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This answer is going to sound a bit contradictory. Yet, in brief, no.
Marriage on the whole is a good thing. This is not only in terms of the objective data - children born into married families tend to do better in school and in life, married men live longer and healthier lives, married women tend to be wealthier than their non-married counterparts, etc. It is also in terms of just the general sense of connectedness and commitment.
Yet here is the funny part. Speaking personally, it is not something my girlfriend and I wanted. When we got serious we talked about it but just decided we were not quite ready.
Then we moved in together - something I had not thought I would do. So we started talking about marriage again, but the conversation just seemed to peter out.
Then I got my girlfriend pregnant. It was an unplanned pregnancy - though probably as predictable as the sunrise given we were (and are) in love, living together, sleeping in the same bed and having unprotected sex.
So we started talking about marriage again and even planning for it. Frankly, this was probably the most intense conversations we had. We were expecting a baby and I thought my pregnant girlfriend was probably the most beautiful woman in the universe. I knew - and it has proved to be - that she would be a great mother and she was a loving and caring partner to me.
However, then we decided to wait till after the baby was born. As my girlfriend joked at the time, a wedding dress does not match a "baby bump" all that well and the fitting would be a mess. We'd laugh and decided to put if off.
Then my son was born, the most beautiful gift a woman has ever given a man. Yet still, to both of us, marriage did not seem right. Then came another pregnancy - also unplanned - another baby boy, and that was it. (We had a third (more or less) planned pregnancy - my little princess - later after we had pretty much ended all marriage talk.)
Truth is, we both believe in marriage but we love what we have. It is natural and beautiful. It is deeply emotional and also very animal and instinctive. We think marriage is good - and again the data back us up - and also (contradictorily) for religious reasons, but we just don't think that what we have would be improved by an expensive dress, an expensive ring and a large ceremony.
True, that is somewhat a conflation of "wedding" with "marriage" - and we even recognize that. Yet for whatever reason, we think being married would diminish the beauty and naturalness of what we share. Not so much a confirmation as a rubber stamp, and so we live together and raise a happy family and I would not change a thing.
Yes, we have had to make certain special legal and other arrangements to insure that my children can have an inheritance, my health insurance, etc. However, that is necessity and unavoidable. If you don't have a choice, you don't have a problem.
Truth in advertising, I now also have a teenaged son from a one night stand I had some years ago. The mother of my son did not tell me she was pregnant until about two years ago. Yet although he lives with his mom, my son and I have developed a solid relationship and my girlfriend and my other children have accepted him and love him and we are happy.
CONT.
Truth in advertising again, The other time I talked about marriage was just out of college when I got my then girlfriend pregnant. We began planning the wedding but she had a miscarriage. At first we were going to go ahead with the wedding, but things fell apart and we called it off.
Suffice to say, I don't know how much that experience impacted my attitude toward marriage. All I can say is that I do not doubt that marriage is a good thing for all sorts of reasons, but it is not for me. I am totally in love with my girlfriend, am the biggest milksop of a daddy (and family tickle monster) you will ever see. I am building a solid and loving relationship with the son I just met - and only regret that I missed so many years of his life.
It may not be perfect, but I am happy and I don't need marriage to make me happier.
@shaysh87 No, I tended - and the women I was with - tended to be a bit casual about birth control. By the same token, at least for my part, my attitude was and is that sex is healthy and natural and instinctive. In nature, it is how the human animal makes babies and if I made a baby - and I should add that I love my children - that I would take responsibility for my actions and care for my child as any good father should.
In the end, fatherhood and its responsibilities and its joys is not about a wedding ring. Grant even that the first pregnancy scare - and it turned out to be a false alarm - was when I was 17. However, even then, though I was a scared, I already knew that if I had made a baby, I would stand up, do the right thing and love and care for my child and did whatever it took.
