I'm dating an American girl but my mom is pressuring me into arrange marriage. I don't know what to do about it?

[Anonymous]

My mom said she will always support me but she has stopped talking to me. My sister married 2 times with mom's support. Both were not arranged marriages. Now she is emotional blackmailing me to marry her choice of girl. She wants me to stay with her in India. I want to marry and live in US.

[WonderBell99]

I know that parent children dynamics can be quite complicated and you cannot just abandon her. I’m assuming you were very close to her, so it must be quite difficult for you to go against her wishes and do something she does not approve of. You have to keep in mind that you are almost 30, and are free to marry whomever you want. Finding love in this day and age is hard, and it’s even harder to maintain it. Unless your mother is the type of be vindictive and hold a grudge over your dating preference, it would not be a problem. She will come around soon.

You have mentioned that you are a “mama’s boy”, but if you are planning on getting serious with your partner, I would highly suggest you set healthy boundaries and not let your mother influence your decisions in life.

Also, having a chat with your mother and having her meet your partner would be a good idea. Often, Indians, mostly the older generations, have a distorted perception of westerners. Have her meet your girlfriend once after talking to her. She doesn’t need to like her right away, give her some space and time… but do not let her influence YOUR relationship with your partner.

[Asker]

I want to introduce my girlfriend to my parents. I don't know how they will react. In India, when daughters get married, they are free to live anywhere they want. But sons should live with the parents and take care of them. People will insult you if you don't take care of your parents. My mom and sister are negative about western girls. My mom says western girl will cheat you and take all your money. I think she wants to influence my decision.

[WonderBell99]

That’s usually the norm in India and other south Asian countries. I’m aware of the etiquettes and social norms of the culture, so I get where you are coming from.

Firstly, before you introduce your partner to them, I’d highly suggest you have a chat with them. In person would be preferable. You don’t know how they may react if you introduce her without any prior information before. Make sure they’re civil enough before you introduce her.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice☺️. I will do that.

[WonderBell99]

No worries. Glad I was able to help.

[Guy13]

It makes sense to me. Your mother does not want to make the same mistake she made with daughter. Your are carrying Family namesake. Shame on family is big deal, right ⁉️ Sister brought shame⁉️

[LazerBean]

Then go to the us and get married.

[Asker]

What about my mom's feelings? My Our relatives and mom's friends are saying that your son will leave you in your old age. Your son is selfish.

[LazerBean]

Selfish for not obeying her like a beaten child when he's pushing 30? That sounds narcissistic.

[Asker]

On one side is a woman who gave birth to me. On the other side is a girl of my dreams with whom I want to create new life. Right now my mom is not talking to me. It's my mistake, I was a mama's boy. She thinks I will obey her.