Why do you ignore pretty girls?

[Anonymous]

Why do average looking, normal guys ignore pretty girls? (I mean I know personality is key, but you don't even approach her or smile at her) Why?

[Anonymous]

ACTUALLY, the answer's sort of interesting. I spoke to a bunch of guys and here's what they said:

(1) I think she's out of my league, so why bother?

(2) SHE thinks she's out of my league, so why bother?

(3) Girls who look a certain way are sort of b*tchy, and I just don't need that.

(4) He's actually busy with stuff.

Actually, I came to know (3) after talking to one of the guys who was dancing with me at an event. Once we got to know each other a little and we were both laughing about something he stopped and just sort of looked at me. I asked him what was bothering me and he admitted that he wouldn't have danced with me unless prompted by our mutual friend. "Why?" "Because most girls who look like you are...well...really b*tchy." I had no idea what he was talking about, since I don't pay attention to my looks -- like EVER -- and I'm a pretty approachable, low-key sort. I asked him what he meant and he just said that girls who look physically fit and "put together" the way I did that day usually come with a befuddling attitude. (I have to thank our mutual friend for the outfit...but also for leading me to this source of insight.)

[Asker]

that sounds interesting

I actually approached my crush once but I'm so shy I froze up and it was awkward, I think I came across as not interested... oops. now I'm ignored :(

[Opinion Owner]

Freezing always makes us look bad. I did the same thing with my crush. :-(

[rockingpianoman]

number 3 is really , really true... we're not looking to get hurt :D

and about the freezing up - my crush did the same when I went over - I didn't know how to interpret it , it's kinda good that she's nervous and kinda bad that she doesn't say a lot ... but I had persistence , approached her 2 more times , and now I got her number and a date yay :D

[Opinion Owner]

That's great! :-)

[Anonymous]

Fearful men have created a false set of beliefs about pretty women/the women they find attractive due to low self esteem and the social existence of 'a league'. Common beliefs include thoughts like, 'she's too good for me' or 'she must already have a boyfriend'. Others include an individuals disinclination for adding themselves to an imaginary long list of men who are already vying for her attention (in other words they aren't willing to deal with the competition). These men do forget that all their beliefs even though they have the potential to be true, are all simply assumptions until proven otherwise. Their not even setting themselves up for a chance with the girl due to fear of rejection. Since many, if not the majority of men think this way it leaves a lot of pretty girls, well...pretty lonely.

[DocClassic]

for the most part that's true, but the assumptions are pretty justified...

[Opinion Owner]

True, but a chance is still a chance if taken.

[DocClassic]

...but there's risks involved. that's why you hardly see girls approaching guys

[yopyopyop]

It's very small a consolation to know pretty girls are as unhappy as the average looking good guys they turned down by packs of 20 :p

[Opinion Owner]

Ah yes, but they say beauty has little advantage when it comes to finding actual love.

[DocClassic]

...that is just so irrelevant to the question

[Opinion Owner]

But isn't that the point of a relationship to find love? I skipped the part where the guy/girl sees the girl, a sussesful approach is made, they banter, date, a relationships starts, deeper feelings develop, relationship progresses, romance aaaand love. That's where you want to end no? What's the poitn int a 101 unseccesful approaches/relationships?

[DocClassic]

i mean I guess eventually...most people on this site, including myself are early twenties or younger. that is not what what most of us want in our lives right now

[Opinion Owner]

Im almost 19, and would love to have found love, but sadly not even simple infatuation is available to me.

[DocClassic]

and you're blaming that on fearful men?

[DocClassic]

and keep in mind that you're a girl, guys and girls have very different agendas at this point in our lives

[Opinion Owner]

Nope, what I said there was quite irrelevant, I blame that on the lack of men that are my type.

I agree, girls and guys do think differently. *sigh* Guess that love remark falls upon yet another fallacy.

[rockingpianoman]

hmm I'm 19 and pretty much searching for real love, for someone to be with for a looong time :D different guys have different agenda's :p . and about the answer : it's normal that we are fearfull no ? we get rejected a lot - girls almost never approach girls because they are afraid of rejection , but they find man that are afraid to approach p******...- It takes a whole lot of confidence to approach someone really beautiful , as appraoching in itself takes a whole lot of courage ...

[Opinion Owner]

@rockingpianoman Yeah, I gree there's that too. Approaches when it comes to getting into a relationship aren't as succesful as finding someone through a friend. That way, you don't have to be so immedietely obvious that you find them attractive. You can aim to be friends first and then maybe something more after. Nice to see that some men are at your age looking for love too :).

[pr3ttybr0wn]

No they dont. I'm a people watcher and the pretty girls actually get the most attention. if you're being ignored by guys in general then your probably not that pretty to guys. granted there are individual guys who are intimidated by very attractive girls, but for every 1 guy like that there are 5 guys who prefer the prettier girls. so if you get no attention at all you must not be a pretty girl

[Asker]

But I actually overheard guys talking about how good looking I am, yet when I look they're ignoring me... wtf man.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Oh OK, then in that case it's probably your body language. if you seem closed off then guys won't approach u, but if you seem open then they will

[Asker]

what is open body language? lol I'm shy :(

[pr3ttybr0wn]

I used to be shy but I'm not really anymore. this might sound crazy, but you need to invent an alter ego. your alter ego is your non-shy, outgoing persona. I have one and her name is keisha. whatever I'm scared to do, keisha does it lmao. just act like your outgoing. smile, make eye contact, look people directly in the eye, don't cross your arms, turn towards people and just act like a people person. the more you do that the more you will actually become the nonshy open girl and it will make your life much better

[Asker]

haha I may try that alter ego thing! thanks! lol :)

[rockingpianoman]

I actually approach shy - loner girls more often , because they are more often alone ha ha :D but yeah , maybe I'm special /D

[MrNameless]

I think there are 3 possibilities

1. They think you are too good for them (i.e. out of their league)

2. They really like you, and do want to possibly bet with you, but are too shy to smile back/make a move and give mixed signals. You're prettiness could be intimidating to them. lol

3. They could actually dislike you for some reason.

4. They just aren't attracted to you that way.

[MrNameless]

Well, I guess 4 possible scenarios, though 1 and 2 could happen at the same time.

