Should a woman change her last name after marriage?

[Anonymous]

[Budjy]

For years I have always thought marriage today was always a silly concept unless you were both religious, same as valentines day. Why do I need a day, or an event to affirm that I love or am 'officially' with a person, it just seemed like a lot of money that would be better spent on things that actually did something.

Recently though, related to your question (hence the context) I changed my mind. I think both people should change their last name, I see marriage now as more of a ceremony that you're now both recognised as a joined family.

So in light of that, I think you should both take on each others names - you could also create a new name which is a mix of the two.

So in short, I think it makes sense to marry if the woman AND the man both change their names to encompass the two - to signify you're part of those respective families.

[hahahmm]

Thing 1 & Thing 2.

[xkildy]

I think you have the question wrong !! It's not should a women change her last name it's. Will she change her last name? Cause in the age of choices we choose to be apart of our husbands life and we take on that with the name change. If your marrying him out of love and wanting to live with him your whole life that means you want to share his life and bear his children. (Talked about before marriage) incase he does not want a child and you do.
You take on his last name as being a part of him now. Does that explain it

[xkildy]

I don't see why I get a thumbs down. I guess they understood to well. Its about choice for the women ! Not some women's right thing or omg the man is getting his way again. If she wants to she will. Simply done

[jennifer_bloom]

Its not mandatory but I think its a smart idea. If you and your husband have the same last name - people will be more likely to see you two as living in harmony with one another and agreeing with one another and happy with the relationship and have no intention of severing your bond. I know two people who could not change their last name because there sister in law had the same first name as the wife so if she changed her last name she would have the exact same name as her sister in law but before I learned this reason - I assumed the wife and husband argued a lot cause they had different last names.

[AlienParasite]

For me changing last names makes no sense and it's a weird custom that haven't existed in my country since medieval times, and therefore I don't understand why other countries keep it. In any case it's an offense to the woman's family to be erased that way. Plus seems a bit messy when it comes to identification documents.

However if you belong to a country where this is the custom, it's expected for you to do so, and if you don't follow the custom you would be seen as not enaugh in love or not able to commit.

[Carbon-12]

I think it is up to them. if they want to great, if they don't great.
Personally I would keep my maiden name as a middle name and get a new last name, this is what my mom did. I see marriage as binding yourself to another, sharing yourself completely. So it makes sense to me to also share in their name.

[jlee18]

I say only if she wants to. I was trying to find a more scholarly find but I don’t have enough point to post an article lol.

Back in the day, woman were required to change names because it was a law and woman were seen as one with their hubbys. Kinda like they were owned/ property is how I kinda looked at it which isn’t cool.

I feel anyone should feel free to choose whatever name they want. I do see how sharing the same last name as a family could bring closeness and I would agree that I would like that. but no one should changed their identities just because of silly tradition. Be you, talk with your partners and see if you could come up with a compromise and or, they may not care.

[jlee18]

Post continued;

I am adopted. I love my family. However... when out in public people would be like “oh, you belong to that family” I’m black and my family is Dutch lol. I said “I am part of the family but I don’t belong to anyone.”

I did have several foster homes so that kinda did shape why I wanted to change my name. I wanted to pick my name as an adult before getting into social work. I picked a first and middle name after Both sides of my adoptive parents family’s and came up with my own last name for myself. For me it was me being me, identity and (wasn’t all that close with the Padres side). It was something that I wanted to do though.

I wouldn’t expect my future spouse to take my name if they didn’t want it. Hell, if she was only only child I would be open to hyphenating to hers! (I’m pretty easy going with a lot)

It was A LOT of work though.. things to change over.. birth cert, social security, adoption cert, professional licenses, car titles, loans, bank accounts, my degrees and with work/ emails.

I thought for myself it was with it even though I’m not married but I’m for it if she wants to change her name, for it if she wants to hyphenate names, for it if she wanted to come up with something just for our family and start new and for it if she didn’t want to take my name. Her choice. At the end of the day, I feel if you love the person, everything will work out.. you shouldn’t let something like a name get in the way of that.

