I always hear men saying that men don’t care about a woman’s accomplishments, or about her degree, and that a degree can make her even less appealing but I always noticed that pretty successful women have a larger dating pool than pretty unsuccessful women.
I know four CEOs and 2 of then married doctors, the other an architect and the fourth a lawyer. And all the doctors I know married other doctors.
These men can easily have a submissive uneducated housewife but they always marry equally successful educated women
So why do men keep claiming that they don’t care about a woman’s accomplishments and career when they clearly do?
If men don’t care about a woman’s degree, then why most successful peoples marry each other?
You can cherry pick a few cases and try to ignorantly apply your view to all men, or you can ask men and listen to their individual preferences. In my opinion it’s nice ideal to be on the same intellectual level, but I’m not holding my breath… As to level of success I guess that all depends on how you measure success in your mind. For you that seems to be about money… So to give a counter anecdote to your position. My dad came from a relatively wealthy family. My grandfather was a bank president and did a lot of business with rich people in Palm Beach (he married my grandmother who was a nurse. He met her in New York City when he was in the Coast Guard and she was in nursing school). My dad did everything from deliver milk to rich people’s houses in Palm Beach, to pick up dead bodies for a funeral home, to setting up electronics for bands, to decrypting enemy transmissions for the Air Force, etc. When he met my mom he was turning on lights at the sports field for the parks department at night and working on becoming an accountant. My mom was working as a secretary at a state university working on getting certified as a paralegal. They got together, my dad finished his degree and got into banking. He went up the corporate ladder to become a vice president until the banking crisis of the 1980s. My mom grew up dirt poor and never earned a college degree. She started working in a law office as a paralegal and was running the entire legal team under the primary attorney eventually. Then she started her own business managing wealthy people’s money, trusts, probate and estates. During the banking crisis my dad hopped around between a bunch of different banks until he got tired of looking for work and then he bought a small hole in the wall accounting firm and started to build it. At it’s peak he had around 10 full time employees and was making more than your average doctor. My mom shared office space with him and helped with his business while running her own. She also kept trying to branch out into new areas of business. In neither case my father or grandfather did the wives have equal level of education, financial accomplishment in business, or equal background in class level growing up. Both were very happy with their wives.
It's not the degree or her accomplishments that matters, it's what she brings to the marriage. Litteraly anyone can get a degree and accomplishments is a vague term. Many women think they can land a successful, handsome and inteligent husband based solely on their looks but the truth is a big fish like that when he marries is investing In the relationship, so won't invest long term In a woman who will only drain his finances. A high quality man will consider a lot of things when considering marrying such as income, savings, financial responsibility, loyalty, age, attractiveness, ability to have children, temperament, how many children he wants etc
Women have their own requirements which means any man they marry generally speaking has to be better or at least equal to them when it comes to earnings, wealth and education but are more willing to get accept a guy who is older or less attractive than them if he has those other things.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
There's probably a sample size problem. The majority of successful men are probably not online talking about how they dont care about intellect or career. Or I should say, a majority of men online are average joes speaking from that experience. Sure, some wealthy men dont care. But I'd wager many do. Still less than women probably, I'll give them that.
However, it's also largely the fact of access. Uneducated women just aren't as likely to be in the social orbit of doctors and lawyers. Maybe as clients or patients they treat but not in their social circles, types of events they attend, friends of friends. Birds of a feather do flock together across the board. Most wealthy men are not marrying hot waitresses. They're going to be married to women in similar class groups or who at least have the career/education to put them in the same social orbit. It's just significantly less likely that a woman in the process of getting her GED is going to be attending dinner parties with lawyers, doctors, political figures, or hell, a lot of professions. And if they do meet, not having an education actually puts a significant burden on connection if he is highly educated and enjoys a certain caliber of conversation. Depends on the guy, but there's a very definite fact that if she speaks a certain way, due to lack of education and background, doesn't know much of the same things to be able to connect or relate, there's just a gap there.
But it does happen once in a blue moon. Or if she's a model or actress, who gains access to the same social circle.
Okay there's this saying. I heard somewhere. I don't think this is not necessarily true. But it seems that way. "You see a smart man with a dumb woman. And a smart woman with a smart guy. But never a smart woman with a dumb guy." I think it's because if you're a successful and smart woman or man. Standards would probably be high them even if they don't say it. I don't think any intelligent man or woman would want to hear a small-minded, dumb person tearing them down. Just because of a difference between them. Too much conflicting factors. Also maybe it's something besides all the medals and education. Maybe if they're a good person inside. And that they're willing to go far in life. This is just my thoughts.
