So is it still marriage if there are no legal binding documents involved?

[DizzyDesii]

Did the bible say we have to be legally married or would a commitment ceremony count? Marriage is kinda scary these days. Im down for it but im not down to take on someone’s possible debts and potential financial burdens. #FeelFreeToList #ToHaveandToHold

Updates

+1 y

Can a prenup save you from taking on their debt, particularly their future debt like if they owed student loans or some shit?

Updates

+1 y

Yea i dont think common law is what i want. I’d like to marry and commit. I dont want to shack up and im not into the poly BS. I probably won't take on his last name though and im definitely not cosigning shit unless its the house/mortgage we built together. But i dont want any debt he accrued beforehand. And if he does some stupid shit and owes a lot of money down the road, i pray that doesn't fall on me.

[HighValue]

Get a prenuptial agreement that states that whatever assets or debts each of you has that only has one person's name on it is 100% that person's asset/debt. That should be good enough.

Religiously a marriage doesn't need to be legal by the government, and actually some marriages done legally are not legitimate religiously. For example, it needs to be by a man (in Christian religions) preacher or priest. the ones done by a judge or by a person that gets certified online (that is legally binding these days) does not count religiously.

For me I would get married religiously, but I do not like getting married legally.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you. This is what i needed to know

[Jamie05rhs]

@HighValue I gave you a like, even though I would like to get married under both Caesar and God.

[ZackBan]

I loved to france recently here they do a thing called "pax" which is basically a legal commited relationship, it can end anytime unlike marriage and they are not responsible for eachothers finances but it comes in handy if they have kids or get tax reduction for having a partner. It's a neat option to get the benefits of marriage without taking on the legal risks that come with it.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh wow thats cool

[Jamie05rhs]

"It can end anytime". Umm, hell to the no for me!

[ZackBan]

Why not? Are you saying you would rather keep your spouse agaisnt her will? Or go into a costly divorce battle?
If you absolutely don't want your relationship to end then keep being a good partner and your partner will never leave you. In fact the idea of it being easily broken means neither partner can get lazy and take it for granted or get violent because they know the other can't easily leave.
Marriage is not supposed to be a prison it's supposed to be a choice and nothing screams choice like a partner chosing you every single day even though they can just leave.

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZackBan I someone promises me that they will be by my side for life, they better f'ing mean it. I ain't no chump, and I won't allow myself to be played like that.

[Jamie05rhs]

And I intend to be a good partner. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[ZackBan]

Well yeah. But you should know that everyone who gets married says the same thing yet 55% of them end up getting a divorce.
"Better f'ing mean it" is no longer a valid way to safeguard yourself agaisnt divorce settlements.
I was just reading how Dr Dre will be paying his ex $100M, when he married her he too thought she better f'ing mean it and they went on for 24 years but nope eventually she no longer meant it, or he didn't, it doesn't matter.
I'm simply drawing a pragmatic picture, marriage is a raw deal especially for men since divorce courts tent to favor women 9/10 times.
So I personally haven't seen any valid argument that lays out the benefits of marriage, especially when this pax thing the french have gives them all legal benefits a marriage does.

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZachBan I'm not afraid of a divorce settlement. I couldn't give a shit if I lose everything (meaning my personal belongings.). I just don't want to lose HER. That would be the heartbreaking part of it. Material things are useless anyway.

[Jamie05rhs]

There is no "no longer meant it.". You either mean it in the first place, or it was a lie.

[ZackBan]

Well sir I salute you for being a romantic 🍻
And it seems HER is a real person not a theoretical one in which case I hope she deserves a man like you

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZackBan Thanks, man. :)

And no, she's a theoretical one haha. I still haven't met anyone who wants to be in a relationship, unfortunately. But I'm gonna keep trying lol.

[ZackBan]

Just because SHE doesn't want a relationship doesn't mean there isn't a HER 😉.
But that part we've all been there

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, snap.

