Thing 1 & Thing 2.
I don't see why I get a thumbs down. I guess they understood to well. Its about choice for the women ! Not some women's right thing or omg the man is getting his way again. If she wants to she will. Simply done
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Post continued; I am adopted. I love my family. However... when out in public people would be like “oh, you belong to that family” I’m black and my family is Dutch lol. I said “I am part of the family but I don’t belong to anyone.” I did have several foster homes so that kinda did shape why I wanted to change my name. I wanted to pick my name as an adult before getting into social work. I picked a first and middle name after Both sides of my adoptive parents family’s and came up with my own last name for myself. For me it was me being me, identity and (wasn’t all that close with the Padres side). It was something that I wanted to do though. I wouldn’t expect my future spouse to take my name if they didn’t want it. Hell, if she was only only child I would be open to hyphenating to hers! (I’m pretty easy going with a lot)It was A LOT of work though.. things to change over.. birth cert, social security, adoption cert, professional licenses, car titles, loans, bank accounts, my degrees and with work/ emails.I thought for myself it was with it even though I’m not married but I’m for it if she wants to change her name, for it if she wants to hyphenate names, for it if she wanted to come up with something just for our family and start new and for it if she didn’t want to take my name. Her choice. At the end of the day, I feel if you love the person, everything will work out.. you shouldn’t let something like a name get in the way of that.
However, her original surname is from a man she is a blood relative of and has some historic significance. When it comes to giving the kids' names, that's negotiable. Hyphenation is OK or adopting middle names etc...
Now you are a good girl!
And what are you going to do for her?
@kim45456 What will I do for her? For starters, I will agree to marry her despite the fact that the odds of divorce today are very high, and women initiate about 85% of divorces, men typically get screwed big time by the legal system during divorce, and women tend to take full advantage of that bias. I will also agree to be the father of her children even though as a father I have virtually zero reproductive rights and much fewer parental rights, and if we divorce I know I will likely not be given equal consideration by the courts in terms of child custody. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I don't think its too uh to ask that my family all share the same last name and that it be my name. It's a small sacrifice for her to make to take my name and show she values family more than her feminist ideology.
@kim45456 For a little more comprehensive view of the sacrifices men make when they get married, have a look at this short but accurate article.www.huffpost.com/.../8-reasons-men-dont-want-t_b_3467778You feminists work very hard at trying to achieve your notion of "equality", but you often seem to focus on only one side of the equation, and you seem to focus so much on the details that you ompletely miss the big picture. This particular issue is a great example of how feminists often miss the forest for the trees. In your quest to make every "tree" a female friendly one you have all but destroyed the entire forest (marriage) for men. Most men today are very reluctant to even enter that forest anymore.
Laws are made by men. It your People yours genders fault
@kim45456 Seriously, is that all you have? That may well be the biggest cop yet from a feminist. Our legal system, including judges and lawyers, is comprised of both men and women, so your claim is of course false. But it is beside the point... women are then ones taking full advantage of the bias in the courts and screwing men out of their assets and children. That is ALL on women. You women want to have your cake and eat it too, and it is your fault the institution of marriage is failing. If you don't pull your heads out of your collective asses and stop ruining marriage for men, it will soon be a thing of the past and you will have no one to thank but yourselves.
I dont support all unfair shit against men.
@kim45456 You clearly support some of it because you unfairly (and falsely) blame men for it, which is classic feminist behavior.
@Poppykate My older brother has taken on his wifes surname (a lot bigger story than can be explained on here unfortunately) but I've never understood why we have paternal family trees, without sounding crude the maternal family tree is always going to be more authentic!
If her identity is having $100k+ in student loans and low income jobs and his identity is making $100k+ in his sleep... his identity is worth more. Just for example. Women tend to marry up. That's why they're complaining about not having lots of options now that many of them have careers. Seems the guys who are above them aren't that interested.
I got your point but gold digging is not gender based. What if we reverse the situation where woman earning more through her identity and male is in crisis? Would the man change his surname?
I know male gold diggers... I don’t consider those to be masculine men. They are guys who are okay with the wife bossing them around 100% of the time just to get some coins. But the vast majority of women aren’t interested in marrying a guy like that.I don’t think of a woman as a ‘gold digger’ just cause she married up. If she uses fraud/intentionally misrepresented herself to hook a guy that’s bad
What about the future when 2 hyphenated families get married? Doing the hyphen thing just pushes the problem into the future. like we did with climate change
In many countries (including mine) girl's last names are "girly" untill they get married and when they adobt husband's last name it becomes one of a adult woman. You can pretty much tell by last names if she's married or not, similarly how mrs. Or ms. Abbribiations used in English language, so there is certain advantage to it. If you came from culture where this wasn't normal for literally 1000 of years you may find it strange though.
