I feel insulted when my boyfriend asked me to do HIV test, what is he thinking about?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are together for 4 years now, we've lived together for 3 years and everything is very stable and we talk about our future and marriage. Yesterday he heard a story about a guy getting infected with hiv, and he asked me to do one over Skype (he was at his mom place in another country). He said that the conversation will be awkward to talk about (because I had several one night stands before I met him, when I was 16-18 and not all were protected sex). It's reasonable that he asked and I think I owe myself and him but AFTER 4 years? I felt a suddent swollen throat from insult, I can't change history and I know it was stupid but I've never, ever slept or even touched another guy after him... it hurts my feeling... what to do?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for your fast reply. So I'm being depressed about nothing? He said he's getting tested tomorrow there because the hospital is close and convinient. Also, he told me about his past experience and he's brought up that he 'went down' on a girl before (vonluntarily), he usually don't do that unless I ask him to, and I think in general he's not so interested in kissing/licking my v. and now this came up so I am really wondering if all those times he might have been disgusted? can that be?

Updates

+1 y

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[HumphreyT]

It's better safe than sorry. I think he heard the story and it spooked him a little bit. Swallow your pride, he wasn't trying to insult you just be safe, go ahead and take the test. The aids virus can stay dormant for up to 7 years I believe so just because you feel fine now and have been together 4 years doesn't mean it's a 100% sure thing. If anything get the test for your own piece of mind, but on the same note he should take the test also.

Don't take little things like that personal since he explained why he said it. I could definitely see it being insulting if he just said take the test and didn't say why, but he told you it was about a few incidents in your past and he recently heard a story that spooked him, no big deal.

[Asker]

Update: Thank you for your fast reply. So I'm being depressed about nothing? He said he's getting tested tomorrow there because the hospital is close and convinient. Also, he told me about his past experience and he's brought up that he 'went down' on a girl before (vonluntarily), he usually don't do that unless I ask him to, and I think in general he's not so interested in kissing/licking my v. and now this came up so I am really wondering if all those times he might have been disgusted? can th

[HumphreyT]

Yes, you're being depressed about nothing. Maybe his paranoia has been keeping him from going down. So, hopefully going down increases too. That would be a handy test if that happens.

[Asker]

If that's the case, how sad. We'll both get tested for sure and I am glad I will get my mind-peace from hiv. just that every time we f*** now, I will only be thinking how he might be disgusted.then I'll doubt if I can be not depressed. So, should I go and cheat to even out my dillusional sense of unfairness or should I create a scene/drama? I hate dramas but I know it's only a hedunistic request if I say I want a breakup after my test result, but I feel the need to do it... refuse sex o.0?

[HumphreyT]

No, I don't think you should cheat, why would that even be an option. Also, after the test why would he think a clean, healthy vagina is disgusting, if anything he'll think it's even better than before because now he knows for sure it's clean. So, he should be ready to dive in. If you cheated you'd just be a shady untrustworthy person and likely need to get tested again, basically defeating the purpose of the test in the first place.

[Asker]

because... how dare he insult me after I've devoted to him fully and wholy...get back type of thinking..

So I can't get rid of Feeling so damn ignorant and it bugs me that he's being so serious with me and yet wasn't ready to accept what I did before. anyways, I'm just bitching here, most depressed people seek attention for a while then its all okay again. I feel okay now, thanks to you, hope wonderful things happen to you.

[HumphreyT]

But he didn't insult you he's just being safe. You've dedicated time to him, but that doesn't change the scientific evidence that it could still be a possibility that something in your past may have happened. He is still with you, so clearly he has accepted both you and your past, now he is just trying to protect both of you. Maybe he is planning on going unprotected inside you and he just wants to make sure everything is in order. For him to even care mean he has some future plans with you.

[Asker]

Oh no, we went unprotected the second month we started dating, so that's why I was surprised after 4years...shud have thought a bit earlier, no? I'm sure he loves me, he cares cheerish its just that to him my vagina is just a dirty hole where bunch of men f***ed...and when I think about that point I feel sad because I can't change that and I want him to go and lick and kiss wildly down there just like how I suck him but he won't do it unless I ask, ofcourse after cleaning with soap and water...prideee

[HumphreyT]

Well, hopefully this test gets him on a orally aggressive track. I say the test is no big deal, get it & put him to work.

[Anonymous]

Well don't feel offended. His protecting his health and yours. He should take the test as well. He may feel worried since you sleep with several guys before him and as you said it wasn't to safe. HIV carriers can have it for up to 10 years and don't have any symptoms or develop to aids. So yeah his request isn't crazy.

[Asker]

thanks for your time and your elegant way of thinking...

[Amorina]

Both of you get tested... Better safe than sorry.