Do you think my doctors were too harsh about my weight and calling me fat and lazy?

Question

So I am 5’11” 3/4 (NO I AM NOT 6FT).

Okay so I’ve always been a big girl. I have never been slender so I’ve always been overweight. I’ve never had a boyfriends or anything. I’ve had dates but never a second date. I usually don’t like to admit my weight but I am close to 300lbs (approximately 275lbs). I went to the doctor and they told me I’ve gained another 30 pounds and. She looked at me very sternly. She said I am in a borderline of diabetes, my eating habits are out of control, I’m fat and I need to lose this weight. I told her I’m not fat I say I’m normal. She told me, “No you’re fat.” Then she shot back and said, “Yeah that’s because everyone else is fat. You need to lose weight. You’re just lazy and you don’t care about your health.” I told her, “I do care! I move around and eat-“ Then she cut me off and said quickly, “No you don’t because if you actually cared, then you wouldn’t be in the position you’re in now. Layoff the junk food, fast food, cut the carbs and eat right.” She would not let me talk and kept cutting me off. She told I needed to just LISTEN and stop talking. I stormed out crying because of how harsh she was! She’s one of those “In your face” doctors and will call it as she sees it even if the truth hurts. Can’t stand her. Thick is IN and most men don’t even like skinny or slender women!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Ok first of all stop trying to justify it by saying thick is in, that this is what men want. Sure a lot of men want women w curves, but based on what you said I don’t think you fit what you think men want. Honestly you said it yourself you’ve never had a boyfriend. If you were truly what men were looking for you’d have men lining up to date you. But even so this isn’t about men. This is about your health. Sometimes you just have to be honest w people, no sugar coating it for them to get it through their head. I’m sure she’s talked to you about this numerous times in the past. It can get frustrating when you come to the hospital for help but patients don’t want to follow the plan of what their medical team sets out for them. I know I work in the hospital. Is what your doctor said all untrue? Do you have a routine of going out maybe 3-4 days a week, exercising at the minimum 30 minutes to maybe an hour? Do you eat fast food a lot? Do you spend a lot of your time sitting around? Sleeping? Sometimes you have to own up to it, accept the responsibility that maybe you’re a big part of the problem. The sad truth is your on your way to a lot worse issues than just your weight. Diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, stroke, osteoarthritis, sleep apnea, etc. You have not even live about 1/3 of your life. All feelings aside, sure it hurt, but I’m sure you’d rather be alive 20 years from now. Maybe I’m wrong but like most people I’m sure you want a relationship, kids maybe, marriage. The chances of you finding that aren’t that good. You don’t have to go all out diet right from the start, but maybe just cutting out one less snack a day or something. Walking w maybe a family member, maybe you have a dog. That would be the best for you right now because high impact exercise can do a lot of damage to your knees. I wish you the best. But at some point we all have to take responsibility.

love_conquers_lust · Accepted Answer

I like fit women.

Cut your carbs and move. You don’t need a gym at your current weight as moving your own body weight will work your muscles.

Make sure you watch your joints. I’d actually start dieting before you start exercising because of your joints. That is way too much weight for your knees to bear.

Cut out soda. Drink only milk and water. No candy. Eat more fibrous foods. Eat more fresh foods, learn how to snack on fruits and vegetables. Cut down your rations for each meal. Do not skip meals. Cut down on sugary foods, only carbs if you can manage. Round out your diet with vitamins and minerals, take a daily chewable supplement.

Don’t starve yourself. Don’t look for a lame excuse in my suggestions as a loophole. You’re going to feel a lasting hunger that will fade in time, that’s not the same as starving where you have no energy reserves whatsoever. Whether it’s my suggestions or a combination of yours, you need to own what works for you.

If you’re doing it right, you’ll probably be lethargic starting off. But you should gradually feel your energy level start to rise.

