Do you think therapy can help me? Has it helped you before?

Question

I was sexually abused when I was 16 and I have some bad memories from when i was a child. I've been really considering therapy and I think maybe it could help me since like I don't ever talk about these things to anyone and I could never even get myself to tell the full story to my family. I feel like I have a lot of problems like anxiety, low self esteem, trust issues, depression sometimes, weird sexual fantasies, like dreams about things that have happened to me. Whenever I think about it, it feels like I just want to shut down. It feels wrong talking about it rn like it's not something I want people to know about me I guess like if I couldn't even tell my own parents at the time how could I tell anyone. Part of me feels like the things that happened are my fault and I can't get that out of my head no matter how hard I try. Everywhere I've read they say it's not your fault but I don't know why I feel that way. There was like a long period of time where I was just not eating after it would happen. I always tell myself that I want long relationships in some time but for some reason it's not something I chase and I usually just go for something short term so I feel like I'm lying to myself. I just want things to change and I want to forget about these things I'm tired of living with these thoughts.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Hello @zaharuh My name is Laura, I am 18 and I would be happy to speak with you in private if that would make you feel more comfortable, or here is fine. I was raped my my uncle (dad’s brother) on my 13th birthday! He raped me multiple times a day whenever he had access to me, which was 3 to 5 days a week, and it went on for about 3 months until I figured out that I was pregnant and I went to my mother (an emergency room physician) for help! I promise you this… IT DOES GET EASIER! It will likely never go away, but therapy is not designed to make it “go away” it’s designed to allow you to learn to live with it! My rapist always ended by using his mouth to give me an orgasm, because he believed that if it “felt good” to me, I would be less likely to ever tell anyone… he was right! Because parts of it physically felt good, I too believed that it was my fault, I believed that I wanted it, that I was somehow broken or damaged, that there was something wrong with me. I was a looser who had sex with my uncle, how disgusting was I? That was all I told myself, over and over! But pleasure is just nerves reacting to stimulation, and an orgasm is nothing more than a reflex! We couldn’t stop an orgasm if we wanted to, any more than we can not stop our leg jumping when the doctor hits it with the little rubber hammer! Know this… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! & IT WILL GET BETTER! (If you go to therapy). And there are women here who were exactly where you have been, and where you are today. I understand the feelings of self hate, the low self esteem, the depression, the uncontrollable crying, and the worst part… the emotional pain! You are not abnormal, you are beautiful and special, and important to so many people. But a real asshole did something terrible to you, something he had NO RIGHT to do, and he stole something from you… your innocence, and sense of security! I know what it feels like to actually look forward to something you know is wrong, and how you hate yourself afterwards, because I did! How I thought I was so stupid, bad , and even worthless! These are all natural things to feel, they are reactions to the trauma. And you have survived a terrible trauma! But that’s the most important thing right now, you survived! Now you need to begin the work of healing. Hey, I never give out my name on the main forums, but I’ll do whatever it takes to see that you get the help you so desperately need! I’m here for you, but if not me please contact your local rape crisis center. Don’t allow that animal to steal one more day of your life! I promise you, it does get better, you may even meet a guy who genuinely loves you, I did. A great life is not out of your reach, but you do need to seek help. Coming here and being so brave as to announce what happened to you took unbelievable courage, so I KNOW you have it in you. I hope and pray you consider talking to me, or somebody, anybody. I may not know you, but I know what you are going through, and it really sucks, don’t do this alone, please! Love and good wishes, Laura 🤗

LookoutBelow · Accepted Answer

I found therapy extremely helpful. I was very fortunate that the first therapist I was paired with was the correct one for me, but I agree with others who suggest to find one that works for you.
I think it also helps to understand what therapy is and isn't before getting into it. It's not like a doctor visit where the doc is in charge-- you are in control. The therapist won't be trying to diagnose you in order to "cure" you-- they will listen to your story, assess what parts of that story matter to you, and try to find a way for you to understand the parts of yourself that are in conflict, so that you can make the resolution for yourself. That's the hardest part for some people, and why therapy can have mixed results.
Try not to pressure yourself too much with the idea of "fixing" yourself. While it's a struggle now, it's actually just growth in disguise-- you've been through something massive and it takes time to wrap your head around, but once you do you'll feel much more confident and ok with yourself. It'll always be a part of you, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Learn what you can from it and keep your heart open. Take it day by day and know that there will be times when it resurfaces and it'll feel like everything's pointless/hopeless, and there'll be times when you realize things have been good for so long that those memories feel like they belong to someone else.
In the end, your experience of life is what you make of it, and this was only a chapter of a long story you get to write moving forward. Push onward, hero.

