How do marriages survive affairs?

Question

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

They usually don't and when they do there's sort of a wound on the relationship, especially if the monogamy was a very important part of the set boundaries. I think it's the broken trust that does the damage. They agree to only be with one another, and one-half of that agreement sacrificed other options only to find their other half just couldn't bother keeping to their agreement... and that's like a huge spit in the face.

For me I revenge cheated way more times back. Eventually, I had to mentally reduce her to just a stupid attention whore cum dumpster that I put up with for the sake of my kids. That feeling of her being special to me is dead. I don't bother cheating some more only because I've moved to the United States and these women are mostly trash and/or require too much work to bother with. So I've resigned to using my cum dumpster for my needs and going back to my beer and video games once I had my fun. The cost of her playing me to get played by another dude has left her, the one that begged for me to stay with her, being nothing but the person that pays the bills and I use for sex. I purposely make sure I don't work because if divorce pops up... I'm taking half of her shit and expect alimony. Fuck being a sucker like so many other guys have been. They work their ass off for a chick, then get cheated on, dumped, and half their shit taken, which probably explains a lot of the reasons she begged me to stay and has to accept me cheating (if she catches me) as my royal fucking right. ... I know my story sounds pretty shitty and it is... but myself and my wife are a great example of how it can turn out. Cheating really fucks the dynamics of a relationship. Before she pulled that stunt I was your average blue pilled SIMP, that worshiped her. Now she's just a cum dumpster and my opinion of women has changed..."No woman is ever yours, it was just your turn."

ohshee · Accepted Answer

I I would say they don't but some people are strong enough and are willing to take that chance to start all over Trust and Believe in each other and let the past be the past now that's awfully big words right there and some very big hearts if it can be done but it has to be committed there has to be a commitment for me personally I would walk away because the person that add the affair would not have been me and that person would have come home every single night look into my eyes as if everything was okay and play the big game with me lying and cheating play me as a fool I would walk away forever

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

It's about destroying trust, it has to be earned.

The question should be, how does one rebuild trust after they destroyed it? is it even possible... cause one does not just 'give' trust. If someone is hurt so bad from it, how can the other person ever hope to build that trust back up again?

Sometimes it may depend on what kind of affair, emotional, physical or both.

If it was just a hook up for some fun, a hall pass might balance things out so trust can start to be rebuilt up again.

If it was strictly emotional and nothing happened, need to address that differently. If it was both, then those seem like it could the hardest. Ofc if kids are involved, a whole new dynamic.

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

My friend's husband had an affair. He ended up moving in with his mistress. He's an immature dirtbag and told his wife he just didn't want the responsibility of being a husband and father.

To make a long story short, she took him back. She's so much better than he is, but she lives in this fantasy where she believes he's so wonderful and that he knows he made a mistake.

Personally, I would never trust him again. No one knows what she sees in him (and no it is not money, she's the breadwinner).

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Typically they don't.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

Usually, they don't.
But when they do, the situation has two possible ramifications:
- it takes a lot of time, but the marriage survives and the cheater genuinely regrets their actions, while the person who got cheated on is willing to move on and forgive.
- the damage can not be repaired permanently, and the affair becomes something that runs the marriage into a slow, dragged out death.
Perhaps both spouses start cheating on each other (my parents did); or the cheater does not amend their ways; or the person cheated on uses this as a leverage to abuse them.

Kusz76 · Answer

I can’t see how they can. I’m going through this just now, my wife gets drunk and gropes and tries to kiss other random men, even my friends, right in front of me and starts on me the next day when I bring it up making me out to be the bad one! Lies about her behaviour when she’s out with her friend at the pubs even though I find out she’s been trying it on with every guy in the place, she’s a liar and a cheat and we’ve only been married 2 years! She won’t admit she’s in the wrong at all. I left her 8 months ago and since then she’s done nothing to try and save our marriage and family. Still getting drunk with her friends. I won't be going back to her. The next thing she’s getting from me is a divorce. If they do it once they’ll do it again

Danielle93 · Answer

They don't survive affairs. After an affair happens and it's discovered, there will never be 100% trust; things will never be the same as they were before. If there is no 100% (even if they do forgive you and want to work it out) trust, then the marriage has forever changed.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

Someone cheats on me... It's over... Now I say that but maybe if I really thought that things would work then maybe I would not but just making things work... Isn't good enough for me and it should not be good enough for you..

Once someone cheats you can forgive but that does not mean you have to stay with that person

SteveSmith1985 · Answer

Honestly, I have often wondered how they survive. I'm not married, but if I were... my marriage COULDN'T survive an affair. For me that would be the end of my marriage. It's something that I, personally couldn't ever get over. Some things you can't undo. For me, cheating is one of those things.

Espresso-Grande · Answer

Only if you can get passed the pain and trust again

Personally, I would never stay with someone who betrayed me. Once my trust is broken, it can never be rebuilt or regained by the person who broke. I would only move on from the hurt if I cut all contact with him.

Relationships are built on a foundation of trust. So how can you trust someone again after they've already given you one good reason why they can't be trusted.

Reaper1985 · Answer

for the few that do it often takes a lot of therapy and/or talking it out to back track what caused it to happen. often something like to much stress from their marital partner or other sources, their marital sex life became boring for them over time, they kept being deny by their marital partner for verse reasons, their marital partner was hardly available/around or spur of the moment decision. are the most common ones but there are likely more reasons.

wittymilf · Answer

The effort you’re willing to put into something is the measure of how much you value it. If you both value what you have you’ll survive

Andres77 · Answer

I can only Wonder why the affair took place at all.
I'm not justifying any reason.
But there are lapses in judgement. There are temptations never faced before, and there are spiteful and petty reasons.
Again, none are justified.
But some, with enough patience and maturity and safeguards, are definitely recoverable.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Sometimes marriages never stay the same you always worry whether the same pattern will happen again it's a gamble one takes and a chance that someone will lose in the end.

laurieluvsit · Answer

Short answer... They don't

Anonymous · Answer

Both of them should take an honest look at themselves, at their partner, and their relationship and decide if it's worth continuing.
They then need to look passed the pain, humiliation, and distrust.
Not everyone can do that.

sheenagwapa · Answer

the husband cheats, wife keeps forgivinh. that's usually how it oes. ii really don't understand people i mean i cannot pt myself in their show.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Honestly, I don’t know. If my SO cheated on me it would take a shit ton of a lot and probably the universe for me to stay. And since that’s impossible, you know where I stand

dustybiker · Answer

Two people who won’t speak up, listen or agree to talk to one another.

Loveisgirthy · Answer

They realize maybe the fault was in their wavering connection with eachother and rather than playing blame games they found what needed fixing and fixed it.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

They don’t. Even if they try to get past it, I don’t think things could ever be the same

Crankor · Answer

They really don't. There will always be forever insecurities from then on if it was to continue that would cause constant fights

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Simple... The one who got cheated on give up their self worth

How do marriages survive affairs?

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