The ones that don't care are either controlling (don'twant to compete with an SO/Woman), insecure (fearful of someone good enough not to need them) or just naive (oh she can just be herself, nbd, it's all good. A young uneducated look at things)
The men who do realize that a woman with driving as their other half is a more ideal partner. While he is accomplishing her goals, he can accomplish his. Make their overall goal a success through their power couple dedication.
It's something most won't learn without either going through a painful relationship or straight up getting educated themselves.
A woman's degree or career doesn't make her"attractive" to most men initially, unlike how many women are instantly more attracted to a man when she learns that he has a desirable career (doctor, lawyer, athlete, etc ).
But in a more long-term evaluation, many men will prefer a woman who is either already successful or is on a path towards likely success. Some very successful men won't care because he already earns more than enough to cover her, but middle and upper-middle class men are likely to care - but that kind of evaluation usually comes a while after the initial attraction.
It's a fair question. I am successful and have multiple degrees. But I can honestly say that I don't care at all about a woman's degrees or career successes. I care about her looks, her heart, her soul and her ability to prioritize being a good wife and mother over her career. In a sense I also care about her intellect, but its about her innate intellect, not her academic intellect. These are the things that attract me, not her education or career success.
Here is a possible answer to your question. Successful men tend to hang around other successful people who have similar academic and career credentials. So that's who they are exposed to. You tend to pick a partner from the group of people you are exposed to. So it stands to reason that many men who fall into this category partner with women who are in their work and social realm.
It isn't the accomplishment it is the mind. A successful man is often smart and wants a woman he can have actual conversations with and challenge him. Besides who do you think someone super successful is going to run into and talk to more: other successful people, so no wonder they date more of them.
Successful women often want a man more or at least as successful as them, and success often comes from knowing what tou want and going for it. Those women understand that and thus they go for and often get a successful man.
People tend to date within their own social strata. I don't think you can infer anything such as "men prefer successful women", because men who are *already* successful and surrounded by successful people will of course be more likely to meet and court/date/marry a successful woman.
As Hannibal Lecter put it, "what do we covet? We covet what we see. And what do we see every day?"
Rich, successful men see rich successful women every day. So that's what they covet. Change what they see, put them in a different environment, and whom they covet will also change.
You can't conflate the opinions of guys in the upper strata of society with that of guys in the middle and lower ones in terms of income.
People want the best deal they believe they can get, plus we are more comfortable with people with whom we interact the most and have the most in common. And I say that as someone who's very exogamous.
Furthermore, you can always hire someone to clean your house and babysit your kids when you are both high earners. There is also more social prestige for a man to have a highly educated spouse when he is and she can also be a business asset for him with her networks.
Never known a man to "not care about a woman's accomplishments" unless he is strictly interested in physical attraction and sex.
Some of us put greater importance on it than others, but nobody who is seriously looking for a committed relationship doesn't take a woman's career, accomplishments, and aspirations into account.
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Asker
+1 y
Okay. Then let’s say you meet a woman who’s a doctor and she’s a 7, but she’s really nice on the inside. And a waitress who’s a 10, and she have the same nice personality as the doctor. Which one would you choose?
Cuz success has nothing to do with having a degree but if two people get a degree and then they marry it could be because both of them have high paying jobs which means that they can afford to give their kids the best and most spoiled life. Plus you can be successful and not have a degree for example a successful businessman could marry a girl that is the successful cake salesman and she could not have a degree or even graduated high school (how the fuck she managed to have her business who the hell knows). Success doesn't mean that you have a degree it means you succeeded in what you were trying to accomplish and if you want to be with someone that accomplishes what they set out to do then you're marrying them because of their determination not because of spending four years trying to earn a degree that barely matters unless they're going into a specific field that requires it.
Because they are weird. Idk? I'm in the top 1% of income and wealth for my age and most of the girls i dated that I got very close with had no degrees. One in particular had a degree but she didn't have a job. Personally I'm looking for the best wife and mother as my top qualities i look for in a woman. Being able to cook is far more useful skill in a wife than being a great salesman or knowing how to design architecture or anything else professional. Wtf do i need that for? The best part about not requiring careers or education is that i can date younger women which is a huge bonus too.
The only men who don’t care are probably on the lower end of the IQ scale. Intelligent educated men tend to be in circles where intelligent, educated women are. But even if we aren’t, we will be attracted to women we like. And by like, I mean not bored. If I ha e something interesting to talk about with a woman, I won’t be bored.
You’re more likely to marry someone who shares your environment. If you’re successful you’ll be surrounded be successful people in terms of having a career. It’s not that men care about success, it’s that if a man is career driven and successful, the women he’s surrounded by will be too. And if he happens to fall for one, he’ll marry her.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
They say it because it's true. The fact is the most desirable men - the top 1% of earners - want stay at home wives and mothers for their children, and for 70% of them that's exactly what they have.
