How far is too far when it comes to dating a nerd?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this guy for around 8 weeks and i was always aware he was abit of a nerd but it didn't bother me all that much and I thought it was kinda cute.

he's a classical violinist and is very well educated and sophisticated but he also loves lego, video games, star wars etc.

he's really cute in a hot nerdy way and really sweet and kind but one thing I noticed has given me a massive ick.

Last weekend I spent the night at his. Let's just as it was one of the best sleep overs I've ever experienced and then the next morning we woke up and I went into his wardrobe to borrow a shirt to walk around the house in..

I look down and there was a this like furry fox head mask. I laughed and said wtf and he was really casual about it and was like "oh yeah me and my friends like dressing up as furry animals sometimes" he continued to put the head mask thing on and play the violin whilst dancing around the house.

I awkwardly laughed but in the back of my head I thought "this guy is 28 and dressing up as a fox".

He was telling me all about it and saying i should come out with him and his friends next time they meet up dressed as their characters and stuff.

I just nodded and grind and said "yeah maybe" and tried to change the conversation and later left

Updates

1 mo

Im sorry but has actually kept me up at night. I actually embarrassed for him as horrible as it sounds. Im thinking im gonna have to break it off as horrible as it sounds. I dont to break this guys heart but I don't know why but i find it mega creepy and immature for his age. I can't tell him if he wants to be with me he needs to change his hobbies and friends he's better off finding a girl who shares similar interests

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

I would say that dating a nerd in general is too far. No reward exists in dating a guy that is very likely unattractive, lacking social skills, and engages in weird hobbies that he is way too old to be partaking in. A 28-year-old man obsessed with kids' stuff such as Legos, video games, and Star Wars is already bad enough, but dressing up as a fox is downright creepy. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a pedophile. This guy is a walking red flag. I advise you to break up with him immediately and find a better man that has better social skills, non-weird hobbies, and isn't a manchild.

[Asker]

Lego, video games and star wars is harmless and i think its a bit far calling the man a potential pedophile.

Lots of youngish adults enjoy them kind of things but the furry thing is were I cross the line I think its just weird and embarrassing. Im just glad he's not into my little pony or something

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

I would personally classify it as a red flag. Sure, while it is normal for an adult to still play video games when he has the time, it is the combination of extreme childish hobbies of a man near 30 that has me worried, such as the combination of Legos, Star Wars, and dressing up as a fox on top of it. It is not normal for a man that is nearly 30 to play with toys, which Legos are. Star Wars is also something that most adults tend to grow out of at some point. The fact that his main hobbies all involve childish activities along with dressing up as a fox when he is nearly 30 makes me believe that he is attempting to appeal to and/or get the attention of children in a way. While I cannot guarantee that he 100% IS a pedophile, I do advise you to keep your head on a swivel because his behavior is not normal. Better yet, I simply recommend not dating a guy like that.

[LEETSBEREAL]

@Tiffany_Taylor_Made Calling this man a potential pedo absolutely is going to far who the hell do you think you are? Why would you assume that? Do you know him? These aren't red flags in that regard. Wow. Yh granted weird but your jumping to conclusions like that is to far. Men who groom kids women even. If you knew anything about it you would know red flags for that go far deeper then video game, Lego and dressing up as a fox with his friends. I have worked with kids so I know what the red flags are you need to do your research before saying such things it's really out of order for you to make such an assumption. Because if this is what you're basing it on you won't see it coming. You're blinded to the reality. If you got kids around it's your duty to know what to look out for I certainly wouldn't be guessing when the damage to a child of that act is so severe. As soon as I learned these people exist I started doing the research right away. Adults struggle let alone kids. Do your research.

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

@LEETSBEREAL: I don't think it is "too far" at all. It is one thing if he was 18 or 19 because he wouldn't be too far from leaving high school, but 28 is nearly 30. LEGOs when combined with Star Wars and a weird "furry" fox mask at age 28, to me, are not merely three separate hobbies, but rather one weird consonant, child-centric lifestyle. Because he is nearly 30 years old, such a lifestyle is very concerning to me.

As I mentioned before, I cannot guarantee that her boyfriend is a pedophile, but a 28-year-old man with a stack of childish interests, complete with dressing up as a fox without even working somewhere as a mascot is extremely disturbing, weird, and alarming to me. I don't understand how a man can have such a child-centric lifestyle at his age and have a normal mental state. One shouldn't be surprised if he attempted to draw in kids with his lifestyle because nothing is "adult" about it. I am also not arguing that his interests are the only red flags for pedophilia, but they are still red flags to consider along with the many others. Personally, I would keep children away from near 30-year-old men or older that have child-centric lifestyles as possible, and I definitely would not recommend dating them. I just don't trust them.

[LEETSBEREAL]

It is going way to far just because he is doing things you don't deem appropriate for his age. You can't then based on that just naturally jump to the conclusion he is a potential pedo. Esp when the men who are actually worth keeping an eye will hide a lot.

