Last Name After Marriage?

[Realfire22]

Fellow Females: would u keep your own last name after you're married, or would you change it to your new hubby's last name? Would you be cool with your husband changing his last name to yours?
Guys:Would you be cool with your wife keeping her last name , or would u want her to have your last name. Would u be alright with changing your last name to hers?

Updates

+1 y

I was raised old fashioned, so I would definitely, with no problem change my last name to my future husband's :3

[throwit]

I don't want to change my name. It's like when the year changes and it takes half the year to stop writing '14' instead of '15' and I would be messing it up constantly.
My last name is MY last name. I do not become his property when we get married. He is not more important in the household. If he wants the entire family to have one name then he can take my name if he wants. I wonder why guys are usually opposed to changing THEIR name though?
I guess I'm fine with the kids having his last name. "I don't want my family name to die out with me" GEE, HOW TERRIBLE. "I want to have a son to carry on MY family name" the whole idea is fucked up.
If I am 100% Italian I would never change my name to a popular name of a different nationality.

I will keep my name and he will probably keep his. I don't see why female children don't keep the mothers name and male children don't take the fathers name. Then everyone wins.

[Sara413]

"I don't see why female children don't keep the mothers name and male children don't take the fathers name."

That's a cool way of doing it. Having children totally complicates the whole thing. Lucky for me, neither my boyfriend or I want to have children, so we can and will both just keep our own names and leave it at that. But I could never really decide what the "right" thing to do would be if we ever had kids.

[fauchelevent]

I'll probably change it to his last name, but I wouldn't really care. I'd be fine doing it either way. And he'd be fine to change his last name to mine too (though he wouldn't want to). We wouldn't want to double-barrel it because his name is already double-barreled and we'd end up with three surnames :P

[Realfire22]

Lol mhm

[lilac_flowers]

We're a family, I want us to have the same name and seeing how he's the man in the relationship, I'm leaving my family whom I love and support, to support him from now on. So I'd be taking his name.
I have no emotional attachment to names, they are just markings of where we are.

[Anonymous]

I'd take his as marriage is a symbol of not only commitment but also caming together as one.. n having the same last name is a symbol of family n gives the 2 of u that one more thing to show u r connected as one..

[AustinMan]

Because of the overal societal expectations that children and generally the wife share the husband's last name, I'd have a preference for that. That said, if there's a good reason to not do it, I'm cool with it. For example, if she has a professional presence in the work world. Some hyphenate to solve this but it's completely up to her. I would be very reluctant to change my last name, particularly since I"m the last of the line. I'd want the children to carry my name. This is just a personal preference.

[Sara413]

I always think that having children definitely complicates things. Fortunately, neither me or my boyfriend want kids so it's a non-issue that we both want to keep out last names. I have dated men in the past, though, who lost it over the thought of me keeping my name, which to me is crazy. Unless you have kids, there's really no reason why you have to share a last name. If you have kids, it makes sense to take one or the other parents' last name for all of you, or to hyphenate names. I have a long last name, though, so hyphenating has always been out of the question haha

[AustinMan]

Two comments: 1) The kids decision could change in a heartbeat and don't bet our marriage on it not changing. Find someone that, should you decide to have kids, is a guy you want to be their father.

2) People associate couples by last name and it's always a little awkward when they don't share a last name. Take for me: I have experience here. The whole Mr & Mrs thing is firmly incorporated out culture.

[Sara413]

I can guarantee the kid thing isn't gonna change. I've been sure about that since I was about 15 years old and have only gotten more sure as I've gotten older.

As for the whole Mr. And Mrs. Thing, I don't think it would bother me. If I met a colleague of his or something and they called me "Mrs. His Name" just assuming we had the same name, I'd be ok with it.

[Hal2002]

Hell no, I would not be cool with my wife keeping her last name. I also do not go for that hyphenated last names crap either.

My wife kept her name the same for work, and professional related things and I was okay with that. But socially we were Mr. & Mrs. my last name, all her ID was changed to her married name and all legal documents were signed using her married name.

[Sara413]

We are all entitled to our preferences, but I am curious to know the reasons for your strong aversion to your wife keeping her own name?

[Realfire22]

Amen to that! Real man right here! 👏👏👏👏👏

[janaina]

Yeah, to me you sound a little sexist.. Why can't she have that freedom of choice?

[Realfire22]

In my opinion, if you really love your man, you would proudly want to sport his last name.

[musicbrain5]

^ So the amount of love you have for someone comes down to whether or not you take his name? I have to disagree.

[Realfire22]

You're more than free to disagree with me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Here in America it's called "freedom of speech." :)

[Hal2002]

@Sara413. A woman keeping her family name and not taking her husbands, is a woman that is not expecting her marriage to last. It say a lot when a woman is out with her husband, and they are introduced by different last names.

