I think it's a decision that every couple has to make for themselves. Whatever both partners can agree on is probably the right thing to do.
In my personal case, we had three options: both of us taking my name, both of us taking my wife's name or both of us keeping our names. These are the legal options in Switzerland.
The first of these options was ruled out pretty quickly. Not only did my wife not want to take my name (for ideological reasons I suspect), I also don't have a strong emotional connection to my last name. It's a very... bland name.
The second option mostly appealed to me. I like my wife's name quite a lot, especially because it is both a Korean AND a Swiss/German surname at the same time. So, that's pretty cool. On the other hand, I was a little worried about the big change - not emotionally, but administratively. All the people I would have had to tell about my new name, all the subscriptions and important registers (insurance, hospital, government etc.) I would have had to change... it seemed like quite a pain in the ass.
So, eventually we picked the rather boring third option of keeping our individual surnames.
However, the question is not completely settled because once we have children, we'll have to decide what surname they'll get. I'd like them to have my wife's name just because I think it's a cool name.
Either way, my wife and I still wanted to get married. Not only for legal reasons (those were important in our case) but also for emotional ones. As tacky as it may sound, being married does feel differently. I'm not saying that unmarried relationships can't last. In fact, I believe that works perfectly fine. But I still feel like now that I'm married, something deep inside and between us has changed a little bit. It's like the bond has become even stronger... and with it our trust and our love. At least that's how we feel about it.
Totally agree with your update - although it has nothing to do with my last name. My girlfriend and I met 12 years ago, have lived together for 10, and have three wonderful children together, the first two were unplanned surprises.
We have no desire to be married. We think what we have is natural and beautiful and would be diminished by a silly ceremony and an expensive ring.
For anyone for whom marriage is a religious sacrament, I have nothing but respect. However, as to the rest, marriage licenses are a dime a dozen. They had them out like candy.
Besides, anyone who need a permission slip from the state - the only "contract" that government, since no fault divorce, will NOT enforce - to make their relationship mean something probably has bigger problems with the relationship than they realize. It is a useless piece of paper that mostly gives the government standing to adjudicate property and visitation rights when a couple's eternal love is not eternal anymore.
What my girlfriend and I have is beautiful and frankly we are more devoted to each other than half of the married couples we know. Frankly, except in a religious context, at this point it is meaningless.
In my country, Georgia, Eastern Europe, as a rule women keep their last names. It’s something so natural to me that, to be honest, I would probably not be able to take my husband’s last name, if he was a foreigner. It’s so strange tradition. Georgians rarely to never do it. I would feel like I just lost my identity and I am not the person I am, I would feel really bad. I don’t know if there are people who understand this, but If he insists that I should take his last name, I might as well break up with him. I am willing to compromise on many things but not my last name. It’s our tradition to keep ours. Are there any men who understand this?
Georgian men would understand this and would never ask me to take his last name and our men are very masculine.
Even more... In Georgia some kids have last names of their mothers. Rarely, but still. So I feel like I am not asking our kids to have my last name so please don’t ask me to change mine. It’s a matter of pride and principle for me.
Some kids here have their mother's last name but usually it's because they have no father
I don’t know, this topic is very sensitive to me. I am traditional in this sense and I’m patriot not extremely but I still am deep down. I would seriously see this as an intervention to my identity and would be very sad if he wanted to change my last name. I don’t know why but It’s a big deal for me as for women in my country. I would so love if he let me choose for myself and if I hadn’t choose between my future husband or my last name. XD
@Shutupman less of giving up an identity and more of giving up your father's last name to take your husband's as a sign of commitment to him and your new family.
Giving up your father’s surname for your husband’s was like transferring the title of your car. It’s a new owner, so of course you change names. But since women aren’t property in many countries, there are choices for both parties that don’t have to rely on an ownership transfer.
No it is giving upyour identity, according to the laws here. Everyone knows me by that name, so why change that. Being willing to marry shows commitment and if it's so important to the man he can take the wife's last name. Here if people share the same name it's cause they are blood related, so for a couple that would be incest.
@Shutupman I have to say I find this fascinating. It’d make tracking lineages so much easier.