[MissKittyz]

You don't have to, your choice really. But I personally will take my fiancé's last name when we get married because I love him and want to officially be his forever and ever :) and have our kids have his name too so everyone knows we are a big family :)

[horriblesheikh]

Now you are a good girl!

[Anonymous]

Women should continue to change their last name if they want marriage to not disappear completely. It's one of the last remaining benefits of marriage for men. Over the last 40 years most of the benefits of marriage for men have disappeared while the risks and costs of marriage for men have continued to rise. Take away this last remaining benefit and most men will just say fuck it.

Another consideration is the mindset of a woman who wants to keep her last name. Personally, I would never marry a woman who wouldn't enthusiastically choose to take my last name. That decision on her part would tell me everything I need to know about her mindset, her priorities and her worldview to know with certainty that she is not someone I would want to commit my life to.

[kim45456]

And what are you going to do for her?

[Opinion Owner]

@kim45456 What will I do for her? For starters, I will agree to marry her despite the fact that the odds of divorce today are very high, and women initiate about 85% of divorces, men typically get screwed big time by the legal system during divorce, and women tend to take full advantage of that bias. I will also agree to be the father of her children even though as a father I have virtually zero reproductive rights and much fewer parental rights, and if we divorce I know I will likely not be given equal consideration by the courts in terms of child custody. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. I don't think its too uh to ask that my family all share the same last name and that it be my name. It's a small sacrifice for her to make to take my name and show she values family more than her feminist ideology.

[Opinion Owner]

@kim45456 For a little more comprehensive view of the sacrifices men make when they get married, have a look at this short but accurate article.

www.huffpost.com/.../8-reasons-men-dont-want-t_b_3467778

You feminists work very hard at trying to achieve your notion of "equality", but you often seem to focus on only one side of the equation, and you seem to focus so much on the details that you ompletely miss the big picture. This particular issue is a great example of how feminists often miss the forest for the trees. In your quest to make every "tree" a female friendly one you have all but destroyed the entire forest (marriage) for men. Most men today are very reluctant to even enter that forest anymore.

[kim45456]

Laws are made by men. It your People yours genders fault

[Opinion Owner]

@kim45456 Seriously, is that all you have? That may well be the biggest cop yet from a feminist. Our legal system, including judges and lawyers, is comprised of both men and women, so your claim is of course false. But it is beside the point... women are then ones taking full advantage of the bias in the courts and screwing men out of their assets and children. That is ALL on women. You women want to have your cake and eat it too, and it is your fault the institution of marriage is failing. If you don't pull your heads out of your collective asses and stop ruining marriage for men, it will soon be a thing of the past and you will have no one to thank but yourselves.

[Opinion Owner]

*cop out

[kim45456]

I dont support all unfair shit against men.

[Opinion Owner]

@kim45456 You clearly support some of it because you unfairly (and falsely) blame men for it, which is classic feminist behavior.

[Poppykate]

Change it... maybe... take it- definitely. When I was younger I would have definitely changed my name for a man. ( say in my 20s) Now that I am older, and have achieved a lot by my name, I am quite attached to it. I think if I did get married I would attach his name to mine.

[AndrewMG]

@Poppykate My older brother has taken on his wifes surname (a lot bigger story than can be explained on here unfortunately) but I've never understood why we have paternal family trees, without sounding crude the maternal family tree is always going to be more authentic!

[slipperydip1994]

It's traditional, however the couple themselves can choose how they want to do the whole surname arrangement thing... does the guy take her surname... does she take his surname... do they join both surnames... endless possibilities. I don't mind either way.

[mistixs]

If he's the primary provider, then yes, because she's entering his household because he's the one paying for it. But if they want an egalitarian relationship in which the woman provides equally, then there's no more justification for the woman to take the man's last name, because it's equally her own household.

[Gotcha_Writer10]

I mean, why not get it hyphenated? That way everyone wins!!! Though if he didn't like that, then id expect him to comprise with the name of our son if we had one. Where i could pick his middle name to be my dads name. Since thats the tradition in my family with boys getting the mothers fathers name as their middle one. Then id be happy.