Marriage is not a merger, it is a blending of two lives. A woman keeping her family name, is a woman not looking to blend but is a woman keeping herself apart.

There is a certain attitude that women that keep their family or hyphenate their name, have that comes across like they are not in an emotional relationship but in a unemotional business one. It seems to me like they use the security of marriage when it is convenient, and when being married is inconvenient they do the modern independent woman thing of I am my own person and I do what I want.

[Sara413]

Believe me, when I get married I absolutely am 100% committed to making my marriage last. To me, the idea that something as simple as wanting to keep my own identity that I've had my whole life being viewed as a lack of commitment shows a real lack of trust and security by the man.

I agree that marriage means blending your life, but what I don't understand is why that has to be in the context of the woman's identiry being absorbed into the mans. Why does she have to give up HER individual identity to take on HIS name and identity? I'd much rather marry an equal partner and both keep our names. Having different names has zero bearing on our commitment to one another. Any man who would want to force me to change my name is not one I would marry, because that is a man who still believes that the man is head of the household and the woman is his support. I'd prefer that we head our household together and support one another.

[Hal2002]

@Sara413. A while back, someone asked. Are their any real men any more?

The guy you describe, is the guy you will marry than bitch to your friends. That he can not make a decision, he can not take charge and a lot of other things.

What is this crap that you lose yourself?

Men lost themselves when they get married as well, that is the blending.

I know that when I was married, every decision I made I had to consider how it would effect my wife. The first thing I had to adjust to when I married, was that it was not longer me but I had become a we.

If you can not think of yourself as a we, you should not get married. Marriage is about 2 people, becoming one person. There is no me any more, it is We.

[Sara413]

You're really not in a position to presume anything about me or the man I will marry. I already agreed that marriage is a blending of lives. Where I disagree is with the idea that not changing my name has any bearing on my commitment to my husband, which it doesn't.

If your wife asked you to take HER name, would you? Obviously all the matters from the blending identities perspective is that you share a name, so I would assume it doesn't matter WHOSE name...

[musicbrain5]

I changed my last name to his when I got married. There was no reason for me to keep my name - it's not like it's going to die out with me, lol. I have 4 brothers who can keep it going.

[musicbrain5]

I'd be fine with him taking my last name if he wanted, but it's weird in our cultures to do that.

I also don't see how me taking his last name makes me his property. That's how it used to be, but it's 2015. I'm still an individual and I view it as a symbol for a new chapter in my life.

[Realfire22]

I agree. <3 and congratulations

[musicbrain5]

Thanks. It's been almost 9 months now.

[Realfire22]

I can't wait til i get married *~*

[kambo_trick3y]

Absolutely I'd be fine with her keeping her last name.

To be honest, I always wondered why the WIFE had to change her last name to the husband's. Weren't marriages supposed to be like, a 50/50 thing?

But if she keeps her name... what do we name the kids? Do they choose their own last name depending on their favorite parent or something?

My brain always has these weird, random kinda questions.

[kambo_trick3y]

I'm surprised so many girls are okay with changing their last name. I would hate to change my last name (and trust me, I have a huge reason to, my last name is EASILY made fun of, EASILY), it's always been a defining thing for me, like, this is your CLAN name you were born with and shit, y'know?

[Realfire22]

Yeah i know what u mean

[throwit]

The wife takes the last name because it showed that the husband had possession over the wife and any children back in the day

[kambo_trick3y]

@throwit

Yeah, kinda fucked up. I always thought of it as 50/50, wonder how the kids last names would go if they both kept their last names.

[throwit]

Usually the kid gets the father last name. I head once it was "to prove paternity".
Since the mother carries the baby for nine months and gives birth she has a special bond and it's obvious the baby is hers, the dads last name makes him feel included in the whole process.

[Sara413]

I always think that having children definitely complicates things. Fortunately, neither me or my boyfriend want kids so it's a non-issue that we both want to keep out last names. I have dated men in the past, though, who lost it over the thought of me keeping my name, which to me is crazy. Unless you have kids, there's really no reason why you have to share a last name. If you have kids, it makes sense to take one or the other parents' last name for all of you, or to hyphenate names. I have a long last name, though, so hyphenating has always been out of the question haha

[sketchy]

There are quite obvious, practical reasons why it's the norm - it's not about the wife becoming the property of the husband and all that crap (which is probably the main reason misguided feminists object to it).
What are you going to calls the kids? You can't just hyphenate your two last names to form a double-barrelled name, because then what are they going to do when *they* have kids? They'd have to give them a quadruple-barrelled surname, and so on...
Plus, not wanting to change your surname kind of screams "expecting to get divorced quite soon". There are probably a few exceptions (perhaps if you are of different ethnicities, and want your child's surname to reflect that), but most of the time it makes little sense.

