Why do some guys stand girls up?

[Anonymous]

i was supposed to go on a date today with a guy i met on a dating app. he cancelled his other plans so he could meet with me which i thought was sweet. i was really nervous because i have only done online dating one time before. with the previous guy, i was also really nervous, but the dates were great, he told me on the first date i‘m very pretty and we ended up dating for some time before we broke up because he moved very far away. so i thought this time it could be fun as well. it gave me some confidence. however, i was waiting there for 20 minutes until he texted me that he was there. we didn‘t find each other right away and then i sent him my location. he then just said he‘s sorry but he has to go. i feel so insecure and he probably did it because he thought i was not pretty in person, right? i feel so awful about myself. why would a guy do this? has this happened to one of you as well? thank you for your replies, i would really appreciate it because i feel so sad🤍

[Anonymous]

I hear ya. I remember being 22-23 tried a dating app for the first time. Met a guy and we talked for a week before we decided to meet up at a club and we’d both be with friends.
I was already there when he arrived, club was packed so we had a hard time finding each other. Finally saw each other across the room.
He pointed to the bar like he was getting a drink, took forever to the point I went to see if he needed help or something but he and his friend were gone. Ignored my calls and text, never heard from him again. Ofc I was very embarrassed, it took me a lot of building up confidence to go. I really don’t know why guys do this there’s no good reason. I just say don’t take it personally, it’s the online dating world and the convenience of it makes people so reckless. If they don’t like something the next option is only a swipe away.

[Asker]

thank you for your reply! that guy sounds really immature and it’s a shitty behavior. i‘m so sorry this happened to you! but it feels relieving for me to know i‘m not alone feeling like this. i really feel so embarassed and ugly.

[Opinion Owner]

I felt the same way and that’s why I say to try not to take it personally. No man should have any power to make us feel bad about ourselves, most definitely not if they aren’t a 10/10 themselves. The average man is usually average looking. You sound like I was in the past, self conscious about my body my looks, and I really had to stop that bc it only crushed my self esteem. Like why am I being so down on myself because this loser stood me up? Why am I having hard time telling myself it’s his loss not mine? Having that experience really made me look within myself and realize I had growing and self loving to do before I found a man. Could be a sign for you too.

[Asker]

yes you are so right. when i read about your story i just think wtf that guy is so rude, but when i think about my situation i just feel insecure about myself. what helped you to grow and have more self-love?

[Opinion Owner]

The way I see it we spent all our life becoming who we are so if you’ve always been like me, someone who deal with body image and self esteem issue her whole life you can’t just turn it off. Takes time but to be intentional with your time. Start telling yourself better things in your head, like when a bad thought comes in correct it immediately. Give yourself the compliment, wear the dress, wear the shoes, vindicate your body, your face.

When you think about it putting yourself on the app takes a good deal of confidence because you know you’re being scrutinized over pics that may not fully capture what you look like irl. I don’t mean catfish, I mean your pics are usually moments you feel looked the best and irl we don’t have any of that, no beautiful background, perfect makeup or outfit. So to meet in person is intimidating and you have to feel good about yourself. So just work on changing your mind.

[Chloe432]

Maybe he didn't find you attractive, or maybe he just got really nervous in the moment and panicked. Either way he's clearly immature, so it's not much of a loss for you!

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to tell you except that there are shitty people in the world who are not nice, cowardly, that do things like that. If I went on a date and wasn't attracted, I would at least go through with the date or go to them, tell them it's not going to work out, but still enjoy a drink together. Best advice is to try again, someone else will find you attractive and want to get to know you.

[Asker]

thank you. it was so weird, i don‘t know if he saw me, because i didn‘t see him. and i agree, even if i wasn‘t attracted to someone i would still go on the date and you can always be nice and just have a drink or something and that‘s it. now i just feel so ugly and i don‘t wanna keep using these apps because i feel so insecure

[Opinion Owner]

Just keep an open mind, maybe the next guy will be the one. Be more careful with the apps though, lots use them for hit it and quit it.

[spartan55]

Welcome to online dating. Don't dwell on stuff like this, you will go insane.

[Alex-Snow]

He is a jerk and it is his loss.

[Asker]

thank you

[Anonymous]

Did you FaceTime him before you met? If not, there's your answer.

[In_Trance]

for the same reason some girls stand guys up