[orangecherry]

What about the future when 2 hyphenated families get married? Doing the hyphen thing just pushes the problem into the future. like we did with climate change

[CubsterShura]

I don't think so. I don't get why anyone should be changing their last name after marriage, like what the heck. When I first heard that such a thing exists somewhere on this planet and not only have people taken it as a norm but also some people living here think imitating that stupid thing is somehow cool... I never got it and I'll never get it. I'm not changing my surname after marriage.

[throwawaytime]

In many countries (including mine) girl's last names are "girly" untill they get married and when they adobt husband's last name it becomes one of a adult woman. You can pretty much tell by last names if she's married or not, similarly how mrs. Or ms. Abbribiations used in English language, so there is certain advantage to it. If you came from culture where this wasn't normal for literally 1000 of years you may find it strange though.

[kim45456]

Wow so many butthurt men dislike you

[CubsterShura]

@throwawaytime the only 'problem' that we face is that when we move abroad to a place where they have such rulings of family names, it confuses people when they see us with all different names especially in official documents. But it's because these idiots expect us to be like them to begin with, they can't think for once that their norm isn't everyone's norm. But it never causes any serious trouble so we're good anyway.

[CubsterShura]

@kim45456 lol imagine being butthurt about the fact that somewhere around the world their norm isn't ours. "OMG, HOW DARE YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT CULTURE FROM OURS, HERE'S A DOWNVOTE"

[throwawaytime]

I didn't downvote though lol. I also made comment on this question, that sometimes men adopt their spouse last name. But thats rare. Overall I really think its no big deal

[CubsterShura]

@throwawaytime well that's good to know!

[jaju45]

Not really.. Generally people marry around the age of 30. By this age, each one has its own identity formed in the society. So it may get affected after sudden change.

But it's upto that woman. If she wants to she can change her name.

She should not be pressurized.

[hahahmm]

If her identity is having $100k+ in student loans and low income jobs and his identity is making $100k+ in his sleep... his identity is worth more. Just for example. Women tend to marry up. That's why they're complaining about not having lots of options now that many of them have careers. Seems the guys who are above them aren't that interested.

[jaju45]

I got your point but gold digging is not gender based. What if we reverse the situation where woman earning more through her identity and male is in crisis? Would the man change his surname?

[hahahmm]

I know male gold diggers... I don’t consider those to be masculine men. They are guys who are okay with the wife bossing them around 100% of the time just to get some coins. But the vast majority of women aren’t interested in marrying a guy like that.

I don’t think of a woman as a ‘gold digger’ just cause she married up. If she uses fraud/intentionally misrepresented herself to hook a guy that’s bad

[kc1974]

It really, truly does not matter to me. It is entirely up to the individual woman whether she wants to or not. My ex-wife did take my last name when we got married, mainly because she had bad relations with her family and wanted to do so. I would have been happy either way. She is now remarried and has taken her new husband's last name, which is totally fine as well.

[mermaidia_lol]

I'm going to do this when I marry.

I love tradition and taking his last name really makes me feel like I'm his woman. That's something special.

But if a woman desires not to have her surname changed, she could just add on to the original. It's what my mom did.

[horriblesheikh]

What a good girl!

[Gods_Gift]

It's up to her. Likewise for the husband. Thing is, if she doesn't she'll just stick with her father's name - one way or another she's receiving a surname from a man.
Unless we have a new pattern of girls getting their surname from their mother... but then the mother will have got it from her father, and so on.

[Screenwriter]

However, her original surname is from a man she is a blood relative of and has some historic significance. When it comes to giving the kids' names, that's negotiable. Hyphenation is OK or adopting middle names etc...

[SivaManohar]

It's her wish. She may change or not. It's ok if she changes but it's wonderful when she adds both surname just like "Aishwarya Rai Bachan". It would be more pleasing and happy to a husband to have both the names than just changing her name.

To be Frank my mother uses her father's surname even today after 30+ years of marriage than her husband's. Even in every legal paper.

[Jersey2]

It is best to be one family, including the kids. She only has her father’s name anyway. the male name can be traced back using dna as Y DNA can be traced through recent generations and a common name helps. Midoconrial dna cannot be traced in recent generations.

