Am I wrong? What should I do? What change can we make together as a married couple? I want my marriage to last, but I am ignoring my needs?

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone,

I am married, I love my husband, he is a great husband but sometimes I feel like a roommate.
we’ve be married for 4 years, we have a 10 years old daughter and a 6 years old. My partner is a great father, he is a great husband in his might, he loves me but I feel alone sometimes.
I feel alone because I pull more weight on our relationship than him, I feel like a man. We’ve been married for 4 years, we bought a house 3 years ago, we have a 3 years old and a 10 years old. He is a good father he loves his children, he loves me in his abilities, I’d say, he cares about me, we gives small kisses often, hugs staying affectionate, but …! as the woman I feel like a man. We moved to an area where I got a lot of harassment. I am the one laying all the boundaries, so people won’t squatter on our property and claim adverse possession. I am drained, I look angry, he doesn’t want to get on their bad said.
We go out people are being rude, even body shove me, he said nothing, when address the person, he just say babe let’s go. When we’re driving I get the same people acting as Road aggressors, he doesn’t believe me. « One of my neighbor is acting and trynna intimidate me, so he drove up and down the road in front the house, you know when you see people on the rd you slow down and make you drive safe, and they safe..! Well that neighbor did the opposite, I was standing right near my driveway, he sped near me, close enough to hit me. Then he drove a round and return my way, at a point drove in reverse and back the vehicle behind my back while pretending to look away. » I told my husband about it, he said be careful of that man, my head went down and I felt alone more than usual.

Updates

9 mo

I can’t add the rest of the post too long!

Updates

9 mo

I put a down payment for the house, and all the big equipments around the house I used my investment and saving to buy all of them. His can stay as cushion, that can be true it’s okay, but technically I have no emergency cushion it’s gone, he does (but we’re a couple, we’re married..! Is it safe enough to think like that?)

[RoseySarah]

Tell him... Sit him down and say how you feel!

Move our first apartment was so awful but he never saw any of it! Not till latter did things like red lights click for him!

It's more you can't let your needs go you need them met by him! Tell him andove for your health!

Give him the duties show him things in a way your kids will understand... Men are dumb!

Don't just cut work with him and move!

Leave skunk stink around a lot blaming the neighbors of drugs and pot all day!

[Anonymous]

So I have to be honest w this. I feel as though you’re making everything into something. Like you’re the type of female who will drag their boyfriend or husband into a situation because you want to make it into a big deal. So you get him involved in a fight or something. At the same time you had to have known this as far as how he is if this is really true. Most men don’t like confrontation. But we tend to get dragged into it because of women. Like honestly my girl will say some things similar to what you say, not as much but I notice it myself, it isn’t what she says or thinks it is. But she will make a big deal of it. But like I was saying you should have seen this in the beginning before you married him.

[Asker]

No I am not that type thank you. I am not loud and crazy. I am quiet and humble, I am polite to those who are to me. I don’t like to compete with others.
People like me who avoid situations as those, are assumed to be simpleton, and not witted because they walk away from certain situations, they should have confront, they think you’re a carpet they can walk on. That’s somewhat where I’m coming with, and I am left in it alone.
But I am not that docile, if I don’t search for you, and you come for me, I will confront you. I can with woman bullies not male? I can only speak up though.
So…! If you and your wife are walking, a random man in the street shove her, and didn’t even say sorry, and she fell too, do you say it’s her fault, then? If she confront him you say let’s go hunny…!

If you recently buy a property, you moved into. The neighbor never came to introduce themselves, but they using their property as their own. Do you let them squatter in it? And then a neighbor come and ask, when are you moving out, because he has plan for your property.
As the man should take care of these too or leave your wife alone in taking care of them?

[Opinion Owner]

No I would address it if that’s what happened. But like I said you should have seen this long time ago before you married him. I could have seen it as well based on just observing him. Chances are he will never change, especially if he’s around the same age category as you. He’s pretty much set in his ways. Is he feminine? I feel as though you’re the dominant one in the relationship. Like you don’t have a lot of respect for him. I could be wrong. Maybe you’re kind of controlling? Usually women who are like that end up w that type of man. Again I could be completely wrong. Sounds as though you have masculine qualities, especially considering you said you were raised w only brothers.

[Asker]

If you have read between the line of what I’m actually saying. You would read between the lines that I am forced to show masculinity in my decision making, in my ways. I am left alone trying to defend myself in certain situations.
I am actually thinking he should step-up and be more masculine, and I want to be more at ease with him to act more of a man. I want o feel protected.
I don’t disrespect him either, what good would that do to me and my morals, what am teaching my children then seeing me belittling and disrespecting their father…?
I am not that type…!
You seem to have deal with worse characters…?

[Opinion Owner]

Again chances are he isn’t going to change. That wasn’t instilled in him growing up. What was his father like?

[Asker]

I was clearing your assumptions of the type of woman you thought I was base on my post. He may not change at all. I understand, but I can’t destroy my family for that either. I need help mediate that.
I thought I could get some opinion from here…! So

That’s enough personal information.

[Opinion Owner]

All you can do is try to talk to him. Either he’s going to agree w you cause he notices it himself or just agree to save face. Or he may get defensive cause you’re calling his manhood into question. Has he always been this way even when you two were dating?

[strateguy632]

to be honest i do not see which need was neglected. he related to the kids and is affection to you. that is more than many rotten fathers.

[Asker]

Affectionate to me at home, when he is insecure in public but outside when face difficulties in his presence I’m on my own. Others are immediately right, I’m always wrong somehow. I want a protector too, I was raised with only brothers, I always feel protected with them.

[Anonymous]

honestly he's smart. when it comes to people in public, it's best to just ignore and keep head down. you don't want to get into an altercation and then someone pulls out a gun...

as for the rest about the house/down payment. you chose to do that. what is he supposed to do if you're the one who has the money to do so? get some counseling... WITH your husband.