[Asker]

is it possible to give no signs of interest not even staring when you like a girl?

[yopyopyop]

Of course. If the guy was turned down by a few pretty girls earlier, he'll just save himself the trouble of falling for a new one. Not everybody is a masochist ;)

And remember you told us you already showed him lack of interest.

[yopyopyop]

Because the first time you get rejected, you think : okay, that was just her, let's try with another one.

The second time, you're thinking it sucks, you're an OK guy afterall.

The third time, it starts to get heavy to bear.

The fourth time, you're hating yourself for being stupid,

And the last time, you think : why bothering ? and you go away.

[Asker]

is there anything a girl can do to make her seem approachable to you?

[yopyopyop]

Well if you like the guy, show him. Otherwise he will believe he doesn't stand a chance. Which the laws of probabilities seem to validate.

[Asker]

is there a sign that I can look for to know if I approach him it'll be a good outcome? lol

[yopyopyop]

Well look in the eyes and smile. And make sure there's nobody behind him while doing it, otherwise he'll think that was for the guy behind him, lol ;)

[Asker]

what if he looks away quickly/just glances when your eyes meet... I find it hard to pull off a smile in .5 of a second

[yopyopyop]

Well you can try at different times. If he doesn't notice, maybe his friends will.

It's really a matter of confidence. With time, I got used to not even consider really pretty girl as potential girl friends, because it's just been a waste of time. If a really pretty woman liked me, I wouldn't even notice anymore, without talking.

[InAmberClad117]

Yeah, it's sketchy, 'cause in a guys mind, we see someone we think is crazy beautiful, and we think: there's no way she'd go for me, so why bother? I'm content as I am right now. lol

If you're on our level, not all decked out and getting into things we understand, then we love being able to show off coming to your rescue of explaining things. But we won't go out of our way to approach someone we aren't able to talk to easily.

[Asker]

when you decide not to bother though can a girl change your mind? Is there something she can do (without talking to you) to make you want to bother haha?

[InAmberClad117]

hm... well I suppose yeah.

Without talking to me... it's have to be something to set up a situation where she's approachable on an even field.

Ex] if she's always with a group of friends, that's intimidating, but if she's just sitting alone then it's a LOT easier to approach and offer my company.

[rockingpianoman]

because there is 99% chance you'll get either rejected or used by her for a free drink lol -

[rockingpianoman]

but I would smile , not ignore - and if I see you a lot and you don't seem that bitchy and like you , then I would maybe approach

[Asker]

what if you had an awkward mini convo with that girl once and she didn't seem interested... would you ignore then? lol how can she undo that

[rockingpianoman]

yeah I would ignore her then - she isn't interested so why would I spend more time on her trying to look desperate ? you can undo it by approaching him and having a little talk - he did it for you , now you do it for him ;)

[Dylan1989]

Because we don't think we measure up to the girl's standards and we don't want to be humiliated with rejection. I know that's why I don't do it. If I see a pretty girl I immediately think there's no way she would be interested in me, so I just save myself the embarrassment.

[Jonny_]

I don't... Personally I don't agree with many girls on their definition of pretty, a lot of girls have told me what girls they think are nice or that I'd like and couldn't be further off from my type. So it's often misconception and personal opinion.

[DishLady]

It's true of both guys and girls. Each person has his/her own aesthetic preferences.

[decentusername]

this isn't all the time and probably becuase of intimidation

[Anonymous]

its weird how girls seem to think that guys aren't afraid of rejection or can't get their feelings hurt...

[reavis]

Well ,let's see... women INSIST that men do the approaching, and think largely only about themselves... are we seeing a pattern here?

[CasaNorba]

i ignore them because I don't want a relationship right now

[yopyopyop]

Haha, that was a very nice sarcasm.

[CasaNorba]

i was serious

[Senses]

really? I think its the opposite...they all go after the pretty girls :S

[Asker]

not the guys I've met haha. They notice and look but they don't approach they just ignore

[Senses]

I can't believe guys ignore pretty girls...

[Asker]

well if pretty girls approach them they don't but if they're just there... they'll do their thing and the pretty girl will do hers,

[Yeahhbro]

1) You don't look approachable

2) They are intimidated by you.

[Anonymous]

Lmfao! We're average looking. Why would we approach pretty girls? Hahahahaha Sorry. This is too funny of a question. Ahahahahahahaha (I'm a normal, averagr looking dude. That's why this makes no sense to me.)

[PoeticNinja]

They're pansies.

[Moloch]

You're a pansy

[PoeticNinja]

LOL. It happens.

[rockingpianoman]

guess you're all so brave then

[PoeticNinja]

Hey now, I have had my times where I approached guys and the end results was rejection. At least, I can say I tried. LOL

[citrush2o]

Truthfully, many really attractive girls I've met know it and are pretty damn stuck on themselves. They believe they hold a higher postion because of their looks and don't waste time reminding you of it. I'm not intimidated by pretty women, but I certainly won't waste my time or money on someone who doesn't care as much about the relationship as they do how often I oggle them. My advice: move on they're not worth MY time.