As I say, as regards condoms, to me sex is healthy and natural. Condoms are not. Though if I had one and the woman I was with asked me to use them, I would. Still, it was not my first choice. In fact, in brutal honesty, the idea of getting a woman pregnant is a turn-on for me. Maybe it should not be, but there it is.
@shaysh87 Not sure I understand your question at the end.
As to the rest, you are right, of course. The only thing that you can do is be the best that you can be and work in the circumstances as you find them.
At 17 I was scared to death that I had gotten my girlfriend pregnant. All I knew was that I would do what I had to do to take care of my baby and her mom.
Would it have been easy? Nope. However, the fact that it would not have been easy did not make it any less important that I try to be the best man I could be.
By the way, as I believe I mentioned at the outset, it is not that I believe marriage is a bad thing and the sociological data - my girlfriend works in this area, ironically - are pretty clear. Still, in our case, there was just something about it that felt contrived and artificial and so we have opted to live together and raise our family.
(My girlfriend and my children have also been very accepting of the son I had with my one night stand. As to that lady, again, maybe we beat the odds. She raised my son for nearly 14 years without me - and I wish she had taken another course. Yet I have to say that she has raised a fine young man.
Bottom line is that men need sex - not like they need food or water, but as the data show, those who get regular sex tend to be healthier and live longer. We ae "meant to mate," so to speak, and while each man should do what he thinks best and be prepared to live with the consequences, that does not mean that he should deny himself sex if he has a willing partner.
@shaysh87 Uhmmm, I am not disagreeing with you insofar as the benefits of marriage are concerned. As far as dating/courting without sex, wrong on two counts.
First, the elaborate rituals around chivalry and dating that began in roughly the late Middle Ages and arguably reached their peek in the Victorian era were born as society's way of protecting women. Before that, it was quite a rough and tumble affair, and women were often victims of more powerful men.
In effect, dating and chivalry and all the rest were a social construct. Not less good for that as man is a social being.
My simple point is that, by instinct, man desires sex. It is what propagated the species and was a biological and behavioral fact long before society arose.
As to dating now, all I can tell you is that I don't date anymore. I have a loving relationship with my girlfriend and our family and good not be happier. I make good money and I have taken responsibility for anything I did in my youth. (Including a one night stand that gave me a son of whom I am enormously proud.)
The only other thing I can say is that I never forced sex on anyone. Every sexual relationship I had was consensual. "It takes two to tango," as they say.
Marriage is good, no doubt of it. I am not arguing with you there. I am simply saying that the male sexual instinct is a palpable reality and the best way to deal with it is to take responsibility for it.
@shaysh87 Well, if you are qualified to make that medical/psychological assessment absent any more than a superficial discussion on a website, a tip of the hat. However, it is a bit much to jump to that conclusion.
No matter, I did not conflate, as you just did, male sexual instinct with sex addiction. A bit of a leap. As far as rape is concerned, every sexual act I ever engaged with was consensual. Again, you have postulated a non sequitur and drawn problematic conclusions.
At your current age, youāre still trying to use any sort of excuse to justify unprotected sex. Youāre just nothing but a out of control sexual maniac. Have you ever thought about the consequences of having unprotected sex anywhere anytime you want? Or do you just keep repeating that itās ok to not care about the consequences because itās a natural male desire?
@shaysh87 Go back and read the following that I wrote: "... if I made a baby - and I should add that I love my children - that I would take responsibility for my actions and care for my child as any good father should."
If that is your definition of irresponsible, it is a rather peculiar definition. Sex is something that I and the woman I was with enjoyed and wanted to share. We did not want things that might detract from that experience. By the same token, I was always serious about the obligations that attached to my actions.
@shaysh87 First, in the one case, I did not ditch her. She ditched me. It was a hookup and that was the way I understood it.
Believe me, had I known she was pregnant, I would have been there every second and then some. She chose not to contact me.
As she told me at the time, she did not believe that she needed help raising her son. (Please note she said HER son!! She didn't give any thought to me.)
