Is confidence overrated?

[Anonymous]

Does anyone think having confidence is overrated? On one hand good to have but... At the same time you can have all the confidence in the world. And still not score with women and why you ask?

Because it's a fact women are more judge mental than men Whenever a woman sees a guy,the woman has judged the guy already as to if she'd like to get to know him or not

Is that true or not?

So in conclusion the"you need confidence"is a big fat lie. That women have made up over the yrs. If there is any truth to this theory? Than explain why all men from good-looking to rich have trouble with women if it's just the soo called confidence.

[sikoo31]

look man, confidence comes with love for your-self, if you're OK with who you are, you will be confident.

its like chid's play, when your little and the other kids make fun of you for whatever reason, you can react in 2 ways, you can not care or get all embarrassed. if you don't care, they will stop making fun of you cause your reaction isn't amusing. but if you make it a big deal, they will be amused and keep laughing at you... its the same with confidence, its all in how you feel, no one can make fun of a person who isn't ashamed, I mean they can, but its pointless.

so if you like your-self, people will generally like you too.

if you are a good person, honest, caring, responsible, and you know this, you will be confident... the thing is, the human brain is programed to judge the world in a certain way... one example being, if you like something, dogs, coffee, anything, you will most likely think everyone else does too. if you don't like something, cats, soda, whatever, you will think other people don't either. well until you grow up and realize that everyone has a unique taste in what they like and don't like.

so if you like your-self, you'll most likely think everyone else will like you too, this will make you unafraid, to be your-self and therefore give you confidence, and even though most people don't realize this, liking confidence is a subconscious thing. a girl will be attracted to a confident guy because subconsciously, she will know that his confidence means the guy is most likely a good person. lately psychology has raised awareness of this and it isn't so subconscious anymore, but that's the basics of it.

you like you = she like you

but this only applies to real confidence, a lot of people find out girls are attracted to confident guys and ACT confident when they really aren't. and there's no point to this because even if it works and the faker gets a girl with his new trick, the girl will eventually get to know him and see that he's not that good a catch and dump the faker... so don't pretend to be confident, just accept your-self and will come naturally.

thats all I got to say for now.

[tex151]

No confidence is not overrated, if your confident you not only will have a hell of a lot better chance with women, but also in life. Now when it comes to women, hell ya you need to have confidence cause if you don't you look like a scared little puppy. By being confident you can walk into a room, look around and say you know what, I can get any one of these women, but without it, you will say man I wish I could be with her, or I really want to talk to her, but I am afraid she won't like me or want to talk to me.

It really as simple as that, if you have the balls to walk up to any girl and strike up a conversation that's being confident, that's all it takes to be confident, confident guys get the girls and the scared ones wish they could get the girl.

Women do judege just like men do, but they don't judge just his looks, they judge him by the way he carries himself, if all you have is looks and no confidence, to women all you are is a pussboy, and women will see that and move on, and guys like that always say things like I don't get it I look good, I have a cool car, I make pretty good money, why can't I get a girl friend.

[MechaDray]

Yeah

[JustinX]

what if he is not good looking and no confidence? does it mean he have to kill himself cuz he is fucked up?

[Lily-Rose]

totally agree and if you are neither goodlooking or confident, you will just have to try to be more confident or get the girls who are less confident thenselves

[indinprincess_29]

Confidence is the only one thing for me that determines the whole make it break it thing for a dude. Confidence is so effin hot like you seem like you can talk, like you can hold a convo, make peoples day, even give off the impression you can provide and protect like its hot! For a girl to be shy its alright but guys should take charge and confidence not only changes the way we feel about you but your whole life will change. Shy people and confident people have very different lives... there is a difference between confidence and conceited though like you can come off as too good and no one would want to be around you. I know some girls who act way different when a dude is confident like they could be shy but as soon as he talks they start to open up and laugh etc... honestly confident will bring you the right type of girl cuz you know when she's attracted to your personality first and not talents or looks. Girls would want to talk to you because your sure of yourself and no one likes insecurity. At least I don't. I use to be shy and then got confident and everyday just seems brighter and like there's so much possibilities in the world than hiding behind a door.

[Purple_Daffodils90]

Preach !! I like this comment :) Good for you!

