What are your views on marriage and living together before marriage?

Question

I'd love to get married some day and have my own little' kiddos.. I care less about sex before marriage tho and that's already too late for me anyway lol. wbu?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think monogamous marriages don't really make people happy, which is why we see tons of divorces. People say the natural way for genders to be is the man provides, and the woman just stays at home with the kids.

But that's not natural or in nature. I don't know why a lot of people use nature or evolutionary psychology to argue for gender roles in marriages. When we were in pure nature, we didn't have marriage contracts or monogamous relationships. And if you look at animals they rape each other in nature. So, I don't see the use of evolutionary psychology to reinforce gender roles as a relevant argument.

Plus, in American culture, it's all about the individual. When we were more tribal, it wouldn't just be the mother and the father. You have communities and other family members helping raise the kids. In Western culture, it's the man goes out, works, and finds the woman to raise the kid, and the father is barely involved with raising the kids.

Also, right now, you see a lot of people are bitter and lonely due to society pushing for traditional gender roles. You mostly see it in men right now. As humans, we like to have a narrative and story that we give ourselves for when we grow up. For men, their narrative is being a provider husband for his wife, and that's about it.

You see a lot of angry, weird guys on this website angry at women. It's mainly because they feel like their narrative has been taken away from them. But for women, there's a lot more flexibility; they can be a career or a housewife; that's their narrative.

Plus, the way men are expected to lead socially with a woman but also be subtle with their emotions doesn't work, which is why we see so many relationships failing. And that's also why see a lot of deadbeat dads because they believe that woman is more emotional and a better caregiver than him. It's always why you see men get more unfair jail sentences because men are seen as more capable of harming a woman.

Women have more options when it comes to being social. For example, a woman can say to her female friend, "Omg, you're so pretty," while playing with her hair, but men can't do the same because it's seen as gay.

Narratives don't only leave men feeling better. You're also seeing some women who are bitter on TikTok, wanting to go back to traditionalism and being a housewife because they think that narrative was taken away from them.

We need better narratives and move away from traditional conservatism. That being a virgin till marriage is silly. People should be comfortable about their sexuality and not feel guilty or ashamed of themselves.

Wood3nWhal3 · Accepted Answer

The main cause of divorce is marriage

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

Marriage certificate is just an addition to something what already exists. This could vary from country to country or culture to culture. But in general we all saw broken marriages and working relationships without a knot.

But to have a family and kids you need a responsible partner and be mature yourself. Kids, unfortunately, are like a black hole for parent's finances. Also need quality time, good environment to develop and a giant amount of unconditional love and even more patience.

To bear those responsibilities and do it right you need a support of your partner and both families. Because kids develop the best in family environment.

RoseySarah · Accepted Answer

Living together before marriage ends relationships!

It's hard and over time those love feelings fade quickly.

Soon frustration sets in and why not just break up your just boyfriend and girlfriend so who cares!

Instead of holding first and communicating and solving things.

Bethany22 · Answer

Living together doesn't make people love each other more. It just makes it harder to break free from a person that's not right for you, as well as reduce the need to get married since the guy is getting all the benefits without actually having to sign papers to make it official. By the way, it's never too late to stop having sex before marriage, and turn your value around.

AviatorTom · Answer

I was married for 20 years... very worthwhile.

AmeerX · Answer

Stop saying it's too late for you Lisia 😅. You just think you are undesirable because someone left you.

I am all for marriage. I can wait for a girl to marry even if she had a promiscuous past. It's actually good to be repentful and pray that the next guy is going to be the best. One day perhaps soon you will find a lovely guy who will wait on you and despite the temptations he will respect you as a friend, as a person, as a woman and marry you and he will say something along the lines, I may be late but I will marry you and treat you better then all that came before me. You will feel you are in a dream haha. Being celibate is next best thing. So, do that and next guy that comes be strong enough to say no to the losers who just want to see you as meat and object 😁.

