How do you feel confident again after a brutal rejection?

[Anonymous]

He couldn’t wait for the date to be over, he said rudely things, I meant nothing to him after… I didn’t exist anymore and it really hurt me to the core for years. Still having up and down feelings for someone who couldn’t even care less..

[Finchie40]

Understand he is just one person and not every guy out there , Most of us experience bad seeds before finding a good one , so don’t let his disrespectful attitude effect you in any way , people that are disrespectful are people that are facing their own inner demons , their own insecurities that they project onto others’ to make themselves feel better about themselves because They can’t face that fact that they are the POS. People that think their shit doesn’t stink when clearly it does , so don’t let one negative person to effect you in anyway , just move on and eventually you will find a good one

[Asker]

Brutal rejection: disrespect, devaluation, ghosting, making you feel less than and then talking to a family member and they bond over their dislike for you and end up talking to eachother behind my back

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s a really messed up thing , my question is why did he do that to you to begin with?

[Asker]

I guess that happens when a man wants nothing to do with you

[Finchie40]

How long were you with him for?

[Asker]

We weren’t really together but we talked for a few weeks it’s a complicated story

[Finchie40]

And don’t feel bad my ex did pretty much the same thing to me after all the years we were together , towards the end of our marriage she started criticizing me and belittling me and started saying harsh things to me, to find out the truth that she was choosing her bitch girlfriend over me that I feel she dykes it out with , so I ended up putting my foot down and told her to get the fuck out of my life and it was the best decision I made for myself because there are way better people out there that actually have hearts and good manners , so don’t let this POS get under your skin , just move on and find yourself someone better

[madhatters4]

try to not allow one person's actions determine how you feel. he was the ass not you. even if you are not someone's type a decent person will be respectful and mindful of your feelings in rejecting you

someone who doesn't is a loser and not worth your time. you should consider yourself grateful not to be with someone like that.

[In_Trance]

What's the difference between a rejection and a brutal rejection?

[Asker]

Hey I’m just not interested

Brutal rejection: disrespect, devaluation, ghosting, making you feel less than and then talking to a family member and they bond over their dislike for you and end up talking to eachother behind my back.

[HollyK21]

Back to therapy! Immediately!

[Asker]

What did I do and say now?

[HollyK21]

Chels this is not good! How did you get all the way back to these feelings about him? Last time I asked you said you moved on from that but this post is not giving that.

[Asker]

I’m in therapy… I just said it’s up and down… maybe more so attachment to something I thought would blossom. I feel like the rejection hurt a lot

[HollyK21]

Okay, I’m glad you found a new therapist. But I do not think making posts like this where you invite people to basically re-explore that hurtful situation is a good idea. This happened a few years ago, it’s time to start looking forward and repairing whatever it is you feel like he broke. I’ve already said that this is deeper than him, but if you insist on making him to root of your pain then it’s time to unpack and heal it Chels. There’s nothing but trouble when it comes to that topic.

[Asker]

Him and my cousin are probably/ possibly talking so I feel like it’s going to be difficult even though I’m starting to accept it.

I just feel like he was emotionally and verbally abusive and I reacted poorly after the fact

[Asker]

I don’t like my therapist anymore…. She gone ask me “is it really a bad idea if him and your cousin became a couple?” YES BITCH

WHY IS EVERYONE SO PASSIVE WITH MY FEELINGS!!!

[HollyK21]

I don’t think everyone is passive with your feelings Chels. I just think they’re trying to show you angles of the situation that you don’t agree with. Your therapists question wasn’t the right one, I agree that was wrong to say because it only makes you look deeper into something that’s not happening. You’ll be mad at me for saying they’re not together but I’m standing by that. You’ve just dug your nails too deep into that, and this is not a dismissal of your feelings I’m just being honest.

[Asker]

She did say look at the facts she agrees with you but I felt like she was kind of judging me when I told her about me possibly getting a criminal record and I reached out to him Sunday… I told him that he makes me hate living..

I really want to go to nursing school but I’m afraid I’ll have another breakdown about the situation and he goes through with it.

[Asker]

I just felt they were at least attracted to eachother

[HollyK21]

Chels, absolutely go to nursing school if that’s what you’re interested in. Life can’t stop because of the things that bother or hurt you in the past. You can’t live in your pain or let it influence so much of your day to day life. When it comes to your cousin, I really think your diagnosis is what works against you, and there’s no way that anyone other than a professional could help you see that your thoughts are lying. I genuinely hope that once you find the right therapist, he or she are able to help you let all that go once and for all, otherwise you’ll never be able to fix things with your cousin which I’m sure you’d like to do at this point. Get back to living your life, because while all this shit may feel like it’s taking forever to get through it’s really just a chapter in your life. You don’t wanna look back 5-10 years from now and look at it as time wasted because you couldn’t motivate yourself to get better. You think you’re hurting and going through it now, that would be a huge blow.