[Dingsbums]

You are right. Confidence feels good

[Pluviophile]

I disagree with the first part of your opinion, I think that most guys are just as judgmental if not more then girls, they just don't express it as much. Confidence can be overrated but you just need to know how to work it. Some people mistake confidence with cockiness, which are two completely different things. " Than explain why all men from good-looking to rich have trouble with women if it's just the soo called confidence." They are good looking and rich. That pretty much sums it up. For example take a man who is just as confident as another man. Man number 1 has a fairly nice job and is just as attractive as man number 2. Man number 2 has a 6 figure paying job. If I were to randomly ask women on the street which man is more attractive on a scale from one to ten most of the time man number 2 would score higher. This was done in a documentary called: The Science Of Sex Appeal. I believe the documentary will open your eyes and might give you a little information that could be helpful, and really interesting [ I really did enjoy the documentary].

[justme46]

Confidence is just part of a personality trait needed really to find a healthy relationship, for lack of it will lead to low self esteem,insecurity issues,control issues list is long its a combination of morality, intelligence,honesty,genuine, non judgmental ,over all some or most of these will make for well rounded person, confidence can easily be confused for arrogance, or conceit and there is no such thing as "its a fact" in pertinence to people in general there are all sorts be it male o are female, rich or poor,thin or large people have learned behaviors, genetic make up, its many things combined that make for a person whom has the capacity to give what the making and building of a relationship entails...Its complicated...Its work...Like anything else anything worth having does t come easy ...Same stands in relationship ...You have to be willing and able to do what is required...Any how confidence is nice ...Necessary as well..But its only the tip of the iceberg in the love /relationship world.

[emmabee11]

Yes confidence is definitely overrated because the majority actually believe they are being "confident" but really they are just caring too much what others think and being a crowed pleaser, they think doing what others think they should just to make them happy is a sure way to stop being picked on... and other people tell people this is the "right" way to be... but guess what? they will then turn it right back on you and still bully you no matter who you are. Being confident is being happy with YOURSELF your ACTUAL self (as much of your actual self you know anyway apart from any ideals you learned from society), but who you are in the outside naturally and on the inside from when you were born wasn't made my the ideals of society but by 2 loved up people who wanted a child, if your not happy with your natural self then how can you truly be happy with who you are when you no longer really know who you are? lol.

[masterignacio]

You pretty much answered yourself. I don't see what's the deal with the confidence thing really is . I guess it must be strictly American thing. I honestly thought that this myth is persistent only in PUA community but I guess I was wrong.

1.First of all confidance it's based on reapet sucess in certain areas and sucess with women is based on your looks .There is a ton of scientific evidence to support this notion

2.Second human beings tend to attribute positive personality traits such as high inteligence , kindness or indeed confidence to good looking people. So when a woman says that she want kind and confident men as a partner it may very well mean that she would choose someone wth average level of kindess and average level of confidence but who is good looking.'

3. You are right about another point you made . When women sees a guy for the first time she makes a snap judgment if she would sleep with him or not.It has been proven scientificaly ( Check out work of Helen Fisher) If a guy whom she found attractive aproached he would be daring and confident ,if a guy was unattractive he would be percieved as creepy.

[donche]

Confidence is not overrated. Why would a girl actually WANT a guy who isn't confident? Think about that. If you place two people side by side, one with confidence and one who has none, who do you think will have the most success? Which type of guy is more attractive to a woman, one who is not afraid to approach them, one who sees himself as being of quality, one who doesn't NEED her, but WANTS her? Or do you think they will find the guy who is too scared to approach them hotter? Chances are they won't even notice him, because girls don't spend their days searching out guys who are too scared to do anything. A guy who goes after what he wants -- not just with women, but in life -- succeeds. Have you ever seen an athlete win a world championship who didn't believe he or she was good enough? How about a successful business person? No, they ALL had the confidence to take the risk and go for what they wanted. And they succeeded. Sure, you might "get lucky" from time to time by going through life with no confidence, thinking it's overrated, but I prefer to substantially increase my options. I'd rather have a choice. You control your destiny, life is too short to wait around for things to come to you.

[rafadayan2]

A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities, that's the definition of confidence. Now if you have no appreciation of your own self how do you expect anyone else to do so, how is any one expected to like you and want to be with you.

I see you put emphasis on women already liking or disliking a man. Confidence should not be measured on what anyone has defined you as or thinks you might be. You; your own self should have a sense of appreciation for who you are and what you represent as a man.

In addition, most women liked to be led (going way back to dancing where the man leads) in due course of their decisions in order to greater enhance their sense of assurance (we are not discussing the ability of women to progress preoferssionally or be self-supportive, women are clearly capable of doing so and better than men in many situations). It's just in women genes to want to feel protected by her mate. Now if your can't provide any assurance to yourself, how do you expect to assist your female companion with any certainty.

ps: not to mention that when running any sort of business you WILL get devoured with no CONFIDENCE.