@Halligan well it's a choice not a property transfel at least not anymore. It's a tradition like marraige itself. Technically the tradition of marraige is about the husband taking over the role the bride's father once held as provider and protector hence why it's still common for the father to give (give like property) the bride away to her husband. But this is 2018 we can choose the patriarchial traditions we want to follow and which ones we want to ignore.
Lmao.. I married a man with kids and I already had kids. Private wedding and small reception. It was beautiful. We played with the idea of making a new last name with my maiden name and his last name, but ultimately we decided to take his name because of the kids’ last names and he plans on adopting mine. So 3 people to change names rather than 6.
@Shutupman if thats the arrangement they come to sure. Plenty of women refuse to marry a man who can't provide what you describe but that's their choice.
@Halligan out of interest your first 3 kids did they have your last name or their father's?
2 kids, I was including myself.
They have their bio father’s sur name. I decided in it because there were only 100 people in the country with that surname, all related. It’s unique and at the time fun. Close to having the last name “Rumplestiltskin”, people will remember you among a sea of Smith’s and Jones.
He’s not in the picture now other than monitarily, my kids and I have bad memories, so they want to change their name. Adoption is expensive and takes a long time, though.
@Shutupman Where are you from?
@Halligan thanks for the answer.
@Shutupman most women these days have expensive tastes, there's a reason most advertising is targeted at women. Also most women if you deceided to split household chores evenly would not climb a ladder to clear the leaves out of the spouting or any other traditional male gender role.
@pervinmervin thank you for saying most instead of all. I used to be a fire medic, so I do a lot on manual labor myself, but my husband fussed at me because I have epilepsy and too much physical activity can trigger issues.
We consider our marriage equal, not me being lesser and have to do the chores and such. I may work outside of the home less than him, but I’m tutoring the kids, doing dr appts and therapies, cooking, helping with his college homework. We clean jointly.
@Shutupman staying at home is extremely difficult and expensive. We decided to do it because if I worked full time, we’d spend more money in child care than we would if I work part time. Daycares can charge twice as much for a disabled child than a typical child. For my kid with spinal cord damage, they want to charge $600-$800 a month because she’s incontinant, but she can change herself. 2 other kids have neuro issues, $400-$500 month each, the other 2 would cost a standard of $200-$300 a month. High end, we’re looking at $2,400 a month in childcare. Low end $1,600.
Hispanic countries don't have this problem either. Women don't change their names after marriage and children will have two last names: 1st from the father and 2nd from the mother, so everybody's happy.
@pleasestopthis that’s awesome
@Shutupman yeah but now a man doesn't to go through with marraige at all and can just live as a common law partner. Which is great. Modern soceity, technology and pharmaceutical products now mean that a man no longer has to be burdened with the long term care and protection of a woman he's in a sexual relationship with just because In the past tradition and biology dictated he must. Now women can earn their own money and take care of themselves men can labour on their own needs and desires. Which is great.
Tradition shows that women have always taken men’s last names over the years. No biggie. There’s 2 ways to look at it you could either say it’s not fair or you could see that it’d benefit you because you get a new last name and the man doesn’t. Feminism is wild these days (in my opinion). Everything is almost equal basically equal and fair ya. Some people want completely equal but every is fine now. The only thing that bugs me is the wrestling team for girls at my school. There is none. Otherwise ya gender roles. And girls should take men’s last name because yea they get a new cool name change.
Why don't you girls start a wrestling team?
A group of girls including me we’ve been trying for a good two years now our school just doesn’t want to start it, I wrestled off a guy fair and square and won yet he got the 132 spot over me a girl which sucks ass. Yikes I sound like a feminist. But yea it’s work in progress for girls wrestling at my school and lots of others.
Wrestling isn't a big sport here. No martial art sports are practiced in schools here but there are outside boxing, judo, taekondo and jujitsu clubs.
https://youtu.be/70ePVvm1tU4
I was a wrestler and there were three girls on my HS wrestling team. They had to wrestle boys because there wasn’t enough girls.
It’s not the man’s fault
Its completely up to the couple. I myself do not want to take my husbands last name for 2 reasons:
1. I work in academia and therefore have an established reputation as a researcher in journals.
2. I promised my grandmother before she died that I would keep my last name (as my father only had girls).
She will have to decide for herself.
