You can't deny an entire wedding full of people any alcohol because of ONE alcoholic. Part of recovery is being around booze and not falling to temptation.
Honestly I think you should hold off on the wedding till you better know the family into which you are marrying.
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It’s not his immediate family that’s the issue. It’s extended. His family is spread out everywhere so that would mean waiting several years, and we aren’t putting off our wedding because of extended family.
I understand your concern about your sister but you can't deprive everyone of alcohol, of their fun just for one person. Just keep an eye on your sister and that's it.
Why not just single your sister out to the bar tender? Yeah its awkward but wouldn't it be more awkward when his whole family is aggravated at her for being an alcoholic and ruining their fun?
Why can't her husband keep her in check without the cash bar? His family still desires alcohol and it seems like something of a tradition to them.
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That's kinda the issue. I'm more concerned about his family since they can't seem to celebrate anything without a drink in their hand. My family isn't like that. Alcohol to us is meant to be enjoyed. Maybe a beer or two or a glass of wine. But one of his brothers can down like 7 or 8 beers and still think it's okay to drive. He and I come from very different backgrounds.
You kinda have to please both families (also would seriously recommend against listening to comments saying "call off the engagement" or anything like that.
See if there's a compromise you can come to, also consider including your sister in this conversation. I'm fairly sure she would be willing to compromise (not anything like her not being maid of honor or anything, but her taking steps to be prepared).
The cash bar was actually her idea, not mine. She doesn't think she'll drink and that she's past that, but I want my wedding to be as close to perfect as possible. Drunken family members are not it.
It sounds like his side is the rowdy type and there's little there could be done to fix that. I might suggest to discuss with them but he's probably got a way higher hill to climb than you on that front lol
Believe or not some wedding don't offer alcohol, My sister married a Mormon dude and she didn't offer acohol to her guest Apperently it's a huge sin in a Mormon eyes.
Have a chat with her, your finger, why she wants a bar there...
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Anonymous
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Talk it out, and come to a mutual agreement. NOT everyone has to drink the alcohol that is there for the wedding. It is for the people that want to drink.
With thinking such as yours, no wonder no marriage lasts... do you really believe it's that easy to brake everything off after you invested time and much more into the relationship to get it to this point? You are willing to just walk away because of a problem like this? First, she should have thought about this before getting involved so deep. I don't drink and don't like drinkers, but I wouldn't mind one day doing something I don't usually do, its supposed to be special in the end. You guys value too much the idea of your wedding and forget that it's a day of joy, not a day of sacrifice.
I've been to several dry weddings. Actually, I've been to more dry weddings than those with alcohol, and the ones with alcohol didn't have an open bar.
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Have a limited bar, you decide what people can have, but you have to compromise.
You can't deny an entire wedding full of people any alcohol because of ONE alcoholic. Part of recovery is being around booze and not falling to temptation.
Honestly I think you should hold off on the wedding till you better know the family into which you are marrying.
It’s not his immediate family that’s the issue. It’s extended. His family is spread out everywhere so that would mean waiting several years, and we aren’t putting off our wedding because of extended family.
Is he crazy?
Do you have any idea how much that will cost?
Who is paying?
I suggest you figure this out soon. If you can't, that's an excellent indicator of what's to come when you're legally bound to each other
I understand your concern about your sister but you can't deprive everyone of alcohol, of their fun just for one person. Just keep an eye on your sister and that's it.
Why not just single your sister out to the bar tender? Yeah its awkward but wouldn't it be more awkward when his whole family is aggravated at her for being an alcoholic and ruining their fun?
Why can't her husband keep her in check without the cash bar? His family still desires alcohol and it seems like something of a tradition to them.
That's kinda the issue. I'm more concerned about his family since they can't seem to celebrate anything without a drink in their hand. My family isn't like that. Alcohol to us is meant to be enjoyed. Maybe a beer or two or a glass of wine. But one of his brothers can down like 7 or 8 beers and still think it's okay to drive. He and I come from very different backgrounds.
You kinda have to please both families (also would seriously recommend against listening to comments saying "call off the engagement" or anything like that.
See if there's a compromise you can come to, also consider including your sister in this conversation. I'm fairly sure she would be willing to compromise (not anything like her not being maid of honor or anything, but her taking steps to be prepared).
The cash bar was actually her idea, not mine. She doesn't think she'll drink and that she's past that, but I want my wedding to be as close to perfect as possible. Drunken family members are not it.
It sounds like his side is the rowdy type and there's little there could be done to fix that. I might suggest to discuss with them but he's probably got a way higher hill to climb than you on that front lol
If your sister has been sober for that long, then I'd imagine she'd be responsible enough to be able to remain so for a single night.
My girlfriend's cousin had an open bar about half of us who were of legal age had. no issues avoiding alchohol without any issues.
A celebration without alcohol is like a wedding cake without any icing on it let it be in moderate qty
I’ve been to a lot of weddings with no alcohol and I didn’t see a huge difference.
Believe or not some wedding don't offer alcohol, My sister married a Mormon dude and she didn't offer acohol to her guest Apperently it's a huge sin in a Mormon eyes.
Have a chat with her, your finger, why she wants a bar there...
Talk it out, and come to a mutual agreement. NOT everyone has to drink the alcohol that is there for the wedding. It is for the people that want to drink.
You should tell him you don't want that type of wedding.
It will be too tempting for your sister just make an ultimatum
call off wedding you are not compatible and will divorce soon after
With thinking such as yours, no wonder no marriage lasts... do you really believe it's that easy to brake everything off after you invested time and much more into the relationship to get it to this point? You are willing to just walk away because of a problem like this? First, she should have thought about this before getting involved so deep. I don't drink and don't like drinkers, but I wouldn't mind one day doing something I don't usually do, its supposed to be special in the end. You guys value too much the idea of your wedding and forget that it's a day of joy, not a day of sacrifice.
you have right to your opinion same as me, better safe than sorry in such a toxic relationship
The fact that you think this is a toxic relationship based on whether or not we have a cash or open bar makes you a toxic person.
bullying is a violation of GAG rules so I would not comment after reporting
The fact that you think you’re being bullied is laughable.
I question her decision making and problem solving skills
Talk to your fiance and compromise
wedding without alcohol yeah right lol
I've been to several dry weddings. Actually, I've been to more dry weddings than those with alcohol, and the ones with alcohol didn't have an open bar.
Just have a champagne/ wine bar.
I would never go to a wedding with no alcohol