Then as he entered his teen years, she decided that our son needed his father in his life - and so she tracked me down.
Please note: THESE WERE HER CHOICES, NOT MINE!
As for you not respecting me, oh well. It is hard to respect someone who makes such superficial judgments on the basis if facts of which she is, at best, only dimly aware.
Life is more complicated than you understand, and I am facing the equivalent of being called "ugly" by a frog.
@shaysh87 As far as the life of a single mom is concerned, she need not have been a single mom. I would have cared for her and our son with my last breath. It was a decision SHE made. Not one I wanted.
As for the possibility that I might have other children, after this experience, I cannot rule it out. It never hit me that a woman would want to keep her pregnancy with my child to herself and hide it from the father.
That said, IF I do, it will be because they chose it that way. Not because I wanted it that way.
You seem to miss the point here. We BOTH agreed to have sex - and unprotected sex. (Though the latter is more that it just happened than that we planned it that way.) Yet SHE chose to keep her pregnancy from me.
The only person who did NOT get what he would have wanted was me.
@shaysh87 Okay, where we are at the point where cuss words are now part of the discussion, we stop the discussion. I am fine with honest disagreement, but clearly, you cannot reason a position out of a viewpoint into which they were not reasoned to begin with. Moreover, insults are not a substitute for rational discussion. So we leave it here.
@shaysh87 Yes, and you don't know the specific and circumstances and make judgments based on rudimentary information. You are a model of good character - especially when you throw in the cussing.
By the way, my children, whom I adore, might beg to differ. Read also (this was written before I knew about my oldest son): Anyone want kids? ā
Now, please take your self-righteous tripe some place else. People make mistakes. Best we judge them by how they handle them.
I don't have negative views on marriage, but I did when I was young.
I had girlfriends from the time I was 16. I had no intention of settling down or having kids. I didn't want to get trapped into a life of drudgery with responsibilities. I wanted to explore life.
It wasn't until my mid-30s that I started thinking about finding a life partner and settling down. But I wanted to be very careful because I considered marriage to be a solemn vow; a pledge of honor; something irrevocable.
I continued to have girlfriends with the intention of finding someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I finally met a lady when I was 40. She was 38. We really clicked. I was terrified of making a mistake and winding up miserable in a marriage. But after two years with her, I took the plunge.
We've been happily married now for over 25 years. She's the best friend I could ever have. We trust each other completely. I have the greatest respect and regard for her. We're partners in crime and have built a wonderful life together. I couldn't have done it without her.
Here's the thing. She obviously had a life before we met, just like I had. But she had never been married because she felt the same way about it as I did. She wanted to be 100% ready and she wanted to 100% certain that she was making the right choice. So the formal marriage is an incentive to make the whole thing work. And yes, we both work to honor our commitment to each other and keep our relationship happy and healthy. You can't just take it for granted.
I personally myself would love to get married one day. But the chances of finding someone that has humor , charisma, entertaining , decent values / character , maturity , is so extremely difficult nowadays.
often times theyāre fun to be around but lack character/ maturity / values. Downtowns they have the character but theyāre boring as hell.
I have no problem with marriage but Definitely marry a man who you know you can trust to be your husband. Often times many women make the mistake of marrying the most entertaining man on earth but heās not of the best character. I've
seen tons of boyfriends with kids hit on other women behind their gfs back. Or married men sleeping with other women
Damn i thought there would be more since there's more mamas boys nowadays
@RandomGuy1030
I have personally experienced a lot of men with families and kids hit on me call me sexy and gorgeous. 75% of these guys are boyfriends who tell their gfs that a marriage certificate wonāt make a difference in their relationship. Their gfs stupidly agree being duped into a life of being cheated on. Vast majority of girlfriends who get cheated on never had a clue he cheated
Men dont get pregnant. Im not seeing why it matters.