You don't even know you are 9/10 when you were letting a guy use you. Don't end up making the same mistake again. If you crave someone then do fast for some days and perhaps the right guy will propose to you. Alright I can be a dreamer but it's not wrong to dream.

Fabiloso · Answer

I had a dream recently actually and we'd found a giant hole to hell. A girl I saw myself with was on the other side. For some reason the rules were if I climbed miles down into hell and climbed miles back up on fire, flesh burned away. I could have her. Without hesitation I started climbing and was ready just full of adrenalin and focus. The searing heat wasn't as bad as how I know I've felt pretty much daily for almost 2 decades unless I successfully put on a front for people. I actually woke up from the dream because of the intense heat burning my feet and legs as my shoes melted and jeans were starting to burn. It became almost more therapeutic, I was stuck in a position trying to find my next footing, looking up at pitch black smoke but in the direction I could swear the girl was standing at the top, but I'd lost sight of her as I was pacing in my mind "what was really worth it?" and "how insane am I really?" Which honestly the dream just became an incredibly well accurate visual of my mind. I've mostly only ever really felt pain and having to hold back feelings while trying for "love" and it's never turned out as happy as the first moments were.

However hopeful I get to being leading up to marriage, there's always expectations I'm unaware of and can't figure it out until the situation or they themselves are long gone. It's a growing up milestone I'd guess in any case that I think all should experience. Good, bad, pointless, or ugly. You'll get something from it and I think any change is good so, sure marriage is a good thing I think. Just not how most are made to see it.

Bricealan · Answer

Good morning Lisia. I think a GOOD marriage is wonderful, if you are lucky enough to have one, and you and your hubby are GOOD partners for each other. I was married to a beautiful California girl for several years, and the only problem was that she had been married multiple times and that scared me... for good reason.

We both had good jobs, me in Aerospace, and her in dentistry, and we made good money. She had children by previous marriages so that did add stress to the marriage. We had a good social life, had many friends, associates, and we liked to travel and we loved dancing, and we should have taken up social dance and competed in ballroom dance.

She was in love with love, and when it came down to living everyday, I think she got bored with 'married life' ... and one day she left me cold, for another man.

Now several years later, she is calling me... for who knows why? My brother tells me I am crazy to talk to her, but I cannot be angry or hold grudges and cannot change what is.

Marriage can be wonderful with the right person

Miristheiss · Answer

I am married, two kids. I had always wanted to marry.

I recently heard a guy speaking on a podcast and he was single and was asked about qualities he was looking for and he articulated part of it in a way that I thought made sense and was quite applicable to a lot of today's dating.

He said he wanted a woman who had the goal of being a good wife and mother and even while she was still single was taking action to reach those goals of becoming a good wife/mother. He said many women were living lives the opposite of making themselves into good wives and expected that one day they'd give up on the wild ways and then flip the switch and overnight turn into a good wife.

They'd live a lifestyle the exact opposite and contrary to how a good wife would be then they'd get bored with it after many years and then choose to "turn" into good wives and marry.

I would say if marriage is your goal, get started today and striving to be that good partner and get yourself ready, don't expect to live hedonistic and just flip the switch one day and turn into a good spouse. Life often doesn't work that way, you may not be able to change and develop patterns and brain wiring you won't be able to turn off.

Anonymous · Answer

So, marriage benefits women more than men. People differ in opinion on that, but I mean she has to be completely exceptional for me to have to enter into a legally binding contract with the state that will take half my stuff and will leave me with more chaos and anxiety than anything else. Plus, this new age of westernized women are trash. Not saying men are any better, however, when most these women out here saying they can a) separate putting their pussy on the internet “for work” and having relationship of the most intimate kind that’s a red flag. b) they say they are physically (sexually) non monogamous, but emotionally monogamous. No one gives a fuck about your emotions if you are giving a third of the most important things (mental, physical, emotional) away to make a profit.

