I love being taken but i hate feeling trapped. 4 toxic relationships immediately come to mind. Back then, I had to cry my way out but these days I just end it if it becomes too much.—With Mr. Uno, I cried because he was verbally abusive, sexually forceful, a lie, and a cheat. It felt good everytime I thought I got away bt sadly he’d reappear and i felt forced to take him back. I hated listening to my heart over my head. I was truly dickmatized. But Discipline and distance rescued me.—With Mr. Dos, I cried because I was madly in love with him, but didn't want to leave him. I couldn’t fully accept his past nor the things he wanted to do in our future. It was a relationship of the ultimate sacrifice. Staying with him meant giving up or second-guessing all my morals, values, beliefs, and needs. I cried to the point that I became robotic and emotionless. I eventually had to cry wolf and break him in return. And Believe it or not, it took a white knights guidance to help me escape.—With Mr. Tres, I cried because I realized I fell for an imposter. Some white knight he was. I cried because I wanted to leave and had even met better but felt obligated to stick around. I cried because i didn't want to start over and was willing to settle. Shit I cried til I made him cry. I couldn’t bring myself to leave him so i made him leave me. Then i smiled afterwards because i knew I was free and that i made him do my dirty work.—With Mr. Cuatro, I cried because he was literally affecting my health. The relationship stressed me to the point that my hand was shaking nonstop for a month or two. We were both perfectionists but he was on another level. I was dang near killing myself to be better for him. Although I was the one feeling ill, it took a health scare on his end to open the gates so that I could run as fast as i could.Depression tried to creep up but i continued to fight. And years later, I’m that happy energetic person I once knew #FeelFreeToList#NeverGiveUp
Have you ever damn near fell into depression while in a relationship?
i don't understand why women cry over men. i get it. we are humans with emotions and it is normal to feel hurt, but you should cry for a couple days, maybe a week, and then move on. the second i sniff out that i am dating an asshole, i kick his ass out the door. you need to respect yourself and not allow any idiot to treat you like shit out of love. you have to be indifferent and be cold if anyone treats you with disrespect. i am a very kind and warm person. i treat those who respect me with great kindness and respect. but once they cross the line and disrespect me in a grave way (i can forgive minor mistakes here and there because no one is perfect) they no longer exist for me. i will ignore them. every time they try to talk to me i will walk away or look somewhere else. i will act as if the wind is blowing every time they try to interact with me. do not ever jeopardize your health, sanity, and happiness over a stranger that is not even related to you by blood. the only time i would put in a bit more effort is if the person i was interacting with was a parent, grandparent, or my child (ren).
I do respect myself… now. Guy #1 was when i was 15. So it was hard to get away from that when i have to see him at school all the time. It was easier to escape guy 2 and 4 and i didn't allow myself to cry for more then some weeks. However, guy 3 was a 2 year relationship and i didn't know how to leave. But this was all 2019 and back. I've totally recovered.
My ex was killing my joy. He was too dominant. Maybe I'm not the most intelligent person, but that didn't mean he had the right to treat me as he did. That's probably half the issue he spent so much time thinking for me, I felt trapped. I was silly though, I was lost when we broke up and helpless when we got back together.
He knew what he was doing, it was too hard being with him. He didn't make me want to be a better person in the end. I gave up on everything. Thus just angered him further, but still he didn't end things. So again he made me end it, the things I said. Gosh!
I'm not proud at all. But it was necessary to ensure he doesn't return at all.
Yea i hate they we were both trapped. But we can't help that we were young and naive. All that matters is that we learned now. And yea he made you end it? I made one of my exes end it cause i couldn't bring myself to
I'll give you an example of his behaviour. I told him I suffer anxiety. I have trust issues with him since he left me when I could have died. I was prepared to work through things after he said sorry and that he had changed. Anyways he took me in his car for the first time, almost close to home in a 20mph area approaching a zebra crossing he put his foot down on the accelerator, bearing in mind this was a sports car so you could hear the car gaining speed, with that delay. Anyways boom off he went my anxiety was out of control, I screamed and acted out of complete fear. He's never seen me like that and in all honesty I've not seen myself like that. He triggered my worst nightmare. He thinks because he can control the car its OK but my lack of trust for him isn't about that it's about the fact that he chooses to still do it anyways. He lacks control. He likes to push everything and every one. But never in a good way. The only person he should do that to is himself. And he never pushes for leadership it's always to find the weak spots. Or exploitation. He's not a good guy.
He may get results out of his team at work with that crap but it just made me lose respect, trust and put me in the afraid category.
Oh I forgot to say, I have no idea where he lives. He's always moving and the last time he didn't take me to his place. That's what he's like. But he knew where I live. And I know what you're thinking, yes he probably did have one. I was an idiot!
Relationships by their very nature are awkward and messy. I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years. She put very little effort in the relationship. She told me that she loved me and we talked about marriage. Sometimes it would be months before I heard from her. She always said she was busy. I was very busy too. I majored in engineering, worked part time and had to commute to school but I still made time to write to her and found a way to scrape together airfare to fly the 1500 miles to see her. I was miserable the whole time.
I've only ever had one ex, but after giving her trust and the benefit of doubt over and over again I realised that she didn't want me, just didn't want to let me go until she found someone better. I was some puppy following her around that she could toy with.
Sorry you had all those guys who didn't treat you right, it's good to hear you got through all of that. I'm not even recovered from one and it's been years so you've really done well to bounce back from all that. Good on you and best wishes.
