Why might be my teacher avoiding me in a small-ish way, though we have a good relationship with one another?

[Viktoriya_1]

(by relationship I don't mean romantic, more like a student-teacher friendship)
So for a couple weeks before summer he didn't really look forward to see me during a certain time , though I am a respectful and kind student, he sees that I try hard in his class. And we have a pretty good bond. Like sometimes we first bump or hug each other and go on with our day. But the last few weeks he had been acting strange. Like we have a cafeteria in the middle of the school and have 2 ways to can walk past it. The longer route which he has always used and the shorter one, which he hasn't used till those last weeks. And we have our own thing where I'd run up to him and hug him and he never seemed to be bothered by it. I don't wanna make it sound like I am overly obsessed with him which is not the case. I just wanna know if I am doing something wrong that makes him uncomfortable? Because even though it's summer break I wanna continue being school friends with that teacher.

[HighValue]

What you are doing is fine. If you want to hug him, do it when other women teachers aren't around. He probably overheard bad comments from them either directly or indirectly. It is common for women teachers to start drama and accuse men teachers of inappropriate behavior even though it is normal and innocent.
Having worked in schools for over 12 years I have seen it plenty of times. Some women teachers see all men as predators and think any behavior is bad, even if they themselves do the same thing often.
Talk to him and hug him on the last day of school and then talk to him at the start of the next year. Just say you think he is cool. Use the word "cool" because that is more obvious that it is a friendship kind of word and nothing more.

Often when a male teacher is acting more standoffish, it is because of comments from others. Men in education have to be cautious and protect themselves. That is why men teachers keep the door open if only 1 or 2 students are in the class too, or keep their doors closed during lunch time to avoid being alone with students and being wrongly accused of something inappropriate.

I hope that helps.

[Viktoriya_1]

Alright thank you for thanks for letting me know

[SteveSmith1985]

You are doing something 'wrong' that is at least professionally emberassing him. Odds are pretty good you aren't making HIM uncomfortable, (if he wasn't uncomfortable before).

But this... does sound fishy as hell. This sounds like a student and a teacher getting 'a little too familiar'. It's inapropriate. Not wildly inapropriate. But still clearly inapropriate.

What happend was either:

1. He realized this himself and how it looks to everyone and anyone who witnesses it (as he should of, I mean...)

2. Some other student made some comment about how close you two seemed to him (or in earshot) and he realized he needs to stop.

3. Some other adult staff member noticed (as they would) and either said something to him.

Regardless, what happened is, he all-of-a-sudden "realized" that he was acting inappropriately with a student, and for fear of professional consequences, and the judgement of his peers.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok... so... I didn't realize you were 13 when I wrote this. AT ALL.

FIrst I thought "uh-oh"... but then I went... WAIT A MINUTE...

This is so much MORE inappropriate if you're 13!

It's just..."too close" for a teacher-student relationship. Specifically the regular hugging. It would be inappropriate if you were 16 or 17 like I was assuming. If you're 13... that's super inappropriate. There isn't an adult man alive who isn't SUPER well-aware of that. The fact that he was like this with you... is something he 100% knows is over the line of "appropriate".

[SteveSmith1985]

ALso, you didn't do anything wrong. (because you're 13!) The wrongness is 100% his.

[Viktoriya_1]

Well, 1st thing, I know that from an angle it does sound distressing that a young teen is that close to a teacher. But trust me that there isn't anything going on that is wrongdoing. Maybe based off of your acquaintances some actions similar to this situation leed
d to consequences with the authorities or parents. Again to mention, this is not the case. I am just looking if I had something wrong since he doesn't act the same during that certain period of the day. I understand that my young age may be quite unsettling in this situation and that some thoughts happen to appear in your head. But I highly doubt that it probably something serious might be happening that would lead to some misunderstandings with his peers and teachers. But where I got to it is quite common for kids to hang out with teachers, I can go on deeper into some exemplars that such behavior here is not that rare. But do appreciate your concern,

[Viktoriya_1]

Apologies for the curiosity, what exactly makes him 100% wrong? I just don't want anyone to see him as the bad guy. Really though he's a super chill dude.

[Viktoriya_1]

And the staff is quite chill about it too, like they'd just smile and go on with their day. Maybe perhaps someone at my school would have told me to cut him some slack. Or even he would of brought it up too me. I don't know

[SteveSmith1985]

Now I KNOW you didn't just fucking call me a pedophile? Let's get clear on that first.

[Viktoriya_1]

Where in my statement did I call you a pedophile? I tried being polite to you but if you wanna act like a dickhead then bring it put buddy.

[Viktoriya_1]

Oh also, speaking of inappropriate. Look who's cussing whilst speaking to a minor? Hypocrite.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well it certainly seemed to be what you were passively-aggressively implying near the beginning. If you say that wasn't your intention, then alright. I believe you. But... even reading that back again now, I'm not crazy for thinking so. But I wasn't sure (which is why there was only one curse-word).

So, I literally did want to "get that straight". If I took what you said differently than it was intended, then, I appologize. I would certainly be willing to chat with you about this with no hard feelings on my end.

Now... generally I'm not going to curse around a 13 year-old. But... common now... don't give me that "my virgin ears" nonsense 😋. Cursing doesn't make me a hypocrite. I am not taking issue with your teacher's cursing...

(If somebody thinks you might have just called them a pedophile they're going to swear 😉)

So, it's up to you. We can continue discussing your situation, or not... whichever you'd like. Either way, all the best. 🙂

[DoctorSex]

"friendship"

"Bond"

My dear, you are 13 years old. Are you aware that if you keep this type of mindset when dealing with a teacher, you could get him into serious trouble where he can end up in prison.

Your teacher could face disciplinary or at least suspicion and observation which would destroy his career, if people heard you talking like this.

You must respect that your teacher is not there to be your friend, or to grow a bond with you.

Kind regards,

[Viktoriya_1]

To be true with you I don't think he will get in any trouble by any means. But the difference in this situation is that none of the staff or the principal ever seems to mind it. Not to mention that I've seen some students behaving around other teachers like this too. And I don't see a problem why a kid can't be friends with a teacher, as long as it's in the property of the school, it seems fine. Here are some reasons to persuade you of why the concept of friendships with teachers is alright.

1. they could be the one you could feel safe to reach out for help,
2. Can enhance a student's social interaction skills
3. As for me it motivates me to do quality work for all assignments.
4. Doesn't make me dislike school as much.

Hope I managed to enlighten you at least in the smallest bit, also really appreciate the logical worries.

Best of everything, Viktoriya.

[Guy13]

Go study physics or advanced math. You're too young for this Joint.

[Viktoriya_1]

What exactly do you mean in the 2nd sentence.

[Avicenna]

Must be the temptation of being around a hot young woman

[In_Trance]

I think it's in your head

[Viktoriya_1]

That he actually isn't trying to avoid me?

[In_Trance]

Yeah

[RuthlessAggression]

"friendship"

What are you, 5?

[Viktoriya_1]

What are you a dumb ass? If you want to assume crap then go ahead. Don't think that just because you are older then me, you can get away with being a dickhead for no reason.

[RuthlessAggression]

I wasn't being a dick

I was pointing out the truth?

[Viktoriya_1]

That doesn't prove anything, anyone can type/ say some nonsense and then say it's the truth.

[RuthlessAggression]

Yes, it does hun, yes, it does