It has everything to do with the instincts behind finding cheating disgusting. Im sure women think cheating is gross to but for other reasons, like "it's unfair"
I have a positive view on marriage but negative on what so many people did with it.
I'm a Christian so of course I support marriage and stable family that is required for a strong society. Anything else results in a moral collapse when children are involved.
Opinion
57Opinion
I don't want to get married (but then again, I don't want a relationship of any kind), but I feel neutral about marriage in general (meaning I don't feel any way about others deciding to get married).
I've rarely ever had negative views on marriage and the times I have are times I feel many encounter depending on where they find themselves in their lives. There's always the room for doubt to enter and negativity to take over. Not everyone feels the need or desire to get married as is the case with people who decide not to have children.
Everyone is going to have a different perception on what they believe marriage should be. Technically in many places if you've lived too a certain amount of time than you're viewed as married in the eyes of the government. You're not married and living common-law, but there's still a fair amount of implications involved.
Times have really changed and marriage is looked at very differently than it once was. May women and men have either been in relationship or married and find themselves in a position where they may be hurt or cheated on. If this happens once or even more than once the idea of putting yourself out there and being hurt is something hard to reconcile. There comes a point where some people may simply not see the point of marriage.
Marriage or the institution? Marriage is beautiful. Itās a standard quite frankly most people canāt live up to anymore and many never could. Now the institutionā¦ Iām completely in every way opposed. Alimony? Chris Rock said it bestā¦ āWhen you leave the restaurant do they then owe you a steak?ā Child support? Itās in the best interest of the childrenā¦ No bitch whatās in the childrenās best interests is staying together and pooling resources and family 9 times out of 10ā¦ but people canāt soldier on because their all afraid of sacrifice and hard work and commitmentā¦ datings when you decide if youāll stay or go not marriage. Marriages when youāve decided to work through any problems you have andā¦ well you knowā¦ COMMIT!
Chris rock is right. Literally makes no sense why someone leaving entitles them to anything
See some random guy agrees with me ;)
I have major primal negative reviews about marriage. Because its feel like a waste of time, emotions, money to plan a wedding just to get divorce within a couple of months after the wedding. There really is no such thing as true love or real love. Unless a couple is completely Inseparable with each other or perfectly in sync to the point where they are stuck together like glue then of course couples like that are meant to be married. I refuse to marry any woman who just wants to love me and be part of my family just to have my riches and personal stuff in my life. Besides it's only a matter of time before someone else crosses my partners path, it doesn't matter how much a couples in love because it will always be someone else much more beautiful or much more handsome than your partner causing you to cheat and move on to the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next and the next over and over again.
Due to the current dating climate, how much women screw over men, and how pointless it is for men, I no longer want to get married anymore. But before say 2013, I did want to get married if for nothing more than to raise a family together. But modern women can't be trusted and I don't think most of them have men's best interests in mind. So I wouldn't get married in today's day and age. 2013 was the window. From there on out, marriage was a highly risky and ultimately meaningless endeavor for me. I had the misfortune of being born too late in history for marriage.
If OTHERS want to get married, then good luck to them. But I don't. You can either call me neutral or negative on it.
Yes. Marriage is a protection for women and a regret for men. Men will end up with everything theyāve ever worked for lost if and when the woman decided to end things. And women initiate far more divorces than men. And men arenāt being careful with who they decide to marry if they decide to marry at all. Which is why Iām never getting married. Am never having kids. Am never going to have a relationship either because in the past all of my exes have cheated on me. So why should I climb that sexist (against men) ladder?
I have a negative view on anything that includes god. Nvm marriage which is linked to him.
Even a not godly marriage like by a atheist the tradition it's self still only became a massive popular thing because of religions. Then Divorces are more ugly than breaking up. It does not seem like a win if someone wants a party and a ring, along with a promise of commitment I can see that been a good thing. But the rest nah.
A marriage to me would have to be very unconventional.
