HOW HE ACTS: He almost never talks to people and stays away from the crowd by himself unless he can talk about school. Then he starts talking so much you can't stop him. He is really intelligent and is able to correct our physics teacher in class. He won first places in numerous physics and math competitions. He tends to fidget in one place for incredibly long time. Sometimes he sounds odd when he talks. Pauses and uses unusual words. When he sets he's mind to do something he can spend hours in he's own bubble. He never gets sarcasm and most humor. He avoids eye contact and all forms of touching with anyone. No one can read he's handwriting and some other things.
MY STORY... WHY? When we first met in school I was the second best in my class... (he is first)
I was impressed by him right away, not to mention this guy seemed so cold and weird, yet he's actions proved different. He tended to be brutally honest which was refreshing, but he was also kind to those who needed him.
For some reason I became the ONLY person he spent time with. He followed me around and sometimes he would look at me and smile very brightly, then turn away and make a serious face like nothing happened. He would talk about physics and math a lot. Even though I'm very good I would lose him eventually which followed silence and he's refusal to talk about something else. Sometimes we did, but rarely. Eventually I started crushing on him... -_- yeah...
I wanted to touch him, but he pulled away. I wanted to make him laugh but he didn't flinch. I wanted to see he's eyes, but he looked down. Eventually I asked him to help me with something and in front of everyone he said I was stupid not to remember it because he already mentioned it yesterday and people laughed.Later he stared at me. But I left and he never followed. He never said sorry.
I ran away... Almost in tears, trying to understand why would he say something like that. I never talked to him after that, but I couldn't shake the feeling of love/crush?. I want to be near him so bad.
I told myself he is a weird jerk and he doesn't give a damn about me until I I heard about Aspergers and started considering the possibility.
I WAS the only one he accepted after all. Maybe, if he does have it, I should stop being angry with him. Maybe he doesn't hate me. I don't hate him, and it hurts me to feel this way.
Does anyone have any experience with Aspergers?
Are people who have it able to love?
What do you think he thinks about me, judging by my story?
Should I forgive him, would that change anything?
Was he trying to hurt me?
All I know is that he is so far away right now and whenever I see him so alone, cold to everyone ,isolated and avoiding me, my chest hurts. =(
I'm also shy, and this remains a problem for me. This space between us keeps getting bigger and bigger and I feel as if he is really starting to hate me.
Most Helpful Opinions
It's very, very possible he has it. His behavior seems to suggest it. However he'd need to get a diagnosis from a qualified doctor to be sure.
If he does have AS (and it sounds pretty likely) then he almost certainly wasn't intentionally trying to hurt you. I would urge you to forgive him.
I was diagnosed with it as a child. I was completely unable to process social interactions and as a result often unintentionally made myself look stupid or offended other people and couldn't understand why. For most of my childhood I was completely alienated and socially rejected. I didn't have any friends until the 7th grade.
In the 8th grade I developed a huge crush on a girl in my class. I haven't felt that way about anyone since. Somehow she noticed me and started talking to me. Looking back I would say she was flirting with me but at the time I was completely oblivious. I didn't know how handle the situation and my behavior most likely confused the hell out of her. I don't remember ever insulting her but I certainly could have. At the time, though, I felt like I absolutely must not let anybody know how I felt. However my actions probably gave it away.
But anyways, she eventually either lost interest or became so confused she got mad and gave up on me. That was over 10 years ago. I still think about her. I was kicking myself for years over it. I still miss her even though I barely knew her. I haven't seen her since high school (6 years ago).
Yes people with Aspergers can love. If that wasn't love (and most people will probably doubt it was) then I don't know what is. No one else has ever affected me that deeply. I have no way of knowing if he feels the same way for you but I told my story to illustrate that it is possible. By the way he followed you and smiled at you it wouldn't at all surprise me if he had a crush on you.
I won't lie, if you want to date this guy it's going to be tough. If he's anything like me he's been ridiculed and shunned for most of his life and because of it he probably has a hard time letting people in. Paradoxically, since I'd (intentionally or unintentionally) push people away to avoid situations that made me uncomfortable, I was often lonely and needed people's acceptance and love more than anyone.
You're going to have to be extremely patient and persistent and you're going to have to learn to tolerate his awkwardness. There will be more incidents like this and you'll need to disregard them completely. Chances are even he can't explain his behaviour. Dropping romantic hints and flirting subtly will not work at all (it doesn't even work with a lot of psychonormal men), you will have to tell him everything explicitly.
On the upside, if you make it work, you'll have a boyfriend who's more caring, loving and loyal than most any man you'll ever meet.
Thank you for your answer.
It helped. =)
All of this.
I would "qualify" for having Aspergers as well solely on the behavior of it. But I doubt I have it, but I can definitely understand a person who does. What you should do is what sa230e said, be patient and don't give up because he is awkward. If he's awkward and you react badly to that, he's still not going to understand how to be "normal". Be accommodating and try to show him that you are wanting to know more about him, despite his social awkwardness.
dude I hate my parents for never taking me to a specialist, how the hell did they not see I had aspergers/autism? I am roughly your age, and last year finally was when I was diagnosed with aspergers, I feel like I wasted my life, did you ever receive any social therapy? no wander I could not read people's body language. I had literally zero social initiative and after high school I became a complete loner.