[Joeshamo]

A lot of young people are expected to have conventional relationships in an unconventional society. Times of change & a lot of people have a hard time communicating & being honest how they feel. Sometimes you think you & the person you're with are compatible with each other, but then after the honey phase is over you see their true colors & realize they were just being passive & were too insecure to tell you anything you did wrong. It's the whole thinking marriages are sunshine & rainbows is the problem. Sometimes the only thing you got going on in a marriage is just you like how the person looks when they're in shape & just enjoy sex with them. People say prenuptial agreements are not romantic, but marriage & relationships aren't a Disney fantasy. You might think it is when you look at social media & see cute pictures of a couple together, but that's not reality. You have to ask the person what do I mean to you & why do you want to be with specially. A lot of people are very depictive. When a marriage ends it's usually for selfish reasons. The two in the marriage are just taking stabs at each other & they don't care about their kids. They just want the other person to feel like shit rather care about their children. Teach their kids to hate their ex partner. Yes, if the person was abusive they deserve, but if the person just wanted a young model or just wanted to find themselves, it's really selfish. It means that person was just agree with everything their partner was saying just because they didn't want to be alone. Their is beauty in the tradition of marriage. Like being monogamist, but a lot of people treat it like it's all about them & how they feel. If you just admit all you want is the sex & a sexy body then that's a step forward in keeping your family together & then you slowly develop a bond rather attack each other & make the individual person seem like that bad & you're the moral arbiter & they did you wrong. Honestly how far have we gotten with shitting on individual & making them feel insecure because it makes you feel good to see them suffer. The angry & the hatred goes no where. I say just live life to make yourself & others laugh along with you even during the hard times. Living life for the laughs sounds silly & stupid, but it's sound better than what most people are doing today. How does it help the stupid when the teacher singles out a student struggling with the subject saying "Why are you not getting it? Everyone else is getting it.", where has the gotten us. Some people need math to be simplified, so they can understand. It's nothing wrong with the Individual; they just need more help. Something I realize in class is saying I don't understand is the most important thing you can do for yourself. But so many people feel ashamed & scared to be honest. Just make yourself & others laugh in a good way. Sometimes you need to laugh at yourself to help those negative feelings go away.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree that a prenup is needed and that true colors show after the 1-3 month honeymoon phase. I want a committed monogamous relationship and i’d love the marriage label. I just dk if i’d love the possible financial burdens that someone else
Could bring into the relationship at some point

[RearEntryGuy]

1) Adam and Eve "married" without other humans around, no legal document, and possibly no consummation that day.

2) Jesus was born a bastard before Joseph and Mary registered as husband and wife under the Roman rule.

PS: but Joseph was about to "divorce" Mary after knowing her pregnancy. Hence verbal agreement to marriage has certain social recognition at that time.

3) when Paul wrote about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, he did not mention legal registration. He just mention if a man need sex, get married.

In other words, the sole purpose of marriage is to "avoid fornication". Childbearing was not mention, except not to make them bastards.


To conclude, if you use the Bible as a basis, the "marriage institution" was established without legal documentation and Christians should marry if they are "burned with passion".

PS: It's up to you to decide if the "obeying the authority" law is to be read with 1 Corinthians 7.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank for this

[RearEntryGuy]

Welcome.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Yes but the legal way of marriage is the best way to know that the guy does not use you for sex. Men can get any girl at any age but women can't afford this. Our age and bodycount is often a factor for guys. So this is why i dont date any guy, who want to waste my bodycount and youth. If you are not going to marry me soon, i am not going to spend a second of my valuable youth for you. If many men did not care about youth and bodycount, majority of women would not care about legal way of marriage. If you hate it that women want to marry in a legal way then dont care about bodycount/age so that women dont have to worry about these things anymore. I wish i could have the privilige men have. It sounds like a dream that you can make caarer and educate yourself till in your 30s when you become wealthier and can get a hot young guy at any ahe due to your job, stability, wealth etc. I really dont understand why men complain about this. You can get all of this with some work while women can't change their age and bodycount. Majority of women ain't even mature enough due to brain development. So women are expected to find her dream guy while her maturity and personality ain't stable due to brain development that continue till in your mid 20s and for some men you hit the wall when you reach your mid 20s aka when your brain development finished. How sick, unfair and disgusting is that?