I'm new here but I'm open to connecting if you want to talk more or have questions.

w0810lv · Accepted Answer

Yes 100% it does help I swear and I went through some fucking crazy shit when I was 5 years old I met another 5 year old a girl who I liked and had a crush on and was so excited when her parents said I could stay the night at there house but what I or no or knew they were not her parents they were her kidnappers and used her a bait and they woke us and in the middle of night and told me what they wanted me to do and I refused and so they started torturing the girl in front of me to get me to agree but I was trying not to at first but then they took out a blow torch and put it to her back and so I agreed to it and they warned me if I told they would kill her painfully and that I better come back every weened and so to try and stop them I did and so when I came back they had a little game for me they were really into torture and terrorizing so they told me I would get to choose who would get the torture me or her and they would tell me what they would do and make me choosep and everytime I took the torture cause they could only do things to me that I could hide it from everybody and the sick ass women took it as a personal challenge to try and break me to get me to put it on the girl which I never did I really don't know how I was able toppppppppppppppp keep choosing myself but I know it pissed hepppr off and each week it worse and the last time she did it she used a knife on me then everything went wrong my mom discovered it almost killed the women and got the girl and father thinking that my mom was just drunk and gone crazy took the girl by force and gave her back and they escaped and they did as they promised me they killed her before being caught so the reason im telling you this is if it wasn't for therapy I would have never made it to tell I actually was repressing this stuff and when all of sudden theses memories hit me so hard I know if I didn't have therapy with a trusted therapist I would have killed myself because of the guilt that I should have gone with her that if u would have been there maybe they wouldn't have killed her or at least she wouldn't have died alone which I still feel this way but I've learned to deal with it so if it helped me which it's the best decision I've ever made going it can help you just let it work for you don't fight it and truly be honest with you're self and the therapist and if you don't feel that therapist is a fit for you get rid of them this is about you and your life not whether or not there feelings trust me they will be fine so find one you connect with and let it work and don't think it's going to be fast results I went for years before I started to heal so just stay the course I hope this helps

Shortman70 · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately you can never forget those memories. In my opinion, I think you would greatly benefit from some kind of therapy/counseling. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and drug addiction. Before being diagnosed, I started self medicating to ease all the symptoms you described and more. I really cause a lot of damage and pain in my family before I got the help I needed. I went to counseling for 2yrd and also seen a psychiatrist for close to a yr. I learned a lot from both. How to manage and cope with my emotions correctly, how to talk about them, when to speak out if I'm having trouble. I found that they were easy to talk to and very understanding and empathized with me. Helped me understand why I felt like I did. Was kinda embarrassed at first but after I realized how much it was helping, I was eager to keep goin and sad when they said I didn't need to come as much. I don't have regular appointments now but I still talk to them both occasionally just to let them know how I am and ask questions about if I handled situations correctly. I wish I had gotten help before I self medicated and did that damage to my life. So I advise you to check into it. You mite have to check out a couple of counselors to find one you like, don't lose faith. Good luck

melanieeeB · Answer

Try it out. I believe therapy isn't for everyone, some find it helpful and other don't.. figure out what fits with you!

Try a few therapist and see with which one you get along with and feel comfortable with and then try it for a few weeks and see how you feel

CamembertAnus · Answer

I personally don't really feel like therapy has helped me. I feel like it just gave me a lot of practice in venting, and it wasn't like I was venting to my friends and sooner or later they told me to shut up or the conversation was mutual.

This was someone who was paid to listen to me complaining and worrying and then I didn't feel like their input or responses were particularly helpful.

I also think there is a risk that you can talk so much about the past that it actually starts to take up more space in your mind and you get into the habit of thinking about it. Which means that instead of enjoying the here and now, you're worrying about something that already happened and that you can't change.