But your characterization of them as "submissive uneducated housewives" is false. Many of those women are well educated and very smart and capable. But that's not why those highly desirable men go after them, and that's where your argument falls down. The fact is men don't care about a woman's accomplishments and career the way women do about men's, because women want good providers and men want good wives and mothers, and a career often conflicts with that.
It's not about their accomplishments so much as it about personality compatibility. People who are high archivers tend to be really driven and need lots of mental stimulation. So it makes sense that they find partners in people who also have that same need.
This shit definitely matters they just sparing your feelings if u hear it differently. Or they haven't been in a successful relationship w a successful partner who can hang ten keeping him kids home work an all in check n completely satisfied. Just gotta work out the kinks as a team and find the right way to do it all m trying to partner up an make it fun and exciting u can't go wrong 😉😉😂
My suspicion is that it's not the degree or the commercial success they go for. It's more that these are driven, smart women who can keep up with Mr CEO, live in his circles, and that he can respect for their own talents and drive, and appear a real asset when he shows her to his peers.
My own social position automatically brings me in contact with people (women) who are similar to me. So: chances of getting to know someone -in public, and real, life - are higher than 'somewhere else'. In a very similar procedure: success-less people tend to find a partner who's success-less as well.
To be honest... its just convience where two people are always at work will ever see each other and furthermore have a commonality of conversation with the exception they have combined buying power as partners. The flip side of the coin , most like that believe there more special and should stick together.
I've been financially retired since I was18 . I also am married to a very young woman who stays at home and conducts her business from her home office. I pay her very generously to manage our child and hold down the fort while I'm out and about. I dont need to work nor her either , although we both for health and community reasons stay very busy. We both like to engage with others to help them if possible. Her education has 0 to do with my prefference for her. And basically speaking , I dont care either about a
womans degrees or etc... Financially I'm set completely for my own life and I'm self made. Thought ide share that for this question
Then I landed by mere luck a commercial landscaping contract using by bosses business to conduct and finish the Sacramento kings Stadium in Ca. After all taxes and expenditures I scoft 77.1% and eventually after business agreement and wage disposition with my boss I took home 64.7 % total earnings.
The kinds of men you listed have jobs that require lots of time away from home/family so it makes sense that they wanted a mate that also spends lots of time away too.
The other kind of people (like me) don't want someone that spends lots of time away from home/family because I value time together more than I value money, which is the opposite of the people you listed.
that's sooo totallly over the top.. love... well if my view of it can he held to merit. well it depens on a person intrest an investment I beleave after all if said an done higher ups go with higher ups cause life styles being closer than others makes there wants simular an so they settle for money ideally dishonest at home or controling . never able to talk about jack... nothing.. or they want it super simple cause there fullfilled in ways they never find with a person
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
It's the women that choose ultimately. Guys don't care either way. So if a guy is with a successful woman, she just happens to be successful (ie not the reason he's with her necessarily), but it'll be one of the reasons she with him you can bet on that.
It depends on the people and what wavelength they’re on. Most people are going to want to be around the similar energy they themselves have. Couples that have similar thoughts, beliefs, goals etc stay together.
Because they come to the same places (conferences and stuff). There's a reason why famous people get married to other famous people. It might also be because successful people are often more intelligent than the average person, and they want a partner with similar level of intelligence.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I think you misunderstand men. It's not that we don't care about your accomplishments. We just don't judge you on them like you do us. It's more important to us that you be a good person than a successful person. Because to us being a good person makes you successful.
I think women want that too. Young girls often go through a bad boy phase like young guys often go through a numbers phase , but as maturity sets in I sense they both want more similar things than not.
If a woman is successful its really good bc god forbid something happens to her husband, she will be able to sustain the family financially on her own. Furthermore, it makes sure the babies are smart, organized, and successful too
@RaindropSparkle I personally think they have a better sense of identity, and the fact that they have ambition shows that they are interested in things.
Because intelligent people are stimulated by intelligent people. The degree is not the important part; it's what she does with the degree that we find attractive.
@RaindropSparkle lol. It’s like saying, we don’t love pretty women, we just love how their skin is smooth, their hair shiny, and their bodies sexy, but it’s not their beauty that attract us
Not really. A lot of men see getting a degree as a sort of luxury, or as a surface level way to determine if we have something in common with a woman. I know a whole lot of women with great degrees who haven't done anything with them.
If a degree is the vehicle by which you get somewhere, what you do with it is the destination. I'm currently enamored with a woman who taught herself everything you would learn at beauty school, and is an MUA and Beautician. She only officially has a high school degree, but she's extraordinarily intelligent, and has a literary comprehension that would put her on parr with most Lawyers. She just never got around to going to school.
They do care. At least here where i live. Even their parents care about the woman’s degree. They can easily look down upon if the woman doesn't have equal or close education and socio economic level.
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