why do guys follow bikini girls for i don’t understand what is the purpose? like for a future husband i just don’t want to care. i know it’s not a big deal but for some reason it’s a big deal to me. but i don’t want to care anymore. any please have any advice on how not to care. i do not want to care if my boyfriend, fiance or husbands follows any bikini girls. for the future i dont want to care.

[PrinceAlbert57]

Looking at girls in bikinis is just a physical thing. Men are always thinking of sex. I’ve been married a long time, faithful and love my wife. I don’t really watch porn anymore as we used to watch it together.
sonetimes while scrolling through social media a bikini girl pops up, boobs pop up, it’s everywhere and hard not to look. I don’t know how old he is but when I was younger I stared at every girl that was showing something off. We literally can scroll to a photo of a girl, get instantly stiff and then masturbate, clean up and not think of her again. It’s nothing for us, doesn’t mean we don’t love our women, it’s just a physical thing. The old saying that men think with the wrong head has never been more true for us
my wife used to find photos of girls and show them to me and ask me if I think they were sexy, sometimes we would both agree, sometimes not but we made it fun. if it bothers you that much you have to sit down with him and really explain to him how bad it does bother you and hopefully you guys can work it out, but I can tell you that he probably doesn’t mean any harm by it. It’s just how weird are designed.

[Anonymous]

Because we’re not women. Stop thinking that men think the same as you do. We don’t. Once you learn the difference things become easier to understand. Men aren’t as complicated as a a lot of women may think we are. We’re complicated to you as women because you think w your feelings. You think we’re supposed to act and think like you. Men will always look unless he’s gay. I don’t get why women don’t think logically, you’re supposed to think like us as men. You’re supposed to understand us men, agree w what we say, what we do.

[Asker]

why follow the girls if he knows it bothers the girl?

[Opinion Owner]

You’d have to ask him. Maybe you’re not what he really wants. Maybe he jerks off to their pics. Maybe he appreciate beauty. Maybe he’s doing that to make you jealous cause you’re not stepping your game up. Who knows, there’s a lot of maybes.

[Asker]

i asked :( he always tells me that he’s indifferent then i ask if he’ll stop if i stop complaining he says yes but i think that’s a lie.

[Opinion Owner]

More than likely it’s a lie. Is he your age? By now things like that kind of go away. For instance I look at other women but I don’t follow them online. Has he always been this way?

[Nikki1989]

Like I keep saying, most men are immature brats that never grow up. Moreover, they always make the most petty of excuses for their behavior, as you can see from the 45-plus blue anon on this thread.

[Nice222]

Umm… the asker is an anon.

[StephanieChick111]

He's a man and likes pretty girls. No big deal. Totally natural for him. Ask him if he has any favorites and why. Then dress and/or act like they do and make his fantasy come true.

[Asker]

even if i tried asking he won’t answer me. he has ignored me for days already. i asked why he wants to and he says he doesn’t even care to and then tells me he doesn’t think about me when he does it.

[HawkPerception]

You're a real one

[StephanieChick111]

Oh I'm sorry. Maybe it's over

[RavVid]

Lokk, I can be walking down the street with my conscious mind fully engaged on an issue and suddenly realize I have an erection.

Yep, a very cute girl walked past that I didn't consciously notice but my primitive unconscious sex circuits sure did. The point of relating this is even when the conscious mind is not engaged, the unconscious brain is handling comely girl responses. It is highly instinctive and... surprise... comes from the instinctive brain.

Not that our conscious brain has any quarrel with the unconscious hot girl detector. All parts of our brain like a dopamine hit.

You're with your boyfriend presumably because he likes you. OMG... he has the sex synapses to like other girl's bodies. Who'd have thought? Shock. Horror.

It is the nature of the beast. Excepting gay guys we all like looking at girl's body. Some guys might be more diplomatic and hide it better but you can be quite sure they like looking at girl's bodies an awful lot.

You are are asking your guy to not be a man in reality. No doubt it makes you feel insecure etc but you should just accept it is every straight guy's pet hobby. It doesn't mean anything. If there is a girl's body to look at we'll look.

It is akin to window shopping without any intent to buy.

