Bf keeps telling me to lose weight, I can't take it anymore

[Anonymous]

The thing is, he is saying it in a nice way. He tells me he wants me to be healthy, that he wants to be able to pick me up and carry me up the stairs in our house one day, etc. I know he loves me very much, and I know he is not saying any of it for the wrong reasons, but I can't help but feel like crap about it. He used to tell me also how hot I look in my old pictures and how he'd want me to look like that again, and I told him that was a sh*tty thing to say, and he apologized. He said he thought that would encourage me to diet and exercise, he legitimately did not think it sounded bad in my head. But anyway, I can't get over my own self-consciousness and thinking he only wants me to lose weight so I can look hotter. And honestly, even though I would love to be skinnier, my current look does not bother me enough to keep a strict diet and exercise. I absolutely hate healthy food and exercising, just how I am. I don't know how to get him to stop making comments about my weight, because I don't want him to think that I don't love him enough to do something for him. He even stopped smoking for me, so I feel like I need to show him also that I care and am willing to do something to improve my health. But GOD do I hate when he brings it up, because weight was always an area of self-consciousness for me. How can I help myself not be bothered by his comments? How can I convince myself that he only wants what's best for me and trust in his good intentions?

[SunshineLelek]

Okay, I'm trying to figure out how to word this in a way that's not harsh and insensitive because I really want to help you out. I really want you to finish reading this and have gained something.

My thoughts on your boyfriend: Although he may come off as being superficial and shallow; he's simply being realistic. Attraction is a necessary factor for a healthy, functioning relationship. It's important for a man to be attracted to his woman because it makes his woman feel confident, self-assured, and it keeps his eyes from wandering. It's instinctive for men to check out other females, even when their girl is gorgeous and in shape. It's like a crack addict trying not to even peek let alone sniff at a nice, fluffy pile of cocaine. So, if his girl isn't the same girl he was attracted to, the chances that he'll be checking out other girls *which may lead to an emotional or romantic interest* increase. No girlfriend wants that. So while your boyfriend may come off as a bit shallow, you really need to understand that and take that into consideration. He obviously cares for you, but he seems to be being 100% real and totally genuine with himself about not being as attracted to your new body which is why he gently pushed you to lose some weight. Personally, I feel like a man should stick by his woman no matter how much weight she has gained. Which appears to be what he is doing, but I think a man should still accept his woman despite her weight gain. Unfortunately, some men haven't ascended to that level of depth and maturity in order to sincerely do that. Doesn't make them bad guys or bad boyfriend; just means they could use some more depth.

Now, about your actual weight: do you want to lose the weight? I really don't mean to be mean at all, but excess weight can make a female look sloppy and careless about her body, especially if she was once in shape. It can make it look like she's 'let herself go'. A woman gaining weight isn't just unattractive physically, but mentally as well because she's more likely to have irrational jealousy and insecurities. But if you like your shape, then keep it the way it is.

[Asker]

The thing is, we started going out when I was already the weight I am now. I actually lost weight because of him bugging me about it, I started eating healthier and lost about 20 pounds since he met me. But he is referring to pictures of me in the past, like 5-6 years ago, before he ever met me. I was a teenager, of course I looked different than now. And I am worried I might never look like that again. I have nothing against being healthy and losing it, but I don't need constant reminders :/

[SunshineLelek]

Hmmm well I definitely don't think you should put yourself through emotional and mental turmoil trying to get a specific body to please him. That's not really fair to you. And while we're on the topic of good looking bodies, does he look like The Rock? Vin Deasel? Taylor Lautner? Just some food for thought ; P

[SunshineLelek]

thanks for ba : )

[iPood]

Honestly, it would probably be a good idea for you to at least learn to like exercising and eating a little healthier. Not liking healthy food makes you sound really immature and like a child. It's best to develop good habits as early as possible. It seems like he has good intentions. If it would really make a big difference in his attraction to you, I'd definitely think about trying to be healthier. You'll look better, feel better, everyone will win. It's not that hard to do and it sounds like it would really make your boyfriend more attracted to you. If he's commenting that often, it probably really bothers him and he's just trying to be as nice as possible about it.