I get it the life style is weird and not in line with what you expect of a man that's fine I have no objection to that however it still doesn't justify your end conclusion. We don't even know if he has had interactions with children OP states he is into childish things there is no mention of kids.

Exactly you cannot guarantee he is a pedo and you can't assume him to either. These things can be extremely disturbing to you. They are weird but to use it to justify calling him something so strong. Uncalled for. As OP said these are harmless hobbies your adding meaning to them based on how you feel about his hobbies.

I could understand if there was alarming factors and OP mentioned kids in the mix or something of that nature fine or if he was hiding these things and she came on saying he lied fine but it's not the case your building a narrative that has no substance.

Your basing it on you think something is so weird which is your sole opinion that it must mean something completely out of context. Your argument is not strong enough to call him even a potential pedo.

You don't have to trust someone like that and you can warn of such men being a red flag if that's how you feel but you don't have to go so far as to label him a potential pedo when thier is nothing in your arsenal that can substantiate it.

[LEETSBEREAL]

@tiffany _Taylor_Made

[LazerBean]

What you described is not a nerd problem, it is a furry problem. And how far is too far is completely up to you

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

• "has given me a massive ick"
• "awkwardly laughed but in the back of my head I thought"
• "actually embarrassed for him"
• "mega creepy and immature"

How far is too far when it comes to dating? Well, you said it☝🏼

I see it going two ways, either your initial reaction fades over time, or it doesn't. If it doesn't, then I believe ick is strictly incompatible with respect, which is incompatible with love.

[molonski2]

Ohhh come on ! Really? Who gives a shite it's nothing , if he is " the fox " tell him you gonna be the hunter , he actually sounds like a really skilled guy.

Don't pass this one up , get involved , run with it , role playing is fun..

Sabai Sabai

[molonski2]

Update = hahahahahaha 🤣
That's a ridiculous conclusion ! Coz he wears a mask.. Come on , think you are just " taking the piss " can't be real.

[LEETSBEREAL]

In answer to your question I think I know of this thing that he does I have heard of it I think it's 'Furry Party' I don't think it's a kid thing like the video games and what not this will sound strange but some people identify as an Animal looks like your guy if it's the same thing I know about identifies as a fox 🦊

We all might identify as an animal granted we all don't necessarily take it that far. I don't think I particularly have a favourite animal but a lot of people have associated me with a 🦉 Owl because I can stay up late or even the entire night and function the next day with no problem. Do you have a favourite animal or one you identify with?

The reason I ask is your very quick to shut it down don't do that face it ask him questions on it understand it then make an informed decision. Give everything a fair chance then when you know all of what is going on then decide.

If after that it still feels like to much or it's not your vibe be honest with him let him know you have had an amazing time but this is where your journey ends because he should find someone who is more in tune with that animal identification. Who knows if he is lucky he might find his woman at one of these parties rather then dragging you along.

Better he has a broken heart now and a chance at happiness later.

If either one of you are unhappy the relationship should not continue.

I hope this answer helps.

Please anything you face do so with an open mind and curiousity that way your always making an informed choice rather then one based on assumptions

[236color]

I wish you didn't feel the way you do, but you do. I agree he's better off without you. Trust me, there are things about you that he doesn't care for, or isn't interested in. My wife loves fountain pens, I couldn't care less. But it makes her happy. She likes growing flowers, I prefer vegetables. We give each other space. If you have a long term relationship, you have to learn to accommodate each other. If you can't do that, you can't have a relationship.

[Still-alive]

If you can’t accept all that he is then yeah it’s likely not going to work out. You can not be into his hobbies but actively disliking them usually doesn’t work out well.

to really love someone is to accept everything about them even the parts you aren’t too fond of.

[Jay-_-]

See usually I dont agree with "the ick" I think its stupid but in this case its valid.

[Asker]

Yeah i usually hate that term myself but its the only way I can describe it

[Jay-_-]

No yea, for sure. Fox head dressing up as furries at that age, I don't blame you questioning him at least a little bit.

[Asker]

Im seeing him this Wednesday. he's actually a massive sweet heart so I dont want to hurt him but its just too far for me and I don’t expect him to change for me that ain't right.

I just dont know if I should be honest or say its because of something else as to why I want to end things

[Jay-_-]

I dont deny he's a good person, maybe even a great one, but somethings just don't click and thats okay. Hopefully everything goes well for both of you. I wish both of you the very best. I hope he'll be okay as well.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Not all nerds are furries, but all furries are 100% nerds. It’s an overlap you can be aware of but it’s honestly not as bad as the stigma makes it out to be.

[alice55]

I mean that’s just a costume that’s far from being a red flag after I don’t know anything about fury ne stuff but it don’t seem to be a big deal

[Master_Debator]

So he's not just a nerd... he's an eccentric furry as well.