I’ve already made the choice that I’m never going to take a man’s last name, simply because the only people with my last name are my immediate family. There’s only 4 of us, with only my brother and I being able to carry it on at this point.
Opinion
79Opinion
u 1. Obviously, it is the traditional way that things are done in Western European and American culture.
2. It certainly should not be a legal requirement. If a professional woman gets married and takes her husband's surname, I would advise her to continue practicing under her maiden name because her reputation and the clientele which follows her will be stronger if she always practices under the same name.
3. I want a woman who embraces most of our traditions so this would have some importance to me but I think people are quite variable on this issue. It just is not important to everyone.
4. It is something which should be discussed prior to a proposal. Afterwards is too late.
5. Most Western European countries no longer recognize common law marriage. Cohabiting will not confer any legal rights or obligations on you. Perhaps you already understand that as I think the term "common law partners" has a unique meaning in the UK.
Generally, yes.
My gal is a published academic under her present name, so it makes sense for her to keep it for work purposes once we've got married.
She'll change to my name for social purposes, though.
Not my business. I want my children to have my name though.
@Pamina hopefully I wouldn't get married to a woman (or man) that I don't know these sorts of things about. If a woman want her child to take her name, or her husband to take hers, or do whatever I don't much care. That's their prerogative 😂
My statement is about what I'd want, not what anyone else does or should want.
Only if she really wants to but she should consider all options.
It helps couples be closer together. She doesn't have to change her name if she doesn't want to. Actually it can be the husband changing if they prefer it that way.
up to the individuals. not for me to say
Generally speaking yes. If she expects the man to take charge, to protect and provide (and make no mistakes, she does no woman wants an egalitarian relationship (their is a reason why those tend to be sexless marriages and generally end in divorce)) and to be the man in the relationship then yes she needs to take his name, it is a sign that she is under his protection, that she is his responsibility and that her well being is dependent on him. Its a sign of respect to him for all the sacrifices he will make for her and if she cannot give that little bit of respect to him, then she does not deserve him. Now if she intends on a true egalitarian relationship, where she pays her half of the bills EVERY SINGLE TIME WITHOUT FAIL, where she gives EXACTLY what she receives and all tasks are split evenly, not based upon what she does or does not like to do but evenly i. e. she mowes the lawn and cleans the gutters as often as he does and she does just as much of what would generally be reffered to as the "mans job", then she should keep her name and him his. However that is not what we see in society and that's not what women want (statistically and anecdotally speaking) and as such she should take his name.
Waiting to see how all these hyphenated names work out. Gal hyphenates her last name (A) with his (B) and becomes A-B. Shildren get that last name. Daughter marries and becomes A-B-C, Unless she marries a guy who has a hyphenated name, in which case she becomes A-B-C-D. And so on. If you want a family to have the same last names, which is the least confusing, then the couple should just agree on one of the last names. If one is a known professional, that person should keep their name and the other should change.
I say yes she should. Men inherit a lot of risk, and not much tangible benefit, to getting married.
This is the ONE tangible thing that a man gets in a marriage (the woman taking on his last name).
If she says no to either taking his last name, or hyphenating the last names together (ex from Allie Mills, to Allie Mills-Swanson), she is being selfish as fuck and not thinking about what the man is getting in the marriage... which is a sign that she isn't marriage material anyways.
Why is it selfish? Why does the woman have to change her birth name? That just feels like losing her origins. I'm glad we don't have that problem here.
@pleasestopthis aren't her or find her father's only if it's she keeps her last name? For me it's a commitment thing.
To me marriage itself represents commitment, not my name. To me my name represents my identity, and it just feels like I have to stop being myself.
@pleasestopthis who says you have to be yourself. To many women they guy asking her to marry her and agreeing to is commitment and for many guys her taking his last name is a sign of her commitment otherwise most guys will discard marraige as an antiquated traditional concept.
It just seems like your country has really shitty marriage laws.
Well it's just a obsolete tradition, like marriage itself really. Kinda strange to want to marry but not follow all the traditions though. Guess it's the feminist mindset of picking and chosing what benefit themself, good luck in the divorce by the way. Back when girls where married into the mans family. At the same time, it make's sense that a married couple and their kids have the same last name, as a family. So i understand it's an issue, when both want to keep their name. Like you said, im not interested in marriage at all, since there is no point and only add problems if/when the couple split up.
