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So for context I get about 1 hug a week at most and I'm a very touch-oriented person it's my primary love language. I've only had sex once never had a real girlfriend and I haven't so much as kissed a woman in four and a half years. I've never cuddled or been the little spoon before and my only sexual experience was not a fun or well-remembered one. Even the woman I kissed four years ago was my first kiss since my sophomore year of high school.
I feel incredibly lonely and it's stressing me out and I'm getting physical symptoms. My blood pressure is worse than my dads he's 65 I'm 29 but the newest thing and the one I'm specifically asking about that's been happening is what I can only describe as skin pain. The best way to describe it is most of the day my shoulders are sore but in a way that goes all the way down my arms and it's not just my muscles but my skin too.
When I'm feeling extra lonely my whole body hurts the only way I can describe it is every inch of my skin feels the same pain you do when you accidently snort water in the shower. It's especially bad though on my arms and torse. Is this a physical thing or am I having psychological issues that are manifesting in physical symptoms? Like is this a natural reaction to stress hormones or is this a psychological tick that's developed as a result of trauma and stress and it's giving me physical symptoms?
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Yes massage is the answer for that. Once you're getting those and can calm down you can start to focus on the other things. And a massage with a happy ending never hurt anyone.
I can't afford a massage, and happy endings are sex work illegal in my state. Even if I could afford it I wouldn't want the happy ending. It would make me uncomfortable because I've only had sex once and that nightmare taught me it's better to be celibate than do those things with strangers. I feel like I lost a part of myself I can't get back because I was pressured into it when I wasn't ready and honestly to a certain extent I feel violated. The shortest possible version was she was 2 hours late to the date, we ran errends for 3 hours then she dipped out to visit her mom in the hospital while I was at the hotel. Then when she finished visiting her mom she just left me in the hotel and went drinking for another three hours than came to the apartment and cried for two more sobbing about her ex boyfriends, her miscarriage and her dead dad. She also kept talking about a different guy she clearly liked more than me who clearly liked her too but by then it was too late. She was kind of drunk and I really didn't even want to do it at that point but she kept insisting on wanting sex and she was so upset and disturbed part of me felt like I had to do it to make her feel better or it would have been cruel and part of me was worried with how unstable she was she might lie and say I raped her if I pissed her off by saying no. So, I had an awkward unpleasant poorly remembered first time. I do want to have sex obviously but if I don't have romantic connection behind it, I literally get depressed and feel sick to my stomach. Thats what I felt like after.
Maybe go get a massage.
Wish I could but it's out of my price range. Trust me I'd have gotten one by now if I could afford it.
Being single myself I can relate to your need for human touch. For me it kinda went away after a while. Luckily I have a massaging seat in my truck so that's helpful. I also watch ASMR videos sometimes on YouTube. Certain ones really relax me and they provide a certain amount of simulated intimacy. Maybe you would enjoy them?
I've been using Asmr too but for me it's been the reverse. The more touch starved I get the worse I feel. Things have really been reaching a head and I'm starting to feel so lonely I feel like I'm losing my mind. My short-term memory is pretty much shot, my blood pressure is through the roof, I'm agitated anxious paranoid and depressed all of which are symptoms of chronic loneliness which statistically makes me 40% more likely to get dementia in my older age.
Not to mention heart problems run in the family and sometimes when I'm really stressed sometimes, I get chest cramps or minor palpitations. I swear at this rate I'm going to have a heart attack by 40 from the stress. I'm also thinking about suicide a lot, like a lot a lot and self harm has also become a problem but I am working on it.
I just get so frustrated and upset I just start hitting myself until I'm bruised all over and on one occasion I cut my arm. That was about a month and a half ago and I cut deep enough the mark is still there. I feel like I just hate everyone.
I hate other men for not wanting to be my friends I hate woman for how they've treated me and because I've never had a real relationship because none of them will give me a chance and I hate myself because my existence feels retched because I'm so unhappy and I feel like I really have nothing worth living for which is really all I want at this point.
I'm not an ambitious guy, I'm really not and I didn't want much out of life. When I was growing up I just wanted a house, a wife, kids and a job that paid a fair living wage that gave me a sense of purpose and meaning. If I really got greedy, I would want enough land to keep chickens a horse grow a few crops and maybe keep a dairy cow but that was the peak of my ambitions and frankly at this point I just want a life partner that won't cheat on me and treats me with love and respect and likes me for who I am.
I've tried dating apps I'm so desperate and they're a fucking nightmare. Half of them are bots and I'm swiping right on 4s and even a few 3s as maybes and I'm still not getting matches and I'm about a 5. All I want in return for not killing myself is a source of touch and comfort and I can't even get that out of life.
Sorry you're having a tough time in life right now. I had all those things that you want, a wife etc. For me it still went to shit and I felt like killing myself. Luckily I got a son out of that marriage and caring for him kept me busy. He gave me a reason to go forward. I've had multiple relationships that fell apart since. Relationships are difficult, being single can also be difficult. There's no right way to live. Fortunately for me I basically use porn and ASMR to recreate the best parts of a relationship, the sexual release, and the ASMR simulates times when she's nice, lol. Otherwise I don't miss the obligations that go along with a relationship. All the shopping for presents, and having to go along with all her plans, the arguments, and basically blowing money like crazy, not to mention if you have a shady partner who's always lying and doing shady things.
My point is that you may think a relationship is the answer to all your problems, but sometimes they're worse than being single. Hang in there man. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, and improve yourself. If the right opportunity presents itself where you do meet a good woman, you're gonna want to be ready for it. Self destructing won't get you anywhere.
For me it's the opposite. I want those strings and obligations specifically. When I'm giving care, I feel like I'm needed and actually serve a purpose in making someone's day and life better. Responsibility can come with rewards of its own. I'm not really a provider being honest I'm more of a care giver. I have severe anxiety and its basically forced me out of the work force because I was getting ulcers from the stress and my anxiety puking had blood in it.
I tried to hack it for two years but working in the dish pit for a few cents over minimum wage was soul crushing. It was meaningless dull repetitive work that felt like it did nothing and helped no one and I felt like this or something like it would probably be the best job I could ever get honestly.
When I thought about doing that the rest of my life, I just couldn't handle it so I tapped out and filed for disability. I basically had a month-long mental breakdown and had to quit my job when I thought about the rest of my life being like that. The thing is I really am more of a care giver type anyways.
I've always preferred taking care of people over working but unfortunately there's a lot of stigma and low demand for a reversed rolls relationship. I honestly wouldn't mind cooking, cleaning, backrubs etc. on the contrary I want to do those things for someone because I want to feel needed at least in a small way. I honestly could care less if I was the homemaker that would be better for my stress anyways but I've never even had a real girlfriend just a few kinda sorta relationships and one, one night stand. I just feel emotionally spent at this point and like I said it's starting to cause me physical pain at this point. And yes the ASMR helps but you have to admit it feels hollow compared to real touch and jerking off is not as good as actual sex based on the one time I had it.
Relationships are very satisfying if you're with a person you're very attracted to, but like I said, they also come with a lot of problems that you don't have when you're single. I guess you're at the stage in life where you're craving a relationship. I hope you have good luck in your search. I hope you find a woman who can give you the attention that you want right now.
Me too but frankly being honest I doubt that's ever going to happen.