How to respond to a family relative is criticising me why I am not yet married?

[Private101]

I am 29 and my other cousins were getting married. I got pissed off sometimes with their criticism and want to stand up for myself.

Should I respond this way or can you help me more?

“Everyone has their own timeline. Don’t worry about me because I will get there. I am not rushing because I know marriage is not guaranteed. Some people get married but still unhappy and end up separating.”

[MrOracle]

On one hand, I understand how you feel. I have always fought against people trying to make decisions for my life. I get that. Having said that, I also know that most of them (not ALL of them, to be sure) were trying to give me what they genuinely thought was good advice, even when I disagreed with them.

You can absolutely make your own decisions for your life - that's your right just as it is every fully functioning adult's. BUT, you also need to consider that there are going to be consequences to your decisions, and you will suffer those consequences and you can't blame anyone but yourself for your outcomes. With authority comes responsibility.

You should also understand that, to the vast majority of men who might be looking for a life partner, you have the most value in your 20s, and that value decreases rapidly in your 30s and beyond. What this means in practical terms is that, in your 20s, you have by far the most opportunity to get a commitment from the kind of men you desire the most. As you age, your ability to attract those same men diminishes significantly, and the kind of men who are willing to give you a commitment are men you consider to be less desirable. The longer you wait, the lower on your value scale of men you will be able to secure a commitment from. Time is not with you - it's very much against you.

Don't get this confused - men you value more highly will still pursue you for CASUAL SEX - and if you are above average in the looks department, this may continue for a decade or more - but these men will not commit to you. You will have to aim lower to find men who will the older you get.

Now, maybe you will be happy alone, and your career will fulfill you for the rest of your life. Maybe you become a very rare exception and find a great guy at 35 - but this is so rare that the likelihood of failure is super high. Just make sure you understand the situation you are in, and that time is ticking away, and be prepared to take responsibility for your decisions and their consequences. Make sure you are fully informed.

I'm just giving you some outside perspective. I too would want you to be happy, even though I don't know you and your happiness doesn't directly change my life in any way. But you can't have everything, much less have it all on your own terms. No one can. Everything is a compromise - a trade-off - which means that every choice will come with a gain and a loss. You will be happier with your decisions if you know and accept the truth of what you are giving up to get what you get.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh man, getting nagged by family about not being married yet would piss me off too. I’d probably wanna say something back for sure. That line you came up with is pretty good I think - makes some good points about everyone having their own path.

Maybe you could also add something like, “Focus on your own marriage, cuz if you’ve got time to hassle me about mine then it can’t be going that great.” Just to throw it back in their face a bit, you know?

Or if you wanna take the high road, go with like “I appreciate you caring, but I’m handling my own life. Let’s talk about something more positive.” That shuts it down without being mean.

Either way, don’t let em get to you. You do you, and don’t rush into anything before you’re ready just to satisfy some judgmental family. Stay strong and stick up for yourself!

[YourSong]

That’s a good way to respond! Don’t let them get under your skin

[KrakenAttackin]

Well, just tell them you are insufferable to be with.