[complicated_soul]

My last name is the name everyone calls me by. My parents didn't give me the family name, so I can't change that.

My last name is like people's first name in here... lol do you get me? :)

If he (husband) want me to add his last name , then sure.

[ccp16]

That would be fine if she wants to keep her name, it is more common today, especially for women with a solid career and have made a name for themselves. I however would not change my name and The kids would have my last name. I am the last one to pass on my last name, so my family would disown me if I did not pass on the name...

[MissNowhere]

I would change it, I hate my last name, I can't wait to get rid of it.

[Realfire22]

I hear ya, chica

[AmandaLynn1930]

i changed my last name to his. i wouldn't be ok with him taking my name. i would have MAYBE considered hyphenating my name, IF i wanted to keep it, but i didn't so it was a really easy decision. but i wouldn't want him to take my name for sure.

[Sara413]

I am curious as to your reasons why you would not be OK with him taking your name if that is something he wanted?

[AmandaLynn1930]

I wouldn't want my husband to take my dad's name...

[Realfire22]

Very good point

[SammyGurl]

I'm proud of my husband, I was proud to take his last name as my own. In genealogical references and even the society paces of old, a girl's maiden name would be referred to as née last name. My two brothers can carry on the family name anyway.

[Realfire22]

Yes that's right and i really love how you put that. <3
Also congratulations!

[Klaatu51]

"Guys:Would you be cool with your wife keeping her last name , or would u want her to have your last name. Would u be alright with changing your last name to hers? "

^y should i be "uncool"?

last name's just a last name... i don't give a shit about it... unless her last name was "shit"... then yeah i'd give a shit and i'd not change my last name to hers ;p

[Ярило]

I would change my last name.
One of my old school teachers actually kept both names, she was called McDaniel-Lowe, so there's always that option.

[Jxpxtxr]

I would change my name immediately because it doesn't go with my first name and people can't ever pronounce it correctly!

[Realfire22]

Lol i hear ya

[Iron_Man]

My wife will take my last name, I would be insulted if she did not and would not marry her. I will not break away from tradition I like how Its always been. Its the honorable thing to do the women takes the mans last name.

[Realfire22]

I completely agree with you

[Iron_Man]

Thank you so much

[Maya-Vow]

I'd change my name to his. I mean, I'm his and I'd want everyone to know that lol

[Sara413]

But he's "yours" too, so why not have him take YOUR name?

Obviously, it's a personal choice and whatever choice an individual couple makes is A-OK, but I'm curious as to why you would lean more toward taking his name than him taking yours, or both keeping your own, other than just basic traditionalism.

[Realfire22]

I totally agree with u, chica

[Maya-Vow]

Really, I just want to show how much I love him by doing that. I don't care much for my own last name so having it be replaced with his would be fine with me. Not much thought going into it. I'd just like it.

[Prof_Don]

I'm cool with her either taking my last name, or hyphenating my last name with hers.

Anything else is a dealbreaker.

[Realfire22]

I agree

[Sara413]

May I ask why it would be a deal breaker if she wanted to simply keep her own last name?

[Prof_Don]

@Sara413 I'm a traditionalist when it comes to marriage. The wife not taking the husband's name is way too feminazi for me.

[jokery56]

Id keep my last name. She can keep hers if she wants but id prefer her to have mine. I do want my kida to have my last name. Why? Because they are my kids and i gotta keep my family name going

[Realfire22]

I hear ya

[AleDeEurope]

I'm ok with anything to be honest, but as I plan on staying in America, I want my future kids to have an American last name, so I wouldn't mind taking my wife's last name. After all it's just a name, and my last name may give some problems to pronounce and write for those who just speak English, so to make my kid's life easier (abd my wife's) I would gladly take her last name.

[coldpieceofpizza]

I really love my last name so I wouldn't change it. My parents never got married (but ARE together) so my mom never changed her last name and it's never been a big deal. The only problem that sometimes occurs is when my mom makes an appointment for me or something like that I don't know if she said her own name or mine.

Also if I'm ever engaged to someone and they make a big deal out of me not changing my last name, than that would be a clear sign for me to call off the wedding.

[Sara413]

I will keep my last name. I'd be OK with it if he wanted to take my last name for whatever reason he might have, but I wouldn't expect him to. Example, I do have a guy friend who took his wife's last name because they wanted to share a name, but both liked her last name better (his last name was close in spelling and pronunciation to male genitalia lol)

[523206720]

I would not change my last name because I want to honour my grandparents who died. On facebook I use my grandmother's last name instead of my dad's last name.

[Skadouchebag]

I think that when two people get married, they should both abandon their old last names and decide on a new one together.

[Realfire22]

That's a cute idea. Think you'll start that trend when you get married?

[Skadouchebag]

Probably. Maybe we'll mix and match syllables and\or letters from our old names.

[Realfire22]

That'll be cool :3