Would money be the only thing stopping you from getting married?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend makes more money than I do. I make 18k a year he makes probably around $54k. He told me he's not ready to get married and he's just waiting on me to make more than I'm making. I feel kinda bad in a way. Just feels like I'm not good enough and the only thing stopping him from marrying me is money and he wants to say his wife does this and makes this amount of money. Like I feel I don't need to be bragged about. Marriage is important to me. I mean if we do get married and I somehow lost all my money it just seems he'll leave and my time will be wasted.

[EmyyWolf]

Marriage is definitely a Liability for men.
If you divorce him, it could put him in a really bad position financially. Marriage is something really serious and really dangerous. That’s why men hate it or steer far away from it. It causes more damage to men than it does to a woman at all.
there's a lot of Gold-Diggers that benefit from divorcing a man.
WATCH THE YOUTUBER “BETTER BACHELOR” he talks about all this.

And nobody owes you money. If 18k is bad. You need to grow up and look for further options.

[Asker]

I didn't ask for money just stated what I made. Like I said in another comment I'm in the process of earning more.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the top 2 reasons I'm single. I get people being concerned about money because marital woes and money problems go hand in hand, it's a statistical fact. But when a woman tells me a guy needs to make, "x" amount my response is simple, "NEXT"! Because the simple fact is life DOESN'T come with guarantees. I have made enough money that I shouldn't ever have to work again. But that's because I'm sensible, thrifty, and I've also been very fortunate in life. Money comes and goes, jobs are gained and lost, but a man or woman with character. That is permanent. Give me a woman with 0 to her name and strong work ethic over a pampered princess with a million dollars any day.

[Asker]

Character always wins

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think he has his values in the wrong direction but if you really want this guy then you're gonna have to suck it up and get it done. But I don't think you should EVER marry this dude. If I was your man, I wouldn't care what you made. And personally I don't think a guy should even consider marriage until 25 years of age; maybe 30. Women's brains mature way faster. The difference between me now vs at 18-21 is shocking.

[Asker]

He keeps coming to me. He's 26 almost 27. I just don't think he's mentally ready for marriage. Most guys don't care what women make anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

You know what the problem is? You two don't share the same vision. He has a certain vision. You guys have to sit down and create a joint, agreed upon vision for what you two want life to be like with each other.
Most guys don't care but that is solely because that isn't an important part of our vision. It clearly is in his. You need to find out what he wants and what you want and make a decision if you two are a good fit for a life together.

Also you guys aren't a team right now. I'm a stranger and I'm your team. That's not good. He needs to be the one you can talk to and you shouldn't need anyone else unless it is a professional. I'd recommend you get the book "How to raise your own salary" by Napoleon hill. It can show you how to raise your income but that isn't why I am recommending it. Tbh you could go to school for 2 years and get 60k or create a service and earn well over 100k in less than a year. I am recommending the book because I think you need to read the chapter on personality and so does he. It'll help you guys be a team and have a healthy, upward-bound marriage

[Asker]

Thanks a ton, I'm trying to get better been getting denied a lot from jobs.

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, of course not. You should marry someone because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them, regardless of how much money they make. It takes time for some people to build a career and make more money and that's okay. I'm sorry you're going through this with your boyfriend, maybe you should talk to him about it and let him know how you're feeling regarding his expectation for you to make more.

[Asker]

I did, he disregarded my feelings and made me feel like shit. Told me I need to cheer up and just a bunch of other stuff. I feel done...

[xHoneyxBeex]

That's terrible, I'm sorry. It sounds like you are on different pages with what you want. If I were you, I probably would re-consider if this is the right person for you. You don't deserve to be belittled or disregarded, especially on important topics like marriage and your feelings.

[Asker]

Exactly, I told him I'm done and I need a break. He disregarded my military experience/injury and said all I want is a handout from them. So yeah I've thought about it and I'm done. I've been with him for 7 years and him being condescending ain't help.

[Adam1978]

I don't thInk it's about money, it's an excuse to not have the marriage discussion. Because he probably doesn't want to marry. Because it's a really bad deal for him. So he rather keep status quo. Marriage is not a security for men, it's a liability. So it's best kept off the table.

[Asker]

He made it pretty clear it's about the money and I need to step it up because we're not equals and I need to be more of an asset to him. I get people want finances during marriage, but he's not gonna marry me unless I make money.

