Who has more responsibility in marriage? Woman or man?

[hannah]

Do you think the man or the woman has more responsibility in marriage? If you are married, what are your responsibilities?

[CubsterShura]

Women. This is not to say that men don't have their own responsibilities either or that they always have it easy, but they get away with not fulfilling their responsibilities far more easily whereas a lot of the ways women contribute are not even noticed let alone appreciated. Men get mad when we say it but then they will go ahead and also get mad about how women divorcing more is "breaking families", rightfully admitting that women carry the bigger load of keeping the family together and bonded. They won't change their baby's diaper, don't even remember their children's birthday or age or how old they are but then will come on the internet giving big speeches about being the leader of the house. I have seen and known way too families that just gave me the vibe of "if the mother passes away this family will completely break apart and the daughters and small children will have no one to look after them". My best friend and I know each other since kindergarten, she grew up with an abusive father and while it always affected her mental health, she only started mentally breaking herself when her mother started letting go as well and now SHE is the one who seems to be the one taking up the emotional labor to keep the family together for as long as she could.

None of my grandparents are alive anymore. I've noticed when my grandfathers (from my father's side and mother's side) passed away, not saying that we didn't miss them or love them or share fond memories with them, but life kept on going and we still continued to have gatherings, meet and stayovers and all things you have when you have a big family. But it is when my grandmothers died the gatherings never felt the same again and it felt 'incomplete'. It's not the men who are making friends with the neighbors to the extent that women are doing. It's not men who are keeping up with what's going on in the house and outside of it as well to the extent that men do. Emotional labor is real and something you will never be able to put a value on.

Men also know it very well, which is why men re-marry much faster after their wives death than vice versa. Statistically married men have a higher life expectancy, they are very aware of how much they need women. What's valued in women is still there and even more now than ever as we are becoming more willing to educate ourselves on matters like mental health, psychology, parenting, nutrition etc and applying them for the benefit of those around us. The only card men had to play was that of the provider and as women are becoming less and less financially dependent on men and marriage is becoming less of an obligation so no one wants to marry for the sake of it but rather because they actually want to be with the person, aka men now actually have to put effort into impressing women, they are not happy.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Parenthood and marriage are 2 different things.

If the couple doesn't want kids, typically the guy has more responsibilities because less women work while married.

[CubsterShura]

@TheSpaceGnome Even without children, men feel the need for a caretaker in a wife.

[TheSpaceGnome]

caretaking your spouse is part of bring in a relationship, the norm is that both parties do it though.

[TheSpaceGnome]

being*

[CubsterShura]

@TheSpaceGnome and yet men are 6x more likely to abandon their cancer patient wives compared to the opposite situation.

[TheSpaceGnome]

What garbage news place did you hear that nonsense? lol

[CubsterShura]

@TheSpaceGnome if you want to call Reuters garbage...

www.reuters.com/.../us-partners-health-idUSTRE5AB0C520091112

[TheSpaceGnome]

It is garbage.

[TheSpaceGnome]

All news sources lie

[CubsterShura]

@TheSpaceGnome back when I did model UNs the one news source we were told to consider the most reliable was Reuters, to the point many did not even accept any other references.

But even if you think that they are lying, turns out that this time they are not because it is a real scientific study finding.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/

[TheSpaceGnome]

I just had a discussion minutes ago about how citing sources is not verifying, and how no one news source is any more reliable than another.

If they only reccomend that one, it likely means they are in control of it. There is no other reason to tell people "only trust this source", besides being in control of that source, which makes it NOT reliable.

All you did was post text to try to "prove" another pile of text, evidence doesn't work that way.
And you picked a gov site no less, it's in their job description to lie... 😂

[CubsterShura]

@TheSpaceGnome dude it's a model UN, no one on there is an actual Reuters reporter lol.

Also what you're calling a pile of text is a scientific paper. It's literally the very source of the information showing exactly what they have done to come to the conclusion.

You can't just denounce everything as fake and never take your time to learn what is actually real.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"never take your time to learn what is actually real."

Read that sentence again. Because you aren't doing that. Reading text is NOT doing that, and anyone versed inthe scientific method knows this.

Science is not about trusting a source, its about verifying things from any source to make sure they aren't bullshit.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You can't go through life thinking something is true if you haven't verified it yourself.

I said it before, and I'll say it again.

Humans have this urge to know everything that ever happened anywhere.

Well, you can't, so tough shit.