[hi_it_is_me123]

This is what i am told

[Jamie05rhs]

@hi_it_is_me123 Please don't be offended by this question -- because I mean it respectfully -- but why does it take some people until their mid-20s for them to mature? Can't people just become mature in their late teens, if they have the right attitude? For example, I have seen several young ladies on this site who are very mature and wise.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Of course there are mature young people but i think they are the exception. Maybe i am wrong I dont think that a teen can be mature as someone who is in his 30s due to brain development that influence your personality and maturity till mid 20s.

[hi_it_is_me123]

By the way thank you for being nice

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome. :)

[Subarugirl]

Biblically, marriages were legal contracts, and legally binding, enforced by the religious elders and community of that time, similar to the way they are today. The bible also clearly states that premarital sex is sin. In Malachi 2:14, marriage is described as is a holy covenant before God. In the Jewish custom, God's people signed a written agreement at the time of the marriage to seal the covenant. The marriage ceremony, therefore, is meant to be a public demonstration of a couple's commitment to a covenant relationship. It's not the "ceremony" that's important; it's the couple's covenant commitment before God and men.

Student loans are not the spouses responsibility, if your spouse dies or you get divorced you are not held responsible for their student debt unless you have co-signed..

Getting married to someone does not automatically transfer his or her past debts to you. For couples staying in regions where common law is in place, debts remain an individual responsibility; hence each partner is singularly responsible for any debt individually accrued.

How ever the question that you asked contradicts... if you are concerned about what counts as a biblical marriage, that you should also be concerned with that that means.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, ESV) So biblically you as individuals become a singular unit, what's his is yours and what's yours is his.

In Malachi 2:14, marriage is described as is a holy covenant before God. In the Jewish custom, God's people signed a written agreement at the time of the marriage to seal the covenant. The marriage ceremony, therefore, is meant to be a public demonstration of a couple's commitment to a covenant relationship. It's not the "ceremony" that's important; it's the couple's covenant commitment before God and men.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Nowhere in the Bible a man and woman signed a piece of paper declaring them husband and wife.

It was a verbal commitment and ceremony before family, friends, guest. Jesus attended a wedding.

[Subarugirl]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy you should brush up on your history.
The oldest ancient marriage contract archaeologists have found so far is 4,000 years old and is on display in the Istanbul Archaeology Museum. Here is a brief description of the contract.

The 4,000-year-old Assyrian baked clay tablet was originally unearthed at the UNESCO World Heritage site of Kültepe-Kanesh in Turkey’s central Kayseri province.
. . .
According to new research detailed in the medical journal Gynecological Endocrinology, this text describes the marriage of a man and woman known as Laqipum and Hatala. As part of their agreement, it says the husband could employ the help of a surrogate mother if the couple failed to conceive a baby two years after the date of marriage.[1]

Archaeologists also found the secular Law of Hammurabi (1795 – 1750 B. C.) in 1901. It is an important archaeological discovery for a variety of reasons and among the findings is a legal marriage contract. This reveals once again that legal marriage contracts existed before Moses was eighty years of age (1445 B. C.).
Both findings are important because Moses refers to a certificate of divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1. This verse also reveals that formal marriage contracts must have existed prior to the writing of Deuteronomy 24:1.
When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house. . . Deuteronomy 24:1 (NASB)
In this verse we are told “when a man takes a wife” probably refers to a legal contract. The legal certificate of divorce strongly implies that a formal marriage contract already existed.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I knew about Deuteronomy 24:1 but that's talking about divorce, not marrying. You are assuming just because the man had to give his woman whom he divorced a piece of paper that they must have signed one upon marrying and that isn't the case.