[Adam1978]

No but it's because of the marriage laws, if you earn less you gain to divorce him in the long run. He is putting money requirement on you so he can be sure you are not marring him because of the money. Not because he needs or wants the money.

[Asker]

Nope, he said "I want to be able to say my wife dies this and makes this amount of money"

[Adam1978]

Weird, men don't care what the other mens wife does or earn. They are rarely mentioned to be honest. You make him sound like a woman.

[Asker]

*does* But yeah that's what I'm saying like not a lot of guys talk about what their spouse does and what they make and to brag. Most guys just want to be treated right and have peace of mind. Like all the other things I did don't matter.

[RandomGuy1030]

Ok so you need clarification then. It's like this. How much is "everything else" that you do worth. Do you think you're already matching his $60k a year? Genuine question

[Asker]

@RandomGuy1030 I already stated what I made, shouldn't matter if we match or not.

[RandomGuy1030]

Marriage is all about 2 people of equal value coming together. So yeah it matters. Does a microwave dinner and boring ass sex make you his equal? Even BOMB SEX and a 5 star meal. Does it make you his equal.

[Asker]

@RandomGuy1030 not everybody makes the same amount of money.

[RandomGuy1030]

Anyway you deserve someone who makes $20k just like you

[Adam1978]

Stop claiming that money has anything to do with what you deserve. You can't deserve people. You can only get them by being aligned with their values and by being a positive influence in their lives.

[RandomGuy1030]

If your values make you $20K a year you need someone with values that also make them that.

[Adam1978]

No you don't. We don't live in the dark ages. Your expectations shouldn't be that you get a millionare but that an average income is okay anything above is a bonus. What you earn yourself only need to be enough to make you happy or at least content.

[RandomGuy1030]

Your values determine how rich and poor you are, outside of luck and misfortune. Akser isn't unlucky or misfortune theyre just stupid and lazy! Facts!

[Adam1978]

No there is plenty of dumb rich people, but they didn't actually create their wealth and plenty of hard working poor people. So neither is true.

[Asker]

@RandomGuy1030 you're opinion is dumb, dismissed

[Asker]

Yup people get with who makes them happy, not everybody is the same with those ideals but money isn't everything and just shows how conditional love can be.

[RandomGuy1030]

This kind of attidue is the kind of female whos never had a male ready to chop her up and throw her in a lake in her life

[Adam1978]

Yeah and most women doesn't have that or experience that and it's a good thing. It's not like money will protect you from nut jobs like that.

[Asker]

Exactly

[RandomGuy1030]

Im not a nut im a realist. Short fat stupid people (females) should watch their mouth

[Taylor_C]

You have to be able to support yourself regardless if you're in a relationship or not. Your income is way too low for that. You would be a financial burden to him. A relationship should be two people working together as a team for mutual benefit. Currently you're not in a position to be part of such a team. Get a good education, then get a good job. You're supposed to be an equal partner, not a burden.

[Asker]

In the process of getting more money.

[Jabberjaw]

Sounds like a convenient excuse on his part.

Personally, if I were marriage minded. Money wouldn't stop me. If anything being married comes with financial benefits and makes it easier to make money.

Assuming you're not trying to have an expensive wedding/party. More than likely him saying waiting for you to make more is really you getting your shit together and proving to him you're actually ready.

Because in all seriousness that is important

[Asker]

Yeah I understand getting my stuff together and what not. I'm in the process of getting more money. Still if we were I could help him out, he wouldn't be the only one paying bills.

[Jabberjaw]

Which I'm sure is part of what's on his mind. Both you making 50k while married would actually go a long way for the both of you

[Asker]

Yeah I can see that. I understand people wanted their finances in order but he shouldn't make me feel like other stuff I do doesn't make me worthy.

[Jabberjaw]

Talk to your man about how you feel, and try to look at things from his perspective at the same time.

[Asker]

I have, I'm still on a break, he came off pretty rude.

[Jabberjaw]

On a break in what context

[Asker]

Breaking away from the relationship. Doing my own thing

[Jabberjaw]

Lol curious the point to the question then. He gave you something to work on, you didn't want to, so you ended the relationship?