Not feminist mindset in my case. In my country it’s a traidition to keep your own last name. Men are quite masculine and manly, they’re heads of families but women still keep last names. It’s a matter of tradition and pride because of my ancestry. I am not willing to take my husband’s last name, in case he’s a foreigner and wants me to do it. Because I am not feminist but emotionally I’d find it very hard to take someone else’s last name. I’d feel like I lost my identity or betrayed myself.
It's up to each woman to decide for herself.
Somewhat unusually, my last name is hyphenated with my first and second husband's last-names. The reason being is because I wanted to have the same last name as my children and I have children by both men.
If I were to get married to someone I would hope they take my name, or if they make it a problem then maybe I'll take theirs, but I just don't want to do the stupid hyphenated name shit. People should pick a name. If we had kids would they have to take a name like Stevens-Robertson? If my Stevens-Robertson son marries some uncomprising woman by the last name of Cruz-Johnston is their kid going to be named David Stevens-Robertson-Cruz-Johnston? Would they fight each other for whose last names get to come first? That just sounds like a viciously annoying world where the paperwork is as hellish as the unecessary arguments going behind the names.
Yes, it's traditional and the way it should be. I took my husband's last name. I kept my first and middle name and took his last name. Our child has his last name.
In my area women always take the man's name sometimes putting her maiden name as her middle name.
If she wants to, sure.
I, personally, do not want to take my hypothetical husband’s last name. If it’s so important that we have the same last name, he can take mine.
Sure if she wants to. Or hyphenate. Or men sometimes take their wives names. Or sometimes couples create new last names.
I know of plenty of women who have a business and connections established in her maiden name for the sake of keeping business easy she just keeps her name when she gets married.
I think it’s up to the couple and dependent on the surname.
If my partner had a surname like “ballsack” I think anyone could understand reservations before jumping at that chance to change their name.
However, there are other scenarios. For instance, if you complete a PhD and then change your surname, the qualification is no longer valid with that name. I could understand someone not wanting to change their name for this.
If she wants to. It's a personal choice that can be influenced by a lot of factors. These days marriages are (or should/can be) equal and fair in other ways so I don't see any REAL reason for a woman to change her name, but I understand that it's tradition. If I get married I'll probably hyphenate my own last name with my husband's. It's important to me not to lose my own name.
I don't fully understand why your partner taking your name determines whether you want to marry her or be common law partners. Depending on where you live it ends up being more or less the same thing, you're just missing out on the romantic ceremony aspect. I feel like you think the commitment is worth less if she doesn't take your name. Why?
@Kkaos There are several options.
-Father's name
-Mother's name
-Combination (unusual but I do know people who have done this)
-Both/hyphenate
-Use one as the last name and one as an additional middle name
I'm open to discussing all of these possibilities. The thing that matters to me is that there's a mutual respect and an understanding that BOTH of our names are important and carry a family legacy.
Hyphenating isn't really practical, nor is a combination. The only practical solution is for the kids to take either the father's last name or the mother's last name. And I would say that the father's last name makes more sense as that's the tradition, like I said, I assume you have your father's last name.
@Kkaos I don't know exactly what you mean by "practical". Hyphenation/both names or a combined name may not appeal to you personally, but there's no real reason why it can't be done. I know people who have gone both those routes and there is nothing "impractical" about it, it's just their name. They absolutely are options. My mom kept her maiden name, and I have my dad's last name as my official last name and my mom's maiden name as an extra middle/last name. Like I've said before, I'm open to a variety of possibilities when making this decision with my SO, I just want it to be a respectful discussion.
It seems like we've completely dropped the idea that not wanting to take your partner's last name is a sign of disinterest. Alrighty then.
No, it's not that. It's just unpractical. Say my last name is 'blah' and my wife's last name name is 'blaah'. We choose to hyphenate our names for our children's last names. So our children's last names are 'bah-blaah'. Now that is their last name name that they grow up with, that's their identity. What happens when they get married and have children and their partner's want to hyphenate as well? You'll have 'blah-blaah-...' as last names. If everyone hyphenated, last names would become ridiculously long as generations go down.
There's got to be a compromise somewhere. Yeah, the way my family did it was we took our dad's last name because of tradition and then our mom chose our middle names.