I won't get legally married. I don't believe I need the government involved in my commitment to my husband. We will eventually have a ceremony to say vows.
With the divorce rate being 50% likely your marriage will end, that's too risky. And I've seen how ugly these divorces are. When I left my sons dad after 15 yr it was so much easier for us to go our separate ways and not have a court involved.
I look at it from both sides, so I'd say I'm quite neutral on it, due to that.
If you're religious and your religious understanding says get married, then I'd encourage one to do it, but if you aren't, then I'd advise against it.
As a none-religious person, I'd rather have a long term relationship without marriage.
Im still all for monogamy and commitment. And i do want to marry. I just dont want to share my funds/assets and i dont feel he should have to share his either as long as weāre both paying our share of the bills. I want something more powerful than a prenup. Iām gonna make up some kinda contract and have it notarized and weāll both sign 🤣
Yes.
The gender roles are pretty much fixed, having kids is overrated, don't like other people's family lmao, divorce is tricky, there's hierarchy system going in india about in laws rank and marriage being just two family tier etc.
Negative indeed.
I think you should take a test and pass certain criteria for getting married and having kids.
We seem to be so worried about overpopulation but no one is stopping the dregs of society from filling the gutters with more kids.
If you can't raise a kid proper and you are not contributing to society and if you're living on government subsistence... you should not be having kids.
Within those parameters marriage would be more productive.
I would never get married, itās literally just a ceremony showing everyone that you love each other, and then having a piece of paper that says youāre together in the eyes of the law. Then when you divorce, you can take each others things. Sounds really dumb, and most marriages Iāve seen, have been unhappy marriages - including religious nuts whoāve been forced to marry.
I only have a negative view and that is that people don't honor marriage anymore and just give up when times become hard.
@exitseven Definitely. Determination, work, compromise, and communication skill is all important.
I think marriage is a beautiful thing if it's done between to mature individuals who know what they want out of life + out of their relationship.
Otherwise it's a trap with a lot of potential damage.
Not negative. But realistic. Marriage isnāt everything itās cracked up to be. A lot of that is what society has fed as the roles men and women should play in there relationships. Instead of letting people define there own relationships. People want to impose what each gender or whatever each is supposed to play. And that doesnāt work for everyone.
No, I donāt.
Although it can be an absolute catastrophe depending on the laws of your state and being married to the wrong person.
I find marriage to be an incredibly symbolic and special affair or at least it can be.
to me, well, not sure if I should say that I positive, or negative views on marriage, 'cause I don't want the typical/"traditional" kind.
I mean, I value my freedom/independence a lot, and as far as I've seen, marriage just feels like agreeing to the "obligation" to restrict said freedom/independence for someone who didn't value that as highly to begin with.
I don't really have a negative view on marriage, and even though I'm divorced, I don't really have a negative view on my marriage, its not overly positive either 😂. But I'm not looking to get married again anytime soon if ever.
Divorce law and courts in the West are so viciously unjust to men that only a suicidal fool would contemplate a relationship with a woman.
Official figures show that about 50 per cent of marriages fail after an average of eight years.
Some commentators put the divorce rate at closer to 80 per cent and say that government is manipulating statistics to hide the truth.
I have good views on marriage, hoping to do it one day. Many people I know have been married for years and are very happy.
Marriage is hard work, even when two people have a lot in common and begin the relationship in pure bliss. Over time, challenges will arise as a couple and for each one individually, during must support each other. If you're in a healthy relationship, will learn, grow and become closer as facing these challenges.
Why would anyone do something unnecessary and undesirable thats hard work
Indifferent about it, works for some people but not for everyone, personally it's not something I aspire to. I know plenty of people who are in far healthier relationships without having a certificate to show for it than married people.
u nope, never have... I've seen plenty of good marriages all around me, so I sure see the value of it, and the great aspects of it, when it is done well, of course
no, I just got married.
