Why is my martial arts teacher so kind in class but silent when we’re alone?

[Anonymous]

When we are alone he doesn't talk, doesn't seem interested, when we are in class (Martial arts, him being the teacher, he's 22) he's really kind to all of us and I even thought he's specially kind to me, there was even a time when our other classmates whistle him once because he kept asking me to be his partner (it was like 3 times in activities) in clases while him being the teacher, or like last time a week ago, I showed that I really liked two songs from a band and for the entire class that bands songs sounded until there were no more. He speaks easily to others, even some girls but the dojo doesn't have that many girls, yet when we are alone he prefers being on his phone (I don't) and more than 4 months have already passed since I met him and nothing happens.

[HollyK21]

I agree with Cupcake, this sounds like he may be aware that you have interest in him and doesn’t wanna send the wrong message. Especially if he has a girlfriend or a woman of interest, when you’re one on one he may just be keeping boundaries in place out of respect. I’d also say that the ball is in your court too, whether it’s him or any other guy. You may not know how he feels, but you know you’re interested, so why not act on that rather than waiting for him? If the expectation is for him to find the courage to flirt, ask you out or any of that then you should have the same standard for yourself.

[Asker]

Hmm, the weird thing is that I only started being interested in him only 2 weeks ago, before I was aware since in class he is always nice, but before I had crush on someone else at work, lost interest and started having interest in him just recently. I've never been the one to chase, so I'm not sure what to do.

[HollyK21]

Chasing someone means to persistently pursue them, so I’m not sure how making a move aligns with that. If anything your concern may be more-so based in other factors that maybe you didn’t realize, like fear of rejection, or societal/traditional norms that come with what we believe men should do. Like men should open the door, men should pay for the first date, men should approach a woman first, etc. However, those ideologies have become increasingly outdated, and acting on your own interest isn’t seen as the same chasing or desperate attempt that it once was. All this to say — I wouldn’t burden myself with such overthinking if I were you, do what I want and let the cards fall.

You could keep it discreet, ask for his social media and then try speaking with him there if he doesn’t say something first. Or just be transparent and ask if he’d like to hangout sometime outside the Dojo or whatever it’s called. The biggest exception I’d say there is to this would be if you don’t wanna try because then if he turns you down or it doesn’t work, you have to see him at the martial arts place. To which I’d say, there’s no use further questioning his behavior or exploring your thoughts about this. Keep things as platonic as possible in your own mind by not dividing into any thoughts that delve into the idea of him having a mutual crush, and just go on about your workout. Put the ball entitle in his court, friendzone him and let that be that.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s because he knows you have a crush on him and thinks it’s inappropriate so he’s not giving you false hope

[Alex-Snow]

Maybe you are overthinking it. If he does not sound interested outside of class he may not want a relationship that is not professional. It sounds like you are interested in getting to know him more than just a teacher?

[Iron_Man]

he doesn’t want to date his student. He wants to keep it professional