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

It's not overrated, but a lot of women are extremely shallow when it comes to confidence. They think just because a guy doesn't show confidence during the first few moments, that it means he doesn't have any. This isn't true. Confidence can be given.

Look at how guys behave before and after they have sex. As soon as they realize that someone was willing to have sex with them, SUDDENLY they have confidence. This goes to show that confidence isn't something that is acquired - it must be given.

Any girl can walk up to a guy that has ZERO confidence, and suddenly make him feel confident. All they have to do is accept him, and make him feel like someone cares about him and who he is. But they're just too lazy to do that. They want someone who's all ready and set. This is what I hate about a lot of girls - they expect everything to fall from the skies, right into their hands. They expect the perfect guy to to just pop up out of NOWHERE and sweep them off their feet, without them having to do anything to make it happen. Few girls manage to "wake up" and realize that if they want to be happy, they have to put some effort into finding a decent guy.

So while you do need confidence to have a relationship with someone, that confidence is something that can be obtained overtime. Girls who dismiss guys based on the fact that they initially have no confidence, would be like guys blowing off girls just because they won't sleep with them during the first date - f***ing retarded. -__-

[LuapNella]

Wow dude I'm sorry to say but 98 out of a hundred times a lack of confidence will land you in the friend catagory however simply being confidence alone is not a guarantee of getting laid/a gf. I can think of a number of quality that are so off-putting all the confidence in the world won't help and/or even hurt. Sadly I can't tell a precise mix of traits that a majority of women want but commonly a sense of humor or just the ability to get a girl to laugh seems to be the deal sealer when you're fooling around and they're on the proverbial fence, and I've noticed keeping a girl seems to require letting her know you won't let her control you at some point or like that you aren't too nice. (hence the whole women dig jerks thing) People are complicated and w/out knowledge of an individual your best bet in my opinion is to let them fill in as many blanks about you as possible on their own as they'll often perceive what they wish to see; that said you need to make them want to and the best way to do that is to be entertaining and fun (which can take confidence especially if your at all introverted) Good luck and maybe study peoples expressions in real life as people interact and see what it looks like as women like, dislike, and don't care and what was said that produced the facial reaction. (you can learn a lot people watching in the right venue pretty fast.)

[GadzQue]

There's a difference between self confidence in yourself and who you are as a person as in how you see yourself and accept/love yourself, then there's the ego self confidence which is yeah i can do anything, go anywhere etc.

Self confidence should NEVER be overrated. It's extremely crucial in life. We are evolutionary survival of the fittest. Having a mind frame (i'm not good enough, i don't believe in myself, i don't accept myself, i cant) will never get you anywhere. Proper confidence is wrapped in self love and acceptance in a positive way not a i'm-better-than-you way.

Confidence will make you believe in yourself which will generally result in a better performance. Sure, you can be a shy person and become something great, but it all depends on what you want to do. Confidence helps a lot as you can make friends easily and work your way up through connections, and of course smart shy people will receive great jobs if they're qualified, it all depends. I would definitely not say it's overrated, It's not all about achieving things, it's about being happy with yourself..

[Jamsco]

I agree with the person asking the question, I have approached many women with already a lot of confidence and not one time did it work for me. I did learn a far different method to get women to approach me first or to at least to get their friends to tell me they liked me (I didn't read about any self-help books or anything like that) I'm not getting into this too much here but it has something to do with being content with yourself (even if your quiet like me), having an interest that takes your attention away from women and ignoring them at the same time.

Women have the same rights and priviledges that men have today, but when something is inconvenient for them (like risking rejection or hurt themselves) they quickly go back to hiding behind their gender saying that only men should have to deal with hurt feelings and rejection. Just because a guy is not afraid to approach women it don't excactly mean they are strong, good leaders or confident in other areas of their lives. I know so many of these types of guys and they are usually dependant on me for everything and are complete wastes of spaces but they are great at fooling stupid narrow minded women to buy into their routine.

As long as women know that there will be an abundance of men to keep chasing them and crawling up their "a---s" they will keep using that against us guys. I think guys already have it hard enough without overeager men making it harder yet.

[sammyangel9991]

Confidence is definitely not overrated. It makes everyone look better. When we walk down the street or something and see an unattractive guy having a good time with his friends and acting confident, he automatically looks more attractive. When a guy is sure of himself he is just more attractive to everyone. There are popular, unattractive guys at my high shcool and they get the girls attention just because they are confident in themselves and there are also cute guys who have no confidence who girls want nothing to do with because of their lack of confidence.

