He called me ugly during arguments—does he really believe that?

[Anonymous]

I have known a man for 11 years. We got very close and intimate from the very start. (Emotionally and in 🛌)
Over the course of 11 years, this man kept coming back into my life.
He has ASPD which makes our interaction very difficult. He has low empathy, low frustration tolerance, instrumental view on people and aggressive outbursts

For example: one time his dog destroyed my pants by jumping on me. I calmly said : “oh no my pants have a hole.” (Not angry, or critical towards him. Just stating a fact)

He would immediately be outraged and called me names and walk away, saying the most hurtful things. And “if I kept being sad and crying, he would walk away” Only for me calmly saying something that wasn’t even angry towards him.

another time we were in the bedroom. He suddenly jumped up and walked away. I asked what was wrong, and he said: “you think I’m stupid, I see how you look with your ugly face”
I didn’t even know what was going on.

Eventually apparently the issue was that I had a grumpy look on my face and he interpreted it as criticism while I wasn’t even aware of the look on my face and nothing was going on. (Just my face I guess.)

At the same time, the same man was attached to me, always asked when I would come over again. Telling me how attracted he is to me, telling me I was the best in 🛌 he ever had. How he can’t get away from me. How he desires me. He would be scared after another rage that I would leave him and he would be anxiously asking if we were ok again. So he is very ambivalent towards me. He calls me all sorts of names and humiliates me and at the same time praises me.

The last time we saw each other, we got into a huge argument. He blocked me. I panicked because I have abandonment problems with him. In panic, I went to his place to see if we can talk things through. I asked why he didn’t want to talk to me anymore

he said: because you are ugly.
My question is, do you think this is the truth?