If I were you, I’d go back to your doctor and ask her what exercises you can do that won’t do damage to your joints.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

she was very rude to you and should have been nicer to you yea, i'm sorry about that but she is right that you are really not normal weight wise like in what world is pushing 300lbs even at almost 6 feet normal for a girl, i went in did your bmi to get an idea of how you look like cos i got no idea what 270ish lbs on a basically 6ft person looks like, and yea you're very far from normal you're at a bmi of 37 almost 38 which means your in class II obesity almost class III (morbid obesity). for reference a normal is a bmi of 18.5-24.9, overweight is 25-30, obesity class I 30-35, obesity class II 35-40, morbid obesity 40+. so its bad. being overweight starts to be unhealthy starting at obesity class I, and gets significantly worse when you lvl up categories.

also find it funny that you're talking about being bodyshamed but then your putting down normal sized girls and skinny ones

also you probably look like this:

Do you think my doctors were too harsh about my weight and calling me fat and lazy?

and this is 'thick':

most guys like bodies like the two above or this:

to be trendy/male gaze sexy thick (though dont think the bbl kim k thick is in anymore, i think its more just being 2000s skinny with big tits and ass again) you'd have to be between 170 & 190lbs (bmis 23-25/26) not pushing 300

just telling you that cause you're also bodyshaming

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

Gaining weight can harm you in many ways, our body is not supposed to function in an overweight mode and it deteriorates time by time.

She decided to be harsh about it so you’d take this situation seriously.

My mom is about 170 cm, about 3 years ago she gained weight and went up to 72 kg, she felt uncomfortable in her new weight and exercised and got into a new diet and lost 20 kg in 5 months and has been feeling much healthier than before. She has been around 56-57 kg stably. And looks and feels much healthier than before.

You can do this too!

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I'm sorry this happened to you. Myself, I have been overweight all my life and there has to be a reason why medically that we crave food. It could be mentally as well too. Yes, I do like bigger girls will not lie I used to weigh 372, I managed to lose over hundred pounds and right now 256. Yes, being overweight does suck. The lowest that I weighed on my graduation picture was like 160-172, but I went on a poor diet and have messed my whole body up. That was like 1985-1986. Yes, doctors need to learn on how to treat their patients that is terrible I hate to say this, but I find White male doctors to be the most horrible doctors. I went to Dr. Jenkins, and he was a Blessed man who had great bedside manners he led me to the journey of my weight loss when I was younger, and he was a great man. God rest his Soul, but they need more doctors like him.

AaronKrieger · Answer

You sound like a troll, but I'll bite anyway.

You're fat - this is coming from a man who's found women at your height/weight attractive before, so it's not me attacking you. It's okay to admit you are fat, since it's an objective statement of your body type.

The doctor was on the right track, but the eexecution was bad. This is a sensitive topic for many, so she should've considered that in her approach. However, it is unhealthy to be your weight, which is okay for you to admit. Maybe you've done things to try to lose weight, but objectively it's not enough if nothing has changed.

Not saying you don't have a right to be upset at the doctor or that you can't be sensitive about the topic, but I'd focus more on the fact your weight is unhealthy. You don't need to be skinny either, but just lesser in weight

WindAtMyBack · Answer

You admit that you don't believe you are fat. The doctor is trying to cut through your denial. The doctor is trying to save your life. Your BMI is well beyond obesity, and well into the deadly range.

You need to lose a hundred pounds or more. Either lose weight or die. Those are the two options.

It's extremely frustrating for doctors when patients want the doctor to fix all the problems caused by the patient's own lifestyle. Losing weight is something you have to do yourself. There are some things a doctor can't fix, and this is one of them. If you don't lose weight, the doctor won't be able to fix a lot of other problems that are a result of your weight.

Overweight. Poor diet. Lack of exercise. Put them all together and it's a very deadly combination.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

That's a terrible bedside manner for the doctor to say that. They have to tell you the truth of course on whether you are over weight or obese according to charts but they can tell you in a way that's isn't quite so rude. I would say yes the doctor was being too harsh. In my area we have health coaches that help patient's with weight management. They are registered nurses that get training in weight management issues. They are much better on counselling patients about these kind of matters.

exitseven · Answer

Okay- I am 5'11 1.2" (I am not 6 feet either) and I weigh 210 lbs and I could lose ten pounds. I do not beleive in the BMI system of determining obesity. Percent body fat is a more meaningful measurement. I have an 18% body fat which is not fat.
That being said, I imagine that you really do need to lose some weight. I do not know what your lifestyle is but I doubt that you display a very high level of aerobic fitness.
Your doctor did not handle this right but just because she is a jerk does not mean you need to make some changes in your lifestyle. Give it a try. It does not need to be extreme. Go online and find a diet you can live with. Get more exercise even if it is only going for a brisk walk. It will make you feel better.

Anonymous · Answer

While your doctors shouldn't call you names and shouldn't have been so harsh with you, the reality is you are extremely overweight and being near 300lbs is not good. Lots of guys like healthy slender women and those that like thick women, like curvy with no stomach and a small waist.