And yes its true. We do judge whether we would like to get to know a guy in a matter of seconds. We look at him and we either find him attractive or we don't. If we don't find him attractive, we don't want to get to know him. Its really that simple...

[twinky64]

That's shallow in my opinion.

[sammyangel9991]

Yeah well it doesn't really matter if its shallow.....its the truth.

[adamfk1]

im ugly and I don't have friends :'(

[JustinX]

i'm ugly and not confident so meaning i'm fucked up in my whole life

[Splintercell]

Dude you guys sound childish. Grow up you guys, become men and walk like one. For the guy that said you have no friends, you must first be a friend to make a friend.

[ritaisle]

I think it is very important to be comfortable with yourself. But there is a difference between being confident & being conceded. As for your question on what women think, my answer is that it doesn't matter. Do it for yourself. I used to try to make myself what I thought men wanted, but never got anything from them. Now when I do something, like take extra time to put myself together, I do that for myself. When I put effort into myself, I feel more confident & that makes me feel good. I'm not trying to get praise from men. However, now that I have been trying to improve myself to make myself happy, I have been getting more responses from guys. So, I think the lesson here is do it for yourself, & the opposite gender will appreciate it.

[beefpatrol]

I think that the reason women want men to be confident is so that the woman can be confident that the man has strength and can be a good provider. It is really the women who want to be confident, and they want the man's confidence to support theirs. That being said, I think when a man has unwavering confidence, it cripples the relationship because he can never feel vulnerable, which is part of intimacy.

With regard to why confident men fail to attract women sometimes, my guess is that confidence alone is not enough, and that confidence has to be genuine. Self confidence is almost impossible to fake, and being self confident while simultaneously showing that you have no reason to be self confident just makes you look like a douchebag.

[Man64]

One major argument you could make for confidence being important is the fact that a confident person, whether male or female is much more likely to go after what he/she wants and therefore much more likely to get it. People who get what they want are happier. Happy people are more fun to be around.

On the other hand, though, I see myself as living proof that a person who lacks confidence can be just as happy and laid back as one who oozes it.

In my opinion it`s very lazy and/or indicative of low self-esteem to assess a person`s worth through their confidence, as by doing so one basically gives his own power to judge somebody into their hands.

[psychman]

Well first off what good looking that are rich have trouble meeting women? and secondly it doesn't mean they're confident if they are good looking and rich.

Where are you getting the "fact" that women are more judgmental than men because men jude women in the exact same way you just described. -sidenote read the book "Blink" by malcom Gladwell, it goes into depth about the judgements we make the second we meet someone.

Confidence is not overated, it is something you need if you want to be successful with women, but it is not the only think you need. Think of confidence like the engine to a car, you need the engine to drive it but it is not the only think you need.

Hope this helps clear some things up and if you have more questions just ask.

[Theking]

Actually, confidence is one of the most attractive features that can come off to women. This is because a confident man looks much more powerful and satisfied with his life, is a lot more open to women and doesn't come off as socially challenged as well as helps improve your posture to name a few, most confident men who can't score are inexperienced and likely don't understand how to build attractiveness. Shy guys can still score but its harder because they probably won't be able to strike the first conversation or be able to flirt well they're probably missing a lot of potential features they could have because of their shyness etc. Confidence basically brings it together if you understand how to work it with women.

[feyspirit]

Actually, confidence really is a big turn on...or at least it is for me...The man I am currently interested in has confidence comming out his pores. He doen't drive a fancy car, he makes an average income...he is average looking...actually a bit on the short side...only about an inch or so taller than me...but he has that cocky, confident attitude. That, and he has the most amazing personality...and, a huge...smile...

All in all, a very sexy package...

As to your last question. I suspect that the men in question are only going for the physically perfect women...who perhaps don't have as much invested in being easy going. Often they can get by on looke...so...don't know...

Just know I love a man who is confident!

[HaggardDiva]

I'd just like you to point me in the direction of the book, research article, etc. that proves it as a fact that women are more judgemental. Because frankly, for one, I resent that comment. And for two, I am WAY less judgemental than pretty much all of my guy friends.

As far as the "Whenever a woman sees a guy,the woman has judged the guy already as to if she'd like to get to know him or not," that's not always true, it's not for me. And, I've read several times that guys will judge within 30 seconds of meeting a girl whether he'd sleep with her or not.

And yes, confidence is a lot. I have some homely friends that get girls and guys more than some of the most beautiful of them, because they are just confident.

