Does a man’s intent show from the start, or is this guy just not interested?

[Anonymous]

If so. I met this guy at church as our moms are friends. We all go for a dinner. Then I propose we go with some other friends to continue the night at a pub. He agrees.

We go and he says “we should see each other more” after secluding ourselves. Then a couple weeks go by, I invite him over to our beach house, he says things like “you’re so feminine” etc.

But then one night after we went out, he proposes we go back to his place to play on the switch. When we’re out on the balcony, we almost kiss then he pulls back. He says he recently saw his ex (I don't know if that meant he slept with her) and knows I’m a “serious” girl and isn’t ready to get into a relationship (though he said he wanted to kiss me).

I told him yeah better not to kiss if he’s still fresh from a breakup, I don’t wanna be a rebound. he agrees and says “are you disappointed?”.

Summer goes and comes and we’re in different countries. We catch up when I get back, it’s just the two of us out, and the bartender mistakes us for a couple. He rapidly corrects him saying he’s “happily single”. He does tell me that night that he finds me pretty.

how do I read this guy? If he’s not actively pursuing me he’s just not interested right?

[HollyK21]

I guess my question here would be: what are you hoping for from this connection? A change of heart? Because as of now, he hasn’t made any mention of that and has in fact only reinforced his desire to be single, given what he said to the bartender. What you shouldn’t do is take it upon yourself to make anything more of the situation than what you actually have to work with, because that is what creates the confusion when there really isn’t any.


From my perspective, this whole situation has majorly been passed off as a friendship with a bit of tipsy flirtation on nights out. In his mind, he probably feels like you are ok with that dynamic since he’s already confirmed he’s not ready to date, and you were seemingly OK with that. Until he verbally expresses a change of heart, if anything more were to happen (like in the physical element), he’d still safely assume you are cool with that, whether it’s a situationship, or friends with benefits. Nothing more or less. I wouldn’t make more of it when your most recent example was him promptly clarifying he isn’t just single, but happily so. That is a very clear boundary in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

He maybe just isn’t ready yet. Ask him directly.