Why do guys get spooked?

Question

Why do guys get spooked when they are in a serious relationship? What is so scary about commitment? What is so scary about loving someone?

Maffeo · Accepted Answer

At first I was a little annoyed that only one female had an opinion on this, then I read her entry, and I noticed how soon this was posted. So yea, she had some points which I appreciate coming from a woman. Although there's a little disappointment about the lack of man bashing, I was all pumped up and ready to defend a portion of my gender.

Guys are a lot in the now, the focus may stretch as fast as to a few days from now without intentionally trying to think about something further down the line. One reason I know for backing out of a relationship after having 'the talk', is that the guy thought about it and thinks that their feelings for the girls aren't as serious as hers seem to be, that it's might be better to break it off rather than give her reason to further invest in him what she can't get back.

As an aggressive gender, just speculation, it could be that we're almost threatened of being trapped by something that isn't tangible. Its a very difficult to deal with an imagined confrontation because it can't easily be ended. Like the response guys have after sex, when we feel satiated and ready to rest (not all of us immediately go to dreamland), the feeling we get is relieving. Its how we react to a lot of situations and sports, there's a lot of struggle and conflict then when its over its done. It's hard for a lot of guys to really get a handle on commitment because it's something that, ideally, doesn't have an end.

I have an issue about the hormones theory though because while men can react to a lot of women throughout the course of a day, it doesn't mean he's always meeting someone in the coat room. I get there is a bad record of men cheating when their partner talks about getting serious, but (i know this may be a stretch but bear with me) it could go back to the response men have to sex. I'm not trying to cover for anyone or saying "It's ok, he's taking your talk so seriously that he needed another lay. " I was just thinking out lund and my fingers picked up on it.

A girl trying to have the talk is dropping a pretty big bomb, as is a guy proposing to a girl unexpectedly. Like he didn't even ask her friend about the ring size, because we all know the friend would talk. I gotta ask females not to take it too hard if the guy gets a little spooked. Don't start questioning the feelings you had, that led you to wanting more, the second his pupils dilate and he mentions pains in his arm. Its all cool. And please avoid the overreacting if you get him to admit to not even thinking about the future. Take solace in knowing that you've always had his attention planted in the present.

OK that last line may be a bit of a stretch. To try and give you a short answer as I think might be fair, we get spooked because it tends to be an aha moment. When we realize there's something now that we really need to think about if we haven't already.

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

Well, a girl I dated off and on would say things that freaked me out a little.

"If I were pregnant with your baby, you could kiss my stomach and talk to it and..." At the time we'd been dating a month at most...

Freaked me out a little, I admit, yet I would love to be in a great relationship where I can see myself married to a woman. But don't talk about that stuff 2 weeks into the dating. WAAAAY too fast.

Deeplove55 · Accepted Answer

They've been hurt, most likely. Also, for young guys, they do not want to commit or love yet because of there sex hormones. I mean they can but they choose to let there hormones do all the thinking. They want to have fun and do as they please without feeling tied down or dealing with relationship problems. Commitment scares them cause they do not want to be with one woman. They want to be free and ge all that sex out there system.

Overall, men are thinkers and women are feelers. Men, mainly naturally just want to chill and have fun then later get serious down the road but women, we want love and commitment now then sex later.

EmilytheNukeE · Accepted Answer

That definitely depends on the guy. I've dated a few (with the early-expressed condition that it wasn't going to be serious) that I had to pretty much pry off with a crowbar. And I would imagine the reasons why the guys who are commitment-phobic each have reasons that vary quite a bit.