How do you not let rejection ruin your self esteem?

[Anonymous]

The dating scene has done a lot of damage to my self esteem. I don't go out much but upon the few occasion that I have, I have almost always gotten rejected at every outing. At one point, my friend and I went to a party. There were two bouncers, one of them was very attractive. I didn't even try to talk to him at all and yet he was deliberately showing very unfriendly body language toward me (as if trying to show his distaste for me). Meanwhile the other bouncer was very nice toward me.

And then in another occasion, I was introduced to a few new coworkers at a job's office. There were 5 dudes in the office, the manager introduced them all to me, said every single one of their names. All of them shook hands with me except the handsome dude, who deliberately ignored me, didn't even look my direction.

At the bar, there was a time where I was talking to two guys who happen to be there. One of them, gave me judgmental, negative looks all throughout the session as if he were judging and looking down on me. It wasn't like I was attracted to him either. Hess not my type at all. The other dude was talking to me normally.

Because of all my bad experiences, I have stopped going out over the past few years. Hence the reason why I'm still single.

Besides all this rejection, I've also gotten a lot of compliments from people calling me "beautiful" too. Usually by older women but some young guys tell me I'm beautiful too though I never get hit on at all. If I do get hit on, its always the crazies or the perverts. I never go out anymore so the only people who call me beautiful are people from work or my neighbors. Seldom do I get checked out. When I do get checked out, I freeze.

Does everyone else go through the same thing too? or is this just something I have to deal with more than the average person? How do I still maintain the confidence to go out and meet new people?

[Vevv123]

I don’t understand how people pay so much attention to attractiveness of people, personally I can’t find someone attractive till I know them very well. I would start off looking at people as individuals rather than perceiving them as “attractive” “not attractive” and automatically associating them with some kind of romantic interest just because they’re the opposite sex.

Secondly, what you’ve experienced is not rejection. Some people don’t have manners, some are shy, and others have partners so they probably keep their distance. There are many things that can prevent people from talking to you in the way you think is right and none of them have to do with your attractiveness. And you don’t want to get hit on, you don’t want perverts hitting on you, learn to bond with someone because what matters is your character and theirs, beauty is subjective and everyone gets older, so those guys that you perceive as “very attractive” are going to get old and if they’re mean, that’s never going to change. You do not need anyone or everyone to accept you, you are perfect as you are and anyone that doesn’t think so isn’t worth your time.

[ChiTown33]

^^^this opinion^^^ No need to read anything else. This comment nailed it.👍💯

[Nikki1989]

Simple!

[Ask105]

I actually understand everything you said , its completely self confidence and self esteem from both things you said men and women. Like im an attractive guy but i been ignoring women because i forget sometimes what im gona say to them to build attraction flirt etc so like i been studying it and going over my lines and studying c. b. t also lol i get older women telling me im attractive and when i was in school it was every girl and an adult dont hear it often so. I quit believing it but i look the same i got told again by someone yesterday i look 19 oh i freeze also thats why im studying books on all the problems i have i encourage you to do the same find the best books on amazon about all the things you want to work on. its tough i saw a cute girl she looked at me and i said fck this im going to my car already forgot what i was gonna say and if you ask a woman likes you to quick for number men get rejected so i still remember her 3 days later.. I’ve given women judge-mental looks because i feel so much pain in my general life and not able to express its so hard girl i get you just study on yourself and have fun!

[ohsheeT]

Ok so first things first I read your question you are a good person with a big beautiful heart. there's nothing wrong with you...

Understand two things. First of all you got turned down not rejected. We feel as it is a rejection. Because we get embarrassed. But. You are perfect. You were made perfect. Andn99 percent of the time we get turned down for a reason. And the. Biggest reason is because we are not meant for each other. Nothing else no matter the excuse that is given if there is one given...

Dont beat your self up. You sound like a man feeling sorry for himself when it happens to him. Then he starts hating women.

Dont hate a man that turns you down. Thank him. Because its just not meant to be. .. ok damn you said something else I have to send this look and add on to my answer

[ohsheeT]

Ok, yes, maintaining confidence.

Do you role play. It's a silly question but it works

I never thought in a million years. I would ever even ask that alone do it. But it brings you back to life talking with somebody and experiencing whether it's a fantasy. Or anything something that you want to know about how you should have to react

But you should try it. Like I said , I thought it was stupid but once I did it absolutely in love with it.

So you should at least try it. I can tell you what apps and not.

[Asker]

how did you know I have a big heart? I actually am a very nice person. Just very curious how you could tell just by a little snippet of what I had wrote.

[ohsheeT]

It's the energy. I feel coming from your words. They paint a picture of you i can it but I cal feel you to

[ohsheeT]

You can do the same thing everyone can do it. If you understand. Energy

If you re read your question. You can see you can do it to because your telling us

[Asker]

@ohsheet

ok I see. Right now, dating is just hard. I've been gaining weight so easily. Normal foods such as rice, meat makes me so fat. I have to go into a plant based diet just to be able to maintain a normal weight. Hopefully dating will get easier as soon as I drop a few pounds.

Right now I'm 29, only men in their 40s are interested in me. Young guys ignore me. Maybe I'm just not good looking enough for young guys?

[ohsheeT]

No, no, no. Ok, let's just be honest and let me ask you this how bad do you want to change the above

If you have read any of my answers, you will see it. I believe in many things if you truly want to change even one and you are real about it. Then dm me or add me and I will tell how to. Or even show you how

[zagor]

Maybe YOU were looking at the handsome guys in a way that bothered them. Guys don't necessarily like being leered at.

[Asker]

i've never leered.

[zagor]

Well if you're always only interested in the hottest guy in the room, you better be damn good-looking yourself.

[Asker]

@zagor

I have seen average looking girls get with hot guys.

[zagor]

Yes, average looking girls who are a lot of fun to be with and/or have great personalities can get hot guys. Just lusting after them might get you one night, if that.

[Asker]

@zagor

"a lot of fun" is entirely subjective.

but I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a handsome man.

Just the same way 45 yr old men want someone at least 20 years younger.

[zagor]

... as long as YOU have something to offer.