[CubsterShura]

@TheSpaceGnome yes part of it is knowing what source the studies are from and who are funding it, but it is also reading how the study was conducted. Its authors, affiliations, sample size, data collection method have all been laid out and you are free to see them for yourself and see if it appears good or not. You can even see that it's peer reviewed and who else have cited it.

Literally everything you need to know about this study is out there and you are denouncing it without even looking and trying to teach me how scientific paper works when I'm a student of science and I'm citing such articles and discussing their findings+limitations all the time.

Why don't you go through the paper yourself and see if it's true or not, if you find that it is not then explain why.

[Lynnfriend]

Well I depends on what you want out of a marriage. This why it should not be taken lightly. So many times young people get married because they love with each other but don't understand the responsibilities of marriage it should be a equal commitment they are working together on a common goal to build a life together and should stay in touch with each other through communication because situations change as time goes by it's important not to loose focus. The responsibilities will change from time to time. Things may not allays be equal. Like example a man generally makes more money. So should they each pay 50% of the bills or should they combined there money take care of there needs but so much away for savings possibly to buy a house in the future and enjoy the rest however they both agree.

[Qdbrown]

If you leave it at, "Marriage" it would sound like the woman, because the marriage is often within the home and family unit.

I think you need to make sure that matrix is an all view of what each person does within the family. If you have a husband who works 12 hours a day at a back breaking job, is it fair to have him come home and work another few hours to help his wife who works 8 hours a day in an office setting.

Some people want to make just household choirs fair, where your equality idea is just there, and it's not.

Especially when you factor that the family income is based on the couple who has to go out and bring home resources to care and maintain their family.

[Orion76]

It’s highly unlikely the wife will ask you to help with house work anyway but if she needed help you would refuse? For real?

[Qdbrown]

@Orion76 And that is the issue. Many wives will not ask, but expect She will begin to resent how he comes home and just wants to crash and take a nap?

Then after sometime she will want to end the relationship because her friends have men who are willing to help out with chores

And if you look at each realtionships, you will find each relationship is unique Some guys can work in an office setting as well, and work a 40 hour job, makes good money and likes to help out

Does it make the guy who works with his hands any less valuable?

And to be honest, some women these days can work more demanding jobs than their husbands In that regard, the guy needs to pull more weight at home It's not a traditional man-wife roles It's who has the actual bandwidth during their day

And now that you mention it, men should set better boundaries and measure their assistance to their wife, unless she is just as open and accepting to his times of need That's the brutal truth Too many guys let their women walk all over them, expecting free help and resources when they need help with little regard to reciprocate the help when he needs it. This is on the these weak men who give it up too easy or free, and mess it up for everyone else who feels like they have to compete with these simp-wannabes.

[Guy13]

The man has more responsibility in the marriage as this encompasses more than Stuff. It requires and ability to lead, to walk the talk, further spiritual development, and provide for the princess you have spoken for. There is no growth unless the spiritual life is equally yolked from the beginning

I know this is a two way street but the majority falls on the male. And he ought to assume or stick with a dog.

[Summeroflove]

Yet you're the one promoting sleeping around outside of marriage. you have to have standards and not let a woman walk all over you and leave a one sided woman.

A healthy relationship goes BOTH ways.

[Orion76]

You can lead make money build a fortress and have everything in your life under control but if you picked the wrong woman and she loses her mind you can kiss all that goodbye pretty damn quick not sure if the dog will still be there neither lol

[Guy13]

@Summeroflove Okay. read the last sentence as far as two way street. I don't see anything there about sexual activity.

[Guy13]

@Orion76 Can't argue with that !! That's why the Virgin and Proverbs Wife is so valued. Adversity, Steadfastness, and good judgment is proven in a walk. High body counts, porn, seeking the new buzz when one relationship gets stale all matter in your point specifically.

[Orion76]

Nothing breaks your back like house work does if you have kids too take it from this single dad from the minute I walk home start making food then make sure Cloths ready schoolwork shitty homework your kids will have you chasing your tail until you fall asleep and you can’t wait to get back to work!!! If you have a wife that takes care of that plus the emotional support of your kids and she works 8 hours too and you don’t want to help? Not fair? LoL

[Summeroflove]

@Orion76 that’s why you don’t get gold diggers. There are plenty of women who aren’t like that out there.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah Guy13 maybe you should read the Bible instead of promoting degeneracy. Sometimes you seem full of wisdom and some days you’re not.

