My friend is obsessed with his teenage summer fling. Is he crazy? what we can do?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, I have a friend who I think has developed an unhealthy obsession with a girl, we think he needs therapy but he doesn't think it's necessary and we don't know what to do. I tell you his story with her.
They met when they were 15 years old (they went to the same school) they were talking all summer and had a date in October, they kissed but he didn't like it and stopped talking to her, then he regretted it and for a whole year he tried to talk to her again through his friends (teenage immaturity) and she didn't want to hear from him.

The following year she proposed and told him she loved him and he told her to go to hell and a few months later she was with another guy and he had a hard time, time passed and he met another girl and they started dating and he loved her very much but the ghost of the other girl was still there.

The thing is that after everything and the following years he always kept talking about her, he tried to get back in touch with her through friends but she didn't want to know anything about him. A few years ago she disappeared, stopped using social networks and stopped talking to all her friends (we are convinced that she has a very strong depression).

The case is that we believe that he has lost his mind, a couple of years ago he uploaded some photos to instagram of places that were special to her and started to follow her best friend and liked some of his pics to get her attention , but she has never responded. And the last thing is that he still has her phone number and asked me to talk to her by whatsapp a few months ago.

Also we recently found out that she has never had a boyfriend (which is very strange), he has had several girlfriends but keeps trying to contact her and my friends and I think he needs help. We are 28 and I don't think this is normal at all. We don't even live in the same country. What can we do?

[WindAtMyBack]

He might be obsessed, but he needs to get over it on his own. There is not much you can (or should) do about it other than telling him that he needs to move on. He'll forget about her when someone else comers along. He might have had other girlfriends, but they obviously aren't girls that he has totally fallen for.

Yea, he is probably wasting his time when he should be looking for someone else, but there really isn't much you can do about it.

This kind of thing is actually very common.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you very much, the thing is that he is very sad and I think it is affecting his mental health, do you think he will ever get over it?

[WindAtMyBack]

If it really is a mental illness, then that needs to be dealt with first. I would not consider not getting over someone a mental illness by itself. If he really has a mental illness there should be other signs.

I think what is important is that he looks for someone else. Even if he doesn't actively look, he at least needs to be open to it. If he feels "exclusive" to her, like he doesn't want to date anyone else because of her, then I think it's a real problem. He seriously needs to move on.

She may be a completely different person than she was before. He may be hanging onto memories of her from the past - someone that doesn't exist any more because she's changed.

Anyway, I think the big test is whether or not this interferes with his life. If he's working and getting on with his life in other ways, then I think this is probably not a big deal. If he is not functional in life, then something needs to be done.

[__MisterGoneShiner__]

I was madly obsessed with a girl named Katheryn B. years ago, but I have healed so far. It's not an obsession for me anymore.

Well, it's cause of after-puberty situation or something with his mind.
If it won't pass after some time, well...
Just take him to a shrink or something.

[Asker]

He met her when he was 15 years old we are 28 now, it has been 13 years

[Guy13]

First love, right?

[Asker]

I think so, he may never forget her.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't do anything.

[In_Trance]

Wdym what can we do?

[Asker]

I mean, should we force him to go to therapy? What do you think is wrong with him?

[In_Trance]

Force him to go to therapy?
What?

[Asker]

He is very sad and in the last few months he has told us in tears that he was never going to see her again, I don't think it is a bad thing to go to therapy if it is affecting his mental health.