Unfortunately, yes. I didn't recognize who she was at her core. Crazy for someone I dated for three years right? She was from Europe and I was from the U. S. It wasn't until she cheated on me during COVID that I finally was able to see everything for what it was; a toxic, emotionally manipulative relationship. I was used for what I could provide; money, looks, emotional stability, personality and so much more I won't bore you with here. I was her ideal partner. She only cheated on me because she had to go back to Europe just shy of COVID and got stuck there. When I found out from a good friend of mine down there, she tried to convince me it was because I wasn't there and that women everywhere do the same sort of thing. Told her I loved her, but that the trust was broken and broke up. I felt immensely at peace and extremely 'light' after the fact. Sorta deep inner happiness/peace that is hard to explain. Don't get me wrong, I loved her. I missed her. Her presence, laugh, etc. for a few months after. But I ain't got time for no backstabbing, manipulative, lying people-- not in a friendship, and certainly not in a relationship. In short, during the relationship, starting around the 2nd year, I was tense, on edge. In a word, stressed. I never could put my finger on the why until we broke up. She weighed me down with the toxicity in that relationship. I honestly just wish I could have seen it sooner. Feels so obvious now.
I can say yes, Depression is a disease just like any other, like Cancer it can be treated and go away but no guarantees it won't come back.
With my ex I was numb, to the point I felt nothing... I could not let myself feel anything. Men are raised not to cry, so never cried just held it all in.
I didn't even really realize it back then either, when I left. It was like a burden lifted off me and the depression faded. It rears its ugly head now and then but I can handle it better these days.
In my current relationship, we have our struggles, some things can trigger depression but we work through them.
Mr 1 was born the culprit. He imprinted you with the abuse. This sets a bad stage.
My Ms 1 cheated with my friends, was a liar and manipulator for kicks, talked about me behind my back. She dumped me. Imprinted me with low self esteem. Then I went out and started dating the same types of girls. Took me years to even begin to figure out what happened and try to get over it.
I hate her now. She got knocked up. Became a single mom and is now on the third husband. I’m obviously not that trashy. And she couldn’t hang. That’s why she put me through a humiliating break up.
It’s narcissistic abuse. Love bombing, devaluation, discard. The pattern repeats and you keep meeting narcissists until you can break the cycle. I had to do therapy and self care to get over it.
Yep Mr 1 impregnanted my friend. Was a manipulator and laughed in my face when i called him out. He even used to slip the condom off during sex so i eventually just let him go raw. Luckily i didn't date the same types but each was bad in their own way. But damn you had to do therapy? I just had to get with someone better than the last. Only thing is, i finally took a year to myself. It helped with finding self love
Good question I think I actually did about 11 years ago well 12 or 13 years ago now I was going through a divorce I ended up beginning a bad drinking habit that took me on a spiral for about 8 years I was homeless in Houston Texas I was homeless in Dallas Texas I got arrested in Dallas for public intoxication I ended up having a warrant for my arrest out of Houston for child support all my child support paid now but I was arrested for child support I got out of Harris county jail in about 5 days I checked myself into a rehab for a year and now I've been sober now for almost 11 years January the 10th of 2010 is when I actually have my last drink so yes I have not almost I did,
On two separate occasions. One I got over pretty quickly because I don’t think I was truly in it. I think I just wanted it to work out so badly I was willing to pretend I didn’t see the millions of red flags. Another messed me up for years. Not enough to say I was hitting boarder line depression but enough to have me avoid everything and everyone.
Agree with the flags, to quote Bojack horseman - it's hard to spot the red flags when you're seeing the world through rose tinted glasses (when you're in love everything is rosy)
I was married for 22 years to a woman who was a good wife and a great mother. We put so much time into raising our kids we forgot about us. Never fought. And when i started to get depressed i thought it was cuz my kids were becoming independent and didn't rely on me as much when in fact it was because i had more time to see that i was living with a buddy and realized our marriage was over
How the hell did you interpret that? You would be correct but that went on for a long time. Not all her fault she had a tough pregnancy with my youngest and then a full hysterectomy at 36. I saw what that did to her body so i never complained.
YW not trying to play a game but if you ever wanna hear the story that eventually led to me realizing enough is enough pm me. Kind of personal. If not no worries thanks for the interesting question
Yep. I was actually scrolling through my old texts with my ex. And he said some horrible stuff to me. Some things to triggering to say on a social media platform. I have texts to my friends saying that he made me cry and I literally am either going to kill him. Or kill myself.
No I'm used to being alone and I look for people who fit in my life, if it works great if it doesn't I don't lose anything. I've never hurt myself to be with someone and I don't plan on doing that either.
Sometimes I wonder if the fact that I'm so used to being alone makes it harder to be in a relationship because I'm willing to sacrifice less than a lot of people probably would because they're more scared of losing someone than me. But it's a difficult question to answer so I just leave it at a thought ^^
When I was younger I was way more infatuated but bak then I was more confused and scared and socially awkward and it never worked out but now it's a lot harder for me to really fall in love. I don't know why exactly.
Yeah I was in a relationship with a girl that I loved sine high school and after a few year we got together everything was going great but I lost her because of my job, I was working many hours and I was feeling bad because I didn't have time for her. I couldn't let go of my Jon either because I was helping my brothers with their tuition. After a year we broke up , I saw her a few months ago now she's happily married with 2 kids
No I've never suffered from depression while in a relationship, the only time I did fall victim to depression was long before my first relationship. So it wasn't an issue by the time I started dating.
Yes. I have actually been depressed in relationships. It is important to speak your truth and stick up for yourself. I learned the hard way that if you don’t you can have a panic attack.
I have. I don’t think that being in a relationship changes the fact that you have depression or anxiety. For me I’m happy when we’re together but when we’re not there are moments that I get sad