I don’t want a female who mine is only 2/3s of the deal! I need all three to be mine and mine only. Most women do that, make good money and expect a man to make as much if not more. Even tho we built your infrastructure. And maintains your safety and health.. either way, point being, marriage to especially western culture women is counterintuitive and counterproductive.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Eh not that positive on it cause idiots exist who think "We need to be married to show we love each other" like... wut a ring and cake shows you that but not me spending all my time with you in the first place? Or they be like "If we get married it means they can't cheat." if someone's gonna cheat it really don't matter whether they have a ring or not in fact having a ring may make it easier.
It's mostly overrated and idealistic nonsense that I can't stand.

Bonnie and Clyde never needed to be married for there ride and die, actually she was married to someone else just showing even more the point marriage don't mean much to the idea of they won't leave for someone else. And when she died she was still wearing the ring of the guy she was married to.

Wallythewalrus2 · Answer

Yes, I will be getting married and it doesn’t do any good to pressure me! I already told her, if she wants to go to Bora Bora on our honeymoon and she expects me to PAY! It’s gonna be a long engagement while I save up! I promise, I will make you, I mean her! Feel like s princess. She will be showered in hugs and kisses whenever she wants. She will have every soft, smooth and curvaceous inch of her body adored! It’s just gonna take time. It isn’t helping that I’ve been having seizures lately and had to pay a considerable amount of money for medication! Be patient! That’s what I tell her. Don’t pressure me!

NathanDavis · Answer

I've already lived with girlfriends or mine so, yes... I know how amazing that is, and convenient as well, so I am all up for that

marriage too, I would be willing to do that with someone who really wanted to start a family, and that's how I usually see marriage, as the first step to start a family

however, I am not closed to the idea of marrying someone and not having kids, or just living with someone without a marriage for the rest of our lives...

love is love... that's my view, and I would want it either way

7Phoenix7 · Answer

I think it's beautiful when two emotionally/mentally healthy people love each other. It's having a best friend to share/experience everything with for the rest of your life.

HawkPerception · Answer

I've always strongly desired marriage with a partner I could sail through life with. My parents separated when was around 11 years old and I vowed I would not make the same mistake as them and get through whatever obstacles when I am married.

I do believe that you should filter well and date until you find someone you can see yourself waking up to and experiencing everything with for the rest of your life. I think that you should try living with them to see what that's like. Seeing how they handle the problems that arise in the relationship (there will most likely be problems that come up), seeing how they communicate, how much effort they're willing to put in, if they try to make you happy (it's not a one way street with only the guy providing for the girl. The girl needs to put something on the table as well).

I don't believe in settling either. If I can't have my ideal girl, I'm okay with being solo the rest of my life.

etsylo · Answer

im the same as you!! i think living together is also a start to see how it will work since everyone has different needs and wants. i couldn't care less about sex before marriage as well but to each their own.

i just wanna be with my love that's all 🥺 our own space to cuddle in and just welcome each other home every day < 3

Leowolf13 · Answer

I hope to get married, I view it as a sacred bond and I would love to be committed in that way for life with a special person. There’s just no greater joy than to be united in love with your spouse and to produce the fruit of your love, children!

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

My view about marriage is: well if you find the one ans you're sure about him and felt that he's someome who keeps his promises no matter what happens than get married, ofc if he believes in an eternal marriage and have faith in god!

I think that there is nothing more beautiful than marriage, ONLY if it's a real sacred marriage which will surely lasts forever, the way it should! Plus in my case the girl must adore becoming a devoted housewife after marriage 😌

Now about you miss siren victoria mermaid lisia, it's never too late, cause it happened and you can't go back in time to fix things up buy try to keep yourself for marriage this time, a man who truly loves you won't force you for sex before marriage!