[Anonymous]

This is definitely one of those things that as a guy it's a good idea to get a sense of how strongly she feels about this early on. Because it's probably not a great indicator of a harmonious life for you to come if she's super rigid about refusing to take your name. Even worse if she's insisting on something different for the kids.

[hahahmm]

Yup. Even with zero red flags: 50% chance she's going to azz-rape you in divorce eventually. No matter how good of a husband you are. So you'd be a fool to marry a woman showing signs that she's not into traditional marriage sacrifices yet wants traditional marriage benefits.

[Opinion Owner]

@hahahmm I don't think the odds are QUITE that bad, but yeah--this would be a red flag.

[hahahmm]

Stats say 50% of marriages end in divorce! 80% are initiated by the wife. So yeah, it is that bad. That's one of the reasons the number of guys with resources enthusiastic about marriage has fallen towards zero. Women are getting real worried about it now.

[Opinion Owner]

@hahahmm I'm skeptical about that stat, but do agree it's a strong possibility. I also agree that lots of factors beyond your control can lead to divorce. And yeah if you're a guy with resources, unless you're really religious there's really no good reason at all to get married until you're ready to have kids.

[kim45456]

Selfish. She is the one who carry 9 months long while you bastard dont do a shit. The kids have to get her last name

[hahahmm]

@kim45456, you carried a baby for 9 months & then cash in for 18-40. Boo hoo. Cry me a river. You wanted that baby to make yourself feel good not because you were forced to have it. But let’s say your value is in child bearing. Then your uselessness ends the second the child doesn’t need your milk. Better think about it before you go beating your chest. A man with resources is useful his whole life. Which is why you women love to marry up.

[hahahmm]

@Opinion owner go google it. Don’t take my word for it

[kim45456]

I can provide my kid on my own without a looser man like you

[Opinion Owner]

@kim45456 Yeah--zero interest in pairing up with a girl who insists the kids have her last name. I'm fine with some people wanting that but it's not for me. Best to know that up front so everyone is better off.

[hahahmm]

@kim45456 Not really. Almost 30% of single moms have mental issues according to Psychologists. Double the number of moms who aren't single. It turns out that you being single is a good indicator of your UN fitness to be in a healthy relationship. It also turns out that single moms raise boys to be feminine & girls to be masculine. And I'm quite sure you're taking some kind of government assistance or child support. You gave yourself away when you said, "She is the one who carry 9 months long while you bastard dont do a shit" ... the only value you know yourself to have is in being a baby factory. You know, just like cats, dogs and kangaroos do all the time. Big whoop.

[Opinion Owner]

@hahahmm Yeah, so far as I can tell the whole POINT of marriage is having kids. That's why I'd say you really shouldn't even bother with it until you're ready to have kids. And then once you do, the point of most things should be about the kids.

[kim45456]

Are you all stupid. I said i can provide my kids without any financial support from men. He can stay home, if he wants but men like you is useless and nothing but a sperm bank

[Opinion Owner]

@kim45456 Wow--you're making a very convincing case. Where do I sign up for that?

[kim45456]

To be honest you both are like 40. I dont understand why i care what old men think about women decisions

[Киттйлинк]

It’s always optional it’s never should you or should you not. It’s whatever you want. Nobody really cares what your name is unless it’s a super weird awkward name or a really cool one.

I always prefer whatever sounds better together... or added.

[nachosaresexy]

Of the the cultural stuff we do, this one kinda makes sense... keeps it simple for the kids. Some women like their lengthy hyphenated names, and that's cool, but expecting your kid to go by Brayden Shexnater-Dombrosky is pretty crazy.

[SElizabethMaria]

For sure. It is a nice tradition to signify the two marrying and starting a new life together! I am going to take his name when I get married - I want him to know that I am his.

[horriblesheikh]

Such a good good girl!

[Randomawkwardness]

No, they don't have to. I plan on keeping my last name because it's a family name going back hundreds of years and if I have any children, they will have it too.

[sapphireruby]

Its a personal choice. I would change my name if I got married because I don't like the idea of my child having two last names and its tradition. But if my husband had a stupid name like "pooface" or something, I would want him to change his name.