Usually I know why a guy stops responding but this time it doesn't make sense?

[Anonymous]

I matched with a guy on a dating app and we texted for several days. His replies were inconsistent but followed a loose pattern — sometimes a full day passed — but we both have kids so I understood he was busy. We got along really well. There was some sexual conversation, but nothing vulgar, and he always checked to make sure I was comfortable.

Eventually I asked for his Snapchat. He suggested we play video games together sometime and said that since he lives three hours away, we’d need to plan to meet because he would have to drive to me — my car is currently dead. We both struggle with insomnia and smoke weed, so late-night conversations came naturally.

One night we were talking about different topics, including sexual preferences — not explicit, just communication. My ex came up and I said he wasn’t a good person. He encouraged me to share more and said he wanted to hear my story. I asked multiple times if he was sure, because the relationship was abusive and dark. He insisted and told me to be honest, even graphic.

So I told him. His response was, “Well that’s terrible. He sounds like a disgusting boy. I can’t even talk about your ex because it’s already pissing me off but you shouldn't have had to go through with any of that. I’ll be more of a gentleman and less of a pervert. I’m sorry.” I said it was fine and that I'm used to it (I am, dealt with it my whole life lol) and he replied, “Yeah that doesn’t make it okay.”

I reassured him and agreed it wasn’t okay — brushing it off is how I cope — and that was the last message I sent. He never opened it. A week later I sent a snap with a fries filter. Still unopened. His Snap score hasn’t changed.

I know he has four kids and is planning birthdays, but he has never disappeared like this before. Given the emotional cliffhanger, I can’t help wondering if I scared him off, even though his response was kind and he didn’t unfriend me. I don’t know whether he’s processing, overwhelmed, or just gone.

I’m 25, he’s 32.

[HollyK21]

In my opinion, any guy who wants to jump into sexting is an immediate red flag. I couldn’t say that confidently if I wasn’t engaged to a man who never tried sexting me during our dating phase, not once. In fact we had little conversation over the phone other than to plan hanging out, then he’d make that hour drive 4x a week to see me since I don’t drive at all. I think men make their priorities clear when they get into those questions before there’s even a first date locked in, and you said you were only talking to him a matter of days.


Then the distance comes into play, 3 hours apart is not the best foot to start on. Most likely one party will not want to be making that drive for those trips. So the responsibility would mainly fall onto the more willing participant and that’ll get old fast, become pricey, wear and tear on their car, plus arranging babysitting for their kids. On top of that, you can’t really invest into said trip’s because you both have kids, other expenses to consider, and a job to navigate around. So when you narrow down not being able to see the person you’re trying to build with any more than like 2-3x a month, paired with all the other obstacles, the future looks bleak and I’m sure he has started recognizing that. Of course I could be wrong, but the signs seem to be that the odds were stacked against you two and if he was already a guy who’s more interested in sex than the woman, then it wasn’t gonna work out.

[Asker]

Yeah the conversation turned very sexual once it hit snapchat and I clocked that immediately. I didn't write him off completely, wanting to see how it played out but I did keep my guard up on that one. But his response to what I said and then radio silence for a week just doesn't make sense to me, maybe its my autism talking I don't know lol

[HollyK21]

I think the timing of him going ghost was just a coincidence, because he was already showing signs of doing that when you’d go a full day without even just a check in. Trust me I get the confusion, I remember years ago talking to a guy for like 1 1/2 weeks, planned/went on a date, apparently had a blast. We went back to his place, watched a movie, no sex and I think that’s what he wanted. He ubered me home, called the next more ranting and raving about what a great time we had and wanting to hang out again soon. That was he last time I heard from him lol he ignored the two texts and Snapchat I sent but kept posting on his. It was pretty confusing! These guys clearly feel a way that they don’t want to let on when they have the chance.

[HollyK21]

**next morning

[Asker]

That's so weird... I hate mixed signals lol and not because Im autistic. What ever happened to being genuine, honest, and authentic. ughhhh

[Anonymous]

His replies don't seem like you scared him off by talking about your ex so it has to be something else.

Maybe he looked you up and didn't like something you posted? Do you post suggestive photos? Any "men are trash" "I don't need a man" posts?

I suppose he could very well just be busy, but a week a long time to not hear from someone who's interested it you.

[Asker]

No nothing like that. I dont even post much honestly and my social medias are now private because of my ex, I blocked him but it's to prevent anything from the bxtch he cheated on me with or any spam accounts they make because theyre honestly insane. Mainly I share funny videos that I see but I definitely don't post anything risqué online that's just not who I am. I dont even post bikini pictures honestly lol and whenever I dress up or more sexy, what I wear doesn't show a bunch of skin, if anything it's the opposite and it's modestly sexy. I just dont want my family seeing me in that way, it would be wayyy too awkward and weird.

[Asker]

During our last conversation before the whole story came up, he did warn me that he might fall asleep and I knew he did when he stopped replying but then I didn't hear from him since and his snap score also hasn't changed so it's not like he's snapchatting other people and ignoring me.