Welp, that's too far for me. You do you tho boo.

[Master_Debator]

After your update: What girl do we know that wants that? You're not crazy or mean for not wanting all of that. I'm guessing there is gay fetish stuff going on in the unseen department and if you're just not looking for a cuck man to be yours... it's just not your thing. I don't blame you, and I don't blame any other woman that doesn't want to involved with all that.

[spartan55]

I don't know what a furry is beyond a bunch of dorks dressing up like animals. Whatever gets you greased up I guess

[jshm2]

Unless he is a furry or sexual deviant, seems you're being stupid over a costume.

[Kelley1]

Keep him at arm's length. Nerds will accept that. You can always have a hot guy.

[Kelley1]

@Shrimpenjoyer To spank me, you must be hot. Most likely, you are not.

[Shrimpenjoyer]

I am not but I said this wouldn't be consensual.
I'd spank you as a punishment

[Shrimpenjoyer]

*I am hot

[Kelley1]

@Shrimpenjoyer A study by dating app OkCupid found that women find 80% of men unattractive or “below average.” Obviously, that includes you.

[Shrimpenjoyer]

Are you even a real girl lmao

[Kelley1]

@Shrimpenjoyer Obviously, I hit a nerve with the truth.

[Shrimpenjoyer]

The way you talk makes me now think you're actually a guy

[Kelley1]

@Shrimpenjoyer It is not your fault that you didn't inherit good looks. Most men don't. That's life.

[Shrimpenjoyer]

I am way more good looking than your ugly ass 😂

[Iron_Man]

I’m here, Kelly I’ll take care of it.

[Kelley1]

@Iron_Man After a while, I stop replying to nonsense.

[Iron_Man]

I delete that bad comment for you 👍🏻

[Shrimpenjoyer]

@Iron_Man lmao bro 🤣 you trying to hit her pussy aren't you 🤣

[RavVid]

Sad but I see your point. Maybe go to one of those events before breaking it off.

[MrChinaski]

Low-key eccentricity. If this is the most odd thing he does he's unusually normal.

[megan20022]

There’s a fine line between “cute nerd” and “nerd who I can’t resist giving a wedgie to”

[whosnumber_1]

He's a Furry. It could be a fetish for him. Buyer beware

[whosnumber_1]

You gotta think, if you have kids with this guy... Is he still gonna be attending furry conventions?

Though, the mid evil reenactment people in my opinion are pretty weird as well. To each their own I guess

[Shrimpenjoyer]

Stop dating all together.

With each date you go to it seems it leaves you a little bit damaged.

[Anonymous]

Not all nerds are furries. I’m a nerd and I’m definitely not.

[Anonymous]

Unless that's a story for banter 📚

I'm an ick 😋😁🌹 somehow 🤓

[Anonymous]

Personally, I wouldn't date a nerdy girl. Not my type.

[AnissaMayaClott]

Lol that would be very interesting me…I’ll like to spoil him

[queenofcardio]

That seems too far for my taste.

[Still-alive]

im not a furry. Don’t worry lol. I dont get that stuff myself lol

[CriminallyInsane]

That's entirely up to you.

[fonduegirl]

So he has a thing for furries.. Who cares?

[Jersey2]

Most people actually

[fonduegirl]

@Jersey2 do you?

[Jersey2]

Yes, I care that my adult children aren’t into it and they don’t hang with people that are into it.

[fonduegirl]

@Jersey2 why

[Jersey2]

It seems like it could take them off course in life. We want our children to succeed in life and this is bizarre which threatens their potential. It is a red flag in life and therefore is something of a concern as they maybe mentally unstable or have emotional damage.

[fonduegirl]

@Jersey2 its just sexcalm down

[Asker]

Exactly if I was to have a future with this person and have children how do you think them children will feel one day walking home from school with friends and there dads in the park dressed as a fox with his mates. It be utterly hulimating

[fonduegirl]

Costume party? I don't know. Y'all are definitely over-reacting here

[Jersey2]

@fonduegirl I don’t need to calm down as I am calm.

@asker Ask him is this just for a lark and fun? If so, tell him it is a turn off and needs to be over with.

[fonduegirl]

@Jersey2 you guys are boring

[Jersey2]

Well I’m a Veggie. I dress up like a cucumber hoping to be used 😀

[fonduegirl]

@Jersey2 hahaha cute

[exitseven]

its a little much for a guy.

[worldscolide]

Dude is a furry.. Eww.. Run!!

[Marissa4]

Doesn’t bother me at all.

[AngryCarl3]

Why are you dating a gay dude? lol

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is a furry. Very weird.

[Tomislav7]

lol a furry thats cute

[Anonymous]

That is creepy as fuck 😳 😐

[Iron_Man]

Kissing lol

[beefcakebradybatson]

I was a nerd.