[Noredcarpet]

Have you tried following half naked men? Buy a big poster or something of another man, say its fun. Every morning you go and kiss the poster guy on the cheek and then in confidence take your first cup of coffee. Go and look for other semi nude men and have it on your phone. Better yet on your coffee mug. ;) Then watch him change. If he objects you say but you do it hon. I never knew it could be so much fun. Why did I not fo it sooner? When you are out and about go Gosh that guy over there is so hot, don't you think? You turn your head and follow that guy. He will slowly I hope feel what you have felt al along, get it. Some need to feel it in order to understand. Could be he is doing it because he wants you to feel inferior. In any regard what he is doing is showing his lack of respect. He should know better. Good guys do. You don't have to tell them. They know this. If they want quality, if they are made of quality, ifthey think you are quality they simply will not do this. I think you deserve and should expect more of your boyfriend. Not to learn how to accept this immature style of his.

[Tamera952]

This is manipulative and more unhealthy games. It’s better to realize that this isn’t about you, not to try and make him jealous, or whatever is being advised here.

[Noredcarpet]

@Tamera952 that is your opinion. My point is that he clearly lack understanding on how it feels for her. They have talked about it over and over without any result. If he knows what it feels like he can then start to think on it diffrrently and stop this nonsens, he is hurting her and over what? He should be proud to have her in the first place. It is not manipulate to fo what is done yo you in order to get ypur message across. He may laugh at it at first but then I hope he will start to see the big piicture. I think everyone on here have equal rigjt to answer and give advice without you or anyone else for thar matter trying to shut anyone down, that I find is effort of manipulation. Besides they are a couple snd it is so important both of them feel they got the boundaries. Thst it is equal snd fair and both ferl good sbout it. If he is doing it and fine with it and think she is the problem having a problem with it then it would be more manipulative of him if deciding she can't do the same as he does. He needs to experience what she is feeling in order to get it as words do nothing at this point. She has already used the words, now it is action.

[DemonTime]

I've been scrolling down and reading the guys' comments, and they are all telling on themselves. The title reads "How guys don’t see following bikini girls as a big deal?" It answers itself, where most of the guys are brushing it off, the reality is simple, in your case, you seem to have not informed us of the full story

"I’ve asked him and he said he would stop if I changed he will then"

You failed to inform us what you did to him for him to start this behavior. Regardless, though, two wrongs don't make a right.

"follows a lot of bikini girls on Instagram and it bothers me so much. It’s been going on for years".

This is a major red flag, guys. If they were truthful, they would tell you they found her attractive. In your case, your man is following a woman in a bikini because that's a body you don't have and would love to be with if it were possible for him. If none of the women he has been following look or resemble you, that's definitely a red flag, and it basically means he settled for what was available to him.

So in summary, he has learn how to get under your skin, knows about your insecurity, and is being manipulative about it, having you question yourself to the point you don't want to care about his behavior when in fact you actually should

[NoDecision]

It IS a big deal if it bothers you. If he looks at bikini girls on Instagram, then what is next? Only Fans or porn? He apparently wants his cake and to eat it too, by himself. He is being totally selfish. I doubt he is going to stop. He is calling your bluff. If it were me, I'd be saying bye-bye. You shouldn't have to be made to compete with these girls whose only purpose in life is to get likes and guys to go gah gah over them. If they saw your guy in real life they wouldn't even give him the time of day, so why does he give it to them?

[Tamera952]

How is she ‘competing’ with ‘imaginary’ girls? How is he being selfish? Of course he’s already watching porn, …how is this any different? It’s not. It’s just that she knows about it. And why make a judgement call about the supposed motivations of the ‘girls’ that post there?

[Tamera952]

It’s her problem that it bothers her …. if she doesn’t like it, get another guy.

[DishLady]

Think of it this way... BEFORE INTERNET... guys used to get magazines delivered to their doors with "discreet wrapping" so folks wouldn't see that they were ordering porn/sports illustrated/etc.

Even back in biblical times King David took a peek out of his terrace and was checking out Bathsheba...

Are you really going get upset over some 21st-Century Thirst Trap gal?

Bottom line, is he sleeping with her or GOING to have access to her so it's any sort of risk that he's sleeping with her?

NOOOOO?

Then he's a step up from King David. Don't complain.

[HawkPerception]

You need to get over it. It's just a phase most men go through. We see an attractive girl, we appreciate it. We want to see more beauty. Most men grow out of this phase eventually. They just see them until they're desensitized and no longer care to look. It's not like we're out there trying to hit on them. Well, truth is, some guys are, but those are the types you don't want to be with in the first place.