HOWEVER, I very much believe in the power of talking honestly and openly about personal, vulnerable stuff, with people (e. g. friends) you trust. I think that kind of mutual care and support is vital.

I just don't have great experience with the commercial version (psychotherapy), and also, I feel like psychology in general is some people with quite poor intuitions guessing about how the human mind works. I personally think a lot of their guesses are wrong. But they still make money off them. And they still teach them to people as if they are fact. And I find that really wrong.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Very well written, you sound very normal person to me, with trauma. Someone projected "wrongness" onto you and you are confused, lacking integrity now... and you know it. So it's good you recognize that.

The value to therapy is talking things out, finding root causes, finding techniques you can use to work these things out. It's not a magic pill... there isn't one. As well, someone to talk to as you get into relationships who can watch out for you that you aren't living out of the wounds and helps you navigate challenges and what is healthy for you. We don't always see what is right ourselves. Not all therapists are good or know your scenario.

The magic pill is recognizing the past... facing it with courage and overcoming it. That means

Most effective in order of what I think most effective.
Writing, talking, group sharing... more you get the authentic emotions out and healed the better.. but don't want to live in the trauma, but release it's power over you (affirmations, prayer, etc..). That's what your dreams are... trying to process what happened. Learning about trauma and how to overcome it. Learning techniques to deal with the memories and minimize them or put them in order.

Finding support (groups, therapy, friends, family) and recovering your self love, self worth, and power... so you are strong in yourself and living above what was projected onto you. That's a process.

I've had enough experience around all that I won't go into: sexual abuse, emotional abuse, manipulative and controlling personalities. A

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

I think that you will benefit enormously from therapy.

It is precisely the kinds of things you've been through, and continue to struggle with, that therapy DOES help.

I have had some psychological and psychiatric therapy. It's actually a positive experience. I can almost guarantee that you'll feel the same way.

I cannot express how strongly I feel therapy will benefit you.

Please do it.

You're hurting a whole lot more than you need to be. You deserve to be happy, just like anyone else. Therapy is your best rout to hopefully shed some of the emotional burden, which (right now) must seem like it's a part of who you are.

Do it. You have nothing to lose. And you WILL benefit more than u could possibly tell you 🙂

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

@zaharuh really sorry to read all of what you have been through.

yes definitely it’s a case of getting some counselling.

A lot of what you have went through is very much how historical abuse often shows up.

Key bits to get back are your sense of self worth. What was done was not your fault, it’s something you should not even think about blaming yourself over.

please look at getting some counselling, the hardest part is that first call or visit to a counselling centre and making an appointment (we called them Initial Assessments), where they will likely give you an initial review and then look at allocating you a full time counsellor.

what you are feeling will pretty much be what you carry around with you until you have sat down with a professional and they give you a way to manage things for your specific experience, as what works for one, may not for others.

@CrazyGirl2

Oigit · Answer

It can help you and I would very much recommend seeking some serious help. My head was a mess for many years due to sexual abuse as a child. We like to think that we can overcome mental and emotional trauma ourselves no matter what. But what we can overcome does have limit on it. Once that limit is reached the emotional and mental trauma does not simply go away. That it why it effect us on a mental and emotional level. That it also why it can have a serious negative impact on our behavior as well.

Getting help is going to be a processes and can be rough at times. But take it from someone who's head isn't a mess after getting it. In the end it's beyond worth getting.

bodiesands · Answer

I recommend three things:

1) Craniosacral Therapy
2) Talk Therapy (body-focused if possible)
3) Yoga (Nidra if possible)

They are all helping me with my stuff.
And I wish I'd done them consistently much earlier.

Also see the book: 'The Body Keeps the Score'.
And always remember, everything you do to avoid the pain is only prolonging it (overthinking and porn addiction for me).
The solution is not intellectual, but emotional. You can't think your way out. You have to, as they say, 'feel to heal'.

DJB72 · Answer

Speaking as a qualified hypnotherapist, yes.

That being said, I rarely recommend hypnosis for a trauma that deep as a first step.

Find a psychologist you trust. And I mean a Clinical Psychologist, not just a therapist. talk it through. It will be painful, so make damn sure you trust them absolutely.