[Asker]

Why would I want to fix things with my cousin when she didn’t care enough to make me feel safe and secure that she hadn’t went behind my back.. I would not have done her the same way if she were in my shoes!

[Asker]

Either way my cousin does NOT give af

[HollyK21]

I’ll be glad once you’re able to better understand your diagnosis and they give you the tools to help distinguish between reality and what you convince yourself of. You should’ve never ever included your cousin when it came to that guy, because now you’ve turned her into an enemy when she was just trying to help you in the first place. Who knows, if you hadn’t already gone so far into convincing yourself that the African dude wanted trans women, then you wouldn’t be drilling into your head that they’ve got something going on with your family. You have managed to drift so far away from reality in a way that only BPD and so in will make you do.

[Asker]

My cousin never tried to help me I was just venting to her and she is the type of person who would go behind your back…. she could have wanted a connection with him after finding out he’s attracted to trans women…

Holly his twitter was full of trans porn! Please don’t start that…. He was following more than just that Trans woman I showed you! He likes anal sex.. it was full of it

He’s no where to be found on the internet now

[HollyK21]

I have learned about your ways over these past two years, and you seem to have no problem fabricating, altering, and retelling these stories to where they become so far from the truth. Just the other day you were willing to pretend to be the African guy himself just to get a response from people that makes you feel validated and correct. The fact that this started as you seeing two trans women on his page to an entire Twitter page of trans? You’ve lied, slandered him, accused him of having a girlfriend that turned into a wife. Made things up, posted those things in places you hope people connected to him would see. You’ve gone above and beyond to feel validated even when you stray from the truth. So excuse me but I have a hard time believing you’ve found tons or transsexual content on his Twitter. If you even actually found it.

[Asker]

Not one his page but his following

I feel like if my cousin wasn’t talking to him why would she block me after pretending to be the guy and she did. That’s hella suspicious

You don’t see what I’m seeing. You’re not in my shoes

[Asker]

And why hasn’t he gone through with it? Because he probably actually wants to be with my cousin one day

[HollyK21]

According to you, you’ve dialed it back since he threatened legal action, so if you’re maintaining that then he has no reason to go through with it. On top of that, going that route is the least desirable because it is so damn expensive. It would keep him attached to you in some form when in reality he just wants to move on. You’ve made it really hard for him to do so and vilified him for even trying.

Your cousin most likely blocked you because you were being belligerent with your approach, Chels. You accused her and stood ten toes on that without any evidence other than your suspicions. Then you tried getting her kicked out of your moms house, you raised hell about that. No, I am not in your shoes, but I am also not diagnosed with your issues and therefore I’d never be able to relate. Nobody else except a person experiencing BPD and whatever else would be able to relate, so when you’re lashing out or handling things how you do, no one directly around you will see what you see or understand you either. Not your mom, dad, stepmom, cousin, aunt, none of them. So when you’re accusing everyone of being hard on you, not being fair not seeing your side, stop and consider that we literally can't.

[Asker]

Ugh whatever

[Asker]

You might be right about some things but he was a manipulator and he wasn’t kind to me.

[HollyK21]

I don’t agree babe.

[Asker]

Okay that’s you. It’s okay if he wasn’t attracted to me but I feel like the things he said were hurtful.

[HollyK21]

If you insist on being hurt over what he said I can’t stop you. We’ve gone over it so many times and I just feel like at the end of the day there was no safe way for him to walk away. You don’t agree with any aspect of it because you never wanted him to leave in the first place, so no matter what it’s fucked up.

[Asker]

For the longest time I’ve felt like I was wrong because you didn’t agree with me… but I no longer need your approval when it comes to what I feel and what is facts. He ultimately wanted sex and maybe thought he would like me as more. I think he’s a great manipulator. We don’t have to agree

[HollyK21]

You never needed my approval or anyone else’s. It’s completely fine if you don’t agree with my opinion and I’ve validated that hundreds of times.

[HollyK21]

Do you believe that facts should be ever-changing or should they consistent?

[Asker]

Consistent

[HollyK21]

That I agree with.

[Anonymous]

Why was he so rude.

[Asker]

Because he wasn’t interested in me anymore

[Anonymous]

Time helps.

[Asker]

It doesn’t

[Opinion Owner]

You'll feel numb eventually