Just relax and grow up. It's really not a big deal. Maybe look at the girls that he looks and try to dress like them or hit the gym and attain a figure like them. That'll make him appreciate you even more.

Following girls on social media doesn't make a guy any less faithful. It's only if there's a bunch of girls in his DMs

[Tamera952]

Yea, what’s wrong with you? If you don’t want it care, then don’t. Decide that you don’t care, decide that you cannot control what he does, decide that it’s ok and you’re ok with whatever he looks at. Give yourself a pep talk about whatever you think he’s looking at, has ZERO to do with you, nor is it about you, nor does it reflect on to you. Because I’m sure you have this unhealthy attitude towards all the porn he watches, which obviously falls into this category as well—but trust me, he’s already looking at tons more poontangs than bikinis, trust me. (And it’s all A OK) …
You’ve created this whole mess by stigmatizing it, drawing attention to it, etc. and if I were him, I’d be ramping it up, just to spite you. Also—Are you saying it’s too late to try and not ‘care’ with your current boyfriend or are you only exempting future ‘husbands’? (Unclear).

[Finchie40]

Looking is one thing to a certain extent , but following them while in a relationship is a red flag , especially after you addressed your concerns to him about it , so he clearly is a selfish disrespectful POS and it indicates he only likes the convenience of you, , because you are not his top priority. So if I was you , I would end that relationship and go find yourself someone that values you the same way you value him. Someone that will wear your shoes the same way they want you wearing theirs , cuz how would your boyfriend feel if you were constantly following hot guys’ with their shirts off and acting like it’s no big deal? Kick him to the curb where he belongs

[Tamera952]

That’s bullshit. What you call being his ‘top priority’ I call catering and cow towing to her neurotic and irrational demands. This alone is not a measure of how much he values her.

[Finchie40]

I disagree , mainly because a relationship is meant for 2 people choosing each other over everyone else , the problem with most people is the fact that they do not know how to remove selfishness for each other and that’s why so many relationships end , your partner should always be your top priority over everyone else , if you want to experience a long lasting loving relationship with someone , The second you agree to being in a relationship with someone , your single days need to come to an end , if you commit to be single, good luck with that relationship because it will be doomed in a matter of time. O I partners’ set boundaries together and follow the same boundaries they agreed upon together , so by her telling her boyfriend about how she feels about him following and checking out other girls’ hurts her feelings , he should acknowledge her concerns and stop doing it , that’s called respect in a relationship, if he can’t respect her and still continues to disrespect her feelings , she has every right to walk away and tell him to Go fuck himself , but if he loves her and cares about her , he would stop period. The same way she should stop whatever she is doing that is effecting him , now if he stops following girls’ and being respectful to his girlfriend , then she decides she is going to start following hot guys’ then that’s a double standard and he should dump her ass for it. Love only grows when 2 people choose each other and work out their flaws with each other , what you do t want your partner doing to you needs to be the same boundaries for you as well, not the other way around

[HighValue]

Relationships would be more successful if BOTH people agreed to not have a smartphone. Many women don't see it as a big deal when they post revealing/provocative pictures online (which IS cheating) and call the men "controlling" if they don't want to accept a disloyal partner.

Good people shouldn't accept bad/immoral/disloyal behavior in a partner and shouldn't waste their time with one like that when they could instead focus on finding someone that is actually compatible for long term.

[Sal_Monella]

It is appreciating The Creator's art. For many stable, mature men, including me, it is parallel to appreciating a Rembrandt or a Renoir. I do not expect you to agree, like or understand our joy in a mostly exposed female form, But that does not make it untrue.
She is a joy to the eyes.

If, however, you victimize yourself because he appreciates The Creator's art and maybe even begin to regulate sexual intimacy, you will violate the the three pillars that keep a man coming home. Respect, acceptance and stability.

If you play that game and he is self confident and not codependent, he will see that your relationship is insolvent and can decide he is better alone. It is not only about your insecurity and feelz. It is about being a free man. Take the advice of an Olde Manne. Change your attitude or he will look for the exit.

[Anonymous]

But that's who you are that's why you care. .. ok so all of a sudden you change. And you start following guys in g sring bathing suits.

And you have to do it the same way as him
If he does it alone or when your not around.

