Why is he distant now after a long time of chasing?

[Anonymous]

There is this guy I met in march and we clicked really quick. He used to be so communicative, so romantic, so funny and so caring. We have been talking since then and I was struggling with some problems back then, he has stood beside me despite my attempts of pushing him away because I didn't want him to get tired with my problems. He stayed regardless and over time I fell for him. And when I finally overcame the problems I was ready for him. But this time, over time he got distant. No calls, late texts, less communication, no romance, nothing. I talked him about it but he said there was nothing wrong and said he would be more careful but nothing has changed so I got frustrated and tried to leave but he didn't let me leave, he kept saying how much he wants me to stay, how much he loves me etc so I believed him but no, since that last time I tried to leave, nothing has changed a tiny bit. And each day we get further, I'm doing my best by trying to be understanding thinking maybe he just has lots of stress but I can't help but overthinking. What can be the reason?

Updates

12 h

Thanks for opinions. I broke up with him and I feel lighter

[HollyK21]

It’s so interesting to me when women like yourself say you “tried” to leave. Unless you’re being held hostage, you have the free ability to leave but you choose to tether yourself to him with emotional attachment. If you were really trying to act in your own best interest, it wouldn’t matter how he begged or how he insisted, you don’t need his clearance or permission to cut ties. In my opinion this looks like a very typical case of the “thrill of the chase” having run its course. Your unavailability turned you into a conquest and once he conquered, he backed off. Yes it’s shitty and I’ll never fully understand the point of those men doing that to women; all I know is that once you see the signs it’s best to pack it up and walk away. You already confronted him about this and he’s blatantly being disingenuous, because you fully recognize the shift in his behavior. I’d just be done dealing with it, life too short to be strung along, confused and ultimately disappointed.

[HollyK21]

What’s a fantastic update, good for you hun. If this guy does try to come back around and win you over (which he most likely will do), just remember what all led up to this and keep him blocked. He’s already you his true nature and people don’t change overnight, it takes real time, so don’t fall for any fancy words. Good luck on your healing journey💛

[HollyK21]

**shown you

[Asker]

Hi, thank you so much🫂💖 sorry I couldn't reply earlier, I was just emotionally not available. You are right, maybe I was making excuse to not leave. But you know, when you are emotionally involved and you sense a shift in their tone, you just hope it's temporary and I guess when I argued with him, my threaten of leaving was mostly asking him to treat me better hoping the caring romantic guy I met will come back. And he gave me many excuses which I know are meaningless now but back then I preferred to believe. So yeah, I did the right thing, it doesn't feel good but our self respect has to be stronger than our feelings

[BarryLiverstone]

The reason is you allow it

[Asker]

How?

[BarryLiverstone]

By not having firmer boundaries

[Asker]

I literally told him I wouldn't chase his attention if he continued that way and he said he will fix it but he didn't, now I'm thinking if I should do what I told him🥲 maybe I should leave if he doesn't care what I said

[BarryLiverstone]

You told him you would leave. He didn’t change. So you now are questioning leaving? Go back to my answer. Have firm boundaries.
If you tell him you will leave and then don’t leave that’s irresponsible

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way all that attention and care in the beginning, that’s his love bombing. You said that romance isn’t there.. probably because he got sex

[Asker]

Yeah, the past few days I have been thinking about it. I want to leave, I can't disrespect myself like that, I just don't understand what happened and it's eating me alive

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s easy to understand. He didn’t want you long term. That’s what happened, and he didn’t tell you that early on

[BarryLiverstone]

Also sounds like you kept rejecting him. So he got the message you never liked him

[Nikki1989]

This is classic “Bait and Switch” behavior, which often points to a pattern of emotional unavailability or attachment issues. You need a partner who is just as present and committed when things are calm as he was when things were chaotic. This man is not the one; move on from this.

[DishLady]

1. possibly something is going on in his life.
2. possibly he's "keeping you on the hook" while he looks at his options.
3. possibly he's just "the crisis guy" who loves a damsel in distress because he can be a hero.

[Alex-Snow]

Do you think he found someone else? Maybe he is just not ready for a deep relationship? Were you two sexually involved?

[Mariogirl09]

You're not giving it up maybe?

[BarryLiverstone]

She mentioned he’s not being as romantic. That gives the hint they both were romantic back then