And I don't go about historical stuff people find. I go what the Bible says regarding the matter.

[Subarugirl]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy yeah no kidding, it would appear you know absolutely nothing about apologetics or care about historical evidence that supports your beliefs. But since you insist in using the Bible as a reference, let's do just that.

God only considers a man and a woman married when they are legally married. The scriptural support typically given for this view is the command to obey the government’s laws (Romans 13:1–7; 1 Peter 2:17). The argument is that, if the government requires certain procedures and paperwork to be completed before a marriage is recognized, then a couple should submit themselves to that process. It is definitely biblical for a couple to submit to the government as long as the requirements do not contradict God’s Word and are reasonable. Romans 13:1–2 tells us, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yeah, you're right. I'm not against having the government recognizing a man and woman as husband and wife, but not cultures and countries do.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

*not all

[Subarugirl]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy and in this scenario it falls into situation where the government does. “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

In the U. S. yes, but that doesn't apply to all countries and cultures.

If a couple decides to live off the gird then they commit to each other then they are husband and wife. Commitment til death is what makes you married before God.

[Grond21]

@Subarugirl it seems you might be conflating Covenant and contract. Do you know the difference?

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21
cov·e·nant
verb
agree by lease, deed, or other legal contract.

[Subarugirl]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy that only applies if they are unable to obtain a legal marriage. Which can be done even if you live off grid….

[Grond21]

Yeah that's what the dictionary says, but that's not how the Bible uses it. Biblically speaking a contract is a legal exchange of goods or services. A covenant is a voluntary exchange of persons. And that difference has deep theological and historical significance

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21 Exactly, it was and still is a legally binding contract, even in the biblical sense of the word.

[Grond21]

I'm sorry, I wasn't clear. It is first and foremost a covenant. There is a legal aspect that takes place but that is not contractual. And it is dependent on the culture. The Covenantal aspect is not dependent, as it is primarily what a marriage is. Regardless of cultural context

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21 Romans 13:1–2 tells us, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” Most authorities require legal documentation to be married, and as the bible so clearly expresses to submit to authority, it would stand to reason that applies to marriage as well.

Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority.
1 Peter 2:13

[Grond21]

If you are implying that the Bible is saying we should follow like blind Lemmings every legal Authority as if it's God himself then you don't understand the Bible. If you're not implying that, great. But I'm not sure what your point would be then. Could you explain?

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21 I'm not implying anything, I'm just quoting verses in the new testament that says to submit to your authority and government. It says right there "he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.”.

[Grond21]

So if you're not implying anything, then you're not stating anything. And if you're not stating anything, then your post has no point. Is that what you're trying to say, that you're saying empty words?

You have me confused now

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21 I’m just quoting Bible versus

[Grond21]

Random ones?

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21 ones that apply to the topic being discussed, which you would know if you read them.

[Grond21]

I did read them. Repeatedly. I suggested what I thought you meant by them and you denied it. Then you denied that you meant anything at all. Which necessarily means you were not carefully selecting those passages to make a point, you were being pointless. And now you're saying you were selecting them to make a point. So you have lied at least once in this conversation and been disingenuous the whole time.

It makes one wonder, are you really interested in the truth at all? Or are you only interested in verbally beating down those who disagree through a misplaced sense of moral superiority?

[Subarugirl]

@Grond21 The bibles words not mine. The asker asked if she could get married with out getting leally married according to the bible... The answer to that question biased off what the bible says in Romans 13:1–2 and 1 Peter 2:13 is no.. You are told to submit to your authority and government.
I'm not claiming moral superiority, I am not even Christian lol.

[Grond21]

You're claiming to interpret the Bible. But if you knew the context of these verses then perhaps you could use them effectively. They don't mean what you think they mean.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Subarugirl It says "one flesh.". It's talking about the physical bodies. It doesn't apply to personal belongings.

