Several problems? Help?

I am a very bottled up person. I can't same to open up to people.
I mean I know the reason why.

Problem 1.) I have gone through some much in my life, and I have been hurt so many times that I can't even keep count anymore. I use to hate the human race, because if how much I was hurt, by both family members, and class mates.
Problem 2.) I have tried my best to fit in with my family. I feel like I must be able to squeeze into their little box of expressions for me. It is getting very hard, as I grow. (I am in my teen years. 15). FYI, my family is very cultural.
Problem 3.) From all my life expectancies, I have become a very bottled up person. When I was younger I use to be so free, and happy. Nothing seemed to bother me then, so why now?
Problem 4.) I am very insecure.
Problem 5.) I took a stresses test at school a few days back, and I was kind if surprised at my results. I thought I had gotten over all of problem 1-4, but really it seems I haven't.
Problem 6.) I have been thinking of committing suicide every time a problem comes up. I have never been one to think of committing suicide, so these thoughts surprise me. A few of my friends have thought about, and some were actually close, but never me.

So, what do I do?
Don't tell me to seek help, because I don't want to, and I don't want to tell anyone how I feel.
Thank you very much.
Several problems? Help?
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