[Asker]

I'm working on it actually

[Jabberjaw]

But I mean you still broke up lol. Just seems odd. It was a true thing that needed fixing but because he said it you ended things. Doesn't make sense to me

[Anonymous]

Not the only thing, but a huge factor. And not so I could brag on her, but the fact that marriage is a huge financial risk for a man should the marriage fail. The biggest reason is that there's no sanctity in marriage anymore, and no real consequences if she's the one who breaks her vows.

Been there, done it, had it go south, still paying for it

[Asker]

Yeah it can play a big part but he said he wants to be able to say "his wife does this and makes this amount of money" So just to brag and say he has someone with money. Like his ex worked for Walmart and she treated him like shit but he gave her the world.

[LazerBean]

My husband started working straight out of highschool and married me the same year on a 40k salary. My dad worked nonstop for a year to be able to marry my mom. If a man wants to, he will

[Asker]

That's what I'm saying, like money shouldn't be the only thing stopping him. He could but he doesn't want to. He wants me to step it up and he said $18k isn't enough.

[LazerBean]

It sounds like he is more interested in a girlfriend/roommate than a wife. I wouldn't bother with him.

[Asker]

And crazy thing is he still stays with his dad. I'm not waiting around. Money isn't everything.

[RandomGuy1030]

"Im not waiting around." Good a trap avoided. You never loved him. You loved the idea he made 3x more than you and you could marry him.

[Asker]

@RandomGuy1030 uhh no...

[RandomGuy1030]

Ok if you love someone "my marriage fantasy is being delayed" doesn't matter.

[Asker]

@RandomGuy1030 if you love someone they wouldn't make you wait and leave you guessing.

[RandomGuy1030]

Thats manipulation. If you love someone you dont date them with the bottomline you need to complete some fantasy.

[RandomGuy1030]

Ok i was mean. I could write 3 paragraphs being "nice" or just tell you in a sentence precisely you are delusional and narcissistic.

[Asker]

@RandomGuy1030 ok then

[Chiarac2003]

It’s not for him to say… if it is as simple as you say…. Tell him. Your done!

[Asker]

I told him I need a break but I'm feeling done...

[Chiarac2003]

Yes again… if it’s a straight forward as described… and it’s not u... understand that.
I probably will make way more than my husband bcos I have a fan business. It’s not going to make a difference if he’s happy doing something for work. If you have ambitions to grow than he should support you… not financially.. but emotionally… what is said… is the opposite of support.

[Chiarac2003]

*family business

[Asker]

Right like he said he'll support me but he just looks unhappy.

[Chiarac2003]

I stick with my original opinion… he’s only using excuses.

[ArtemisSilver]

Honestly I would think that the point of marriage is to make a woman feel free safe about having my babies. Money is a part of that, but not really the focus.

[Anonymous]

those are extremely low salaries, i don't blame him.

also, i don't think he's the right one anyways.

[Asker]

You think they're both low?

[exitseven]

If that was the case then I probably would not have got married.

[jamesgoldman]

It's a factor but not as big as me being a burden as my body fails

[Anonymous]

Break up he's an assholes. He just want some trophy wife to brag about...

[Asker]

Yeah trying to flex to people that don't about that.

[EdwinLivingston_]

No. Maturity and the feeling to end single life matters too

[Anonymous]

Imagine this scenario. You live your life, you do your thing. Then you have a party, ceremony, etc in a white dress pretending like you're from 500 years ago. It's insanely outdated marriage is. It's a misfit.

[Paul09]

Im not brainwashed. So I don't believe in that mumbo jumbo.

[Anonymous]

I always say. Do not sleep with a man before marriage, then it is the woman who gets upset. he's just looking for excuses. A man who wants to marry will marry you under any circumstance.

[Asker]

Exactly, he just wants me to have more money but that shouldn't matter. I had the same amount when we got together. He just wants to flex and brag.

[Opinion Owner]

then leave that man. because that man sees you in the pocket and doesn't love you one iota

[Anonymous]

I would never get legally married lol

even if rich

[Asker]

Good for you

[Anonymous]

You woman are selfish.
Last night my ex put me in a position to choose between her or my mother.
You woman are selfish.

[dustybiker]

I would be gone myself.

[ThrowAwayx404]

Welcome to what it’s like being a man.

[Asker]

I suppose.

[red324]

Well that and possessions.