[Subarugirl]

@Jamie05rhs No kidding... legally individual debt doesn't get carried over onto the spouse when a person

[Subarugirl]

@Jamie05rhs There isn't much to interpret.. it's pretty straight forward. Unless you would like to share your interpretation.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Subarugirl I know there isn't much to interpret. And it doesn't even need to be interpreted. Because it tells you straight up. One flesh. (NSFW: That's what happens when the penis is inserted into the vagina. The two bodies are literally connected.)

[CarolineW]

In the UK, if you live for a period of time with someone as man and wife, but without officially getting married, they become your "common law" husband or wife. You are husband and wife as far as the law is concerned, but it is unlikely that you would be responsible for debts incurred by your partner before you met. Whatever country you are in, if you are concerned you need to have a serious conversation with your partner before going ahead, and make it absolutely clear, in writing if necessary, that you will not, under any circumstances, be taking on their debts or liabilities

[DizzyDesii]

Yea im not tryna shack up

[InventorofWarp]

This question is so ridiculously broad.
What denomination are you?
Are you Catholic or Protestant?
What is he, is he the same as you?
Are his views consistent with yours?

Professionally, as a Protestant Minister, yes, it does have to be legally binding for it to be considered sacrosanct. Protestant Lutheranism is different from Catholicism. Both require a Priest to oversee and officiate the ceremony under God but it isn't truly a "union" under the Protestant church unless some form of official document is made available as proof for God and Men.
Personally? I really don't give a fuck because I'm a Minister and not a Priest and marriage doesn't concern me all that much.

[DizzyDesii]

Baptist Christian but i wasn't basing if off of the denomination. This is a general
Question

[InventorofWarp]

Okay, in general is it still marriage if there are no legal binding documents?

In my personal opinion? No.
Typically why marriage is a step usually only taken by those who legitimately want to bind and solidify their bond. Your problems are now my problems. My problems are now your problems. Your bullshit and my bullshit is now OUR bullshit.
Unfortunately most people nowadays are idiots hence why divorce rates are sky high.

[Jamie05rhs]

@InventorofWarp What do you mean by "marriage doesn't concern me all that much"? Please explain yourself.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, I completely disagree on "your problems are my problems."

[InventorofWarp]

@Jamie05rhs It means I'm 100% willing for sex before marriage and don't really want to get married, at least not until I'm 27, but ideally before the age of 29.

So your partner's problems are entirely their own, you don't feel the desire to help them through it and help them bear the weight of any issues they tackle as though they're your own like you're two people sharing lives?
To each their own I'm just trying to get a handle on it.

[Jamie05rhs]

And you're a youth pastor? That's fucked up, dude. You're a complete hypocrite. You should be ashamed of yourself. You need to resign now.

I certainly hope they aren't paying you any money for that position!! 😯

[Jamie05rhs]

And yes, I will gladly help her with whatever she's going through. I just don't believe that my problems are hers.

[InventorofWarp]

@Jamie05rhs Uh, why?
If referring to my lack of celibacy, I'm not a Pastor, like I said, I'm a Minister. No, I volunteer on my own time and while I use the title of Pastor or Father (as Ministers are allowed), I took no vows and swore no oath to God.
I can fuck all I want. I'm waiting of my own volition.
I don't preach abstinence to kids though I make it known that it's a perfectly valid and safe and just as fun option.
I grew up in Sunday School, I know firsthand that preaching abstinence as the ONLY option only does more harm than good. Kids should be educated on what their options are and allowed to decide for themselves how they want to progress into adulthood. It'd not your choice, mine or anyone else's.

Before you judge me maybe take a good fuckin' look at yourself and your own judgmental attitude. Needs fixing.