@Kkaos If I were to hyphenate my children's name that doesn't automatically mean their children have to have 3-4 last names. They can choose not to hyphenate, they can choose one name from each side, or just one name from one side, etc, whatever they want to do. The countless possibilities continue. That's their decision to make, just as this is my decision to make. I'm not going to avoid passing my name onto my children just because it gives them more options to choose from when naming their children. I think they'll be able to handle it. That said, I'm not necessarily set on giving my children hyphenated names. It's just one option and the most straightforward compromise.
@Kkaos Like I said before, they could choose one name from each side. That's a perfectly valid solution; IF every single couple wanted to hyphenate their children's names, choosing one name from each side of the family would keep things manageable for an unlimited number of generations. But I'm not saying that everyone should hyphenate. Each individual/couple should do what they feel comfortable with, what makes them happy, and what works for THEIR situation. Hyphenating IS a compromise- I'm not sure what you mean when you say there has to be compromise.
Well they could, but if the parents went to the trouble of hyphenating the child's last name, that's because neither parent was prepared to compromise by not having their last name carry through to their child, so if the child chose to drop one of their parent's last names, it would generate a level of favoritism and make the parent who's last name the child decided to drop feel let down. It's just pointless in my opinion, might as well make that decision before the child's born. I think hyphenating is stupid.
I used to know a kid who's parents were divorced and one week he'd have his dad's last name, the next week he'd have his mom's last name, depending on who he'd argued with last.
@Kkaos Yeah, I realize that you think it's stupid. You've been pretty clear about that. But it IS a form of compromise- and if you understood what a compromise is, you would realize that. Is it the only way to compromise? No, of course not. But it is a compromise, not a failure to compromise. A compromise is an agreement that is fair and allows both people an equal share of what they need/want. If both people care a lot about passing on their last name, hyphenating accomplishes that. Compromise.
"If both people care a lot about passing on their last name, hyphenating accomplishes that."
Lol, we're going around in circles now.
Both parents want to pass on their last name. So they hyphenate. Ok, but now that leads to the practicality issue when their children get married. Your solution was that their children could drop one of their parent's last names, which defeats the whole purpose of hyphenating last names in the first place. Ultimately one parent is ALWAYS going to have to see their child not retain their last name and that right there is the compromise that must be made.
@Kkaos It's my job to name my children, not my grandchildren. Again, they can do whatever they want. It's their choice. I'm not bothered. Just because I might like to pass my name onto my own children doesn't mean I necessarily expect my name to continue for the next hundred generations- that was never going to be something within my control. IF I chose to hyphenate my children's names- not saying I necessarily will- and IF my children then chose to hyphenate their children's names- not saying they definitely will- then they could still choose one name from my child's side of the family and one name from their partner's side of the family. Each parent is still passing on one name. It's fair and it's a compromise and it works. I don't see the issue.
I don't really mind either way, but I don't think it should be MANDATORY for a wife to take her husband's last name. That shows that the husband has at least some level of control over his wife, and I believe that both partners in a relationship should have equal levels of control.
I will not marry a woman who won't willingly take my last name because of what it says about her priorities, her world view and her attitudes toward men and marriage.
Marriage is already a super risky proposition for men today. The risks and costs to men are huge and the benefits for men have declined substantially over the last 50 years. Marrying the kind of woman who won't take the man's name is a huge red flag that signals a much higher likelihood of problems in the marriage.
I agree. To me it shows commitment on the woman's part.
What if she comes from a country where It’s a tradition to keep her last name? In case you’re both loyal to traditions and she believes in them just as much as you do in yours?
@Pocahontas2000 That's a completely different scenario than the one I was talking about. In the case you describe I'm sure we could find a solution.
@Pocahontas2000 I just read your post. Sounds like in Georgia men and women each keep their last names, so what name do the children take?
In the US the tradition is for all members of a family to have the same last name, which I think is important.
Kids take dad’s last name, unless mom is a last member of certain name, in this case, to keep this name parents might give mother’s name to one of the male child or etc.
Personally I have a friend, he chose to carry his mom’s last name because his mom is one of the last ones who carry this name and he wanted to keep this last name.
