How to gently express the word 'no' to my autistic daughter?

[Anonymous]

I'm doing research on 'does an autistic person understand the word no' and I am baffled by the response. Anyone have autism. Do you understand the word no? If you do or don't what helps you calm down and be okay?

[Anonymous]

Whether an autistic person understands the word “no” depends on what their difficulties are, because there are different levels of autism and different types of autism.

I’m autistic, as are my children, but we’re high-functioning so we understand perfectly well what the word means.

I’m assuming that what you’re dealing with here is tantrums and meltdowns after telling her “no”. This is common with autistic children, especially very young ones, because it’s linked with obsessive behaviour and a struggle to regulate emotions.

I have a 3 year old who is like this. She shouts, becomes very demanding, and then when I tell her no she begins to scream, cry and flap around.

Whenever this happens I calmly but firmly tell her to look me in the eyes, stop shouting/screaming and listen carefully, and then I tell her to take a few deep breaths with me. I tell her to “breath out the anger” and breath in “relax”.

Since I’ve done this with her a lot, I always say ask her at the beginning “what do we do when we feel angry?” to get her ready.

This usually calms her down after about 20-30 seconds. Once she’s calm I clearly explain the reasons why I said no, and offer her an alternative.

[Asker]

I like this

[Anonymous]

Autistic individuals may have varying degrees of difficulty understanding and processing language, including the word "no". It's important to understand that each individual with autism is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another.

When communicating with your daughter, it may be helpful to use clear, concise language and provide context for why you are saying "no". For example, instead of just saying "no" to a request, you could say "I'm sorry, we can't go to the park right now because it's raining outside. Let's find something fun to do inside instead."

It may also be helpful to use visual supports, such as pictures or written reminders, to reinforce your message. For example, you could create a visual schedule or a list of rules to help your daughter understand what is expected of her.

In terms of calming down, each individual with autism may have different coping mechanisms. Some may benefit from sensory input, such as deep pressure or a weighted blanket, while others may find comfort in a particular object or activity. It's important to work with your daughter to identify what helps her feel calm and safe.

Overall, communication with an autistic individual should be individualized and tailored to their unique needs and preferences. It may be helpful to work with a therapist or other professional who specializes in autism to develop effective communication strategies and support your daughter's overall development and wellbeing.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I've been working with autism clients for the better part of 10 years, and they absolutely understand the word "no".
Of course they don't like it, just like anyone else, and they might have a stronger reaction to it, but it's not wrong to tell them no.

What I would suggest though, is to give them a thorough and reasonable explanation as to WHY you said no. That's the part they have trouble understanding.

(Most of them, that is. They're not all the same)