[Jamie05rhs]

@InventorofWarp With those beliefs, you shouldn't be teaching children or youth, period. I'm just calling it like it is, man. You can be offended if you want to.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, if any of those girls you're having sex with are Christians, you're going to be held doubly accountable when you face the Throne of Judgement. I would advise you to think long and hard about that, my friend.

[InventorofWarp]

@Jamie05rhs First off. I have never and don't have sex. Once again, you just randomly judged me based on next to nothing without knowing a god damn thing about me.
I don't believe in waiting until marriage for sex in the slightest nor do I believe at all that God wants you to wait for physical and emotional intimacy with someone.

I am 100% on waiting for physical intimacy until I meet someone I love who loves me back, however, and I haven't had that yet. Hence, still a virgin at almost 25.
I've met pornstars in Montreal and countless other women who have tons of sex and they're absolute sweethearts with beautiful personalities that I would 100% describe as the sweetest, most innocent people out there so when this "Throne of Judgement" comes, like all the rest, I'm sure I'll be read for it knowing where I'll likely end up.

You can have your opinion. But if your opinion is not educating kids on both safe sex AND abstinence and letting them decide thereafter and helping them along then I feel rightfully obliged to tell me your opinion is fuckin' wrong and I certainly don't plan on resigning anytime soon. I'm pretty sure you're just a troll trying to stir shit up so I'm done here.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's not your job to educate them on "safe sex.". It's your job to keep them from sinning. That is literally your only job.

[InventorofWarp]

@Jamie05rhs It really isn't. Doing God's will is more than just saying "don't sin". Who the fuck does that help? God is about more than just not sinning and trying to be a decent person and everyone's definition of decent will differ. God is a guide, a tool for development and decency and motivation to become something or someone more and to do more, for and with others, and to change things and people for the better. That's my job. It's my job to help them and guide them and further their lives, help better them and develop them and ensure they do better than me in any way that I can. That means education.
I don't agree with educating kids on safe sex, frankly I am pro-abstinence in your teens and think it really isn't a hard thing to achieve and is positive. But that won't stop me from recognizing that others don't think the same way as I do and need that guidance and education and support, hence why I give it.

You are a person who lacks the ability to extend their thinking outside of their own breadth of belief for the benefit of others in a different belief system than you. You need to work on yourself. God alone doesn't make you better than anyone.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is why the Lutheran Church is now an apostate denomination.

[InventorofWarp]

@Jamie05rhs Totally, sorry, can't talk anymore, gotta get the kids ready for another Satanic Ritual.

[t-8900]

A ceremony means our heavenly Father recognizes you as married. You are through Him married at that point and His recognition is what matters most. But when you legally marry your savings, income, all that become one. It's scary you need to think about a prenup with someone. Would you be okay with it if he's making lots more than you and cheats and kicks you to the curb? Women usually win out in divorce, not men. If you are worried you need to consider all your avenues. If he cheats and has affairs surely he should pay you for that anguish in divorce. But really I think if you are worried about such things then he's maybe not the right one. Before anything else you need that emotional and mental compatibility and have similar end goals for kids and family. He might not share all your same interests or want to do all the same things. But things fall into place naturally and you just kinda know you're with who you bare meant to be with.

[DizzyDesii]

I need someone extremely similar to myself and am mutually emotionally compatible with and physically attracted to. I also need someone whos debt free and we will still sign a prenup because we should leave with our share of what we came in with. I only worry about if he gets into debt while married

[t-8900]

No I get it. Physical attraction is important too and preventing financial ruin too. Wasn't saying anything to the contrary. I mean I don't see how he's going to get into debt if he's a good communicator unless he gets sick, dabbles in drugs, or has a gambling addiction. Purchases, new cars, etc should be discussed before nose diving into a new vehicle for instance

[DizzyDesii]

Some people go back to school and get a lot of debt from student loans. I dont want a part in any of it

[t-8900]

