I started therapy today, perhaps its a path in the right direction?

[MiTHRAWNurudo1991]

It seems that much of the past decade has been nothing but endless suffering. I spent so long taking care of others and putting my life on hold that I forgot how to live. Truthfully, people took advantage of me, they came to me for everything, and I spent all of my 20s without friends, a social life, or any real direction. Though, I accepted it, and thought it noble, but I lost myself in the process. I hate my life, and everything in it.

I spent much of it because disillusioned with my life, disconnected, isolated, anxious, depressed, paranoid, fearful, suicidal.. etc.. the list goes on. So many things happened over those years, and there were many warning signs. However, I was unwilling to accept them, and instead suffered in silence while taking care of others needs.

Eventually, things blew up, and I mentally collapsed. In the process, I lost friends, I lost my credibility, I lost my respect, I lost my honor.. I did some terrible things, lashed out, allowed the monster to be released, but I did nothing but suffer for it. This period led to my rock bottom. Financially, legally, personally, socially, spiritually.. etc.. everything was impacted.

The past few months of my life in particular have been the worst. Never have I ever been so close to calling it quits... Even all the work I have put into it hasn't helped. Journaling, medication, meditation, mindfulness techniques, text therapy, virtual therapy, calling the hotline.. none of it seemed to help...

I decided to reach out for professional help, and start a long term in person therapy process. Let us hope this is the beginning of being on the right path

I felt like I was trapped in a corner, and only my demise was the way out.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah dude, that all sounds incredibly heavy. Props to you for recognizing you needed help and taking that big step to start therapy. That takes real courage.

It makes total sense you'd be feeling lost, disconnected, depressed after so many years of neglecting yourself and suffering in silence. You carried way too much weight for too long - no wonder things blew up.

But this is the start of turning it around. A good therapist will help you process all the crap from your past, teach coping skills, and start building yourself back up again. It won't be fast or easy, but just showing up each week means you're fighting for yourself now.

Be patient through the recovery - don't expect instant fixes. But stay determined too. You deserve to heal, find your purpose and be happy. Try keeping a journal on your journey - it can help boost perspective on your progress along the way too.

You've got this dude. One step, one day at a time. Keep your head up - better days are coming! Feel free to hit me up if you ever need to vent along the way. Proud of you for taking care of yourself now.

[MiTHRAWNurudo1991]

Thank you, I feel so disgusted with what happened.
My shame, guilt, and humiliation is severe enough to make me consider suicide.
It was bad enough, I attempted to hang myself.

The situation involved a neighbor (my only friend), I said terrible things, and damaged her property. In the process, I was arrested, suffering through court, lost respect of people.. etc.

My mental health completely collapsed...
and now I am at my rock bottom

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang bro, that sounds absolutely rough. I can't imagine how much pain and regret you must be feeling after all that went down. But please know that even at your lowest point, your life still has value.

I'm glad to hear you reached out for help with therapy - that was really brave. And it gives me hope that things can get better from here. Try to be extra gentle with yourself through this process. Healing from that level of trauma is going to take time.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Talk to your therapist openly about what you're struggling with - that's what they're there for. Don't be afraid to lean on whoever else you trust too for support. And cut yourself some slack if you slip up sometimes - recovery isn't linear.

Just focus on getting through each day the best you can for now. I know the future seems dark, but there is light ahead even if you can't see it yet. You've got people who care about you, man - please don't give up. This internet stranger is rootin' for you! Hit me up if an extra reminder helps, aight? You've got this.

[emi2021]

Life can hit us really hard sometimes. I feel you because I’m like you too, always put others need in front of myself. As I enter late 30s, I realized the importance of self love and self care. Try live more for your own needs and wants, do things that make yourself happy and relaxed. Maybe go to church to meet some positive people. Exercise might help too. Maybe you’ve tried what I mentioned above. I also want to tell you, when you come out at the bright side of everything, you will feel there’s a lot in life still worthy. You’re worthy!

[Chazmatazz269]

Bold choice posting all that here.
Good luck with everything!