Likes2drive · Answer

Been there done that, it’s not financially a good decision especially when you put your incomes together for taxes you get less money back. Healthcare is more for one who has it through their job , once kids are involved and you get divorced eventually that is a bigger mess financially for the guy unless the woman makes more money which usually doesn’t happen since they usually marry guys that make more unless it happens later on in the marriage and she makes money then she probably won’t file for divorce as most women do statistically. But you’re really young to be worrying about getting married, it’s just a contract that is man made construct that is due for a makeover for these times

lightbulb27 · Answer

It's a good idea and to get there... to seriously date, to get to know YOURSELF and the other in terms of values, character and personality. Establish your ability to LIKE the other person, how you handle STRESS together making decisions. Evaluate areas of compatability and where you are wiling to change as well as HARD values and

Then you can commit to LOVE each other in marriage... for that will endure you through good times and difficult, and build a FAMILY, maybe including kiddos.

Those KIDDOS... they are unique combination.

And lots not forget the mother in law and other family members that must be cared for and managed.

... In light of the above... Iiving together might be ok after a period of time, but in general... you will discover issues... and then what? Where is the commitment to stick it out and make changes and adapt? Most people thus.. RUN to someone else... and repeat. A generally speaking, bad plan.

mono_gram · Answer

I think a couple should live together before marriage so they could see if they are really compatible/fit for each other. You will eventually live together when you get married and if your living patterns/lifestyles/etc don’t match up, then you then you can just break up without having to go through a divorce if you were married.

If you truly loved a person, then wouldn’t you be fine living with them (whether it’s before or after marriage)?

Sonorous · Answer

I think the concept is something that is vital for society in terms of modern living & family raising. But I personally don't like the idea of being married. Maybe it's because I'm young. Could be. But I've never really been into the idea. Never really wanted kids either.

jshm2 · Answer

A good marriage depends on if you're lovable enough.

Most people aren't, hence why they can't marry (they will have plenty of excuses for it). Those with short lived marriages tend to hide the fact they lied or were unlovable but tried (and failed) to make up for it with money, looks or some other deception.

You cannot lie with love, you'll always get found out.

SimplyPut · Answer

Honestly Love and marriage went out with the horse and carriage whenever your neighbor was 2 days rie away and no one was around. Now with the disposable society the next best thing is a button push away type mentality with cars and planes there's no place for it I don't believe anymore. Especially where a kid is brainwashed from the age of five to think you have to be married and have kids to be happy and successful

Jennz6 · Answer

I’d like to get married and have children but I have been rejected by a lot of guys mostly because their family doesn’t like me when they find out about my past life

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

I used to think marriage was a sacred vow where as a guy if he’s a good father and a good husband, works hard and does work outside and inside the house to provide help/support. The woman reciprocates with what she has to do, the marriage will work.

But sadly this isn’t the case, some women are extremely judgmental and difficult to deal with. There’s only so much I can tolerate and I will leave her if she’s rude and inconsiderate to me and my family.

Anonymous · Answer

I would like to get married as well. Definitely take the relationship slow though. Make sure to live together first and stuff. And I'm not bothered about sex before or after marriage tbh. Though I would at least want to be able to cuddle when a ways into the relationship.

Crankor · Answer

Marriage to me is just a title. Ofcourse I'm not against it but so many couples stop trying after marriage and skew their priorities away from each other.

Living with before marriage to me is a good idea in the sense that you can never see important traits that will affect your relationship without really doing so

mohannad5 · Answer

Marriage is stability, and it is one of the steps in life. You must choose the right person carefully because it is a fateful and important decision in your life. Compatibility between two people, love and trust will create the best life for you, your husband, and your children

Anonymous · Answer

Didn't really understand the question about sex before marriage, living together... You want to avoid that but it's too late?

Yes most people get married
Obviously costing the right person... For your own personal reasons, only you know know why you marry this person.

Having babies can happen before or after.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Marriage is like a hurricane there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it’s all said & done your house is gone. As for me I have never been married & if truth be told I don’t want to get married & I have no intention of getting married as well. Marriage to me is just a piece of paper & from what I have seen the bond is stronger without that piece of paper.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

I don't really care about marriage that much. Or i'd say it's a detriment. I don't think it's impossible to love someone without getting marriage so I don't see why it's a necessity. I can do wedding just fine but having the government monitor your relationship is just bs in my opinion.