[anthony87]

if you think confidence is overrated, then you don't really understand what the word "confidence" means. I think you are confusing it with false confidence, or someone being fake and PRETENDING to be confident.. they are two very different things. Genuine confidence goes hand in hand with honesty, and also someone has to be a leader to be confident in themselves. If your worried about everyone elses opinion and let that inhibit you, you will filter what you say to others, you will screw up anything you try etc.. confidence is being comfortable with yourself

[Heather1234]

Confidence is very important but there is a big thing many guys don't understand, if you are hot don't act like you know it, it's actually quite a turnoff because it tends to comes off as arrogance. You can be confident by standing up straight and not being afraid to give a sweet smile. Be confident by being straightforward with girls at the right times, not talking about how many girls you kissed or how big your muscles are. Hope that makes sense

[ivarei]

confidence is key but not cockiness. I think you need to have the confidence to hold your head up and to defend what you feel is right, but you don't need to be dick-head.

[Asker]

Show me the prove that confidence is everything.

If there was any truth to confidence being the key?

Don't you think there wouldn't be as many single people/

Prove me wrong and back up what you say

[ivarei]

Guys with confidence tend to pluck up the courage and initiate things. guys without confidence tend to wait for things. confidence is nice because it makes someone look more comfortable. I've seen a lot of people who lack confidence and look awkward.

[Asker]

But you've still yet to prove to me confidence has everything to do with it

it's like you can have your heart set on someone.

But if they don't love you back how are they suppose to love you

My point is confidence or no confidence once people judge you

than you have no pray,no chance

[ivarei]

Well I like someone who's confident in themselves. mostly because I'm not so it balances out. if guys weren't confident to come up to me, I'd be alone all the time.

[Asker]

to the person who answered my question

Can you be anymore of a loser?

You can't prove to me having confidence helps with people.

It's all just BULL SHIT

[ivarei]

Why do you care so much? it's my opinion, why do I need to prove anything? you asked a question and I answered, if you don't like what people might say then don't ask.

[TwoFace]

Go ahead and give your opinion you have the right to but when someone ask you to provide more supporting reasons to your opinion you better have backup and so far you haven't provided anything so your opinion really doesn't mean anything. also your definition of a confident guy is wrong because guys shouldnt have to be the one to "initiate" anything if they don't want to. some people just can't talk to girls and so you prejudge them as being unconfident. that is wrong

[Adidas12]

I totally agree with Twoface. Good job man

[donche]

It sounds more to me like you are bitter about a lot of things, and this is how you justify everything to make it okay. I think that no matter what people say here, you will find a way to not find proof, so really none of this matters. I just don't get what your issue is. Why are you trying so hard NOT to be confident? Confidence is seen as a positive trait, and anyone can work up to it. Why not put your best foot forward. If it IS overrated, you have nothing to lose. :)

[Crispybacon]

To the person who asked the question:

Dear God dude, could you be more a hypocrite? You get mad at someone for not giving proof yet you throw out claims such as "girls are more judgmental than guys" without backing them up at all. And she can't PROVE what she said because it's her OPINION, you just don't like her opinion so you're trying to say she's wrong. She's not right or wrong, there's no way to prove what she said.

[ivarei]

Thank you. I don't know why I got attacked here.

[CaptCrisp]

Alright pussies... The reason men have to initiate everything is because men have it rough in the world. Forget girls... Because girls come and go... You can talk to a girl and fall in "love" in 2 minutes... She walks off, you meet another one who you're even more into... But you'd have never thought that was possible without confidence. But like I said, forget girls. Men must initiate everything. If you don't, another man will. That is why men must initiate. Forget that it's not fair, life isn't fair. If you sit back, and tell yourself (while looking at your crush) "you know what, I'm not gonna approach her... This confidence shit is a load of sh..." Then some guy with a pair, introduces himself.

[Marstalk]

Ivarei ignore. You have an opinion and that opinion is okay. Some girls favorite some don't.

[Mr_Ski]

I have to agree with her completely. It's just the truth, confidence is attractive. Like she said, don't be a dick and don't get the two confused.

It's much more of a subtle trait than than a brash one.

[darkfoxjj]

What does one mean by confidence is the entire question really.
I see confidence as courageousness in all aspects of life.

Yet I see guys who would be considered confident by others because they are really talkative.

Pussy out when it comes to areas where courage is required. Like swimming in cold water or play paintball.

[Yeahhh234]

this

[mormongirlmichl]

uh ya, we'll make a judgment on his cute or not, but then we get to know them...but if you're confident, you come out from the background and you're 'out there' and we notice you more and want to talk to you more. ALthough there are girls who would rather a shy, sweet guy...so it depends on the girl, be yourself, you'll find someone!