I mean I understand this tradition might have been useful over there but in my country women used to keep their last names even in medieval times. It’s something with very deep roots for us and we’re not feminists or something. We don’t even discuss taking husband’s last names becaude men have no problem with it, they also value this tradition as long as kids have their last names.
Seems like you really want your future wife to carry your name, what’s the reason behind it? I would love if you’d explain why does this matter to you so much, because I don’t really fully understand this.
@Pocahontas2000 So in Georgia a mother has a different last name than her children? It's more important to you to keep you last name than to have the same name as your children and you husband. That's different from here but that's totally fine. I completely understand the value of tradition.
For me personally, it's important, for practical and legal reasons, that all members of my family share the same name. We are creating a new family together and we should have the same last name. It's about practicality.
But to further explain the point I tried to make initially, it is tradition in the US, and that tradition is just as strong here as yours is where you live. Combine that tradition with the practical and legal reasons why we should all have the same last name and you can see why there must be a good reason to break from that tradition.
Yes In Georgia all mothers have different last names from their kids and husbands and never had any problem with this. Tbh I find it quite practical.
But yes, I understand. It would be weird if we had not different traditions considering how far Georgia and USA are from each other.
@Pocahontas2000 Hello again. I ran out of time earlier and didn't finish my explanation. I wanted to say that my real problem is this... when a woman goes against that tradition and practicality, it says something very meaningful about her priorities and attitudes, about men and marriage. I know a lot of married women and there is a very noticeable difference between the ones who share their husband's lats name and those who chose not to. The divorce rate is higher among the latter group, the relationships are more strained and they treat their husbands differently, and not is a good way.
That is why I will never marry a woman who won't take my last name. The risks of marriage are already high for a man, and that added factor increases the risk even more. It's not worth it.
Even though that women here don’t take their men’s last names divorce rates are quite low. I mean, If an American woman doesn’t take their husband’s last name, I can see why you find it hard to accept it but If a Georgian woman marries a foreigner and doesn’t take their last name It means they’re traditional in their own way. But not a problem as long as Georgians and Americans don’t have to marry each other or if they do, they respect each other’s traditions and find a way in the middle. So the discussion about this topic between us probably won’t make any sense, because we come from very different backgrounds and I’m sure you’ll find it very easy to meet a woman from your country who will be more than happy to take your last name :)
@Pocahontas2000 Thanks. To be honest I would not mind marrying a Georgian woman who wanted to keep her last name because her motives for doing it are completely different than women here in the US. The issue here is not so much women keeping their last names... it's that it is such a strong indication of a feminist mindset and an anti-male attitude. The correlation between a woman keeping her last name and a high divorce rate is strong.
Anyway, thank you for chatting. I have learned some things about Georgian people and tradition and I appreciate you taking the time to explain it to me. :)
Probably one more reason, I see it as losing my identity is that, since only foreigners want their wives to have their last names, for me it would be kinda sign of forgetting my ancestry which I am proud of. And Georgians are like only 4 millions in the whole world, so I’d like to stay Georgian with my all, even If I married someone not Georgian. I would want my kids to be proud as well that they have Georgian origins. That’s it for me. It’s stupid to be proud of your country, because I did nothing to be born here, but I am proud of my ancestors, who kept this small country independent, even though we were Inbetween Russian, Ottoman, Persian and Byzantine Empires, they still made it to this time.
I appreciate you understand and also thank you for explaining, I found it very hard to get why men wanted wives to take their last names. Now I can understand.
I think, if kids are involved, then it is best to have a unified name to represent the family. This could be the husband's, the wife's or a hyphenated version.
My wife kept hers. We don't want or plan on any kids so it does not make a huge difference.
Honestly, I think it depends on the couple and I don't think a woman should be forced to change her last name if she doesn't want to...
That being said, I've always looked forward to the idea of changing my last name when married and find the idea of keeping my own unappealing.
It should be her choice.
I told my wife she didn't need to change her last name to mine; I was fine with her keeping her last name and knew that changing names could be a pain in the ass. However, she wanted to change her last name to mine to feel connected to me.
It's up to her, if she want to hyphenate, that fine, if she wants to keep her last name, that's fine. I think what should happen is that we need to do something to the names like put a symbol before or after the last name that shows so. eone is married, like a infinity symbol or something. That way people can keep their last name, and draw the symbol and then you know they are taken.