You are at an unhealthy weight right now and need to lose weight. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. You do need to eat healthier and move more. Your doctor was wrong in her approach but she wasn't wrong about what you need to do. You don't have to be slender but you do need to lose at least 70 to 90lbs to be in a healthy weight range for your height.

Girlygirl200014 · Answer

The doctor was not harsh. She was only giving you the honest answer. And if truth isn't hard hitting then she’s not a good doctor. Fat is not in. Trust me. I’m myself not skinny and guys don’t like fat girls. Being thick is different than being fat. Thick is when you have the right amount of fat in your breasts and hips. Fat is when you have excess fats and cholesterol in all your body. So yeah thick is in the trend but not fat. And she’s right. She only wants your good. Go back to her and work on yourself!! You got this!!! It’s for your own good health

Bricealan · Answer

You want to extend your useful, productive live, have a normal sex life, be as healthy as possible don't you?

I for one want a slender woman, that I can pick up, put her legs over my shoulders, and eat her out standing up LOLOL🤣🤣🤣🤣 Well, maybe not. I do like a thinner woman, but have also eaten out heavy, married women.

Anonymous · Answer

OK, let's put your weight aside for the moment. You're 18-24 and pre-diabetic this IS the focus. Type 2 diabetes is usually something that can affect someone past 40. The fact that you are flirting with it now IS the concern. Yes her bedside manner was horrible. But I think she was trying to stress the urgency of the situation. The fact that it's hitting you so young makes me wonder if you have a deeper problem. But this is what doctors do. They start with the obvious. Weight does typically have a strong correlation to type 2 diabetes. She just wants to get you healthy and keep you healthy. Try not to take offense to what she said.

AviatorTom · Answer

You are right, you are not fat, you are grossly obese, and your doctor is telling you all the bad things that happen to an obese body.

Please stop kidding yourself that you are normal, that thick is in. It's not.

Take the doctor's advice... change your eating habits and get more active. You don't have to go to the gym but how about walking 2 or 3 miles every day.

Paris13 · Answer

This Doctor Has NO CLASS, UP HER ASS. Of course, With problems in Your Health and Weight, She could Have Been More Diplomatic and professional. Go on a Diet to Help Yourself and Mark Down your Weight Daily as You lose. Water Will come OFF First and then "Fat." We All Have FAT. I wish you Good Luck and make 2014 for YOU and Get a NEW DOCTOR. xxoo

JacobJordan · Answer

300 lbs for a guy who is 6ft is obese... for a woman that is bordering on life threatening levels of unhealthy. She probably could have said it better but you tried to argue it anyways. Most guys do not like obese women. If you can't get up a flight of stairs without breathing heavy or go on a short jog without breathing heavy you definitely should listen to what she said.

HawkPerception · Answer

The doctor did not handle it professionally, but they do see tons of patients all the time and their impatience is justified. She just told you truth and you need to accept it. Change your lifestyle. Eat healthier. Go on hikes. Workout. Once you lose weight and your body changes, so will your confidence and you'll see that your standard of life improves immeasurably. Men will also never prefer obese women and the only ones that do are the ones that just settle for them.

DextroShade · Answer

You aren't just fat, you are morbidly obese and your doctor is 100% right. You need to cut out the carbs and hit the treadmill or go for a walk outside. Also, men don't like fat women because if you look at the top level guys who get their choice of women none of them are with fatties; the only guys who say they like fat women are the losers who can't get anything better. Body positivity is a disgusting lie!

RavVid · Answer

Men do like slender women. On the upside she has got you thinking about excess weight and given you a medical assessment.

While you might not like it you should accept the diagnosis you need to lose weight.

pascal_climbs · Answer

You have a BMI of 38, which can be life threatening. To be healthy your weight should drop below 175 lbs. For your height that is the maximum in the healthy region.

Ironic_Method · Answer

Your doctor is right and she is right to be harsh because apparently not being harsh hasn't gotten through to you.

AliceM611 · Answer

You are fat. Obviously there's no point sugar coating the truth because you'd eat it.

slatyb · Answer

If a doctor called you "fat and lazy" you need a new doctor.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Thick is in, huh? I guess diabetes is then in, too? That doctor was right to wake you up.

Do you think my doctors were too harsh about my weight and calling me fat and lazy?

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