And if he give me the kids with them. Then you should be able to do the same thing

Because he tells you he's not going to stop because he feel just pleasure.
From it

And that's sad because that means he cannot put himself in your shoes. Or he's just straight up selfish and doesn't care

But if he knows that you're doing it now , he might get to feel a little bit what you feel

And I'm sure he will say it doesn't bother him, but just keep doing it in time. Let's see what happens.

[jshm2]

LOL,

First thing first, kiddo, he's only your boyfriend, not your husband. He can look at all the bikini or naked chicks he likes, as can you. You're both free to do exactly whatever you like, within reason.

You're insecure, and probably have body image issues, hence are so infatuated with him having certain ideals. It's best you get yourself into therapy. Or face up to being a possible, closet lesbian.

[Tamera952]

Wow love this

[AviatorTom]

We guys like to look at pretty things, and that includes attractive women, especially when they are showing a lot of skin. There's nothing wrong with looking. When we guys are in a relationship, we don't want to do anything other than looking.

In college, I dated a girl who said she would get nervous if I stopped looking at girls... because she knew what I was getting from her. Occasionally, she'd even point out an attractive girl for me to look at.

[OneViewpoint]

I don't know about guys following women on Instagram or OnlyFans being a big deal. But I immediately label both parties, the men and the women, needy, insecure, and stupid. Basically losers. It's just a huge waste of time and maybe money. Those are NOT the people you're ever gonna find me hanging out with.

[mysteriousNicholas]

Can I ask a humble, with humility, Jesus like phrase question - ❓ so if that's the case, one may wonder, isn't the way to your man's heart to impress with your own purchased bikini's 👙

"Honey, can you come here for a sec"

"I'm just in the bedroom" - 👙 👀

I mean some would say it's clever psychology 😂 😂

[mysteriousNicholas]

It's something quirky. Now of course Asker you may find that useless. Yet it's something ingenious I feel like a woman would do in a comedy Hollywood movie - it's not about getting even, it's about seeing how a man would react if he indeed gets exactly what he desires - you, bikini's, 😋👍🏻all in the privacy of your own home - "honey, while I look in the mirror, 🪞 how do you think this new swimsuit looks on me?" You like the straps? Yeah, you like the straps 👙👀👌🏻and did I mention, there's a "removes towel" a thong cut at the back" 😳👀😳😲
😘

[Filthy_Immigrant]

if you dont want to care then stop being insecure and remember that all he's doing is looking at them. he can't touch or interact with them either way.

no matter how much he looks at them is you that he's making love to in the end.

anyways the reason why he does it is because he is a man and we men are visual creature. we get turned on for what we see just as much as women get turned on from what they hear

[Asker]

he follows a waitress at a restaurant he goes to every weekend and all she posts is herself in a bikini.

[Staximus]

Do you think he's actually going to try and meet any of these girls in real life, or that any of them would actually give him the time of day? You're putting too much mustard on the hot dog, dude. It's only a big deal in your mind, it's not emotional cheating or some bullshit like that. He is not making any romantic plans with these girls. If he's rich and looks like a movie star then you might have a problem.

[Redstang88]

Same reason women don’t see a problem going out fishing for attention on girls night or keeping a collection of “guy friends” waiting for the first chance to get into her pants.
Either total cognitive dissonance or we do know and don’t care

[dragoblack]

Many of us don't think much about pictures of pretty women. They are just pretty pictures and that's all it is. Just lean over his shoulder and just tell him if you think they are pretty too. Insecurities about a guys passive interests usually chases the guy away

[Tamera952]

This chick here, speaks the truth. 10% agree, well said.

[Tamera952]

*Sorry meant 100% agree

[RedInnocent69]

I get it. It feels like a threat. It’s drawing away attention you feel is meant for you (and I’m sure you deserve all the attention in the world), but we’re very visual and that’s not something we can just stop. It’s like asking an artist to stop looking at paintings because he only paints for you

[Quigly]

Guys in General don't follow bikini girls on instagram. As a single guy I don't follow Bikini girls on instagram. It's just something he does and you either accept it or not and move on.

He's a boyfriend, not a husband.

Why are you so hung up on Monogamy?

He has made no promises to you on Monogamy and you have made no promises to him of monogamy.

[Spencer10]

If you are in a relationship it would be disrespectful. Guys are not animals we actually have self control. Maybe girls should start following hot guys? Wonder how their boyfriends would like that.