Or after the last name they could draw that hangman thing like the game hangman, except there is no guessing. It's just about how you feel and how many years you've been married. It starts off like an underscore, then you draw the apparatus, then the rope, then you start drawing the head in the noose, and the face and body.
I dont care, if its the man or the woman, but one of them should take the others name.
I think its just weird, when a married couple has different names.
That was always my stance at this topic. I would be quite happy, if my wife would take my name, but if she wouldn't want to, I'd had no problems with taking hers.
My wife legally hyphenated her name with mine, but she uses mine alone in social circumstances. I did hear about one couple that outright changed both of their last names to something different entirely, making their name unique to their marriage. I think that is really cool, and it beats your kids having to choose which hyphenated name they’re going to keep when they get married if you both hyphenate.
My husband doesn’t like his last name. We toyed with the idea of creating a new last name from our maiden names, but ultimately I took his last name because he already had children (with his sur name). We are hoping he can adopt mine in the future.
Eh. I would not think it was a big thing. I go by a stage name, as I don’t want to be associated with a few members of my family (and for some reason, strangers have trouble with my name, even though it’s not difficult). I teach also, and write, so I don’t always want students finding where I live, etc. That being said, I’d prefer her to use my last name (stage or otherwise).
I love how most men said yes, yet if they were asked to give up their last name, take their wife’s and have their actual last name be referred to as “maiden’s name”, all they’d say is “i’m a man, i won’t have to!”.
Male privilege&ego&a sense op superiority in the western world is still there.
Out well over 100 responses your the only one I've actually downvoted.
Living in the first world means you are born with privledge.
Yet when that western world went bullying other societies where women were already equal - the western woman had no problem with it, supported her man.
It's only after he lost that she got all angry and wanted to get equal.
See a pattern there?
@soleil2666 I've not a clue to what you are trying to say?
The Soviet Union had male female equality ages ago. So did/do all of the communist countries - it's pretty much based on all people being equal.
@soleil2666 and what happened to this Soviet utopia surely it should still be around of it was so great?
Gees - I lived in it and you'll tell me to read up on it. Well done, genius brain.
What happened to it is the big greedy west came and sabotaged it.
The fact it got feudalised in execution didn't help it either.
I belive its more of a choice like weather the wife wants that or not also in some cultures and religion with if can't take her şuanda last name.. However as for me I can't wait to take my husband last name I want to be his in every aspect.
Just for convenience and social identity, yes. Especially if you have or plan on having kids it's nice to have the same last night as a family. It's no big deal if she doesn't though especially with no kids.
Nice stems by-the-way.
Legs. Nice legs, based on your profile pic.
LOL no worries.
1. If she's not into her man enough to take his last name that marriage is dooomed already.
2. Why bother with the marriage? Just give each other the medical power of attorney and such.
Why is it a sign of disinterest for a woman to want to keep her own name, but not for a man to want to keep his own name?
@samhradh_leannan just one of those kiss of death things. If a woman isn't willing to take his last name he really should not legally wed her.
But why? Should a woman not wed a man if he's not willing to take her last name?
@samhradh_leannan generally speaking it's women who complain about men refusing to get married
I've seen both but yeah, it happens. So?
If not wanting to take her husband's name means a woman isn't interested, then not wanting to take his wife's last name must mean a man isn't interested. Some women may be anxious to get married, but that doesn't mean they should marry a guy who's not fully committed and interested.
@samhradh_leannan which sex generally speaking is the one complaining about men refusing to committ?
So you're saying women should be desperate enough to marry a partner who is not interested enough to change their name for marriage, but MEN deserve a partner who is fully committed.
@samhradh_leannan false equivalency.
@samhradh_leannan and gtfo.
@samhradh_leannan I'm not saying who deserves what I'm just stating most men's attitudes to that scenario and what they would do in the exercise of their own free will. I take the world the way it is not how I would like it.
I'd say its optional as sometimes husbands take the wifes name OuO and just swap it with theirs or just add it to their own and as such say. Something along the lines of there honey XD. No need to change your name so quit complaining XD.
