What does it mean when a guy I confessed my feelings to stalks me in person, but hardly talks to me and avoids me on social media?

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

There is this guy who's my karate teacher (He's 18 and I'm 20.) who I had been noticing since about a year ago has paid extra attention to me out of the blue. He'd tease me a little in playful ways, strike up friendly conversation, give me high fives and fist bumps, and he started popping up everywhere I went. I got the sense that he had feelings for me. Even my sister had noticed he would be smiling in my direction and staring at me when I wasn't looking. I kinda started developing feelings for him back because he was cute, sweet, and also a very good and assertive teacher.

Unfortunately due to the fact that I have social anxiety, and I'm very very shy, I decided to admit my feelings through secret admirer notes. People were pushing me to do it too, so I thought why not. The first one he ended up telling his co-workers about because he had no idea who it was. I thought it might've been obvious. So I gave him a second note telling him my age and hints on who I was, and added my phone number. I saw him talking to some higher ups about it, then stalking the classroom to see if he could sniff out the suspect. I decided to ask a staff member if a relationship was against the rules or not, and he said while it isn't against the rules (since we're both adults), it's heavily discouraged. That staff member is pretty good friends with my crush so I think he told him it was me.

Ever since then, my crush has been doing this weird shit where he'll stalk me (stand close, find reasons to subtly touch me, stare at me, and sometimes follow me) but he avoids interaction and any time we do talk it's awkward. And he leaves me on pending on social media. The mixed signals are driving me nuts. I'd think if he wasn't interested he would've come out and said something already, and the stalking wouldn't be happening. What do I make of this situation?

[NathanDavis]

I do think you're both doing sort of the same thing... which is beating around the bush in very secretive/stalkerish ways

so yes, this can bring confusion, wary feelings, uncertainty and a few other things that will make it all more awkward between the two of you...

if he were the one to say "okay, enough of this games" he would probably have done it already, but he hasn't or he just doesn't have a clue about this...

best to be upfront and talk to him about it... or just leave it alone for good

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

I honestly expected him to approach me after the notes, but he never did, and instead he did this weird behavior, which in turn caused me to clam up and get extremely shy and now I'm terrified to say anything so I watch his behavior to see if I can catch onto any secret signals or not.

[NathanDavis]

he has no way to know these are your notes, unless you signed them with your name... did you?

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

No, but I did add hints and my phone number. And I told two of his friends that it was me... so naturally after he started singling me out and treating me differently... I thought he'd know.

[NathanDavis]

a lot of people don't like games like this...

imagine if someone you didn't know starts playing mind games with you, and being secretive and stalkerish... I really think you would be closer to freak out than to feel any flattered

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

Well we knew each other. We were somewhat friends. I just used notes because people convinced me it was a good idea due to the fact I'm very socially anxious and could never approach him and straight up say I liked him to his face. That's why I eventually told people it was me, pretty sure the message was gonna be relayed to him and the phone number thing was gonna make it obvious that it was me. But saying as he's stalking me now and not saying anything, I don't think he's "freaked out" over it to say the least.

[NathanDavis]

now you can see the reality yourself...

playing secretive games and being stalkerish is immature and childish and awkward AF...

you started it, so you have to now stop this... just talk with him and clarify things

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

Yeah sadly I'm not sure how that will go. we'll have to see...

[NathanDavis]

it should go well... if you're both into each other

[bededazzle]

it sounds like a confusing situation. unfortunately, the only way to get an answer would be to ask him, though based on what’s happened, even that might be satisfactory. have your feelings changed at all as the situation has changed?

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

Sadly his behavior has made me terrified to approach him, and my social anxiety in the mix makes it super tough. My feelings haven't changed at all, I still like him a lot, it even kills me to watch him interact with everyone else but me.

[bededazzle]

i understand. well, then in my opinion if he liked you, and he knows you like him, he would probably say something, in normal situations. if he’s actually stalking you, that is somewhat odd. i don’t mean to minimize your emotions, but a lot of times socially nervous people especially seem to idealize a crush and think a bit irrationally. if you were my little sister and told me about this, i’d say find a new karate studio and tell me if he keeps stalking you because i would want to confront him about that.

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

All I wish is that he'd just talk to me. I already made the first move, and now this shit. I don't mind his attention but he needs to actually say something. Do you think he actually likes me? Cause if he didn't, he wouldn't be stalking me right? And wouldn't have given me so much excess attention before I admitted my feelings. People think he's shy too, and that's why he's being weird. I also think that if him liking me was so discouraged that if he had no interest, he would've said so in the beginning.

[bededazzle]

i wish i could tell you but i have no idea if he likes you. somebody would have to say something. the only way to know is by communicating. but what you have is a crush. if you haven’t talked much, i don’t think you can actually know if you like him. if you see him following you, wave, and see what happens. you have two agonies—1 is the social anxiety and 1 is not knowing. you can’t control the anxiety, but if you could take a little step, you might feel a lot better

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

Well we were somewhat good friends before all of this happened. He was very active in my growth as as a student and him as my teacher. I have started smiling whenever he stares and I've gotten both a smile from him in return, and a blank stare while he kept staring in return.

[bededazzle]

well, i sympathize with your anxiety, but i think you have to decide which is worse, the social anxiety or the other predicament. if you can eventually let go and move on, then good. but if you need to know, then your only choice is to talk. if it’s really hard, perhaps a mutual friend could ask him? if you are able to take a karate class, that is pretty darn good for someone with social anxiety. i bet you can conquer your fear of these situations and make the not knowing easier.

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

You have a point. I just need to figure out how. Because my anxiety is so bad that I have gotten anxiety attacks even trying to think of talking to him about it. I'm terrified something will go wrong or I'll get embarrassed. I had a panic attack the other day watching him interact with others in front of me, but not me, and knowing I was too scared to say anything. I'm gonna probably need help for this.

[bededazzle]

i understand. if you are able you should see a therapist. i know you can’t reason yourself out of anxiety, but the fear of the thing is always worse than the thing itself. another person who was easier to understand might trigger you less

[spartan55]

He has no idea you like him. Secret admirer notes?😂 😂 Ugh...

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

He has to the way he's stalking me, but yeah the notes were such a bad idea. I'm mad no one talked me out of it.

[spartan55]

He is laying back because he isn't sure you like him.

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

I thought for sure after telling his friends it was me, and even adding in my phone number he'd catch onto the fact. *sigh* oh well.

[spartan55]

So are you going to let him know you are interested. The real way?

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

I would if I wasn't straight up terrified I'd embarrass myself. And his behavior is making it hard for me to find the courage too.

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

Plus add my severe social anxiety to the list... it doesn't help.

[spartan55]

Embarrass yourself how?

[TiaraGlitzNeon]

say the wrong thing or end up making myself look dumb somehow

[spartan55]

That's no way to live.

[ThrillSeeker01]

I don't have patience for games. I would cut him off.

[Danny_dan92]

He’s a weiiird boy