[Summeroflove]

@Orion76 there you have a point. One sided relationships suck. If a woman stays home all day long. Then a man shouldn’t have to do anything. Unless she just needs some help here and there or if he wants to. But overall it should be on her.

But the same goes if a woman’s also working. You can’t expect her to be doing all of the house work and everything else. That’s not fair.

But many people only care for themselves and don’t care how someone else feels and fails to appreciate them even if they’re doing a lot.

[Orion76]

@Summeroflove Man I wish my ex wife was a gold digger at least gold diggers know the value of money you what If she is a reasonable gold digger you might be better off because she will make sure your are making the right decisions to keep the boat floating I have a personal story about this. The scary ones are the ones that don’t let you feel there is something wrong they get mad at you and plot and turn everyone against you and you won’t have the first clue why? Just because it’s you.

[Summeroflove]

A healthy relationship should be give and take. What roles one another plays depends on what you're looking for. But a one sided relationship isn't healthy and is a recipe for misery for both of you. Since when one isn't happy the other isn't either.

There are unhealthy relationships that go both ways that can be one sided.

[CrazyGirl2]

Hopefully it’s equal! We may gravitate to different roles within the marriage, and we may do different things, but without both people fully involved in the marriage, that marriage is doomed!
Just because something is different, does not automatically equate to a power imbalance, or especially that one roll is more important than the other, or even has more “responsibility” than the other, for that matter. The roles that BOTH parties bing to the table within marriage are very different but they’re equally crucially important! Especially if they are parents! With parents, the rolls are even more different, but they are also infinitely more crucial, and equally responsible for the upbringing of the child/children/younglings!

[Orion76]

The responsibility is equal but the importance tends to lean toward women when children arrive and I’m not talking a about income, duties and who does what, as a parent yeah the father is important or whatever but the mother In most cases is what decides to make it or break it.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Depends.

Ideally both of them have 50/50 responsibility in marriage. But that is not practical from any point of view. Hence, it is subjective to the couple. Each one should try to balance the other in things the partner is not able to contribute, or is able to contribute less.

[Panicatthediscosmom]

"Traditionally" it's the womans because its seen as her fantasy and its either the husbands job to pay for it or one of the parents as far as i know. But in my view it should be a collaborative experience because they are both going to be there and it is for them so do with this as you may.

[sadgirl0210]

I truly believe that we should share the responsibility but I also believe that the woman should take care of the house , fix food , tc of the husband etc
But I also believe if the husband has a day off just to relax the woman.. etc
And help her out
Etc

[Anonymous]

Responsibility for what? I don't care what anyone says, men and women have different kinds of responsibilities, and trying to say one has 'more' responsibilities is essentially saying one's responsibilities are more or less important than the other, which is worse than pointless.

[Apple1996]

In a traditional marriage women definitely have more responsibilities but in a modern marriage the responsibilities are equal.

For my marriage its more traditional so I handle pretty much all the responsibilities besides working

[Mewzinc]

Is it hard to do everything around the house by yourself?

[Apple1996]

@Mewzinc for sure can be difficult since my kids and husband make never ending chores for me to do

[Mewzinc]

Doesn't it upset you when your husband help?

[Genie23]

Marriage is partnership for life. So, I'd say they both have equal responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the marriage. But one thing is clear, both have more responsibilities in marriage today than in the past.

Marriage is less appealing today than ever before, especially to men. Marriage in the West is dying a (not so) slow death. As a man, I can't speak to why that is from a woman's perspective, but I definitely know why it's the case for men.

[Chazmatazz269]

Depends on the couple. In most of the long lasting healthy marriages i’ve observed, they usually do a good job of separation of power and responsibility.

[Subarugirl]

Well ideally it should be equal, but data has shown that in marriages where men and women work the same amount of hours, women still to the majority of the domestic labor.

[JessicaEarl]

You know what’s crazy? It depends on the couple, and the stage of life they’re in. Wow. Crazy

[dustybiker]

Whoever's name is on the bills and mortgage is going to need to be responsible.

[Anonymous]

Today it's generally equal in terms of responsibilities. In terms of benefits, risks and costs, women definitely get the better end of the deal in modern marriage, which is why men are declining marriage in record numbers today.

[Subarugirl]

Lol you do realize that today, in marriages were both spouses work, women generally still do the majority of the domestic labor right? So of course men who want a women to mother them, are going to have a very difficult finding one willing to be his domestic slave for lack of a better term unless he can afford it.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl Isn't your husband a doctor?