Well, after two years with me, my swedish girlfriend still finds it difficult to pronounce my hungarian surname. I think pronouncing properly her future surname would be the hardest thing of her married life. 😂
It's a way of showing that the two are *cough* -United in Marriage-, that's kind of the whole point. If he happens to want to take on her last name fine, but if she keeps her last name and he keeps his then that's just nuts
Anyone looking at this from a personal point of view? As in my last name is part of my identity. It's my NAME! Why would I want to change my personal name for any reason? (Except for the rare cases when someone just doesn't like theirs.) I was BORN with it. It FEELS weird being called by an unfamiliar new name.
Is that the reason you're around 40 and not married :-)?
@soleil2666 Nice try. But sorry, you missed. Is that the reason why you're so bitter and so single?
And apparently don't have a good IQ.
My opinion the marriage is old fashioned how i say before in other same questions it's more better with long therm relationship any many ways. So i am think it's better to keep her last name, even the kids if they want , they can choose after, or both parents last names.
Marriage is about becoming one, not two separate people who live together. If the man is the spiritual leader of the family, it should be his name, even if it is just tradition
I don't care, as long as the children have MY name, she can keep her name with herself if she likes it that much
Only mine, not hers included with mine*
Lol on the down vote😂😂
You mad bruh?
The downvote is pink
Yeah, but I don't think there is a female version of the statement 😂
I think it's understandable that you want your children to have your last name, but if it's so important to you, you should understand if your wife feels the same way.
@samhradh_leannan I would never force my wife to do anything against her will...
but that only applies to her and when it comes to the kids, they're technically only mine as if ever we get divorced, I'm pretty much guaranteed by the "patriarchal" Justice system to have the kids stay with me😎
So I don't give an f if she wants to name the kids with her last name...
They WILL be named after me period 😂😂
I don't mind taking his name, but I also don't see anything wrong in keeping yours too.. there can always be "-" between the names... it's up to the couple's preferences
Other-she shouldn't have to do anything, it should be a choice. This is one of those things that there is no right or wrong choice.
The Nordic countries have an excellent tradition. The woman takes the mother's first name and then adds "dottir". And the son takes the father's first name and adds "son/sen". For example, Jorgensen or Helgasdottir. They then keep those names.
It depends on each couple whether the woman should take his last name, or the other way around, or whether they should just both keep their last names.
It just depends on what each person wants.
It's not my thing, but every woman should do as she pleases...
My siblings are all women and I'm not going to let my surname end here... so I'll be keeping mine and the kid will just have both.
We had the same problem, I think they copy from western.
I dont care about the question
but I still hear their theory if I have time.
cause I know the position of Chauvinism
She should smash the patriarchy by keeping her fathers fathers fathers fathers last name. Take that sexism!
honestly if someone is offering you to join their family and start a new family together as a single unit, all united by the last name, shouldn't it be seen as an honour?
As far as I'm concerned this would be up to her. I wouldn't care either way.
If I liked her last name better I'd consider taking hers!
After marriage, a new last name should be forged.
Instead of taking the last name of either, the last name should be created by agreement of both partners.
I always wanted the last name, ElCapatain
If you wanna be traditional, she should
But it’s her decision in the end
Also his decision whether or not to accept her choice.
And women wonder why less and less guys are enthusiastic about marriage.
I would never force a girl to take my last name (it’s very long). But I would be disappointed and part of me would wonder if she cares more about equal rights bullshit than our marriage.
Should she? No. As in, it should not be a legal requirement. People can do whatever they want with their names whether or not they're married.
I think it should be up to the couple. I’m taking his last name when I get married next month, but I know some people who don’t want to change.
It's a woman's prerogative to do as she wishes.
I shall be one who will be taking my husband's surname later this year.
If she wants to, yes. If he wants to take hers, fine too. Or both want to keep theirs, or create a mix. Whatever they prefer.
It is just a name, who cares? And if they care then they can figure it out themselves because I sure as hell won't bother.
No. I never understood the point of it. And even if I do, I wouldn't do it anyway because my religion forbids it.
@Papavera us it necessary?
Is* it
@Papavera Islam.
@Papavera hehe you're welcome 😀
If she wants too! Personally I would but each to their own!
I would be happy and proud to take my husband last name.
I really don't see why it matters... I'm not attached to names in the slightest...
I’m cool with either but it really should be respect to the husband to continue his family name. Mine dies with me
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