Yeah but you would know that beforehand right? Or you mean he goes back while married? Lots of conversations to be had. Also they should opt for a local community college to save $ and not have a huge loan after. The gov gives out certain loans too to help cushion. Just make sure it's a field in actual demand and not some useless crap. A good trade always pays off though. But he shouldn't be counting on you to bail his ass out if he drops out or something. I Know it's pretty typical for a joint account when married. But it a divorce is looking you better make sure you get your money out before he does and spends it all. Marriage is a risky business with no guarantees but if you do it right you have the best for you and your kids.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea im referring to financials that come later while married

[t-8900]

yeah he needs to be communicating with you and both of you should come to decisions together. But that's just my humble opinion. He needs to ask if what he's going back to school for is practical and all that. And he needs to take into account what you want too, especially with kids and all.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol im not even dating anyone anymore 🤣 Just finding out ahead of time

[t-8900]

You'll find the one. I'm praying girl.

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii You're really smart thinking about this stuff ahead of time. I commend you for that.

[Finchie40]

That’s why you don’t marry until you know for sure your partner has your back and standing by your side no matter what and you know everything about them , If there is no legal binding documents then no you aren’t legally married , but if you both choose to be together and treat each other like you are married that’s between the both of you , it just comes down to your beliefs in marriage , some people choose to stay together and not get married period so again it comes down to your beliefs , If you are a believer in God then the appropriate thing to do is get Married Legally

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i’d prefer legal marriage then

[TheorionMage]

Amid Pagans there is a witnessed commitment both to one another in the belief of being before their Deity and in the presence of others of their community. EACH will be held to their 'honor'-ing that pledge as witnessed by their community as manifest of their Character. Most commonly this is called 'hand-fasting' and exists to provide clear lines of parental inheritance of 'real' estate... gold, weapons, physical assets. Some offer a probationary pairing "for a year and a day" abstaining from 'conception' (not necessarily copulation) others consider offspring conceived as to be raised 'communal obligation'.

The old English term: 'Sire' literally means to be male who conceived the child. He whom 'fathered' the village. Once long ago before DNA paternity tests, the would-be Bride spent her 'wedding night' in the bed of the village's Chieftan and her Groom got 'sloppy seconds' the next morning. Fealty from the offspring was thus assured.

[humpbackjack]

The only benefit I can come up with is you get a tax break and really I don’t even know if that’s true or not and if it is is it worth it I’d do the commitment ceremony plus a lot of states have common law marriages which covers a lot of the divorce type shit of course if dude has a fat bank account dies without a will and would want you to get everything I’m not sure if common law would beat next of kin just go do some free consultation with a couple lawyers and ask the important questions like if he dies who gets his money

[DizzyDesii]

Oh i see

[humpbackjack]

I believe once your married you take on their debts I’m not sure that a prenup would protect you due to the fact there’s a third party involved also I would assume common law would make you responsible for their debts also cause you gotta take the bad with the good I can’t see common law making you get the good parts without making you take the bad

[DizzyDesii]

Shit it sucks either way

[BillyBalls]

The government at any level should not be involved in "the marriage business". No couple should have to get a license to get married.

Any financial arrangements between couple should be written down before "marrying".

When it comes to kids, each parent should be equally liable financially for the support of the kid.

[DizzyDesii]

I fully agree

[Freespirit777]

There are no guarantees in any area of life. But, it pays to approach marriage carefully. I have known men who marry a woman who has a large credit card debt that they were unaware of. These women spent through the man’s savings and divorced them, and marry another man sex months later. I am sure it works the other way. I would imagine this has been going on since caveman days. I am not qualified to speak of prenups this is something for a lawyer. I would advise a one year engagement to see how they really are. Most narcissists can’t fool people in a long term basis.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea a lot of narcissists couldnt fool me past 3 months. Sadly 2 fooled me for 2 years each. But yes i fear not knowing of someones debt from beforehand and i fear even more that they may get into debt later on. I dont want that responsibility

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes, it is. Marriage according to the Bible doesn't involve a piece of paper that the government hands out.

