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I know I shouldn’t have a work crush and I don’t I was just attracted to him. When I first met him we introduced ourselves because we were right next door to each other and we realized that we had both graduated from the same college and we were both from the same state.. and other things. So I said wow we have a lot in common! I thought i had a work buddy or at least we would be cool no awkward ness.
Things were cool then he started getting hot and cold so I thought maybe things were misinterpreted or he’s not in the mood to talk… but I just took it as disinterested in me as a person. And that’s fine…
He is a reserved guy.. but he seems to be warming up to people and other female coworkers… there’s one coworker who likes him and he seems warm with her and me and her are cool.. but I started distancing myself because I felt like he didn’t really want to talk to me.. and it hurt
But how to not let their dynamic get to me especially when hot and cold behavior triggers my nervous system
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Rejection often says more about the other person’s preferences, biases, or circumstances than your worth.
Separate external responses from internal value, your competence, character, and presence aren’t defined by someone else’s behavior.
Focus on self respect, achievements, and boundaries, cultivate environments and relationships where your energy is appreciated.
Resilience comes from clarity about your own value, not validation from others.
Love it 😊 thanks
This is very thoughtful, but sorry to say you’ve wasted your time. Your advice will go straight down the drain because she’ll be back again asking about this next week. And the week after that. And the week after that.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and guidance isn’t a guarantee, it’s a compass, not a solution.
Even if it’s revisited multiple times, planting the perspective allows gradual internalization.
Consistency, reflection, and self awareness compound over time, what seems ignored today often shapes choices tomorrow.
Patience is part of growth, and understanding your own value remains timeless advice.
Agreed! However, this is a woman who needs to help herself and simply doesn’t want to. Over nearly 3 years of knowing her she’s stalked, harassed, and threatened the same man for simply not being interested after 1 week of knowing him and 1 date. Now she’s targeting this new guy and honestly it could get dangerous for him. She made the other guys life an absolute living hell, reached out to whomever she thought could know him to slander and harass.
@HollyK21 that’s not true at all. You don’t know me personally. That man was a predator huge difference! Like what are you talking about?
I see both sides of this situation, but my point was never about assigning blame.
Growth, awareness, and patience apply to everyone involved, and understanding context matters before judging actions.
Remaining grounded and focused on clarity, boundaries, and respect is the only way forward in any complex dynamic.
Stop lying! He was no predator and i have the messages to prove his intent with you. There was nothing there but you turned it into something and tried ruining his life. That situation is still going on and now you’re zoning in on a new guy. You are looking for any sort of reason to lash out at him and destroy his life. Just like the other guy.
I’ve known you waaaay too long to even dare try saying I don't know anything about that situation, I was there along the entire way!
I won’t say anything else @Amy猫猫咪, I just like to give commenters a heads up before they decide to keep speaking with this woman and advising her. You folks deserve to know exactly who you’re helping, what you’re engaging and if you’d like to continue.
I understand you feel strongly and want to protect others, and I respect that.
My intention isn’t to take sides or escalate things, it’s to offer perspective on communication, boundaries, and self-awareness.
Everyone’s experience is valid, and it’s wise for people to engage thoughtfully, with awareness of context.
I’ll step back from this conversation and allow those involved to navigate it directly.
Holly the messages mean nothing.. those are just a glimpse of his “niceness “ or predatory ways.. you don’t think people change? His actions showed something different but I’m not getting into that. You know me off the internet not real life. You don’t KNOW this man! But I’m not going to let you guilt trip me or get me down because he was in the wrong! He was a liar and was married! And I showed you the proof!
About my coworker… why would I ruin his life? I don’t know him! I’m asking how I can get over it and move on… nothing about my question states I’m trying to ruin his life
Not going to lie.. every time I see your comment it’s overwhelming. At this point I feel harassed! This has nothing to do with you.. every time I post something you have something to say! You’re obsessed!
I can see how emotionally charged this situation has become, and it’s understandable you’d feel defensive when your experiences are questioned.
You’ve clarified your side clearly, wanting to move on, not retaliate and that’s the healthiest direction to keep focusing on.
At this point, disengaging from back and forths that only reopen old wounds might serve you best.
Protect your peace, document if needed, and let distance speak louder than defense.
Peace of mind is worth more than proving a point.
Of course you feel harassed, you don’t wanna hear the truth just your own version of how things played out and how they’re currently going. It makes sense with your diagnosis, I don’t take anything you say personally and will continue to speak out against your bullshit. Don’t like it? Deanonymize yourself and block me. Otherwise I’ll see you on the next one!
@HollyK21 what you’re doing is not helping
I’m not trying to help you right now Chels that’s the thing. I’ve done enough years and months trying to help just for you to slap me in the face lmao so yeah, I’m not focused on that at the moment. Maybe in the future. Just passing along information to others for now, they deserve to know.
@HollyK21 I’m literally doing the work!
So you’re back in therapy? Taking your meds? Because that’s actually doing the work. Popping up on here every week asking if you should cuss out or make your coworker uncomfortable just because he’s closer with another woman rather than you is NOT doing the work, it shows no growth. If anything all it shows is you lining up another victim. I mean who cares if you work together right now? You’re trying to get moved out of that school anyway so please spare me the “why would I do that? We work together!” nonsense.
@HollyK21 I’m back taking my meds
Meds alone is only a small portion of the bigger work you really need to do. Meds aren’t stopping your bad thoughts or stopping you from obsessing over your coworker. Meds aren’t stopping you from revisiting every avenue of past trauma that you possibly can, from your camp counselor to your brother. You have zero coping skills and no idea how deal with your emotions. If you did you wouldn’t be doing the things you’re doing now. Find a therapist that works for you and stick with them so you can do the real work. This has to stop.
You get your self worth from unhealthy sources
But u said u don’t have a crush