Is this guy serious about me or its just flirt and friendship?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy at an event in November. We flirted from the very start, mutual interest, good vibe, he was my type. We spent the whole event together, talking, dancing, laughing and before leaving he asked my Instagram, we hugged, and that was it. After that we talked on Instagram about different topics, but rarely with instant replies.

In January we started talking a bit more frequently and being more natural around one another, so he asked for my num “in case of emergency,” and since then we’ve been talking consistently, again very flirty and sweet, but still no calls or voice messages. I honestly didn’t think he was serious, neither was I as a matter of fact.

At the end of January things changed. Our communication became more frequent and he started opening up more, again mutual. I live in France and he lives in Germany, and although he had mentioned coming to see me before, visiting the city, I didn’t think he actually would. But in January again, he told me he wanted to come to Paris and gave me the dates, February 14–15 and asked me if i was available for him. I said yes, still not believing he actually would book the tickets. Until the moment he sent me the booking haha.

This past week he has been very present - good morning/good night texts, checking if I got home safely, sending snaps, talking about places he wants to take me in Germany one day. It felt like things were becoming more serious.

But at the same time, again he never calls, and since Monday I feel like he pulled back a bit. Replies are slower, less flirty, and not as enthusiastic… then he came back again with a normal good morning text today.

I can’t tell if he’s genuinely serious about me or if just enjoys flirting. He hasn’t asked anything about my past relationships either.

Do you think he’s actually serious? Or just playing around? And if he’s not serious, why would he plan a trip to Paris for the first time ever, on Valentine’s Day when I’m the only person he knows here?

[Screenwriter]

From your information, it is unclear about this guy's intentions. Not even a phone call or a face time in three months? No information about past relationships?

And, you have no idea whether he knows anyone else in Paris, in actuality. He may, since you know nothing about past relationships or details about his life. Is this guy married? Is he too poor to visit you? Too much unknown.

All I do know is your relationship has been all talk. Actions speak louder than words. I'm worried that something is off. He may be involved with someone in Germany. You are too far apart and he is too closed for you to know anything.

And what is telling is he has been talky and then pulls away. Doesn't sound very good. As if there is some impediment.

And, ultimately, I'm only guessing, if he's in Berlin and you're in Paris, that is a 9 hour train ride. What is the possibility for a regular relationship in the long term? Long distance is a problem from the start.

Consider all of this.

[Asker]

I understand for the rest, but i didn't get the 'he is too poor to visit" part. I said that he got the tickets and booked his hotel to spend the weekend with me.

[Screenwriter]

I meant too poor to PREVIOUSLY visit in the past three months. Sounds like a long time to wait if he is sincerely interested.

[DishLady]

Usually “hug and that’s it” is friendship. If he lingers (like says he has to go but still stands there), he’s more likely looking for more.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he is unsure about what he wants with you , unfortunately he might be interested in someone else as well , so he is juggling his options , because when a guy is really into a girl , he makes her his top priority , and doesn’t mess around , so it sounds like he is messing around and unsure who to choose , My advice to you is do not wait around for him to make up his mind , unless you want to just be a convenience to him

[MisterPandemonium]

There's no way to know, based on what you've told us.

Heck, even HE might not know if he's serious about you.

Things might become more clear when he comes to visit you.

[MrChinaski]

Life advice from xkcd

[Asker]

This means should I? 😂

[MrChinaski]

Why not? All upside, no downside. Seems like a nice guy. Seems like you have some level of connection. Let it be whatever it becomes, don't hold yourself back.

I'm just an old guy, so what do I know. The only regret I have in my entire life is not asking a girl out when I was a teenager. I have no regrets about things I have done.

[RavVid]

I'd say serious. I flirt for practice but I wouldn't go to that effort.

[Asker]

That’s the thing. Before he would send me the tickets and the hotel reservation I didn’t take him seriously. AT ALL. He cough me off guard now I don’t know what to think. Coz I was flirting for fun too, now I’m getting interested 😂

[RavVid]

Sometimes it works like that :) All the best good fortune.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're overthinking it. He probably just isn't a telephone person. (But you can ask him if you really want to know!)

[noohair]

I consider texting to be low value communication, just like an email. Goos luck. by the way the dated he gave you is Valentine’s Day...

[spartan55]

How does he know you are serious?

[Asker]

Ohhh didn't think about that. But he has to prove on a way that he is serious about me, so I can show him that i am no?

[spartan55]

No, that's not how it works.

[DishLady]

Yeah it is. Dancing and dating the guy takes the lead.

[spartan55]

Don't start @DishLady the fifties were a long time ago.

[DishLady]

Don't get me riled up, @spartan55 or I'll use your helmet as a gong.

[spartan55]

@DishLady
That would be fun to watch because I am not wearing my helmet right now. My concubine took it to clean and polish it for me.

[Imjustagirl1520]

U can never know, thats the thing about guys🤷‍♀️

[spartan55]

Right...🙄

[Imjustagirl1520]

its literally true tho? Would u tell ur daughter to trust any man that is her friend?