[Asker]

I get what you are saying, but I feel like it is kinda wrong to do something you don't wanna do JUST because your boyfriend says so. I am not trying to be immature, but I am a super independent person and I hate when someone just tries to tell me what to do. And I want a man to accept me for who I am, not for my looks. Why is that so hard to find nowadays? :/

[iPood]

You will not find someone who will accept you for who you are and not care at all about your looks. Sorry, that's not realistic. We date people because we are physically attracted to them. Your boyfriend also loves your personality I'm sure, but to expect someone to not care about what you look like in a relationship is unrealistic

[Anonymous]

You do what we adult men do when we realize, "God, I've gotten fat!"

You realize, "This is bad. But this is not permanent. I'm going to fix this, and achieve a far better look."

Also realize--yes, a huge reason for him wanting you to get in shape is so you'll be hotter. Weight is a big issue for the vast majority of guys. Depending on the girl, as little as 20 pounds burned and good clothing can make a girl go from "she's alright" to "WOW."

It's like this--if guys could grow taller or shorter based on exercise, how many women would want men to be 5 feet tall? How many women would want their man to exercise and hit 6 feet tall? Your weight might be killing his attraction for you, and if he's in decent shape, he knows he can get a better looking girl, and believe me, he thinks about it whenever he sees guys about his level with hot, slim girls. It's cruel, but it's like how women would leave a man who only worked a minimum wage job and played videogames.

[Asker]

My man is heavier than me, has a big belly, and is definitely less attractive than I am. I love him to pieces though and would never say that to him or make him go lose weight like he is trying to make me do. He can't practice what he preaches, and that is annoying. And he works a minimum wage job, and plays video games ALL the time. But I'd never leave him, because he has a good heart. I don't know what kind of superficial girls you know, but I feel bad for their boyfriends :/

[Opinion Owner]

Then you should both go exercise together, haha. And the superficial girls I know date guys who are working better jobs and don't have big bellies, lol.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I think there's nothing wrong with losing weight. Do it together and make it a bonding experience.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

okay so his fat ass is hiding burger king wrappers under the bed and he's telling YOU to lose weight and teling you looked hotter when you were thin? he has a lot of nerve. he needs a reality check. he has no problem telling you what you "need" to do, I say you need to remind him what he looks like. he sounds jerkish. men should know not to talk about a woman's looks unless it is a compliment, especially when they have big bellies themselves.

if my boyfriend said that to me, I'd just be like "look at you now.. I don't think you should be talking"

[Anonymous]

Nicely tell him to lift more weights so he can be more muscular

do the same thing back to him and see how he likes it

[AndyWes]

The problem is--if the boyfriend is in shape, and she's overweight enough that she lost 20 pounds and still isn't in decent shape, he'll just laugh, go to the gym, and find some hottie who looks great in a bikini, lmao.

[Asker]

He is in worse shape than me, but he wants ME to exercise and eat well and become hotter while he hides Burger King bags under his bed. A little unfair I'd say lol.

[JamielovesKU]

Ask them if they can help you to lose the weight, instead of hist telling you to do it ask them if they are willing to lose weight with you!

[cheesepuffs]

Maybe you guys aren't as compatible as you thought.

[Anonymous]

How much do you weigh?

[Asker]

RIght now 220 pounds, I am 5'10". Yes, it is overweight for my height, but you can't really tell because I am just a big girl and have some muscle too, so I don't look my weight. I could certainly lose weight, no doubt in that. But I also don't look THAT big for the numeric weight I have.

[Pedantic]

If you have more than 20% of your BMI bodyweight, that makes you obese, not overweight.

[Opinion Owner]

What system are you using? I'm from canada and am 130 and 5'6 and mine is around 21 :/ so I think your's is off (I googled my BMI) and I'm a runner,.,not obese

[Asker]

My BMI is at 31.9%, but even my doctor said I should not be looking at that, because BMI does not take into account your actual body buildup. I have a lot of muscle and am thick-boned (yes, really, that's an actual thing). Yes, I have fat that I could lose, of course - I am not hiding that. But I certainly do not look my weight when you think of someone weighing that much numerically. When I tell people how much I weight, they never believe me, they usually think I am at like 190.

[Opinion Owner]

I also just read that your boyfriend is in worse shape than you,...I don't think its the actual exercising/eating right thing...we have to look at the foundation/reasoning behind that. I think if he was in shape and ate healthy than that would make more sense but someone who is in worse shape that I am telling me to get int shape would piss me off to! I think you should tell him something about how you should do it together because you would like to see him lose weight as well since you are both a little

[Opinion Owner]

over weight by the BMI (which its 25 not 20 as that guy said) He needs to get his butt moving than he can make comments like that :X