[Subarugirl]

That is correct.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl And you do what? Lol

[Subarugirl]

I’ve been a CSI specialist and product training manager for the past 6 years but I’ve been working in the automotive industry a total of 7.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl So, the effort and sacrifice you've made to contribute financially to your family is tiny compared to his, the stress you endure in your job is insignificant compared to his, and your income is a small fraction of his. Where is the "equality" in that? It seems very fair then that you do more where you can, doesn't it?

[Subarugirl]

Oh on the contrary. I sacrificed my education so that I could single handedly financially support his education and our family for the first 2 years of our marriage while he finished his doctorate. 2022 was the first year that we have been together that he has out earned me, and even then, he only made about 15k more than I did last year. Do you have any idea just how stressful it is for a 19-year-old to single handedly be financially responsible for a family of 3?

My effort and sacrifices gave us the ability to purchase a house in 2020, since he didn't qualify to be able to on his own. Even now, since is his recently self-employed, he doesn't qualify for a mortgage at all, so I am buying a house closer to his practice so that he doesn't have to commute as far.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl Glad to hear you're pulling your financial weight. That is not typical of wives of doctors your age. I imagine it's been very difficult to be a good mother to a young child given everything the two of you have going on.

What kind of doctor is he? If he already has a practice, I'm guessing he is significantly older than you and/or he's not a medical doc, since med school and residency typically take 7 - 11 years.

Following up on your initial response, it's true men in marriages where both work tend to do less of the domestic work, but they also tend to have more demanding jobs, work longer hours (talk about slave labor) and bring in more money. And that's saying nothing about the fact that 40% of married men will be divorced by their wives and get screwed in divorce court and child custody rights.

All things considered, women certainly have the better deal in marriage, which is why men are choosing to forgo marriage today at the highest rate in history.

[Subarugirl]

He’s a DC which is an 8 year doctorate degree. Also residency for MDs is usually only about 3 to 7 years. He’s 3 years older than I am.

And I didn’t just pull my financial weight, I was the breadwinner for the first 5 years of our marriage.
Do you know how much it would cost, on average, to sublet all the domestic labor of a house hold? More than 3 times the the about that the median American male makes. Yet for some reason, that work and the time it take to do that work, which would cost more that 150k a year is seen as less valuable … weird

[Subarugirl]

However in 2015, employed men recorded working an average 42 minutes per day longer than employed women. So less than 45 minutes. Yet women, especially working married women with children, in general, still do the vast majority of domestic labor, child rearing, and are more likely to sacrifice their income to take time off work to care their children when they get sick.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl Correct, residency is 3 - 7 years, but that is on top of 4 years of medical school... for real doctors. A little math tells us that is 7 - 11 years total, as I said. I can understand why you didn't know that though.

So he's a chiropractor, not an MD. He's technically considered a doctor, but... I guess that explains why you had to float the family.

Sublet all the domestic labor? That's a very slippery slope, sweetie. The same argument can be made for literally anything we do as adults. The cost of paying someone else to wipe your ass for you would astronomical.

[Subarugirl]

According to 2019 data from Salary. com, if you are a stay-at-home parent and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201.

[Subarugirl]

Obviously, if you are lumping in your graduate program with a residency program, which is why there is a distinction. But if you want to get technical, in order for an MD to legally be able to practice they have to complete, on average 4 years of under grad, 4 years of grad school, then 3-7 years of residency. DCs are not required to do residency since it is included in their graduate programs, but they go to college for the same amount of time as MDs do. I can understand why you would be confused by that.

But yeah, you want to put a price tag on how much a stay at home parents work is worth. It’s about 180k a year.

If you’re any to get in how much it would cost to hire a fill time care giver, we can. So it looks like, a regular 40-hour a week support schedule would bring that total to about $840 per week, $3,360 a month, and $40,320 a year. But there is 168 hours in a week, so we can be conservative and just round that down to 4x the yearly amount which looks like would total to right around a 160k a year.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl Lol, medical school is medical school, not a "graduate program". You're showing your ignorance. My brother is a doctor and I have four others in my family, and literally no one calls it a "graduate program". I'm talking real doctors here, so the language is different than what you are familiar with. This time when you Google it, pay a little closer attention. It's medical school, it takes 4 years, and residency takes an additional 3 - 7 years. As I said originally, medical school and residency take 7 - 11 years. I guess you missed that the first time? You can scroll up if you feel the need to confirm.