OnlyMeee · Answer

I love the feeling of being married, so done to be by your side through everything that life throws at you, to have someone that you can class as your bestest friend ever. I have been married for 15 years. Never looked back.

HighValue · Answer

Living together before marriage is good for both people. You never really know how compatible or incompatible you are with someone until you have lived together for a while first.

For marriage, a prenuptial agreement is required for any man that isn't desperate or stupid.

jcampbell115 · Answer

I think living together is important, and sex before marriage is also important. Those are two important factors to consider before deciding to spend the long term with someone, and red flags sometimes materialize when spending more time with someone

Anonymous · Answer

Still a virgin but I plan to wait for sex for marriage. I want to have sex with my future husband and finally let my kinky side out with him. Lol.

exitseven · Answer

I have been married for over 27 years and so far so good. It is not easy to make it work and sometimes i wondered if it was worth it. After all these years I am glad that I decided to make it work.

Beckybooboo · Answer

I believe in marriage and want to get married someday. I want kids, a dog, a white picket fence😂 The whole works! I’m a hopeless and helpless romantic. I believe in love!

BoobMan · Answer

100% agreed! Marriage is about kids--not sex. So I'm also good with sex before marriage, but would MUCH prefer marriage before kids.

Apple1996 · Answer

I've been married for 8 years and I enjoy it. In the past I didn't believe in marriage tho so I'm glad I changed my mind

aceleon · Answer

as a muslim i should have been value it but to be honest i think this is the dumbest shit a man can do to himself and is actually counter-productive for male sexual strategy.

LazerBean · Answer

Marriage is wonderful, but only for people above a certain quality. Living together/ sex before marriage is a good way to ruin your life and your kids lives.

Staximus · Answer

You have to live together first. What if he leaves the cap off the toothpaste and you just can't stand it?

Titanic1912 · Answer

I don’t see anything wrong with living together before marriage just as long as sex isn’t involved and sleeping in the same bed together. When you become husband and wife, sleeping in the same bed and sex is perfectly legal.

Anonymous · Answer

I am actually not planning on marrying or getting kids. I believe I would commit a humanity-crime to put my children on this broken world.

Cutegirl06 · Answer

Being 17 marriage is something that's a few years away for me. But I'd love to get married someday and have kids !

clampfan101 · Answer

I want to have a family. I’m waiting until marriage before sex, and most likely before living in the same house. (If we end up living together before marriage, we’re not sharing a bed until then.)

slatyb · Answer

It's a legality that is beneficial for some couples. It simplifies parenting and complicates breaking up. It may decrease or increase your taxes.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I've been married for almost 30 years. We've had our ups and downs but we communicate together and always work things out. It's a great feeling coming home to the love of your life

BCRanger10 · Answer

I am against both living together wnd having sex before marriage.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

eh, I'm engaged but it's really not something i care for.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

It's one of my goals in life, I think marriage is healthy for humanity, one day it will happen, til then, gotta chase the money.

Still-alive · Answer

I'm ok never getting married but im also ok if i get with a woman who really really wants to as well. so with the right woman i would go for it.

Agape93 · Answer

I don't believe in the concept nor do I like how society meddles in it

Kelly6 · Answer

Living together before marriage is like, eatting food before dinner to see how the dinner will be tonight

Unit1 · Answer

I see no point, need nor use case for marriages. What do the governments care about my romantic/sexual side?

Andres77 · Answer

if both partners are mature and compatible and have been through premarital counseling, I’m all for it.

Anonymous · Answer

I am not interested in marriage as I am not interested in wasting my money on women. I have more important things to do.

syncheart · Answer

My view on Marriage is that is a committed relationship with a license.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I love the idea, but under current laws where I live it is not even a consideration.

Anonymous · Answer

I like the idea of marriage in concept, but the reality of it today for men is not very appealing.

ConnerM · Answer

I would love to get married one day when I find the one

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