Wow so many butthurt men dislike you
@throwawaytime the only 'problem' that we face is that when we move abroad to a place where they have such rulings of family names, it confuses people when they see us with all different names especially in official documents. But it's because these idiots expect us to be like them to begin with, they can't think for once that their norm isn't everyone's norm. But it never causes any serious trouble so we're good anyway.
@kim45456 lol imagine being butthurt about the fact that somewhere around the world their norm isn't ours. "OMG, HOW DARE YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT CULTURE FROM OURS, HERE'S A DOWNVOTE"
I didn't downvote though lol. I also made comment on this question, that sometimes men adopt their spouse last name. But thats rare. Overall I really think its no big deal
@throwawaytime well that's good to know!
What a good girl!
Yup. Even with zero red flags: 50% chance she's going to azz-rape you in divorce eventually. No matter how good of a husband you are. So you'd be a fool to marry a woman showing signs that she's not into traditional marriage sacrifices yet wants traditional marriage benefits.
@hahahmm I don't think the odds are QUITE that bad, but yeah--this would be a red flag.
Stats say 50% of marriages end in divorce! 80% are initiated by the wife. So yeah, it is that bad. That's one of the reasons the number of guys with resources enthusiastic about marriage has fallen towards zero. Women are getting real worried about it now.
@hahahmm I'm skeptical about that stat, but do agree it's a strong possibility. I also agree that lots of factors beyond your control can lead to divorce. And yeah if you're a guy with resources, unless you're really religious there's really no good reason at all to get married until you're ready to have kids.
Selfish. She is the one who carry 9 months long while you bastard dont do a shit. The kids have to get her last name
@kim45456, you carried a baby for 9 months & then cash in for 18-40. Boo hoo. Cry me a river. You wanted that baby to make yourself feel good not because you were forced to have it. But let’s say your value is in child bearing. Then your uselessness ends the second the child doesn’t need your milk. Better think about it before you go beating your chest. A man with resources is useful his whole life. Which is why you women love to marry up.
@opinion owner go google it. Don’t take my word for it
I can provide my kid on my own without a looser man like you
@kim45456 Yeah--zero interest in pairing up with a girl who insists the kids have her last name. I'm fine with some people wanting that but it's not for me. Best to know that up front so everyone is better off.
@kim45456 Not really. Almost 30% of single moms have mental issues according to Psychologists. Double the number of moms who aren't single. It turns out that you being single is a good indicator of your UN fitness to be in a healthy relationship. It also turns out that single moms raise boys to be feminine & girls to be masculine. And I'm quite sure you're taking some kind of government assistance or child support. You gave yourself away when you said, "She is the one who carry 9 months long while you bastard dont do a shit" ... the only value you know yourself to have is in being a baby factory. You know, just like cats, dogs and kangaroos do all the time. Big whoop.
@hahahmm Yeah, so far as I can tell the whole POINT of marriage is having kids. That's why I'd say you really shouldn't even bother with it until you're ready to have kids. And then once you do, the point of most things should be about the kids.
Are you all stupid. I said i can provide my kids without any financial support from men. He can stay home, if he wants but men like you is useless and nothing but a sperm bank
@kim45456 Wow--you're making a very convincing case. Where do I sign up for that?
To be honest you both are like 40. I dont understand why i care what old men think about women decisions
Such a good good girl!
That's a good girl!
Those guys sound weak. They should have had the balls to change their own last name to something they chose and OWN it before getting married.
Possible, theese cases are rare and I always find them comical. I honestly think its no big deal at the end
I would disown a son who took his wife’s name.
What has that to do with feminism. Why do women have to give up their identity?
Very good girl!
How? If she takes your name, she can give birth to another man kids under your name and you have to pay for them havaha
How can you expect your wife to take your name if you've said elsewhere that you wouldn't be the primary provider? The woman traditionally takes the man's last name because it's the man's household because he's the person financially providing for it. If you don't want to do that, then you lose all justification for the woman to take your last name.
Women just want all benefits and privileges while contributing nothing. Opinions of users don't matter to me.
Besides, I wouldn't get legally married again because I already know it is just a way for her to try to steal from me. If women didn't want to steal from men they would be in favor of changing marriage/divorce laws/rulings. But they aren't because they are thieves.
Well I personally think that no-fault divorce shouldn't exist. But regardless, you don't have a right to expect the woman to take your family-name if you're not the one providing for the family.
@mistixs Then she doesn't have a right to expect the man to defend/protect her either. He should just stand there if someone breaks in the house and watch her get beaten or whatever else happens to her. lol
Yeah because it's not like people in general have a moral responsibility to protect other people from physical harm, regardless of whether it's your wife or anyone else. /sarcasm
@mistixs If there is a moral responsibility to protect others then why don't more women protect en from legally getting screwed over in divorce and with child rights?