Marriage according to the Bible is a man who leaves his father and mother and becomes one with his wife.

Commitment between a man and woman til death separates them.

Marriage according to your culture and nearly all cultures have a wedding ceremony where family, friends and community recognize the man and woman as husband and wife.

Moreover, we legally decide to be recognize by the state for certain benefits that comes with having a legally Marriage document that declares a man and woman husband and wife.

[DizzyDesii]

Im having a ceremony just I don't know if i wanna sign shit

[B4852]

This is a good question. And I'd say yes.

People like to say that marriage is a social construct as an excuse to say that marriage is old fashioned and just a way to transfer property.

However if that is their point of view of marriage I believe that they have a very primitive view of marriage.

True marriage is something much deeper and beyond paper contracts. It's something that is personal and individual. Which is one of many reasons a hate that the government is involved with marriage in any way shape or form.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree

[Aerissa_Jade]

Don't live in a community property state, and don't do any joint accounts.

Ironically though, marriage for thousands of years had no government involvement, now it seems like it is just legal contract.

My state won't consider it common law until you've lived together for a decade.

[DizzyDesii]

I definitely won't do joint accounts

[Aerissa_Jade]

If your in a community property state, that won't matter. Any debt or assets after the marriage starts becomes both of yours en.wikipedia.org/.../Community_property_in_the_United_States

The good news is, things you had when you got married, legally are still yours.

I don't plan on doing much joint either, protection if things get bad... rather than having both of us file bankruptcy and screw both our credit over, just one of us. I do not live in a community property state.

[DizzyDesii]

Wow no Texas and Tennessee for me

[Jamie05rhs]

Shit. Texas is one of them? That sucks. :/. I like Texas...

[Hulk30]

it can't which is why your better off gettin spiritually married than legal and legalized marriage was orginally designed in order to keep black men and white women seperated that's why marriage liscences exist it used to be illegal from 1661 to 1967 for black men and white women to get legally married how many times i gotta tell as well as show ya that from the new living translation as well as others from the holy bible that according to it sex equals marriage genesis4:1 now adam had sexual relations with his wife eve and she became pregnant

[DizzyDesii]

Oh wow

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

A really nice question.

In India, the marriage invitation paper itself is considered as the proof of marriage.
As for the name change, it happens automatically without any document.

Only those people require a marriage certificate issued by officials, that need to leave the country or need it for some or the other purposes.

[DizzyDesii]

Ohh im in the UsA but nice to know how India works

[DJB72]

In South Africa you can get Married under "antenuptial contract" with or without accrual. My wife and I married without accrual so we remain legally responsible only for debt incurred as individuals, even if it was incurred after marriage. It also means any assets we own are individually owned so I one of us incurred a major debt, the assets of the other cannot be seized in event of default.

[DizzyDesii]

Oh wow

[worldscolide]

In SOME states there is a thing called common law marriage, which basically means there is not documentation that says you're married but you legally are. Some states its when you have cohabitated for 7 years. In other states its when you are included on the tax return as a couple.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i dont want to shack up

[worldscolide]

Same here. I wouldn't let a woman live with me if i didn't intend to marry her. My wife is the first woman to ever live with me.

[DizzyDesii]

I woildnt live together until engaged and i dont want to be engaged more than 6 months to a year

[worldscolide]

The wife and i lived together for a year before we got engaged, then we got married about 2 months after we got engaged.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea thats more like it

[Staximus]

Marriage can be just two people agreeing to be married. There is usually some ceremony involved. Back in the day it was like the village elders or chief when there were no religious leaders around, or a captain of a ship. The old way from like a thousand years ago was throwing flowers into a river together or off a bridge, jumping over a sword or broom together, etc. Two people promising to each other to each other.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn a sword lol

[Staximus]

Yeah you put it on the ground, hold hands, and jump over it

[Staximus]

It's like the stomping on the wine glass thing, but more old fashioned