Have you ever completely fallen apart? How did you pick the pieces back up?

[MiTHRAWNurudo1991]

Recently, I went through the worst moments of my life and in the process destroyed much of the little foundation I created for myself.

It is a long story, but the short of it is..

I struggled for many years with severe anxiety and depression. This emotional turmoil was largely suffered in silence, while I took care of others, and worked a high stress job. In the process, I became isolated, disconnected, paranoid, spiteful, and suffered from wide-ranging mood swings. Often times I would lock myself up, suffer intense thoughts of self-harm, or become uncaring about everything, or even overly aggressive and rageful. Much of my life was impacted with it, and I became a mostly miserable person.

Over the years, it became worse until it eventually culminated in a massive climax that destroyed my own self. In the process, I hurt one of the few people in my life, and desecrated my own image. I felt like the floor was completely ripped from underneath me.

However, there was a positive that came from it. From the Ashes, came the Phoenix (so to speak). With what felt like my own "death" and a complete lack of connection to the world.. I was forced to rebuild and reform myself into something new.

I am only in the beginning months of that process today.

What about you? Have you ever had everything fall apart so spectacularly that you were forced to build anew?

[StarWarGirl]

At age of 15 I realised my true passion. But at age of 16 I had to choose other path leaving behind what I truly loved and dreamt of. But I was unable to digest that reality and I got stuck there only.

My depression started there. After that it became like chain. Depression, because of that not able to concentrate on studies, poor performance, anxiety to face the people and friends, lost all friends because I was scared to face them so lost all contacts, because of poor performance more and more failures, and so ending up more depressed. Seeing people blaming me for being irresponsible and not trying to understand me getting more and more depressed. And like that goes my next 6-8 years.

Throughout all daily I was fighting with all my negativity and so after 6-8 years I was able to make myself back again out of my that depressed state but in those years I lost everything. Those years were very crucial for me to make my life and career but because of depression I wasn't able to do much. Before depression I was very bright student. But in these time period i wasn't able to keep up and even I have lost my that identity. Now I was a just a student who was barely struggling to get pass marks. I lost all my friends. I had now not much option to choose from to make my career as my age was up I had limited time for making my career and I had left with not much strong point. I had post depression anxieties.

So first I took professional help for my anxieties and took pills for that what was required. I accepted my reality and rearranged my life goal. I chose a new goal for myself which didn't required much of my grades. I recognised my weakness and strength. And I'm still working over it. I'm still in the process. I'm trying to build my new castle as per my new plan. And this time I'm more stronger more mature than before. So hope this would help me and I would get success.

[laly520]

with my own hands
I've put great personal effort into it

[Dongie]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Yeah, I had a complete mental breakdown in 83. It took 10 years to feel back to myself. First couple years I would think, fearfully, what if I go insane. By 88 I no longer worried about sanity and got pretty wild. And that's the year I solved my dads problem of harsh abuse of mom. And I do mean harsh.

[MiTHRAWNurudo1991]

Sadly, I was the villain in this situation.
It was nothing "serious" as in regards to someone being physically hurt.
But there were hurtful words spread, property damage, and arrest involved.
Where I was mentally at the time, it could have been much worse.

But now, I feel "saved" and am, working on myself.
Its only the beginning of the Journey (2nd month)
But I am getting there.

[Dongie]

One day at a time. I thought I was finished at 21 years old. Not till I turned 31 did I feel sane and pretty normal again. I hope you pray through Jesus.

[MiTHRAWNurudo1991]

Found my faith about a month after the incident actually.
I tried everything, meditation, self-help, journaling, reaching out to people etc..
Then had this epiphany that much of this coincided with the days I turned away from my Faith.
So, I decided to buy a Bible, start a year long study, reach out to find a Church..
Then one night, I felt "off" and decided to speak to God for the first time in years..
I asked him to guide me, and tell me what to do..
I had this weird calling to open my Bible, close my eyes, and just let my hands fall anywhere

When I opened my eyes, I was reaching for Isaiah 12:2 "Behold, God is my Salvation. I will Trust, and not be Afraid: For the Lord God is my Strength, and my Song: and he has become my Salvation"
and I felt like perhaps there was finally some hope.

[Dongie]

Amen. You will learn to hear Jesus. A way He has of telling you things and it's sort of a feeling. Just atune to within.

[Dongie]

I mentally crashed about September 83. February I began reading Revelations. I studied it and got into endtime prophecy. There is a special blessing the Lord bestows on those who read Revelations.

[MiTHRAWNurudo1991]

I will certainly! if anything brings me real comfort it is my rediscovered faith. Without it, I am not sure if I would be able to breathe most days.
The issue now is self forgiveness, it is difficult for me to accept what I have done.
On top of this, I really hope the person I hurt is able to forgive me, and in time we can move on and perhaps rekindle something "friendly"
I don't expect it to ever be the same, but I want them to understand why it happened, and perhaps in the process be able to forgive me for what I have done..

I have some hope for it, her best friend is my coworker and she seems comfortable with me now (and its only been a couple months).
So, I hope that perhaps in time things will work out

Either way, with my rediscovered faith, I know things will work out.
Just feels like a shadow hanging over my head with the constant guilt of that event.

[Dongie]

You're only 19 it says. You speak as a lot older with self forgiveness. It took me into my upper 20's before that even occurred to me. But my break came from an unbelievably broken home. My parents had already divorced 3 times from each other. Dad was BEYOND abusive. Mother always went back after well over a hundred separations brought on by her running for survival. It was so bad that after I, through Jesus, stopped the abuse in 88. My mother always afterwards referred to 31 years if abuse. They married in 57 when she was 17 and dad was 32. Mother had 4 sisters no brothers or uncles and her dad was murdered when she was 14. I was the only male to take up for her. The city police stopped coming after dad shot at them. Don't ask how he got away with it because it's crazy to me too. That was when I was 10 and the youngest with 4 sisters, 2 whole and 2 half. They were out of the house when I was 14. He verbale confirmed from the age if 8 how much he hated me because I took up for her when he'd start the beatings which happened every weekend. He shot me, the bullet glancing off my right cheek. 7 months later I parted his hair right down the middle with a 4-10 shotgun. But I'm carried away, sorry. Just meant to say you're mature about it.

[Anonymous]

Yes,... but,

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KD7pIBcO00M

[mbarsi01]

I had a rough few years after being diagnosed with epilepsy and obviously I have problems that will never go away but life moves on and as long as you find good friends things eventually get better