I have a positive view that it gives security, but puts a focus on continual work to express love and keep it fresh.
Actually. When you marry you have to have sex with one person All of your life. So, we must be cautious who we choose. It is risky. After dating around we must find someone who is both mentally and sexually compatible to us.
I don't care if I end up married or not, but I allow others to make that choice for themselves without judgment.
I have seen many successful marriages so I don't have negative views on it.
The divorce rate is very high. Just keep in mind, divorce is very expensive!
I don't have negative views on the institution itself. But experience has taught me virtually no woman anymore is capable of loving "till death do us part". And wedding vows shouldn't be thought of as "temporary". Or "till something better comes along". Or "till I grow bored". So while I still believe in marriage. I just think virtually no one qualifies for it anymore.
I don't think marriage is useful unless it solves some legal or financial issue where it would be beneficial to pass on assets for example or make benefits pass on to survivors.
I have seen 2 failed marraiges of my mother and 1 of my granmother.
And besides that i also know what am ass my stepfather was.
So i don't know of i will change my mind in future but i doubt i will get married.
I don't have a negative view of marriage as an act or symbol, just the laws around it.
I am more neutral on it. It seems to be more for some people than others.
I do not have negative views about it. It is not for everyone and if you end up with the wrong person it can be bad.
That's why an engagement before actually tying the knot is very important. People rush in where angels fear to tread.
https://youtu.be/kVrwHQ9-6ls
I have neutral views on marriage but I do like the idea I have to have a woman/ girl with the same views as myself
Your question brings to mind a joke my brother told me.
Do you know why husbands generally die before their wives?
Why? I wanna hear the joke?
@Hispanic-Cool-Guy
Because they want to. lol
I don't get the joke?
daniel tosh said that joke once š¤£
@dolemite89
I'm not sure who that is, but it made me laugh.
It's a foolish institution that simply redistributes the man's wealth to the woman when the woman gets tired of him.
ya I've known very few people in my life iād consider genuinely, happily married. i donāt see why people canāt be in a relationship without a contract behind it. 🤷āāļø
I think only in my adult life have I ever wanted to be married.
Most people don't marry like minded people for starts
Not at all. Very positive views on marriage. Only bitter and constant relationships failure people have negative views on marriage.
there is nothing positive about it for a man to begin with.
I don't disagree on marriage equality outside religion or race after all in essence you love who you love. I think that having to convince or convert to a particular religion is wrong. In any event that is just my humble opinion.
I voted A. I mean, I like the concept of marriage, but the reality of it today for men is pretty bad. Not worth it anymore.
Not necessarily but I donāt think people have to get married if they love each other
Are you saying we're not getting married? 🤔
That's disappointing š¤Ø
Lmao š¤£
Yes. I don't see myself ever getting married because of how easy it would be for me to lose it all as a man if things did not work out.
Marriage is a beautiful thing that is being destroyed by divorce law's and modern feminism. It's as simple as that.
Honestly this generation is making marriage seem like hell now
No marriage problem
Marriage problem
Infact many people don't even believe in love anymore
I am sort of Neutral about Marraige, But I don't think it can work at all unless you are in love with each other.
My biggest dream is to get married to a tall and handsome man. I definitely view it positively.
I don't know, I guess I think that unless you have kids there is no real point in it.
Yes and No. The most successful marriages are between two gay men. The least successful marriages are between two women. Those are the stats and I implore everyone to investigate the reasons for that
Marriage is responsible for 100% of all divorces... and 60% of all suicides
I have negative views on a lot of OTHER people's "marriages;" that's for sure!
I don't have any negative views about marriage as long as marriage is between a man and a woman, if it's man and man or woman and woman that's violating the sanctity of marriage.
On the contrary, I have negative 500 degrees celcius views on relationship OUTSIDE of marriage.
I think its great but the laws and courts make it ridiculous so im not interested because of that
me too
however i love wedding party , tons of free food and drinks
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