[PeachyPie93]

If you don't like him doing that don't settle for men who do that.. I always know the worst guys have a bunch of social media and the ones who follow tons of girls are never relationship material because they only think with their dicks.

[Anonymous]

Probably because he likes the way their bodies look sexually. If your body looked like that he'd probably stop since it means he might risk losing a sexually attractive woman. If your body doesn't look like those models, then you're probably less than ideal for him sexually.

[Abbycado]

Right. So we are tasked with changing an anon user's way they think. Mhmm.

[Anonymous]

He’s told you that following those half naked other women online is more important to him than you, your relationship and your emotional wellbeing. And you’re still with him because. . ?

[Asker]

we are not. i want to not care for the future person.

[contentious]

Do you watch women's fashion/clothing or beauty videos on social media? If so, then you are a hypocrite for doing the same thing you are mad at men for doing...

[aceleon]

aside from sex he doesn't give a damn about them, they could die and he wouldn't even blink.

he has real emotions for you while they are just meat.

[JSmuve]

You could reframe it and ask why it bothers you so much. Are you that insecure? Do you see them as competition? Are you threatened by them? Do you think he's going to cheat on you? Do you think that you're not enough?

[noohair]

It is a manifestation of social media. It has been normalized so I guess you have to learn to cope. The women are not real, the pictures are manipulated.

[mysteriousNicholas]

@noohair it's a social construct 😅👍🏻

[MrChinaski]

You are thirty-something with a 'boyfriend' whose behaviour you have disliked 'for years'? Huh?

[snermcger]

First thing. He is a man, he is visual. That will never change. Second, as long as he takes care of your business as a couple let him have his escape. Relax.

[Miristheiss]

The way he was raised.

Sounds like he has low character.

[Tamera952]

Don’t listen to this fool

[WonderingManII]

Instagram is not called a porn site, so they don't feel like there is nothing wrong with it. Plus those girls won't talk to him anyways.

[msc545]

If this is the worst thing he does, you're very lucky. It's not a big deal. Maybe you should stop bothering him about this garbage unless you want to lose him for good.

[Anonymous]

He might be oblivious or not care about how you feel. If I wanted to be with a girl, I would want to make her feel secure.

[Anonymous]

A man's visual fantasy is no different than a womans mental fantasy.

While you read smut (or watch it) and fantasize about love, romance, and sex with eye candy males.

We look at pretty females and we fantasize about sex.

[LiamJHayden]

It is irrelevant what we think. It bothers you, he knows it does, and he doesn't care. Dump him and find someone who respects you.

[MJVillarama]

Totally get you , it’s not about the pics, it’s about the respect

[DrPepper12]

So choose not to! You have the power to not let anything disturb you!

[genericname85]

cause it means nothing. you're just looking at their tits, that's it.

[Anonymous]

They know those women aren't interested in them beyond economics either of direct financial incentives or purely content engagement

[Asker]

i know and it makes me sad how i let it bother me. like there’s one he follows and its a waitress in a restaurant he frequents often

[Opinion Owner]

Ah now I see your point, that feels slightly different

[Asker]

i know it probably means nothing but it bothers me. all she posts is her in a bikini.

[Opinion Owner]

See strangers are idle fantasy
Maybe tell him to ditch her and any others who would be in his real world

[beefcakebradybatson]

We're boys. (even at SEVENTY-TWO, my age.) We love looking at buxom girls. GET OVER IT, LADIES !!!

[seeyounexttuesday]

It's the same way you can go "shopping" and not buy a thing. You like going into stores and looking at the merchandise.

[BarryLiverstone]

She’s a waitress at the local restaurant. He follows her because he hopes he can level up

[Anonymous]

When you explain why women flirting with a guy that that woman has zero interest in is no big deal.

[blackeagle007]

Don’t you checkout pictures of shirtless studs? Same thing for him

[Sebastian100]

I don't know why people do that when they are in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Because we have no chance of having sex with that Girl when we do unlike when go out to bars or clubs alone or just with Girlfriends.

[Daurs]

I don't understand why it should be considered a big deal.

[On_cloud_wine]

You said care like 10+ times 😖

[Twalli]

We like looking.

[Anonymous]

I dont really care about bikinis.

[robocop666]

I follow loads

[MasterKS]

Its normal nowadays.