I don’t know if i’m going into therapy the wrong way?

[Anonymous]

hello everyone,

I am starting therapy on Saturday and I don't know what to talk about or even how to start. So my first thought was to talk about my boyfriend and how the things he used to do still bothers me. for example, he liked girls bikini pictures and followed them on social media and it bothered me so much. he doesn’t do it anymore but for some reason it still bothers me. it made me feel like i wasn’t good enough at all but now he doesn’t do it at all and it still bothers me. he shows me his liked pictures and his DMs and there’s nothing. but still it bothers me. we haven’t gone out on a date is such a long time and he doesn’t treat me at all like a princess. we sat one day and we talked it out, he has apologized a million in one times for liking the pictures, he didn’t know what he wanted back then but now he does so he has stopped. the reason we don’t go out is because he says that i complain so much about the past and i complain about all the things he does wrong that he doesn’t feel the need to take me out on dates because he doesn’t feel appreciated when we talk or when we hangout. these are the things i would like to talk about with the therapist but i feel like those are not the problem. i feel like it’s a deeper issue coming from within and not from him. even though he could also be a source of the reason, i feel like i was bothered in the first place because of an issue that was never healed way before we started dating. please someone let me know if i am wrong or if i should talk about the boyfriend issue

[meepmeeperton]

I think you're going about it fine and you admit that it's not 100% your boyfriend's fault. My girlfriend is kind of the same way with getting upset over past stuff from when our boundaries weren't even established and not feeling like enough and not being able to move on. She realized it was an internal problem but hasn't gone to therapy we just try to be open about it and work through it. But therapy can help you get to that stage where you know what to say to your boyfriend and how to communicate about it with him.

[Asker]

he’s over it. he doesn’t care to talk about this anymore. he just wants to be happy and at peace but with that being said he is mean at this point. i can’t call him too much because he will put his phone on silent and ignore me until he wakes up. of course i want to live in peace as well but i don’t want to doubt his faithfulness to me anymore. since all this happened i don’t feel worthy to him. i think for a very long time i feel like i wasn’t worthy of love or spending time with. let me explain, my mom was barely with me as a child growing up, she was very busy with work and taking care of my little sister. so i barely saw her and my dad was always sleeping because he was depressed and had anxiety. i remember as a child, he dropped me off at ballet and instead of waiting for me to get in, he drove off and the office was closed so i waited there for I don't know how long until some really nice lady passed by and dropping her kids off and noticed me standing there and called my mom for me. so i think if i am not mistaken all that combined made me this way towards any relationship.

[meepmeeperton]

I’m sure feelings of inadequacy can stem from childhood and absent parents and stuff. Therapy would help you delve into that more.

In my experience my girlfriend’s mom was pretty abusive and her dad was an enabler but also a victim himself but too checked out to do anything about it or care at all. I feel like the people in her life that should have loved her the most and made her feel good about herself and special never did. Now in our relationship she seeks that feeling of being special and important to someone and it triggers something when she’s made to feel like she’s not enough for me. It seems like a similar thing with you and how your parents affected you.

[Skinhead-1979]

I think you are doing things right... When talking to a therapist you have to start somewhere, and from there on more and more will surface.

I don't know if you are considering PTSD, or better said 'Complex PTSD'; Complex PTSD is not part of, what is called, the DSM-5 (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) in the US and is thus not fully recognised... because 'Complex PTSD' is like an Onion; layer upon layer of Trauma, it is often hard to initially pinpoint where the original trauma lays. So by 'peeling off layer after layer of trauma' eventually the original cause will be found.

[Nikki1989]

You should be able to figure this out without therapy. You are dealing with a typical man, but not all men are like this. Search out someone that will show you some respect.

[Asker]

he does for a very long time. until recently when all i’ve done is nag and complain to him and now he’s just being flat out mean. he ignores me when i call him too much, we don’t go out on dates because i don’t treat him with respect because all i do is nag and complain about something that he doesn’t do anymore

[noohair]

I can't grow if I live in the past. It is probably the same for you. The only person that you have any chance of changing is yourself. Trying to fix your boyfriend will just make him hate you.

[Asker]

yes i hate living in the past and I don't know why i can’t let go of it. it’s really heart breaking and so sad

[noohair]

You have to decide if you want to waste time or live moving forward.

[Asker]

yes that’s easier said then done when your whole mindset isn’t thinking that you are not good enough to be faithful to by your partner and not worthy enough to take out on dates or anything

[noohair]

I did it so it is not impossible. Therapy is where I learned to move forward. Maybe that is what you should focus on.