As of Jan 6, 2023, the average annual pay for a full time high end nanny in the US is $61,721 a year. If we tacked on a generous additional salary for caretaker responsibilities, it still doesn't even come close to $100k.

I do understand the mental gymnastics some women like to go through to try to convince others they are undervalued, but the reality is that's not how work is valued. The market determines what a job's value is based on supply and demand, and the market says your lofty estimates are absurdly overstated. There's a reason no nanny will ever make anything remotely close to $178,201, because there are a gazillion women out there willing to do it for less than a third of that. Why? Because it requires no more education, skill or intelligence than it does to clean hotel rooms, which of course pays peanuts. You seriously would earn more money as an ass wiper. Give it some consideration.

[Subarugirl]

It is according the the University of Minnesota
med.umn.edu/education-training/graduate-program

Actually from what I have gather, it is according to most colleges.

Also you are forgetting that full time is only considered 35+ hours. A stay at home parent is working 24/7. So let’s be generous and say full time is 40 hours a week. If you’re making 60 a year for working 40 hours a week you would have to times that by 4, to account for what a stay at home parent does which equate to roughly 240k. Its just basics math hon.

[Opinion Owner]

@Subarugirl LOL, you didn't even read your own link. Try again, and pay better attention this time.

Anyone in the US today who calls medical school a "graduate program" is ignorant. Medical school graduates have earned a Doctor of Medicine, (aka MD), which is a professional degree, not a graduate degree (i. e, a masters degree or PhD). Below is an article that will clear up your confusion once and for all.

https://willpeachmd.com/is-med-school-grad-school

Entry level full-time live-in nannies in the US (essentially the same as a new mother) start at $28k. The average full time live in nanny earns $45k. Need more than one? Hire two for $90k. Hell, you could get five of them for less than your silly $240k amount.

Why are nannies so cheap? Because what they do is very easy, basic, unskilled labor, and the market is flooded with women who aren't qualified to do anything more challenging. They are the female equivalent of a ditch digger.

[Subarugirl]

Wow this really triggers you doesn’t it. Medical school is a type of graduate school. You can see it right there in the college website. Haha and full time is only considered about 40 hours a week.

[Kyyroz]

I would say the woman. It is the men's the job to find and court a man, it is the woman's job to keep the man.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

This is like asking which is more important

Yin or Yang?

But they compliment each other just like traditional male and female roles

[TheSpaceGnome]

Depends on the couple, who works, if they have kids or not, etc.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Usually the woman as she has to deal with the kids a lot more assuming they have kids in the house.

[HelloHell]

Both have different responsibilities but equally important. Depends on the culture you belong to.

[HaveNoName]

Both have DIFFERENT sets of responsibilities and none has "more than" the other.

[KrakenAttackin]

Just look who loses more when the marriage ends and you will have your answer.

[Tonyblony5150]

The man because he's got to protect his wife from all evils. He's got to keep himself loyal. It's going to bring home money.

[Jmmmfi4]

Guys have to work a job

Girls just have to clean the house and take care of the kids. That's all.

[Subarugirl]

Do you know how much it would cost to hire a full time maid, cook and nanny? Lol plus data shows that in marriage were both spouses work, women still do the majority of the domestic and emotional labor.

[Jmmmfi4]

@Subarugirl as well they should

[Subarugirl]

Well it’s his responsibility too. He lives there and if they are both working, he should do his part, she’s not a domestic slave. Lol

[Subarugirl]

No wonder men with mentalities like that are having so much difficult finding women willing to put up with such a sexist mentality

[Subarugirl]

Oh and by the way, According to 2019 data from Salary. com, if you are a stay-at-home parent and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201..

[wafflemakerman69]

We do because we lead protect provide hunt down animals for food lol

[jimmy2]

The man does he resoibality for how the families go by God himself

[Nikki1989]

In the perfect world, it should be equal.

[BrightBubblyKat]

Both in different areas.

[boggboss]

We would be equally responsible no

[CateM]

It should be equal

[TJ1892]

Both. You need 2 to make a relationship work

[Sabretooth]

Equal in their own roles.

[Akam93]

Both of them.

[artsy_dragon]

Both

[EaterPeter]

Man.

[rdubgaming]

Hi

..

[Petedevon321]

Equal.

[Figurine89]

Women

[TJones96t]

definitely Man