I feel like I need to fit a stereotype?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone. This is a more serious type of topic. I've talked to some people in real life about this, but haven't really gotten the advice I have wanted. So hopefully some of you here can help me out, so bare with me, this is kind of long. Alright, so for a year or two now I've felt the need to fit a "stereotype". A jock, a "Jersey Shore-er", a "Romantic"... list goes on. I think the reason why I've felt this way is because I feel like being "me" hasn't gotten me anywhere in life socially. I'm 17 and still a virgin. I've had like one girlfriend that wasn't even serious. And I wouldn't say I'm ugly either, nor am I like fat. Girls call me "cute". But for some reason I've felt that since being myself hasn't gotten me where I want to be socially, I should try being other types of "me" to see what works better. And the weird thing is, when I take on these stereotypical personas, I also feel the need to adjusts my tastes according to that stereotype. When I feel like being "Jock me" I'll start watching sports, etc. When I feel like being "Jersey shore me" I start wearing the 2 ed hardy shirts I have, and being like really into nice cars. When I feel like being the "Romantic, chill me" I'm more chill, friendly, etc. This sounds very mental as I am typing this but I can't seem to get away from it. And it's gotten to the point where I've become so wrapped around these personas that I've lost touch of who "myself" is. I wouldn't take on a stereotype I don't like, surely. Like, I wouldn't try and be "emo" etc. So most of the stereotypes I take on are because I can see myself being that type of person, so when I ask myself, "what do I truly like" I can't even answer that because I like all the things these "stereotypes" have to offer. If that makes sense. So I'm just looking for advice from you guys, words of wisdom, or which stereotype do you think will work better for me socially or something. I don't know. haha... Thanks for hearing me out if you've gotten this far.

[learningthegame16]

You're a kid still trying to figure out who you are. Everyone goes through this phase and sometimes it lasts well into a person's late twenties.

I guess the best advice I can give you is to tell you that there really isn't a black and white defintiion when it comes to defining what type of an individual people are, there's a whole world of grey. It's very, very rare that you'll meet someone who can only be defined by a group category like that.

For example, I love romantic comedy movies and you might assume, 'oh wow, she's going to be a girly-girl and a lovey-dovey type who cries at a rainbow.' and you'd be wrong. I'm pretty cynical , love gory horror movies and rarely dress up in frilly dresses. As you can see just because I share traits/interests with one group, doesn't mean I can't with other categories.

What I'm trying to say is it doesn't matter if you have multiple interests and don't fit into one certain definition of a guy because in reality there is no one who really does. Just do the things you enjoy and hey, if you want to dress differently on certain days, there's nothing wrong with that,

[Asker]

Really like your answer... but I just feel like being "myself" really hasn't gotten me where I want to be socially. I want to have a sex life. Not be a man whore, but I can't help but feel bad when my best friends is talking about problems he's having with his girl. Yea, they're problems, but at least he has a girlfriend. I really don't know why it's so black and white for me, and at this point, I'm trying to figure out which black or white will get me to where I want to be socially.

[learningthegame16]

Thanks. Don't blame yourself for feeling like you have to fit in somewhere, society pressures everyone to do that. I think I see where you're coming from now by the term 'socially'. If you're unsure about who you are, then the best the thing to do, is not date. It will pay off when you're older because at that stage you'll be confident in who you are as a person and women really dig that. Just be patient and enjoy learning new things about yourself for now :) Everything will work out.

[Misty_04]

That sounds like an awful lot of effort. Maybe all 3 are part of your personality so just merge them together?

[Asker]

It is a lot of work. And I'm sure they're all part of my personality but I feel like I have to give and take. Like I can't be a romantic sweet guy, with a souped up car with smoked taillights, because that's something that "guido"(for lack of a better word) me would like.

[Misty_04]

What do other people think of your behavior ?

[Asker]

I don't think anybody really notices.

[Misty_04]

I think you should start over. Go for a long walk without any influences or distractions and have a good long think about who you are and what you want. Sounds like you are having an identity crisis.

[Asker]

That's what I think I'm having as well. And on top of it I'm soon going to college, and now I'm thinking about any stereotypes at college I might have to act out such as "frat boy" etc. But going for a walk and figuring out who I am is easier said than done. Like I said, I've lost track of who I truly am and what I truly like due to all these personas I've been taking on that like things according to the stereotype.

[Misty_04]

You will exhaust yourself and burn out at college if you do that. I think you should pick the one you feel most comfortable in, your favorite one. Then slowly work on incorporating other traits, making the personality more complex and less of a stereotype. Really think that walk would help.

[Asker]

Like I mentioned earlier, I more or less like all of them, hence why I tried taking them on. At this point I'm just trying to figure out which one will get me where I want to be socially, are females more attracted to a Jock or a "guido" who has a nice car? Those are the questions I'm asking myself.

[Misty_04]

I think you should kill off your guido persona, he would annoy me. Jock has potential. And romantic can be an underlining one for either.

[Asker]

Lol this is starting to feel like a game of guess who. Although it may seem like I'm contradicting myself, it's a bit more complicated than just mixing and matching. A lot of factors go into it. if I see a type of girl I like, and I see her with a certain type of guy, that "persona" goes on my list, because I assume that by being him I'll get that type of girl. Then when I see another type of girl I like and the guy she's with, that persona goes on my list for the same reasons as above.

[Asker]

Its a vicious circle.

[NerdInDenial]

Every stereotype has its flaws. Subconsciously, you know what you like and don't like. Thus, I would say to make a hybrid persona. Take all the things that you like from each stereotype and create your own. You can be a jock who likes nice cars and being romantic.

[Asker]

I can see how that makes sense, but like my mind is so f***ed up that it won't let me do that. My mind feels like it needs to pick one stereotype and like the things that stereotype likes and only that. Like I can't be a "guido"(for lack of a better word) and be romantic. I know you're probably saying "your mind can't force you to do this" but like.. I just really can't help it.

[NerdInDenial]

Your mind is a very powerful mechanism. You just need to tell yourself out loud, I can be a suave guido and be really f***ing romantic at the same time.

[Asker]

But see, looking at things like Jersey Shore, and just those types of guys in general, they're not very romantic from what I can tell, but they get all the girls. And since I'm not really a ladies man, I feel like changing myself to that would score me more girls, so I feel like I need to stick to that strict stereotype because combining stereotypes would bring me back to being myself, and again, being myself really hasn't me anywhere socially.

[NerdInDenial]

The only way to find out is to try it, but what these guys have is confidence. Women are attracted to confidence. That's why they "score."

[Asker]

And I guess I'm not having confidence in myself right now...

[ThatGuy44]

I feel you bro. I don't match any steroetypes out there and I didn't like being called an outcast.. So, I made my own sterotype. It's called "The Jaime(my name)" I have my own dialect and everything. lol