It's unlikely a man - gay or straight - will be able to help you at the deepest level of hurt. As men there are things we simply can't identify with to help you.

I'm so sorry for what you went through.

msc545 · Answer

Therapy might help you or it might not - you need to try it to find out. Also, and this is important - most people who do therapy are not very good at it because it is exceedingly difficult to learn and to consistently do well. You need someone who does it well, and this means that you may have to switch therapists several (or more) times until you find someone that seems right for you. A lot of people will not do this because they are afraid of hurting the therapist's feelings, but you absolutely NEED to do this if a therapist doesn't seem right for you. Don't worry about the therapist's feelings - they can take care of themselves very well.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Yes, the best thing you can do is share your story with someone you trust. It will help you immensely.

One of my girlfriends wrote out her whole story and then shares it with those she trusts and it has been the greatest form of therapy for her.

I am so sorry that happened to you :(

Flower7 · Answer

I’ve tried therapy many times but it never helped me. The people were never very understanding and would just tell me to “stop thinking negatively” even though I was having serious problems with depression and that’s the reason why I was there. And for stress and anxiety, which I had also, their only advice was usually just to do deep breathing.

MrCommodore · Answer

Yes I think therapy can maybe help you understand that none of the things that happened you were your fault, its only the fault of those who did that to you.

The various problems you face (anxiety, depression, low self esteem etc) are likely because of your childhood.

Anonymous · Answer

i'm sorry you went through all that and yes therapy will help you out a lot to cope with whatever you're feeling and going through. but make sure you get a therapist who's specifically trained in that field not some run of the mill retard therapist who doesn't know wtf he's talking about or some run of the mill broad jackass therapist because there's a lot of them out there like that. find somebody who specializes in that field of therapy and it will help you a great deal. but just remember it wasn't your fault and when you accept that and change your mindset your outlook on things will get better and improve greatly over time. remember the old saying "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and after so many steps you can look back and see how far you've come and it's not about the destination but about the journey"

Anonymous · Answer

I would say group theripy. Others in same plight might be able to help with what has helped them more quickly. Also personal theripy. Most youtube psycoligist videos suggest, betterhelp. com. it online, 24hour helpline. You can reach the. best psychologists online with a phone 24 hours. Also when you have a issue, youtube it. You will see they styles of theripy needs for each plight. Other people in same issue in groups theripy, how it works. And no, you are not worthless, most girls have had this issue, most guys dont care. And dont forget here, ask guys if they care. Each question.

Andres77 · Answer

I was sexually and physically abused starting at 4 years old.
I didn't get into drugs or alcohol, I turned to sex. Addiction became a problem.
Risky dangerous stuff.
My wife noticed that I wasn't thinking clearly about basic issue and encouraged me to get into therapy.
She also participated. It was extremely helpful.
I'd recommend it. I was in a really bad place.
I hope you find what you need.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

Things will not ever go away 100%. You have to change the way you think. Understand what triggers you the most.
The first best thing you can do is workout and eat correctly. Doing such will release endorphins that will make you feel better throughout the day.
You have to do something that will help you fill that void.
Therapy can help, definitely. Finding that right therapist can be difficult though. Be patient and take your time when finding a therapist.

Iron_Man · Answer

You should definitely go and also go to hypnotist if you can’t remember it helped my girlfriend. Just don’t fall into that trap and letting them prescribe any medication to you because they all do it and I don’t think it’s really necessary too many side effects

Paul09 · Answer

I suffer to sone of these as you do. I'm also started to look for a therapist. I hope I land on a good one. I'm sure it can be a hit or miss till you find one that suits you. It is a little scary to share with a stranger. But then again they can hopefully help you. Can help you view things differently, maybe give you great ideas how to slay your inner demons.

SouthJ · Answer

That's awful that this has happened to you.

The biggest thing is that you have to move forward. You have to move beyond victim and work towards becoming a survivor. You can either suffer through that trauma or leave it behind and let it all go. It's not easy. But I do think that the right therapist can help you with that process.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I found therapy really helpful, it changed my life. Not to say there was a point when I didn't feel I was getting to much from it, which is why I stopped, but went back on occasions when events were too much.
I would say it's definitely worth it. I'm actually about to hopefully have a few more sessions to help me process some stressful stuff I've been going through

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